Miscellaneous: Today, I had to tell my best friend that I couldn't make it to...

By xXx3mi_MuffinxXx - 01/07/2011 19:23 - United States

Today, I had to tell my best friend that I couldn't make it to the lake today or tomorrow because I'd been called in to work. She won't believe me and thinks I'm simply avoiding her. I got called in to bathe and clean dogs' anal glands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 756

You deserved it 3 209

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Same thing different taste

By nightfall8705 - 17/08/2017 19:30 - United States - Walhalla

Today, I had to make my boss believe that I was late to work because my sick dog shit all over my bedsheets and I had to clean up the mess before work. The truth is, I don't have a dog, and I wrongly trusted a long fart this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 359

You deserved it 1 150

By noworkformeplease - 09/03/2017 16:00

Today, I had to call out of work because I was ill, but they didn't believe me because today was the day I was supposed to come back from vacation. Now I'm stuck at work, constantly running to the bathroom, and they still won't let me go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 255

You deserved it 380

By Mark - 27/02/2015 18:24 - Malta - Naxxar

Today, I was feeling terrible so I called in sick to work. My boss refused to believe me and told me he'd fire me if I didn't come in. I dragged myself to work, only to spend most of the day glued to the toilet. Now he says I won't be paid for the day because I barely did any work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 855

You deserved it 2 716

Dirty mind

By Anonymous - 25/06/2012 15:53 - United States - Elizabethtown

Today, I told my friend over the phone that I had to go drop the kids off at the pool. She told me that she didn't need to know about my bathroom habits and hung up on me. I really had to take my children to the local swimming pool for swim lessons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 761

You deserved it 2 953

By Anonymous - 20/06/2012 23:08 - United States - New Kensington

Today, I went to the gynecologist. As she was checking me out, she said, "Wow. So you must get wet a lot." It took me several minutes to realize she was talking about my job bathing dogs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 471

You deserved it 3 405

By yolo is for shitheads - 09/10/2012 16:07 - United States

Today, I had to call in sick to work because I was experiencing bowel distress. I called my manager's phone directly so no one else would know of my embarrassment. She put me on speakerphone, and I only realized when the juvenile laughter started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 434

You deserved it 2 164

Manage this

By fuck this company - 14/06/2021 07:01 - United States

Today, the same manager who wrote me up for missing work when my mom had had a stroke, thought it was perfectly acceptable to announce she was leaving work 6 hours early to take her dogs to the groomers. Apparently, that appointment was more urgent than me riding in an ambulance with my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 210

You deserved it 58

By ohhhjaymo13 - 05/02/2011 05:58 - United States

Today, at work, I was told I was a failure. Feeling like crap, I went to my best friend to see if he could make me laugh. He told me that he felt obligated to hang out with me, so he thought that we shouldn't anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 677

You deserved it 3 372

By TheHeirofTime - 15/08/2016 15:11 - United States - Marlborough

Today, I had to cancel an appointment due to diarrhea. I was so nervous that when the receptionist asked why, I told her, "I can't stop shitting." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 251

You deserved it 1 730

With friends like these…

By Anonymous - 28/03/2022 18:00

Today, my best friend promised me that she'd be there after a rough night the night before. Hours later, I did some digging and found out that she went ahead and called another group of friends behind my back, and then told me to stop being a baby when I figured it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 913

You deserved it 177

alissa222 15

Saturday 2 July 2011 1:22

invite her to join you.

jamila123 5

Saturday 2 July 2011 1:21

at least you have a job.

Comments

ThaHero 0

Saturday 2 July 2011 2:09

Your friend just doesn't get it.

peetasgirl 0

Saturday 2 July 2011 2:21

that stinks...

sunflower226 0

Saturday 2 July 2011 2:27

that's what happens when you have a lame, entry-level job!

one_unlucky_guy 9

Saturday 2 July 2011 2:32

Get a new job dude

NYkid2K8 5

Saturday 2 July 2011 2:33

Did you tell her what your job was? Because there's no way you could make that up.

iSurf_fml 8

Saturday 2 July 2011 2:36

Well, you might've avoided a major sun burn.

insects4u 0

Saturday 2 July 2011 2:38

I don't believe you either

m0nicaa055 0

Saturday 2 July 2011 2:47

y the hell would you lie about that!??!?!?

ShalynnDawn 0

Saturday 2 July 2011 2:47

next time that happens bring your friend so she can clean some dogs

FarSide 22

Saturday 2 July 2011 4:40

Won't work. For professionals only.

SaraSlaughter 0

Saturday 2 July 2011 2:53

I feel sorry for you but do you love dogs??

FarSide 22

Saturday 2 July 2011 6:36

At the least, OP must love dog shit

Keywords

Social Media Love Stalker Instagram Spiders Embarrassing Ironic Animals Phobias Health Bikes Transportation Ecology Drunk AITA Work Poopoo peepee Facebook Geek Vacation Mysterious Weird Video games Gamers Gross First Dates Smells Parents Technology Kids

The Top

Today, I went to a corner store to restock my chocolate stash. A guy from work walked in to see me and the cashier arguing about the amount of candy I was trying to buy with a jar of pennies. He took one look at me and said, "That time of the month, eh?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 739

You deserved it 27 156

Today, I had sex with someone new for the first time after my 10 year relationship ended. The person was a friend who had been making serious sexual references toward me on and off over the year I've known him. I don't know if I'm more embarrassed that he couldn't keep it up, or that I came from anticipation anyways. FML

I agree, your life sucks 953

You deserved it 281

The Top

Today, I decided to use fake tan, seeing as I am so pale. Everywhere I have been today, I have had children behind me. Singing the Oompa Loompa song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 273

You deserved it 62 263

Today, while getting it on with my wife, I started to talk dirty to her. She started laughing. When I asked her if she wanted me to stop, she just kept on laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 452

You deserved it 4 821

Today, my friend showed off her new tattoo, which is supposed to say "bad bitch" in Italian, and I had to point out that it actually says "defective female". Her response was to cuss me out and inform me that I'm no longer part of her social circle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 327

You deserved it 3 618

Today, my boyfriend and I are so close that we share everything. This now includes his head lice. Thanks, dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 545

You deserved it 300

Today, my boyfriend told me he didn't feel attractive. I tried to cheer him up by telling him that I find him very attractive, and so do my friends. He said that didn't matter, because my friends and I aren't attractive either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 471

You deserved it 4 354

Today, I walked into the kitchen at 5 am, to have my 7 and 9 year olds throw a bucket of water on me. To their surprise and horror, I didn't melt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 096

You deserved it 3 597

Same thing different taste

Dirty mind

Manage this

With friends like these…

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