Today, I had to take my 15-year-old daughter to remove the handcuffs her father had placed on her as a joke. He didn't know they were real. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my husband let my 8-year-old twins play with handcuffs. I thought my husband was pretending he had lost the key but after 4 hours, he walked in with his head down and said, "I've made a terrible mistake honey." FML
Today, I went to pick up my daughter from my dad's house. He'd shaved her head bald. "For a laugh." FML
Today, I was called by my 9 year old son's teacher. He had handcuffed himself to his desk with handcuffs he found in my room. I was told to please bring in the key and not to leave my kinky toys out where a child could get them. I'm a cop. FML
Today, my daughter's idea of a prank was taking all of our money and getting herself arrested. FML
Today, I took my 15-year-old daughter to our local shooting range for her birthday, as she requested. While she was setting up a target in front of me, I jokingly pulled the trigger and shouted, "Think Fast!" not realizing that the safety was off. I shot my daughter in the arm on her birthday. FML
Today, my daughter's boyfriend came to the house to pick her up. As a responsible father, I had an evil plan to torture the boy who dares date my girl, but my wife preempted my plan so during his short visit, she stood behind me the whole time with her taser down my buttcrack in case I acted up. FML
Today, I was picking up my 10 year-old step-son from the airport. He began screaming and crying saying that I wasn't his father. I ended up sitting in a holding room because the security guards thought I was kidnapping him. My wife thought it was hilarious. FML
Today, a bunch of cops showed up at my house demanding to see my wife to make sure she was OK. Turns out my insane out-of-state daughter swatted me, calling 911 to tell them I had tied up my wife, and been impersonating her for a week. FML
Today, I had to physically restrain my girlfriend from assaulting my father after he drunkenly poked her in the ribs for the fifth time. FML
Today, I went through my 15 year old daughter's internet history. On google she searched 'Excuses to get away from your dad' and 5 other variations of the same thing. We were supposed to be having a father daughter day tomorrow. FML
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Top comments
FYLDeep 26
Where'd you take her? To the police station, or to the local sex shop where you and me both know those handcuffs came from?...
jideare 3
Placed handcuffs on her "as a joke"? Good cover!?
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Comments (104)
tyossett35 0
this is stupid....
KriiFahMoro 9
No u.
theevilduchess 12
You're stupid. Stupid head.
kriz_allizwell 6
Giggity
XxMoonShadowxX 0
umm why were the hand cuffs on her in the first place.. thats what worries me
KeyboardWarrior 10
"As a joke", can you not read?
firefighterjohn 9
great.. now she wont be kinky when she gets older. bc she had a bad experance with them
sunalorelei 5
Or maybe it will become a fetish..
Cheesecakee 11
good luck explaining that one...
perdix 31
Kids, today!! They are into B&D at 15! Back in my day, at 15, we'd be trying to hold hands, not binding them in kinky sex play! Get off my lawn! (That's where I keep my iron maiden.)
oliviaalexandria 3
they were real! as in her dad didn't put them there? she escapeddd and u helped her
pbonham 22
This made my day!!
Streetracer15 9
Your daughter and you took her to because her father so she has two dads
LennyComa 39
What...i mean really what are you trying to say there, is it just me that can't understand this comment? The OP is a female so the comment is confusing, maybe you need to facepalm.
KiddNYC1O 22
This is a top "Dafuq did I just read?" moment.
redmane 21
I tried to make sense of this comment, I really tried. I couldn't. What exactly were you trying to say here?
OkitaCockroach 19
Mmm~ kinky~
kinkyfemboislut 6
Don't do that, that's ickky, I think all the apple-mac shipping may have corrupted your mind.... :P