Today, I had to spend a few hours in a hospital with a toddler and a preschooler projecting vomit all over, because my husband thinks "expiration dates are for pussies." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Trust your gut
Today, my husband and I once again argued over expiration dates. He says I’m paranoid and wasteful. I finally gave in and ate some food I wasn’t so sure of. Well, his innards must be made of vibranium because I’m currently in the fetal position on the bathroom floor after puking for an hour. FML
Today, I had to go pick up my kid, because he threw up while playing at his friend's house. The boy's mother bitched me out for not keeping my son at home while he was "ill". Her breath was unspeakably foul. So foul that it caused me to throw up too. FML
Toilet training
Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML
Today, a mother and son were in my office. The kid wasn't feeling well and threw up. Mom covered his mouth with her hand, creating a vomit nozzle and covering me in puke. She yelled that I deserved to be sprayed on because I was not quick enough in getting a bucket for her son. FML
Today, my 3 year-old woke up with diarrhea. The stench caused him to throw up. My husband started sympathy puking all over the floor. I'm so exhausted already that I'm considering just burning the damn house down to avoid cleaning it all up. FML
Infectious
Today, it's day four of liquid ass and violent hurling after I hosted a birthday party for my daughter, and one of the kids brought a stomach virus rather than a present. Yesterday my daughter started with the violent vomiting too. Everything smells like vomit in my home. Yay me! FML
Today, my kids caught a virus from school. My husband stayed home with them since I make more money and he didn't want to risk me getting sick. Guess which adult has the runs and is puking every five seconds. Nope, not him. FML
Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML
Who gave him that?
Today, my 3 year-old son projectile vomited on me. I was covered head to toe in blue Gatorade vomit. FML
Today, while my husband and I are both stuck in the bathroom from food poisoning, our 3-year-old son is taking advantage of his freedom. All I can hear is banging noises and wild laughter. I'm afraid to leave the bathroom. FML
Top comments
Alleged_Cranium 7
How did OP end up with theses kids? Expired condoms?
spaboolly 26
I am assuming these are your children... so why the hell would you let their FATHER dictate a "policy" that could potentially poison them? You need to assert yourself more, especially on matters of safety, for your children's sake if not your own.
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Comments (152)
doodlecloud 27
To be fair, most expiration dates are there more to save the company from being sued rather than to give an accurate idea of when the food will go off. Humans waste WAY too much food because they throw it out as soon as it hits the expiration date when it's still perfectly fine to eat. That said, I'd be less likely to risk it with children. Thumbs up to your husband for trying but FYL that it turned out this way.
Isoldael 27
Agreed. The only bad thing is you often can't see when food has gone bad - by the time it starts to smell bad or turn green, it hasn't been edible for quite some time already. Depending on the food, I don't always risk it either.
Raesin 21
Totally agree. It's an argument me and my partner have way too often, he's thrown out a whole pack of plums because the expiration date was the day before. It's forced me to scribble over expiration dates with a marker or put everything in plastic containers. As a night worker I've also seen a lot of people that won't eat a (sealed) sandwich because it was 30mins out-of-date when the clock ticked over.
old09 11
Absolutely correct. All Expiration dates are "professional guesses" You can pretty much get away with most of the food in your refrigerator right now past the Expiration date, except for most dairy products and meats, which are generally correct, but can still have a few days. Same with vitamins too, you've got months on those bad boys.
epicwaffles 7
47, The fact that I thought that was going to be a "puts on sunglasses" pun made your comment freaking hillarious.
pipinya 8
That was hardly responsible of him
andrewsmama 0
Tell him to eat that shit, what a jerk! I never feed my kids expired stuff, even if I will chance it! It's not worth the risk!
notjanedoe 27
In his defense, for most food that's actually true. If it smells alright and looks alright, chances are that it is alright. Most food poisoning doesn't have anything to do with the expiration date because expired things smell or taste bad or are moldy so you wouldn't want to eat them anyway. Rather it's because food was handled incorrectly (often at the story or earlier in the factory) and contaminated with something nasty like salmonella or e coli etc. But then it would have happened even before the expiration date.
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
Yes but considering his attitude towards it, would he mind a milk that smells weird, since only "*******" are afraid of expiration date? Besides, no one should take a chance with kids of such a young age. A bad food poisoning at this age can be lethal.
notjanedoe 27
Not caring about the expiration date and forcing kids to eat something that is obviously spoiled are two very different pair of shoes. I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt because a FML is very short and doesn't reveal much about the circumstances. Also, as the food scandals in stores and factories all over the world show, you can easily get food poisoning because of things that are completely out of the consumers control. I know many people who are sensible about going by taste and smell rather than expiration date. The 'for *******' comment could just as well have been facetious on the OP's or the husband's part. A kid would taste that the food is spoiled and refuse to eat it. If he forced them to it it despite that then this family has far bigger problems than expiration dates and the mother should consider what steps to take to make that abuse stop.
nature_girl_08 14
27: except that food doesn't necessarily taste weird when it's gone bad. it really depends on the food, and if it simply tastes 'off' from what it normally tastes like, a toddler will PROBABLY still eat it if it doesn't taste absolutely disgusting. expiration dates aren't always accurate (i've had milk be alright for a few days after the date), but you don't risk it with small children. their immune system isn't up to par with an adult's, generally. honestly, the best course of action is to, when you go shopping, check the expiration date of whatever you're buying. if it's in a few days, well, don't buy it. i generally buy for a few weeks ahead. and if it's going to sit in your fridge for so long that you don't use it before it expires, you should probably save your money.
notjanedoe 27
Could I have an example of food that will be bad for you once expired but still taste good?
jewwybeanzzz 10
101, canned foods, salsa, peanut butter, jelly, milk (if its only a few days over) and other dips. There really is a lot of stuff. I'm lucky to have a really good immune system cuz otherwise I would have had food poisoning a lot when I was younger
nature_girl_08 14
101: as 105 said, any of those can potentially make you sick once expired, but still taste more or less fine. even milk can taste relatively alright and still be spoiled. it really depends on your tastebuds; i've tasted milk and thought it tasted spoiled whereas my brother thought it tasted fine. but either way, it's still not a good idea to serve expired food to your toddler, and the mindset that 'expiration dates are for *******' is just horrible.
notjanedoe 27
Except, salmonella aren't concerned with expiration date. If they are there they will harm you even if the food is fresh, if they aren't they won't magically appear once the expiration date has passed.
simoncat 11
That can be a form of child abuse. It can damage a child's system, and dehydrate them when they vomit or have diarrhea. What kind of immature asshole puts his kids in danger and calls them *******? You married a jerk.
EpicSquishii 21
He didn't call thm *******. They're too young to give a shit about the expiration date. He meant in general.
cynicalhumanist 9
Child abuse? Please. When did you last see a child die of dehydration in the Western world? Pro tip: they don't. Also, children spread all kinds of nasty shit between each other.
BubbleGrunge 18
56-I'm not sure exactly where you live, but you are highly mistaken by the "west world." It is very common for someone to get sick and die from dehydration, whether from not drink enough water while it is hot, from vomiting or any other factor that can lead to to dehydration. Children, especially, are more prone to dehydration because they don't understand the concept of keeping hydrated while sick and are very stubborn; ever tried to give fluids to a sick child? It is close to impossible! While I don't believe this is child abuse, it could be a form of child abuse should the FML gone something like "today, my husband fed my children visibly rotten meat." Yes, children DO pass nasty germs to each other, but passing around the stomach bug and having food poisoning are two totally separate things. Your body can build up immunity to sicknesses caused by a bacteria, parasite or viral infection. Good luck building immunity towards food poison!
lissa_jade 22
56 - actually, there was a stepmom in a southern state a few months ago that put her seven year old daughter outside in the yard to run as a punishment, and the little girl ended up dying from exhaustion and, especially, dehydration. you'd be surprised how careless parents can be.
RedPillSucks 33
@56. Young children die more frequently that you would expect in the "western" world. It doesn't always make the news because we're "civilized". Sigh...
hawright 13
Oh, so you mean to tell me those numbers do mean something? Ha ha, sorry OP. I've had a pathogenic strain of E. Coli and it was awful. F the kid's lives.
katykoolcat 13
Its your kids! Why would he even risk it to such small children, what kind of parenting is that!
Damitol 3
As far as expiration dates....most exp. dates are crap and are put there as required by the FDA. For instance milk doesn't go bad immediately on its expiration date. As long as the package is sealed its usually ok for long past its date. Sounds to me tho' that something else happened.
perdix 31
Your husband is right. Once your kids get better, they'll be tougher. If you don't want your kids further tempered by similar trials, you may want to pay attention to what's laying around your house.