Love: Today, I saw my boyfriend wiping his nose with his hand and then...

Just followed up on my recently accepted FML, so thought I should explain this one too! Everyone's comments seriously made me laugh by the way. Especially the shrek one, my boyfriend really appreciated that. To everyone saying "you mean ex boyfriend?", no. (Let me explain). If I dated a guy who legitimately did this, you can bet your bottom dollar he would be kicked to the curb. But I have to admit, I only posted a small portion of the full story. He actually mimed doing this as a joke in front of our friends, but unfortunately he managed to unintentionally get a little booger on his hand and actually wipe it in his hair. I informed him, and he ran to the bathroom with a mortified look to shower. And no, we will never let him live it down! Mwahahaha!

Love

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Own it

Hot lava from both ends

24/08/2009 21:25

Today, my wife and I had another couple over. My wife was beside me while we all talked in the kitchen. I turned to put something in the fridge, and the other couple went into the next room. Turning back, I groped my wife's breasts playfully. She screamed and slapped me. It wasn't my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 804

You deserved it 59 131

18/02/2009 22:59

Today, my father came back from a business trip in Canada. He handed me an "I Love Canada" pen. He brought back an xbox 360 for my younger brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 044

You deserved it 3 324

18/08/2013 00:27

Today, I was watching TV with my boyfriend, when a weird wart-removal ad came on. He watched in disgust as the lady's wart said rude things to her. Then he looked at me and said seriously, "I'm glad yours don't talk..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 590

You deserved it 4 823

26/03/2009 14:54

Today, I texted this girl that I really like. I got a message back saying "Your message to 903-***-**** could not go through due to a disconnection, thanks, Alltel services." I overheard her later at lunch saying she sent the message, and laughed with her friends about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 675

You deserved it 9 944

Kitchen nightmares

By Anonymous - 19/09/2021 00:30

Today, I dropped my phone in the frying pan whilst cooking my steak. I had to rinse off the oil immediately and clean the phone, then had to eat a cold steak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 248

You deserved it 929

09/05/2013 23:18

Today, I was rushed to the ER due to a very swollen foot and high fever. The doctors said I just have a tissue infection but my parents believe I have a flesh eating disease. I can hear them discussing my future with an amputated leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 463

You deserved it 2 654

30/12/2013 21:38

Today, I was watching ESPN. My boyfriend came in, bitched about "boring tv," so I handed him the remote. He put on a Lifetime movie. I must be the only woman in America with this problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 196

You deserved it 5 332

17/05/2011 10:06

Today, I got a boner in the MRI machine while my pelvic bone was being scanned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 760

You deserved it 8 226

27/02/2019 18:00

Today, I was fired from my job. Why? My boss didn't like that my manager and I are friends outside of work, and he thinks we are sleeping together. She's gay and I live with my boyfriend of 5 years. He blamed it on me wearing the wrong shoes 3 weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 351

You deserved it 150

20/11/2010 15:46

Today, I took my driver's test. I was so nervous that I peed my pants halfway through the exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 085

You deserved it 17 196

08/09/2015 22:33

Today, I told my boyfriend about how I'm self-conscious about my B-cup breasts. About 20 minutes later, he pointed to another girl with a small chest and said, "See, you're not the only one with small tits!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 747

You deserved it 2 854

26/04/2016 16:17

Today, I did the math and discovered that every year, I pay the equivalent cost of a luxury car to a college that can't even keep rats out of the dorms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 856

You deserved it 1 554

16/05/2018 15:00

Today, while blowing my nose after being bunged up for days, it finally unblocked. A solid slimy multicoloured booger roughly the size of a grape shot out, blew right through the tissue and landed on my manager's shoe. Hell hath no fury like a lady sneezed upon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 721

You deserved it 482

05/09/2017 17:15

Today, a teenage kid holding a cell phone ran up to me and kicked me as hard as he could in the groin. After I fell to the ground in pain, I realized he was liveblogging the event and asking people to subscribe to his YouTube channel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 447

You deserved it 202

Et tu, Brute?

By Anonymous - 30/07/2018 15:00

Today, I applied for a new job as a maintenance technician. About 10 minutes after submitting my resume, I received a rejection letter. My girlfriend is their HR person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 256

You deserved it 435

29/01/2009 17:04

Today, my parents told me that they received a letter from a prison. Being curious they opened it up and read the entire thing. It was from this girl I randomly met. Now I have a prison stalker and my parents think I date felons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 799

You deserved it 2 839

07/06/2012 12:17

Today, after a spate of bad ones, I was in another job interview trying my hardest to give a good impression. After answering a few questions, I realized to my horror that while I was talking I was swiveling my chair from left to right like a nervous child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 048

You deserved it 4 676

25/04/2015 17:55

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because "God" told her to. I guess "God" didn't have any problems with me buying dinner first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 372

You deserved it 2 820

Desperate

By Anonymous - 23/03/2021 14:01

Today, I tried to find a job. Again. It's been seven years since I earned more than 70€ in a month, seven years since I moved back in with my parents, and seven years since I was registered as having a medical disability. Nobody wants me, not even as a shelf stacker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 067

You deserved it 76

11/08/2016 22:24

Today, after work, I was saying goodbye to my last remaining friend I worked with because she was going to be leaving for college. My manager saw me talking and made me clock back in and work because "If you have time to talk, you have time to work." FML.

I agree, your life sucks 14 549

You deserved it 1 229

24/03/2013 23:21

Today, my roommates decided to hold an intervention. They told me I would have to break up with my boyfriend because they don't want people having sex in our apartment during college exams. My boyfriend agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 953

You deserved it 5 732

18/07/2009 04:21

Today, I just found out that my current boyfriend and my ex-boyfriend are rooming together at college. Visits are going to be extremely awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 424

You deserved it 6 725

Absolute beginners

By dancerr2210 - 09/06/2010 04:01

Today, after making out with my boyfriend for the first time, it took me an hour to convince him he was still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 065

You deserved it 6 936

02/11/2010 16:26

Today, I was waiting for a friend to pick me up. It was after dark and I was nervous, so when he pulled up I immediately jumped in the car. The young girl in the driver's seat started freaking out, screaming and punching me in the face repeatedly. I'd accidentally gotten in the wrong car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 343

You deserved it 28 723

30/04/2012 13:28

Today, I fell asleep during a job interview as it was taking place over the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 679

You deserved it 30 162

07/02/2011 15:47

Today, I used my AA handbook as a beer coaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 270

You deserved it 54 215

15/08/2013 02:02

Today, I was told that my son has Twitter and Facebook accounts that he uses to try to bully people online, some of which are celebrities. He does it really badly, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 021

You deserved it 7 240

01/07/2009 06:37

Today, I learned that shaving my unibrow while drunk/high was a terrible idea. I also learned that one brow looks better than no brow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 954

You deserved it 56 191

ur mom gay

By Anonymous - 02/05/2018 01:30

Today, I pretended to be asleep when my mom and her best friend came home because I was tired as hell and I didn't want to be around them. I was then treated to a loud conversation about my mom's first time with a woman through our paper-thin walls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 217

You deserved it 681

22/06/2018 05:00

Today, my husband's dick went in the wrong hole. And by the wrong hole, I mean another man’s anus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 605

You deserved it 538

Make it yourself, champ

By Cookyourowndamnfoodasshole! - 27/01/2021 18:30

Today, I overheard my boyfriend complaining that I’m lazy since I never cook for him. I stopped cooking for him because he constantly complained that the food was never as good as what his ex-wife made, or like his mom made. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 229

You deserved it 108

18/10/2010 11:27

Today, I got a promotion. I was really excited until I realized that the only friend I had to celebrate with was my pet cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 732

You deserved it 5 348

09/01/2014 03:23

Today, my lips were dry and chapped, so I asked if I could use some of my friend's chapstick. She didn't mind, so I quickly put some on. Only later did I notice that my lips were sparkly. Turns out it was glitter balm. Now everyone calls me "princess." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 838

You deserved it 13 647

23/08/2009 19:41

Today, I was sitting on the couch with my little brother. He was looking at me and says "so cool." I asked him what was so cool and he says "it's not that cool but, your eyebrow connects to your other eyebrow". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 106

You deserved it 13 359

The Birmingham School of Business School

By overundereducated - 13/03/2020 18:00

Today, I found out that my stick figure drawing passed as homework during my doctoral level seminar. I'm paying over two thousand dollars for this course. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 218

You deserved it 215

16/06/2011 04:19

Today, a man came up to me and punched me in the face. He turned out to be the guy my ex-girlfriend cheated on me with. Apparently, she told him we broke up because I used to beat her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 769

You deserved it 3 693

15/03/2015 17:54

Today, at Walmart, I overheard a lady telling a teenage girl that the secret to keeping a guy for life is giving him anal, but that it's important to clean your "shitter" beforehand. I can't believe these kinds of sick freaks actually exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 982

You deserved it 9 931

Loveless

By loveless - 18/02/2010 05:07

Today, my grandma called me to tell me that a couple of cute boys stopped by her house to borrow something. She told them all about me, and that I would be interested in them. My love life is so pathetic, even my grandmother is trying to hook me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 803

You deserved it 4 588

02/07/2014 21:52

Today, my dad finished installing our new home security system. One of the features lets him control any light in the house from his phone. He keeps trying to piss me off by turning my bedroom light on at random intervals. I don't know how to make it stop, and I can't sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 665

You deserved it 4 927

21/04/2019 22:00

Today, I asked my doctor out on a date. He had his nurse turn me down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 035

You deserved it 3 693

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Top comments

BadApple88 29

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Tuesday 23 September 2014 23:32

Sounds sexy lol. Note to self: Don't eat while reading FML.

aisg 14

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Tuesday 23 September 2014 23:33

Shrek? Is that you?

Comments

BadApple88 29

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Tuesday 23 September 2014 23:32

Sounds sexy lol. Note to self: Don't eat while reading FML.

octinate 17

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Wednesday 24 September 2014 0:02

Waiting for the "dump him" comments...

urdirtyolduncle 15

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Wednesday 24 September 2014 2:01

Better snot jel than cum jel

aireeahna 23

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Wednesday 24 September 2014 2:18

Too late.

sk8rdud3 24

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Wednesday 24 September 2014 4:42

*cleveland voice* "Ewww, that's nasty"

lj19717 19

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Saturday 27 September 2014 0:54

To #33: That's like, your opinion, man.

AfroSamurai3000 9

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Monday 29 September 2014 3:11

Thanks for the heads up, too bad I'm eating my cereal right now

aisg 14

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Tuesday 23 September 2014 23:33

Shrek? Is that you?

grtfuldeadlovr 27

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Tuesday 23 September 2014 23:39

Shrek doesn't hair.

Jared900DUmpling 30

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Wednesday 24 September 2014 2:55

I don't hair either.

jojimugo 20

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Wednesday 24 September 2014 4:15

I'm a social hairer

RageWolf16 31

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Tuesday 23 September 2014 23:36

Oh my god that's disgusting

Soviet_American 29

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Wednesday 24 September 2014 4:13

I'm pretty sure that's snot how you do it.

elcee1987 18

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Wednesday 24 September 2014 4:19

Nailed it. This fml is just disgusting enough that a cute or pithy pun won't cut it. Let's tell it like it is: flat out disgusting.

grtfuldeadlovr 27

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Tuesday 23 September 2014 23:36

Ok that is really really gross

daughternature 7

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Thursday 25 September 2014 3:12

I don't know why but this reminded me of shrek

orbit 22

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Tuesday 23 September 2014 23:37

Sounds like a real problem solver

ActionFearo 39

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Tuesday 23 September 2014 23:39

Resourceful! I'm sure he has plenty of other adaptations of a similar degree :D

AllStache 11

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Wednesday 24 September 2014 1:32

Yes he washes his hands with his urine.

sunnyray812 42

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Tuesday 23 September 2014 23:41

No more romantically running your fingers through his hair.

AngelGoneWrong95 9

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Tuesday 23 September 2014 23:42

I just threw up in my mouth

TanzWolf 26

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Tuesday 23 September 2014 23:46

I heard its a good solution for dandruff.

playahater1 11

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Wednesday 24 September 2014 5:19

God no apple cider vinegar is the best way to fight dandruff

alex_622 22

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Tuesday 23 September 2014 23:47

Did his hair look better?