Today, I had to explain to my daughter that just because it says non-toxic on the crayons, it doesn't mean that you should eat them. She's 16. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I had to tell my daughter that just because markers say "washable", it doesn't mean that you can draw all over our newly-painted walls. She's 15. FML
Today, I had to explain to my seventeen year-old daughter that deep frying food doesn't "melt the calories." FML
Today, I caught my sister eating crayons. She's 19. FML
Today, I had to explain to my daughter that no, just because the word, "salad" is in the name, it doesn't mean that macaroni or potato salad are automatically healthy for you. She still doesn't believe me. She's 19. FML
Today, my mom ate some flowers without knowing if they were safe. Turns out they are slightly poisonous and she had an upset stomach, but she will be fine. Her excuse? "I didn't know it had poison." I had to explain that's exactly why you don't eat plants you don't know are poisonous or not. FML
Today, I had to explain to my 27 year-old sister why a stainless steel fork isn't a good toy for my 8 month-old baby. Twice. FML
Today, I had to explain to my son why it is not okay to slap old women's butts. He's 16. FML
Today, I walked in on my daughter eating a handful of styrofoam packing pellets, because she thought they were Christmas candy. She's fourteen. What's next, eating rocks? FML
Today, my 13-year-old daughter excitedly told me about a new diet she read about online. Apparently, the diet entirely consists of bottled water and a mixture of food coloring. The food coloring "takes care of all that vitamin and mineral stuff." My daughter is an idiot. FML
Today, I caught my young daughter eating candy after brushing her teeth. Angry, I asked her if she wanted all her teeth to fall out. She smiled and said, “Yes!” FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
nuggetmonster 12
I guess you could say she's not the brightest crayon in the box.
JocelynKaulitz 28
Keep calm and crayon.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (124)
euphoricness 28
Wtf is her problem? Crayons taste like shit, she needs to try glue!!
mallu86 9
You don't eat the glue, you sniff it.
abnormalbird 11
Guys we all know mercury is the food of the wealthiest.
J_Kertz 14
Man... She must have been pretty bored.
mallu86 9
Or stupid.
Sports_guy3 28
Or both.
Llama_Face89 33
Or high. Shit nevermind....
mstoffel 13
At least they weren't toxic. It sounds like she isn't the sharpest crayon in the box. Don't give her paint.
mallu86 9
#17 yes. And you can find those words in a dictionary. It's a very interesting book. You need all the help you can get. We are all here for you.
RedPillSucks 31
You do know this is not a US-only site. Some people from other countries (I'm too lazy to check profiles) might not get US idioms. Also, a crayon doesn't have to be sharp to be used, so maybe he didn't think the metaphor worked. He was probably expecting "brightest crayon".
greeneyebeauty9 28
It seems there's been a lot of FML's starting with, "Today, I had to explain to my daugher/son that you can't do so and so. He/she is old enough to know better." Just me? Okay..
mallu86 9
Did you say something? It's too loud in here. Can't hear you.
narkill 13
Craaaaaayolaaa, yummmmm!
mallu86 9
What did you smoke?
Sports_guy3 28
#52- Powdered crayon wax.
iknowiwantyou 13
you should get her checked out. maybe she has pica.
mallu86 9
Only if she's turning color.
yamuri 17
I wonder what nutritional value would be. I can't have red 40 in my diet.
lifeof_toad 19
Brace yourself. You've got another 2 years with this one.
Edumcg 24
Keep her away from pens, swalow ink is not safe. Sorry OP, be glad that she didn't turn out with a crayon inside his skull like Homer.
glabberfasted 16
I had a pen burst in my mouth when I was chewing on it once and swallowed a considerable amount of ink, and I was fine. It tasted like very strong peanut oil.
Cadillac4427 8
Maybe you can take her to DocBastard for a checkup?
mallu86 9
He's specialized only in looking at coke bottle up the ass.