By Anonymous - 20/07/2014 05:23 - United States

Today, I had to check up on a 400-pound inmate who was very upset about being locked up. When I got to his cell, he threw one of his own turds at me through the bars. I took a hit. FML
I agree, your life sucks 53 472
You deserved it 4 417

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At least you could wash it off, he's stuck with it in his hand.

That's so disgusting. I hope he gets into a lot of shit for doing that.

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At least you could wash it off, he's stuck with it in his hand.

He can just wipe it on the walls. Pretty sure cells have sinks. Correct me if I'm wrong.

Can't say I've ever been in a cell so you're probably right.

That's interesting, considering you're an illegal beagle

WinterBlue42 22

That's because they haven't caught him yet. . YET.

Depends on the cell. Often times holding cells won't have any.

It didn't sound like the inmate was in a holding cell, though. Thank you for your input :)

I imagine this in my head and I can't help, but laugh. A grown 400 lbs disgruntled man decides the only way to express his anger is by throwing his homemade turd at someone. I hope I'm not the only person that hopes this gets turned into an illustration lol.

No you're right.

They usually actually eat a bad diet to give themselves diareaa and put it in a foam cup and "chunk" it when the officer pops the food slot open to either cuff them or give them the food tray. This happens mostly in administrative segregation.

Actually that's not uncommon in jails & prisons, especially those where the inmates are locked in their cells 23 hours/day - solitary confinement and the like. They often go a bit crazy and fling their own waste at guards, other inmates, etc. All that time on their hands, they even get creative mixing stuff with their urine or feces so they're often not allowed to have anything in packets or bottles (from ketchup and hot sauce to shampoo). I know someone who has worked at a penitentiary for over 15 years and he tells me some crazy stories but that's actually a common occurrence!

I am, in fact, an illegal beagle, I am accused of sexually assaulting the legs of 69 middle-aged women, but I am still on the run.

cryssycakesx3 22

..."homemade" turd...

No, I thought it was store bought.

That's so disgusting. I hope he gets into a lot of shit for doing that.

They could send him to prison!

I think he may already be in a lot of shit as it is.

Good use of an old pun, sir. You have my respect #3

This better not turn into another nasty porno

That's fucking gross. At least you get to disinfect yourself.

on another note, the 400 lb pig is in jail for a reason. dont let him enjoy it.

Yeah, it stinks. Sorry for all the crappy puns.

What's shitty is the amount of times this pun has been used.

Rainhawk94 27

What's shitty is the overused puns , the person commenting that they're overused and then there's me.

cryssycakesx3 22

#18, from the person who *just*(2 comments ago) said "he's already in a lot of shit"

#6. You are a cunt.

welll? did you throw one back?

A poo-flinging pow-wow! YEEEEEAH! >_<

Actually, you don't have to throw nor back. He assaulted a prison officer with a biohazardious item. You get to wash off some shit, he gets a few more years. Poor baby. Bet he says they did it cuz of discrimination.

Karma will take it's revenge. You're doing a good thing.. You'll get rewarded.

That's a pious way of thinking, good luck to you and all of life's endeavours lol

And good luck in life with that attitude towards others' opinions.

That's a pretty shitty situation OP but seriously that would suck but you can at least clean yourself while he is stuck with poo on his hand

congratulations! you just used the most overused pun on FML

You should have just made him regret it!

What exactly are you suggesting? Taking advantage of a position of power (in this case, it seems OP is a prision guard) doesn't sound very ethic and professional.

bfsd42 20

Believe me, op most likely beat the crap out of the prisoner.

Don't worry about it. For him to do that is not going to make things any better. Just for that he could get another year or two.

WinterBlue42 22

Actually, probably more. That is actually a form of assault.