Today, I had to blow up an air mattress using only my lungs. After nearly passing out from lack of oxygen, I realized there was a hole in it. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I fell asleep in class. If that wasn't bad enough, I awoke gasping for air. I almost drowned in my arm fat. FML
Today, I drew a face on a balloon and pretended to make out with it. The balloon popped and shot to the back of my throat, where it got caught. FML
Today, after climbing 5 flights of stairs I walked into the restroom to take a piss. I was winded but trying to keep my heavy breathing to a minimum. My plan failed when I almost fainted inbetween two guys at the urinal and started gasping for air. FML
Today, I woke up at 2 a.m. with an extremely satisfying fart. It felt great and I probably would have fallen right back to sleep, except that my ass was 8 inches from the air intake of my CPAP machine that I use, due to smoke inhalation damage from being a firefighter. It was so gross that I threw up in the CPAP mask. FML
Today, I ran out of breath while mowing the lawn. I was on a riding lawn mower. FML
Today, I was walking my dogs. I had a doggy bag, and was holding it closed, then breathing in it, so it would blow up. My dogs 'went', so I picked it up and kept walking. As I was heading home, I absent-mindedly started blowing into the bag again. Everything ended up in my mouth and on my face. FML
Today, I was pumping the tire of my bicycle indoors, and suddenly the inner tube exploded next to my head. One ear is now ringing and the other one feels like it's bleeding. FML
Today, I was drinking a bottle of water. My friend came up from behind and scared me, causing me to inhale and choke on the water. Lacking air, I passed out. I awoke to him on the ground laughing his ass off. I almost drowned drinking a bottle of water. FML
Today, my office building had a surprise fire drill. As I rushed to exit, I realized that I’d put on a shirt that was way too tight. It felt like it was practically cutting off my circulation, and I couldn’t breathe too well. I tried to suck in my stomach but almost passed out in the process. I spent the rest of the drill struggling with my shirt while people gave me weird looks. FML
Today, I was taking a lifeguard certification test. I nearly drowned halfway through. FML
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Top comments
FruityLoooons 8
Why would you even...?
Sephiroth7 0
That blows..
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Comments (86)
dreamering 16
Hey, if you want to blow things with your mouth, try your boyfriend dick. For everything else is the pump (not the MasterCard) If you literally want to blow up things, then try some TNT or C4.
Carpy 8
not funny but you get an F for EFFort
xxlauruh 0
I don't follow.
hthelittleone 10
who the hell said she had a boyfriend??
dreamering 16
43- It's too complicated to understand it. 31- A beer would be more appreciated.
dreamering 16
57- Who said she don't have one? PS. I wrote the same comment a while ago, but I don't know where it's gone. If someone finds it please let me know because I'm extremely worry.
IceyJustin 1
Apparently your lungs are weak and needed some work anyways.
omgWTFfml19 0
I laugh at u
Kawboy 1
I would say you suck but from the looks of things, you don't. Better get a patch or the floor it is!
sheethapins 13
So you can't blow, must mean you suck.
BShady96 0
nice haha
kut19 6
how did you not notice that in all that time blowing your guts out (giggity), the air mattress was not inflating?
LilaBear 2
clearly, you don't use air mattresses much. The holes you get in air mattresses are usually very, very little and let air out SLOWLY. Much slower than you blow it up. So it will inflate as you blow it up, but then it will go down slowly. If you want an example, get a pin and poke a hole in a balloon. Go and stick the balloon under a tap and fill it up. The balloon will still fill with water, but once you turn the tap off and you'll see the water trickling out the pin hole.
geeksaresexy 18
It takes forever for an air bed to look like it's filling up especially if it's a double. For example, if you could pump one up with an electric pump in 6mins the first 2mins or so would look like nothing was happening. So blowing one up on lung power alone it might take a while to realise the air is escaping.
Thrasher91 0
oh...some people...
allmidnighteyes 11
lack of oxygen? Where were you inflating it? On Venus?
DakotaCat 4
But everyone can get a pump
ElZamo 0
That sucks!!! something similar happened to me but with a blow up raft