Today, I had to blow up an air mattress using only my lungs. After nearly passing out from lack of oxygen, I realized there was a hole in it. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I fell asleep in class. If that wasn't bad enough, I awoke gasping for air. I almost drowned in my arm fat. FML
Today, I drew a face on a balloon and pretended to make out with it. The balloon popped and shot to the back of my throat, where it got caught. FML
Today, after climbing 5 flights of stairs I walked into the restroom to take a piss. I was winded but trying to keep my heavy breathing to a minimum. My plan failed when I almost fainted inbetween two guys at the urinal and started gasping for air. FML
Today, I woke up at 2 a.m. with an extremely satisfying fart. It felt great and I probably would have fallen right back to sleep, except that my ass was 8 inches from the air intake of my CPAP machine that I use, due to smoke inhalation damage from being a firefighter. It was so gross that I threw up in the CPAP mask. FML
Today, I ran out of breath while mowing the lawn. I was on a riding lawn mower. FML
Today, I was walking my dogs. I had a doggy bag, and was holding it closed, then breathing in it, so it would blow up. My dogs 'went', so I picked it up and kept walking. As I was heading home, I absent-mindedly started blowing into the bag again. Everything ended up in my mouth and on my face. FML
Today, I was pumping the tire of my bicycle indoors, and suddenly the inner tube exploded next to my head. One ear is now ringing and the other one feels like it's bleeding. FML
Today, I was drinking a bottle of water. My friend came up from behind and scared me, causing me to inhale and choke on the water. Lacking air, I passed out. I awoke to him on the ground laughing his ass off. I almost drowned drinking a bottle of water. FML
Today, my office building had a surprise fire drill. As I rushed to exit, I realized that I’d put on a shirt that was way too tight. It felt like it was practically cutting off my circulation, and I couldn’t breathe too well. I tried to suck in my stomach but almost passed out in the process. I spent the rest of the drill struggling with my shirt while people gave me weird looks. FML
Today, I was taking a lifeguard certification test. I nearly drowned halfway through. FML
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Top comments
FruityLoooons 8
Why would you even...?
Sephiroth7 0
That blows..
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Comments (86)
LilaBear 2
What was it, a double bed? I've blown up a single mattress tons of times, even when I was a kid.
geeksaresexy 18
It's not much harder to blow up a double tbh. Getting it started is frustrating because it looks like you're getting nowhere for ages which is probably how OP didn't notice there was a hole in it.
LilaBear 2
have you ever seen an airbed with a hole in it before? Air beds normally get very very little holes, and you can't hear the air coming out unless you stick your ear right against the hole. It's not like letting a balloon down.
perdix 31
Air mattress? Nice try! We all know you were trying to inflate your girlfriend for some hot sex, and we all know how she got the hole punched in her, needle dick. You must always use a water-based lube when ******* polymeric girlfriends...or so I've heard.
SwaggerMelon 6
That's what she said.
heyimjennyFML 5
dumbasssss
rhpsfan9 10
took you that long to realize that the mattress had a hole?
hatepineapple 14
Duct Tape it mate.
KatehatesIndy 4
Homeschool kids. Jesus.
khaya 9
Don't be ashamed we all know it was a blow up doll. Let's just not get into why there was a hole.
doubleodoggy 0
That's what SHE said!