Today, I had the questionable honor of explaining the difference between "your" and "you're" to my boss, and very diplomatically make her see why her poor grasp of language could affect our credibility as a communication agency. I'm Swedish, and English is my third language. She's American. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was unable to communicate with a customer who only spoke French. As a result, my boss called me a "monolingual idiot." I speak Spanish, German, and Japanese. FML
Today, my boss is on the phone with a Russian customer, who keeps saying, "Speak Russian please!" My boss asks me to translate, as he hired me for my knowledge of Russian. He says something, I translate in Russian, then the customer says, "Speak English please!" FML
Today, I was instructed by my boss to welcome the 2 new foreign business partners since I am the only one who could speak their language. When they arrived I greeted them in their language. One of them scratched his head and asked his companion in plain and clear English, "What did he say?" FML
Today, I was at the airport trying to help a man get to the right terminal. When he finished he turned to tell me "Don't worry, your English is pretty good, considering you're not American". English is my only language. FML
Today, my boss's son is training to take over my job as head translator, after having convinced his dad that he's fluent in Spanish, and that my skills suck. I soon walked in on him using Google Translate on a legal document. My boss refuses to believe me. FML
Today, I pronounced FAQ as 'fuck' to my boss. I'm not a native speaker. FML
Today, a tourist from an English-as-second-language country taught me a new word. In English. FML
Today, I almost got written up for insubordination by my boss. All I did was explain to him that I couldn't help a tourist out because I speak Japanese, not Korean, and that it's not in fact "the same Asian shit" as he seemed to think. FML
Today, I realized my coworker can't comprehend English, or any other language. When I mentioned this to a coworker, they accused me of being an ableist. This is the same person who insults him to his face, knowing he can't understand her. FML
Today, my boss chewed me out for correcting several spelling and grammar mistakes in one of his reports. The words "Think you're so damn smart, don't ya?" were uttered. I'm his secretary, and proofreading his shit is part of my job. FML
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Top comments
Grand_Cookie 21
We need a new plague. I vote zombies.
Talientary 8
This will probably offend some people, but oh well. I'm an American. Let's just say that I can name a few different versions of "English" that I've heard that you probably wouldn't recognize. I wouldn't expect much from the stereotypical American. #yoloswaql8rlol
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Comments (96)
captainjaffa 7
I commend your english sir, you could teach most fml posters a thing or two. Hopefully the feeling of superiority over your boss makes up for the fact that she gets more money than you.
jessBeAqueen 13
howd she become your boss?
Wakachulak 22
Guess where corporate HQ is.
meatmaeta 21
Not in the backyard.
Mauskau 35
I have a Swedish friend whose English is much better than mine, and it's his fourth language.
Solle 9
I just got to ask, what's his first three? Most swedes learn it as a second language in third/fourth grade.
4ube_fml 6
I'd say German and Russian.
brittyboo123 35
It's actually surprising how many people do not know the difference between to two.
Lasagnaa 24
And "too"
User57777 13
I think that was a pun.
stargirl_95 24
I'm not going to jump on the "stupid Americans" bandwagon because native English speakers everywhere are like this. Go to some parts of England and it's as though they're speaking an entirely different language. My parents learned English in school (English is actually my father's second language and my mother's third) and when I compare their English to other native speakers I can tell that their English is considerably better. Native speakers everywhere butcher their language.
ulissey_fml 22
Not where I live, they don't.
Wakachulak 22
The FML commenters will hate you. Good luck with getting FML's OP, I'm sorry I can give you just one...
dangousity 21
Second, third language speakers are better at speaking English because they want to learn, where as the others are forced to learn.
stargirl_95 24
No they're better at speaking English because they learn it in an academic environment where they're taught all the grammar rules and are forced to speak it correctly if they hope to pass. Native speakers butcher it because they learn it in an informal setting (i.e their homes, their friends from school, from TV, etc) where they also pick up rubbish and therefore grow up speaking rubbish. Secondly, not all second or third language speakers learn because they WANT to learn. Most of them (particularly with English) are forced to learn it. I know that here in South Africa the majority of kids don't speak English as a first language yet they have to learn it because that's the language they're taught in at schools and universities and it's the main language of communication in the country.
DocBastard 38
Forced to learn? Funny, I don't remember forcing either of my children to learn the language. They seem to be picking it up perfectly well on their own, even my 2-year old. No, what you mean to say is that people generally don't give a ****. If people actually cared more about proper grammar, this would never be an issue.
jmcr 27
Some ppl are forced to learn it's great that your kids want to learn and are doing well but it's not like that for everyone
Beva_fml 15
As a swede myself I can only agree, I have found myself in this situation a couple of times. But then again, swede's butcher the swedish language as well.
Frenchtony 17
OP your stupide thère is absoulutuly now difference !
tinman1166 5
you should have used "their" to add another one.
Iceman225 11
French, you're stupid.
Frenchtony 17
Iceman got defeated again by the voxpopuli ! Hurray hurray !
Neesalun 20
This is a pet peeve if mine. It's not that hard to use basic spelling and grammar.
diaosi 4
It's not that hard to proofread two sentences for grammar mistakes before posting a comment on grammar either.