Today, I had the questionable honor of explaining the difference between "your" and "you're" to my boss, and very diplomatically make her see why her poor grasp of language could affect our credibility as a communication agency. I'm Swedish, and English is my third language. She's American. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was unable to communicate with a customer who only spoke French. As a result, my boss called me a "monolingual idiot." I speak Spanish, German, and Japanese. FML
Today, my boss is on the phone with a Russian customer, who keeps saying, "Speak Russian please!" My boss asks me to translate, as he hired me for my knowledge of Russian. He says something, I translate in Russian, then the customer says, "Speak English please!" FML
Today, I was instructed by my boss to welcome the 2 new foreign business partners since I am the only one who could speak their language. When they arrived I greeted them in their language. One of them scratched his head and asked his companion in plain and clear English, "What did he say?" FML
Today, I was at the airport trying to help a man get to the right terminal. When he finished he turned to tell me "Don't worry, your English is pretty good, considering you're not American". English is my only language. FML
Today, my boss's son is training to take over my job as head translator, after having convinced his dad that he's fluent in Spanish, and that my skills suck. I soon walked in on him using Google Translate on a legal document. My boss refuses to believe me. FML
Today, I pronounced FAQ as 'fuck' to my boss. I'm not a native speaker. FML
Today, a tourist from an English-as-second-language country taught me a new word. In English. FML
Today, I almost got written up for insubordination by my boss. All I did was explain to him that I couldn't help a tourist out because I speak Japanese, not Korean, and that it's not in fact "the same Asian shit" as he seemed to think. FML
Today, I realized my coworker can't comprehend English, or any other language. When I mentioned this to a coworker, they accused me of being an ableist. This is the same person who insults him to his face, knowing he can't understand her. FML
Today, my boss chewed me out for correcting several spelling and grammar mistakes in one of his reports. The words "Think you're so damn smart, don't ya?" were uttered. I'm his secretary, and proofreading his shit is part of my job. FML
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Top comments
Grand_Cookie 21
We need a new plague. I vote zombies.
Talientary 8
This will probably offend some people, but oh well. I'm an American. Let's just say that I can name a few different versions of "English" that I've heard that you probably wouldn't recognize. I wouldn't expect much from the stereotypical American. #yoloswaql8rlol
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Comments (96)
Enslaved 36
What do you call someone who speaks three languages? Trilingual. What do you call someone who speaks two languages? Bilingual. What do you call someone who speaks one language? American.
upallnight11 19
Nice!
SouthernPride95 19
A lot of people only know one language and then theres people in America that know a lot more languages then that
Ins0mau 20
It's not just Americans. People from all English speaking countries are much less likely to be bilingual because English is so common around the world. We can afford to be lazy.
Iceman225 11
I'm an american tewnager, and I'm fluent in both reading and writing in two languages.
BrookRae 19
than*
Denizzje 5
People in English speaking languages need to stop being so lazy learning languages if you ask me. Too many people say: 'SPEAK ENGLISH!!1!1'. If you learn more languages, your ability to pick up all these languages, including your home language improves. I speak Dutch, English, German and Afrikaans and I really want to learn Spanish. Ofcourse I will never be able to speak these as fluent like a native speaker (especially Spanish) but I personally found this to be true. Dutch is quite a hard language sometimes but if you train learning languages you also pick up your own better.
nightbirdblue 27
Some people are just not good at learning languages. It takes an aptitude that some people don't have. I spent four years going through Spanish classes and couldn't pick up much, but a few scattered phrases. I do not have a good grasp of language skills either. Advanced grammar is hard for me. Pronouncing words has always messed me up. Grammar diagrams just confuse me. It is just not my area of expertise. If I absolutely had to, then I suppose I could pick up one or two more things in another language. I would never be able to speak it enough that it would be truly useful to me. Fluency in another language would take me decades. I just don't see the point of taking tons of time for learning languages that I'll never use. I don't intend to move out of the United States of America. If I did, I would move to either Canada or England. My future career doesn't require me to learn other languages. There is really no reason for me to learn something that I will never use.
nightbirdblue 27
Also I would think in Germany that people would generally expect people that go outside of tourist areas to have some ability to speak and understand German. A French person wouldn't go to Africa and demand that to be spoken to in French. A Chinese person wouldn't go to Russia and expect things like road signs to be in Chinese. Countries have native languages. It is silly to go to a country, not have a decent concept of the language there, and expect to be able to live there easily. These native languages often have regionally dialects. In the event of more than on country having the same native language, there is often a difference of dialects between them. It is silly to expect a mastery of all dialects of a language. There is also slang which non-native speakers find harder to learn. Slang is in all languages, not just English.
stargirl_95 24
Actually, a French person could go to Africa and expect to be spoken to in French (depending on which country they go to), seeing as French is one of the most spoken languages in Africa. A lot of African countries (particularly in West Africa) are French speaking. Don't talk about Africa as though it is one big country because it is, in fact, a continent. Other than that, you do make an excellent point.
nightbirdblue 27
You're right #96. That was quite idiotic of me. I shouldn't post till I'm fully awake and able to remember things like that.
perdix 29
It's not surprising that foreigners who learned English formally know the grammar better than Americans who learned the language naturally. The more likely explanation, though, is that here in America, we have a lot of idiots in high positions.
TShaunik 12
When I was an exchange student in Austria in high school, I was able to answer grammar questions about German better than them. It's definitely the formal learning, since you have to learn the grammar for the intellectual grasp of subtleties of language that you naturally learn in your mother language.
gabbi630 16
Vi svenskar har alltid varit bra på engelska!
DLT_fml 20
Normally I'd laugh and say something like "typical American," but I cringe every time I see a Facebook status or text message that is improperly spelled or has no grammar whatsoever. I mean, come on people, how hard is it to put the other two letters alongside "u." No wonder people think we're lazy.
suri23 11
Obviously, your boss never went to Catholic grammar school as I did! My grammar might not be the best, but I know the difference between you and you're, to too and two & its and it's. My sympathies to you!
LaLince 40
Your right, you're boss is an illiterate.
AholeCop 11
I was just about to put "your kidding me, you're boss sounds like an idiot.". Early bird, friend.
jmcr 27
Unfortunately America in general has little respect or value for our education system hence our love to botch up our own native tongue and constant cuts to education funds
nightbirdblue 27
You're right! No other country has people that use slang. Your comment has changed the way that I thought of the world. There is absolutely no slang in other countries and no other language can have mistakes in grammar or spelling. I commend you for enriching my ignorant mind with this knowledge.
AholeCop 11
#53 Your comment shows your personal love to botch your native tongue.
Ins0mau 20
68 - Messing up the use of "your" and "you're" is NOT slang!
RedPillSucks 31
Thank you. This is not about slang. It's about knowing when to use the different homophones. Something you're taught in elementary school. I don't particularly fault the education system. I think the kids just don't pay attention in class.
xAkonz 10
She's American. Q
Aratiti 8
Swedes are some of the best at english outside english speaking countries, it has happened to me aswell...