Today, I had the questionable honor of explaining the difference between "your" and "you're" to my boss, and very diplomatically make her see why her poor grasp of language could affect our credibility as a communication agency. I'm Swedish, and English is my third language. She's American. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was unable to communicate with a customer who only spoke French. As a result, my boss called me a "monolingual idiot." I speak Spanish, German, and Japanese. FML
Today, my boss is on the phone with a Russian customer, who keeps saying, "Speak Russian please!" My boss asks me to translate, as he hired me for my knowledge of Russian. He says something, I translate in Russian, then the customer says, "Speak English please!" FML
Today, I was instructed by my boss to welcome the 2 new foreign business partners since I am the only one who could speak their language. When they arrived I greeted them in their language. One of them scratched his head and asked his companion in plain and clear English, "What did he say?" FML
Today, I was at the airport trying to help a man get to the right terminal. When he finished he turned to tell me "Don't worry, your English is pretty good, considering you're not American". English is my only language. FML
Today, my boss's son is training to take over my job as head translator, after having convinced his dad that he's fluent in Spanish, and that my skills suck. I soon walked in on him using Google Translate on a legal document. My boss refuses to believe me. FML
Today, I pronounced FAQ as 'fuck' to my boss. I'm not a native speaker. FML
Today, a tourist from an English-as-second-language country taught me a new word. In English. FML
Today, I almost got written up for insubordination by my boss. All I did was explain to him that I couldn't help a tourist out because I speak Japanese, not Korean, and that it's not in fact "the same Asian shit" as he seemed to think. FML
Today, I realized my coworker can't comprehend English, or any other language. When I mentioned this to a coworker, they accused me of being an ableist. This is the same person who insults him to his face, knowing he can't understand her. FML
Today, my boss chewed me out for correcting several spelling and grammar mistakes in one of his reports. The words "Think you're so damn smart, don't ya?" were uttered. I'm his secretary, and proofreading his shit is part of my job. FML
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Top comments
Grand_Cookie 21
We need a new plague. I vote zombies.
Talientary 8
This will probably offend some people, but oh well. I'm an American. Let's just say that I can name a few different versions of "English" that I've heard that you probably wouldn't recognize. I wouldn't expect much from the stereotypical American. #yoloswaql8rlol
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Comments (96)
triplebeerox 27
I'm sorry guys but I don't think the American education system is all that horrible. It definitely depends on where in the States you went to school. I'm American, speak three languages fluently (English, Spanish, and Italian) and three others decently (French, German, and Russian). Not all Americans are stupid and lazy. I live in Europe now and I find that there are some things in the education system here that I don't quite understand but that doesn't mean that the education system here is better or worse. It honestly depends on such a variety of factors such as the school, teacher and student.
MyS3lf 24
Not all Americans are that dumb, but unfortunately most are. I'm sorry you had to deal with that, I feel your pain.
Dcm210 19
Is she the type of boss that would fire someone for out smarting her? I hope you're still employed.
SparksTheSadie 18
I am Brazilian and learned English on my own. I have to control myself every time I see someone confusing your/you're or they're/there/their.
charlotte69er 7
Think it's time for a promotion
Virtual_BS 13
Lesson #1: Americans don't speak English, they speak American. English and American are two completely different languages that just happen to share enough similarities for speakers of one to sort-of understand the other - like Afrikaans and Dutch.
stargirl_95 24
I don't know who lied and told you that. Americans speak English. They speak a dialect of English known as American English whereas the rest of the English speaking world speaks (or at least learns) British English, however they still speak English. There is no such language as American. Unless, of course, you're being sarcastic. In which case, disregard my comment.
sadlife_fml 4
I agreed with most of what you said, but Canadians learn Canadian English - it shares many common threads with both British English and American English but also has some influence from Native and French cultures.
Sheh_fml 25
Afrikaans and Dutch are two different languages, and only the most basic of sentences could be understood by both. "American" is the language ignorant Americans believe they speak, when they are in reality speaking American English. Which is a dialect of English, not an individual language. Spelling "colours" without a U doesn't make it another language, neither having a handful of words that differ. If you'd paid any attention to the language you claim to speak, you would have notice that using different synonyms for the same thing happens within a country's border too. It is also called a dialect, and it is responsible for why some regions say "soda" and others say "pop". If you do not understand enough British English to be able to have a proper conversation, it is not because you speak "American" and not "British" - It is because you are uneducated and with the vocabulary of a five year old.
Virtual_BS 13
Some people have no sense of humour. I didn't expect anyone to take that comment seriously.
middlenamefrank 8
As yet another American, I also apologize for the ignorance rampant in our country. You can see the kind of stupidity we Democrats are dealing with here.
iwadasn 32
Bringing generalized political stereotypes into a situation that doesn't involve politics at all is an excellent demonstration of your ignorance.
CrazyChiC42 10
Convince them that it is unprofessional to use contractions. Then this particular issue will never plague them again.
vippipippi 16
Goooo Sweden! We're always better than americans in English.
graphicstyle7 17
Sorry about that, Swedish person.