Health: Today, I had pancakes for breakfast, and without realizing it,...

By maddy - 28/02/2010 17:10 - United States

Today, I had pancakes for breakfast, and without realizing it, I got syrup in my hair. After breakfast, I went to straighten my hair, only to burn the syrup and have it get stuck in my hair. There was no time to shower and it smelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 018

You deserved it 23 736

Health

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

You tried

It never rains…

My reward

By KittenShitz - 25/12/2019 14:00

Today, I felt accomplished after I cleaned the whole house alone, but then I stepped backwards to admire my work and stepped into a pile of dog poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 703

You deserved it 313

By lexibabe - 03/03/2009 00:36 - United States

Today, I was in the bank with my seven year old daughter, when I saw an old high school friend of mine with his wife. I said hello, and he commented on how beautiful my little girl was. I thanked him, and as I turned away, I heard his wife say "I guess the father must be the good looking one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 803

You deserved it 2 759

By Shelbitchh - 28/07/2011 09:11 - United States

Today, my mom decided to take away my TV after noticing that I watch the show True Blood. Apparently, since I watch this, I must be "curious about sex." I'm 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 633

You deserved it 5 348

By Anonymous - 18/04/2014 22:35 - Canada - Concord

Today, my son said his first complete sentence: "Mommy likes shit." Not only will he not stop saying it, I have no idea who taught him to say it in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 314

You deserved it 4 844

It's toast

By Crying - 16/04/2017 02:00

Today, I no longer have a toaster. My younger sister put it in the bath because apparently it looked dirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 713

You deserved it 355

By lotd - 31/07/2012 23:28 - United Kingdom - Henley On Thames

Today, as I sat down for my flight, I realised that the passenger I had to sit next to for the next seven hours was wearing a necklace made from tampon packaging. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 070

You deserved it 2 046

By anonymous - 19/10/2009 19:16 - United States

Today, I drove 100 miles from my parents house to mine. I had only a few miles left when I realized I really had to pee. I didn't want to pull over somewhere when I was so close to home, so I sped up. A cop pulled me over a block from my house. I started to sob, and ended up peeing myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 167

You deserved it 15 407

Thanks.

By Anonymous - 09/06/2018 13:00 - United States - Buffalo

Today, I asked a guy if I could finally meet his mom after we’ve been exclusive for almost a year now. He goes, "You’re special, but you’re not THAT special." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 399

You deserved it 494

First!

By karma - 28/01/2009 18:36 - Canada

Today, I almost had an orgasm. Unfortunately, he had one first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 066

You deserved it 7 444

By Anonymous - 08/12/2012 09:28 - Australia - Weston

Today, I thought it would be nice to park my new car under a big, shady oak tree to prevent it from heating up in the sun. The big, shady oak tree thought it would be nice to shed a massive branch on top of my new car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 900

You deserved it 4 126

By cheerbabeXoXo - 29/06/2013 21:49 - United Kingdom - High Wycombe

Today, I overheard my dad telling my mum that the only way I'm ever going to get into a relationship is if I "pose as a woman and con some gullible bastard online." He's probably right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 541

You deserved it 4 963

By future teacher - 09/07/2015 06:21 - Paraguay - Fernando De La Mora

Today, I was observing a children's class as a part of a training program. The teacher asked me to take one kid to the nurse's office because she wasn't feeling well. As soon as we step outside, I slip and fall down, taking the little girl with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 195

You deserved it 2 937

By thenewgirl29 - 05/02/2015 16:42 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, the guy I've been seeing for a few months told me he couldn't stay overnight because his mom would yell at him for not coming home. We're both 30 and I didn't know he still lived at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 494

You deserved it 4 204

By Anonymous - 06/01/2010 01:10 - United States

Today, I went on a blind date that my best friend had set up for me. When I arrived, I introduced myself and we sat at the table. After we ordered our food, he asked the waiter for some crayons and a kid's menu, and colored for the half hour before our food came. He didn't talk to me at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 444

You deserved it 4 004

Winter coat

By Jules - 31/10/2021 05:00 - Germany

Today, I learned that if I order fuel oil for my house’s central heating right now, it won't be delivered before January. Yes, that’s in three months. No, I don't live in one of those countries where it’s still warm in October. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 207

By MitchRapp - 04/03/2016 22:11 - United States

Today, my brother asked me what I want for my birthday, so I said that we could just hang out. He told me I should ask for something more realistic, like a gift card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 000

You deserved it 1 641

By stabbed with kindness - 02/03/2013 21:44 - Russian Federation - Elektrostal

Today, on the way home, a guy yelled "Hey, YOU!" from behind me, so I walked faster. He ran up to me, shouting, "I said stop, asshole!" I almost pissed myself in fear, thinking I was being mugged. Turns out I'd left my wallet at the grocery store, and he was just trying to return it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 486

You deserved it 45 119

By Anonymous - 09/07/2016 01:13

Today, I did a California stop during a drive with my Driver's Ed teacher. He made me get out, hug the stop sign and apologize to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 499

You deserved it 7 981

Song sung blue

By Anonymous - 31/07/2012 06:42 - United States - Houston

Today, I was upset over a recent break up. It showed while I was at work, and I made a customer sad just by looking blue. She complained to my manager. I got written up for being so depressed that I got a customer depressed too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 562

You deserved it 3 599

By iprobablyhaveherpes - 20/10/2010 04:47 - Australia

Today, I was casually looking through my girlfriend's phone while she got ready, though she made me promise not to. To my confusion, I discovered that she had me listed as 'Saturday' in her contacts. There was also a Thursday, Friday and Sunday listed. I only ever see her on Saturdays. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 899

You deserved it 11 466

By artsmart1 - 06/03/2010 00:40 - United States

Today, I went to go see a specialist for my prostate and was told he would have to do an exam before I could leave. Having had this checked just the previous year, I was more than a little irritated. As I was bent over the table the Dr. said, "Now, just pretend I'm Angelina Jolie." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 281

You deserved it 2 919

By nofunforme - 25/06/2019 12:00 - United States - Candler

Today, I was having fun while home alone, until my dog heard my vibrator and tried to attack me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 851

You deserved it 416

By bella - 08/12/2013 01:07 - United States - Edinburg

Today, I was babysitting my barely-pubescent cousins, and they started talking about giving blowjobs to their "boyfriends". When I got mad at them and told them they shouldn't be thinking of that stuff, they said I was just pissed 'cause I haven't gotten laid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 975

You deserved it 5 096

By Anonymous - 05/09/2018 14:30 - United States

Today, my house was broken into. I'm really poor and don't have a television or nice clothing, so they just dumped my trash all over the house and stole my one loaf of bread that was supposed to last me for the week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 797

You deserved it 158

By a - 10/04/2013 19:09 - United States

Today, my husband and I announced our upcoming divorce. My friends told me how sorry they were and that they're available for whatever I need. His friends told him to just call the girl from last weekend and get himself laid again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 315

You deserved it 7 007

By tryingtostealmyheart - 19/12/2015 07:12

Today, a total stranger asked me to marry him while we were waiting for the bus. I turned him down. He then pulled a knife on me, grabbed my purse and ran. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 095

You deserved it 1 640

No kinkshaming here

By Anonymous - 27/04/2021 11:00

Today, my hotel room key wouldn't open my door. Maintenance had to come let me in. My giant dildo was out on the table. I'm a 250-pound man, traveling alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 517

You deserved it 1 247

By Anonymous - 08/04/2009 04:34 - United States

Today, I was afraid my mother had seen the bottle of hand lotion I'd forgotten to take off the desk after I'd whacked off last night, but she acted fine. I went out with friends to find she'd had changed the background to say "Please Do Not Watch Porn on the Family Computer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 073

You deserved it 66 089

By ohmy - 17/12/2009 19:09 - Canada

Today, a spider crawled across my glasses' lens. My first reaction was to smack myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 515

You deserved it 27 807

Uber Thiefs

By lukey101 - 12/03/2021 02:30 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, my Uber passenger stole one of the rear floor mats out of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028

You deserved it 73

Weird assumption

By Thanks Mom - 20/05/2021 08:01 - United States

Today, I asked my helicopter parent mother if I could go over to a friend's house. She said no because her parents weren't there, and if she accused me of assaulting her, I'd have no defense. We're both 16, I'm gay and she's a lesbian. My mom is well aware of these facts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 993

You deserved it 125

By shutup shutup shutup don't wanna hear it - 08/11/2016 00:43 - United States - Charlottesville

Today, my roommate told me that she was studying in the library. Turns out, she didn't feel like going to the library and just spent all afternoon studying in a friend's room because she didn't think I was capable of shutting up for long enough to get any work done. Our other friends agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 323

You deserved it 4 578

By ish0rty - 14/11/2011 08:42 - United States

Today, my social-awkwardness is so bad, I was actually proud of myself for managing to ask someone a question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 980

You deserved it 4 974

By Anonymous - 31/03/2009 09:08 - Australia

Today, I accidentally pressed the panic button under the register at work. I didn't even know we had a panic button until the cops showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 416

You deserved it 16 118

Go, Vegan!

By Cheryl - 16/10/2019 04:00

Today, my vegan sister told my kids where meat and dairy products come from, in a very detailed way. They now refuse to eat meat, and want to, "rescue all the poor animals." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 765

You deserved it 506

By Anonymous - 04/09/2011 16:21 - United States

Today, I finally got intimate with the girl I like. As I started lifting her shirt, she stuck her hand down my pants and grabbed my junk. She immediately stopped what she was doing, snickered, and calmly said, "Take me home." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 136

You deserved it 6 348

What a wuss

By Anonymous - 30/03/2021 08:01

Today, my boyfriend flat out refuses to ever give me oral because it grosses him out when I squirt, and there's no way he wants that anywhere near his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 420

You deserved it 274

By I hate games - 18/08/2015 20:17 - United States - Belton

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me through charades. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 001

You deserved it 5 164

By no more flips - 17/05/2015 14:05 - United States - Columbus

Today, I decided to impress my friends by doing a flip on the trampoline. What did impress them, was my lack of tears after I hit the edge of the trampoline and broke my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 730

You deserved it 7 004

By Username - 25/11/2012 23:36 - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, I caught my mother trying to switch my contraceptive pill for Tic Tacs. I don't know what's worse - how far she will go to have a grandchild, or that she thought I wouldn't notice that my birth control left me with minty fresh breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 029

You deserved it 1 885

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

musicalibrary 4

Send a private message

Sunday 28 February 2010 23:05

Try your best not to attract ants.

Tamara2011 0

Send a private message

Sunday 28 February 2010 23:14

Hey that's a good way to attract guy ;) they know that you should taste good in the future.... lol

musicalibrary 4

Send a private message

Sunday 28 February 2010 23:05

Try your best not to attract ants.

killerviral 0

Send a private message

Sunday 28 February 2010 23:13

wait so you have no time to shower but u have enough time to get on your computer and post this fml fuck you and ur lies

twirlingqueen4u 0

Send a private message

Sunday 28 February 2010 23:18

Wow smart one dumbass lol cut that part off

reyemrein 0

Send a private message

Sunday 28 February 2010 23:35

Let the special kids lick your hair clean.

WordsOfHope 0

Send a private message

Sunday 28 February 2010 23:36

@killerviral he/she obviously posted at a diff time?

deathcab7 0

Send a private message

Sunday 28 February 2010 23:37

or just wash that part off in some water. not too hard to do

strandedinalimo 0

Send a private message

Monday 1 March 2010 0:25

Pile on the perfume!

Tahsis 4

Send a private message

Monday 1 March 2010 0:28

Then why use present tense? Duh. Learn english.

Tahsis 4

Send a private message

Monday 1 March 2010 0:30

Then why use present tense? Duh. Learn english.

ImaginaryFoe 0

Send a private message

Monday 1 March 2010 0:33

You really don't have time to rinse the syrupy part off in the sink and re-style that one section?

messinax33 0

Send a private message

Monday 1 March 2010 0:39

yeah, really, you can't shower bit you can post this ?

DGross 8

Send a private message

Monday 1 March 2010 1:08

At least it was only syrup ... darn dirty mind... leave me alone...

talkalot_360 1

Send a private message

Monday 1 March 2010 1:36

#14 she probabky posted this l8er in the day

woofis 0

Send a private message

Monday 1 March 2010 2:00

dumbass y would u do that?

iheart655 0

Send a private message

Monday 1 March 2010 2:02

@SuicideDinosaur..youu aree superr cuutee(;

iCanMakeYoBEDROC_fml 0

Send a private message

Monday 1 March 2010 3:50

maybe she posted this AFTER she got back. dumbass.

M4V3R1CKR13 0

Send a private message

Monday 1 March 2010 4:10

#14 so true! 

Tahsis 4

Send a private message

Monday 1 March 2010 4:44

Exactly, posting on this takes a good 5 minutes, you could have taken a shower. And if you actually did write this after the event, you should have said "there wasn't".

MZHUNIDEW13 0

Send a private message

Monday 1 March 2010 5:34

All I CAN SAY IS.................how in the hell did you syrup on your hair!?!?

MZHUNIDEW13 0

Send a private message

Monday 1 March 2010 5:36

I. mean how did u get syrup in your hair excuse me sorry I missed that word lol

honestlove11 0

Send a private message

Monday 1 March 2010 5:37

yeah 5 minutes to SHOWER.. oh gee I guess she will skip getting dressed and re-putting make up on? hmm.. I'm seeing a bit more time than 5 minutes needed, smart one.

jamiebuczko 0

Send a private message

Monday 1 March 2010 5:40

lmfao 77

tweetbaby14 18

Monday 1 March 2010 6:14

how do you get syrup in your hair of all places? were you holding the bottle over your head, leaning over your plate, or did you just do it on purpose because you wanted attention?

UberFail79 0

Send a private message

Monday 1 March 2010 7:15

The Grammar Nazis have a message for you: "Spell out your words. We know where you live." Huh. I wouldn't want to be in your shoes right now, buddy,

kaleid0scopeEyes 0

Send a private message

Monday 1 March 2010 7:32

Don't worry, the grammar nazi's never leave their dimly lit computer rooms; the real world scares them. You are safe.

AmberAnodyne 0

Send a private message

Monday 1 March 2010 7:56

EXACTLY WHAT I WAS THINKING.

o0XMzMayX0o 0

Send a private message

Monday 1 March 2010 7:57

really? that's going to ruin ur life?? I'm a girl and that has happens and I van usually fix it with hair products and perfume.

izziieB 0

Send a private message

Monday 1 March 2010 8:33

she couldve posted it later in the day bit as if she was saying it earlier. And posting an FML doesn't exactly take very long.

raygonewild 0

Send a private message

Monday 1 March 2010 15:37

I wanted to say that. fml for making me read this

ohSNAPyall 26

Send a private message

Monday 1 March 2010 16:59

You're probably going to have to cut it out anyway.

Smiz 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 30 March 2010 4:56

how the hell did you get syrup in your hair?

zZPedobearZz 0

Send a private message

Sunday 28 February 2010 23:05

ouch that must hurt :( STICKY BLACK STUFF :O

Pearljammer001 0

Send a private message

Sunday 28 February 2010 23:10

that's nasty

Rawr0_oRawr0_o 0

Send a private message

Sunday 28 February 2010 23:12

lol

killerviral 0

Send a private message

Sunday 28 February 2010 23:15

so you have the time to post this fml but you can't take a shower fuck u and ur lies

clumsyjazzy 0

Send a private message

Sunday 28 February 2010 23:06

wow that sucks!! it'll be okay!

anorexicbarbie 8

Send a private message

Sunday 28 February 2010 23:16

did someone say my name? *fist pumps* unhsuunhsuhunhsuhunsuh

SpaceCoyote 0

Send a private message

Monday 1 March 2010 0:34

nice.

Plasmolyze 0

Send a private message

Sunday 28 February 2010 23:07

pancakes with jam is better :D

ravensunnyd 0

Send a private message

Sunday 28 February 2010 23:52

I like mine whith peanut butter or chocolat chips if I don't have syrup

honestlove11 0

Send a private message

Monday 1 March 2010 5:27

uhhmm for one, she JUST straightened her hair, also shower= 10-20 mins to wash/get out/dressed/REdo hair. since when does posting an fml take that long? so yeah. she DID have time to post instead of shower. shut it.

paperisuseful 0

Send a private message

Sunday 28 February 2010 23:10

lol

nomnommonster 0

Send a private message

Sunday 28 February 2010 23:11

mmm, sounds lip-smacking good.

denbeste 3

Send a private message

Monday 1 March 2010 0:44

The most erotic smell for men in general would be vanilla.

unpossible 26

Send a private message

Monday 1 March 2010 0:54

I think you mean bacon. :P

TrinityisLife 22

Send a private message

Monday 1 March 2010 3:04

Makin' bacon!

Zills 0

Send a private message

Monday 1 March 2010 5:08

Actually according to manswers it's pumpkin pie.

MadPercussion 0

Send a private message

Monday 1 March 2010 6:33

mMmMm

manhattankidd 0

Send a private message

Sunday 28 February 2010 23:12

Ooh sounds very good!

Tamara2011 0

Send a private message

Sunday 28 February 2010 23:14

Hey that's a good way to attract guy ;) they know that you should taste good in the future.... lol

ImaginaryFoe 0

Send a private message

Monday 1 March 2010 0:35

Are you serious, #36 or are you bein ironic?

DGross 8

Send a private message

Monday 1 March 2010 1:10

Like a Boss!!

DGross 8

Send a private message

Monday 1 March 2010 1:20

shit wrong FML...

kayvan 8

Send a private message

Monday 1 March 2010 2:07

Is engleash your turd languish?

swimchic007 0

Send a private message

Monday 1 March 2010 5:39

no...it makes perfect sense, she just doesnt have an "a" between attract and guy. obviously you dont read that well if you didnt pick that up and thought it wasnt her first language.....