Miscellaneous: Today, I had a piano exam. My friend noticed how nervous I was,...

By p - Canada - Markham

Today, I had a piano exam. My friend noticed how nervous I was, and recommended that I compliment the examiner for higher marks. When it was time for the exam, without thinking, I told him I liked his hair. Turns out bald people don't like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8452

You deserved it

27736

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Commando

Give it your best shot

By Ann - 13/2/2021 21:28

We're so happy for you, sorta!

Today, my boyfriend, who is also a coworker, proposed to me in the parking of the store we work at when it was dark out. He came up behind me, and, thinking it was some creep, I stabbed him with my car keys. The scar will alway help him remember our engagement. FML

I agree, your life sucks

894

You deserved it

131

Favorite

By embarrassed - United States

Today, I went to see Terminator. Not wanting to spend an outrageous amount of money at the concession stand, I sneaked a Dr. Pepper into the theater. I thought I had gotten away with it, until I opened the bottle and it exploded all over me and four other people that I didn't know. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15398

You deserved it

52822

Favorite

By imgay - Argentina - Buenos Aires

Today, I discovered that most of my family is homophobic while discussing Orange Is The New Black. I've only come out to my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28637

You deserved it

2902

Favorite

By futuregigolo - United States - Strasburg

Today, I went to the local used books store to sell all my college textbooks. I spent several hundred dollars on them in total. I ended up walking out of the shop a pathetic $3.50 richer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33861

You deserved it

7647

Favorite

By "Sam Fazackerley"

What a shame!

Today, I dropped my phone in the toilet while sitting on it using the phone, I have a stomach bug and diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1558

You deserved it

881

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Berkeley

Taste test

Today, my husband decided to put different condiments on my body to make our sex better. I was thinking whipped cream; he was feeling ketchup. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58498

You deserved it

6577

Favorite

By adalia - United Kingdom

Today, I was telling my dad about plans to go out late for a few drinks next week. My dad started his usual "YOU COULD GET RAPED!" lecture, before my brother sprang to my defence, "It's not like she's what they're after, is she?" Apparently, rapists are out of my league. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49107

You deserved it

4914

Favorite

Winner

Today, my parents met my fiancée's parents for the first time in a large family gathering two weeks before our formal wedding. Both sets of parents were telling funny stories about our pasts. My dad's story won. He told how I spent a week in jail earlier this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1995

You deserved it

944

Favorite

By girlllll - Denmark

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend and his parents, who I haven't known very long. I ended up falling asleep. That doesn't sound so bad, until I woke my drooling self up by snoring extremely loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28252

You deserved it

5778

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/11/2020 02:01

Does this smell bad?

Today, I spent a full two minutes doing nothing but sniffing my computer. Don't worry, it was in the living room and my roommate definitely saw me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

302

You deserved it

619

Favorite

By letsloseweight - Korea Republic of

Today, it started raining unexpectedly. My daughter and I didn't have an umbrella, so my daughter raised one of my big flabby arms and put it over her head to protect her from the rain. It worked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27246

You deserved it

45152

Favorite

By allalone - United States

Today, I put the vacuum cleaner hose against my neck to give me a hickey, so that it would look like I got some action. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27275

You deserved it

45257

Favorite

By marge1010 - United States

Today, the man I have been dating for 3 weeks, who told me he owns a high end restaurant in the city, handed me my lunch order through the drive-thru at Wendy's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63850

You deserved it

9976

Favorite

By kafreen - United States - Tucson

Today, I arrived at work early. I noticed the plants on the side of my classroom could use some water so I went out to do so. On the way, I found a beer can. Not wanting the kids to see it, I picked it up but some spilled on my dress. I quickly noticed a familiar smell. No, not beer. Urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14592

You deserved it

1252

Favorite

By Anonymous - Netherlands - Groningen

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband reacted by going out and smoking weed, then getting completely shitfaced, and having his buddies drag his nearly-comatose carcass back home from a strip club. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30386

You deserved it

5161

Favorite

By juvenile friends suck - Germany - Tangstedt

Today, I was in the elevator, when a big bearded guy stepped in, wearing a dress. It's not an uncommon sight where I live, but my friend cracked up and asked him if he was wearing underwear. He took it as a challenge, and I can safely say that no, he was not. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41984

You deserved it

6743

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I was complaining to my friend how I was doing all the work in my group, and that they were getting all the credit. Her response? "It's OK, you're doing a shitty job anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1575

You deserved it

243

Favorite

By lexyloo - United States

Today, my boyfriend preferred to delete his account than admit we are in a relationship on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34432

You deserved it

5744

Favorite

By Anonymous - Denmark

Today, I saw a naked man for the first time in my life. It was the nude model in my art class. I was forced to draw wrinkles and fat rolls in places I didn't even know existed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32562

You deserved it

5229

Favorite

By queenlatifa101bebe - United States

Today, my boyfriend left me for my neighbor. Her name is Hope. She'd better "hope" I don't take a dump in her yard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30305

You deserved it

16422

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Bremerton

Today, my date ditched me and showed up with another guy at the same restaurant. She even tried to take the reservation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41042

You deserved it

2780

Favorite

By Jordan - 12/11/2020 05:02 - United States - Herndon

Luck of the draw

Today, I waited 3 hours and paid $360 to have a routine tuneup done on my old car. As I pulled into my driveway, about to turn off the engine, one of my headlights blew. FML

I agree, your life sucks

583

You deserved it

Favorite

By ziggers10 - United States

Today, I was proposed to, under the condition that I "get thin" first. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52950

You deserved it

9874

Favorite

By historyrepeats

Today, I woke up to a Swastika, "Go home" and "Trump2020" spray-painted on my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2503

You deserved it

290

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Canberra

Today, after the topic of grandkids came up yet again, my fiancé confessed that we've been having trouble conceiving. Later, I overheard his mum telling him to take my engagement ring back to the store and get a refund, because apparently I'm not worth marrying if I can't give him kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25560

You deserved it

1610

Favorite

By Fark - United Kingdom

Today, I had a dream I was going the bathroom. I then woke up peeing, but I didn’t wet the bed yet. As I ran to the bathroom while half asleep and in the dark, I rammed into the wall. On my way back to bed, I tripped and accidentally slapped my fiancé in an effort to stop myself from falling over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30254

You deserved it

4930

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Nice family you've got there

Today, while chatting with my in-laws, I told them about my upcoming spinal surgery. Soon after, when I went to get us some drinks, I overheard them murmuring about how many surgeries I've already had, how I'm a drain on the healthcare system, and how I should ideally just die. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37685

You deserved it

2630

Favorite

By norestforthewicked

Today, my family and I discovered that my sleepwalking has escalated into sleep-raiding-the-fridge, after I woke up on my kitchen floor in a puddle of melted ice cream, surrounded by my parents, brother, and dogs. Apparently my recent dieting plans aren't going over too well with my subconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34023

You deserved it

4308

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/8/2020 17:01

Better out than in

Today, I resigned from my dream job with a small company. In the 6 weeks I worked there, a fist-fight occurred, the police were called 4 times, a person was fired for lying on important documents, and I was yelled or heckled for my ideas everyday. Now I'm jobless and worried, but had the first good night's sleep in 6 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1745

You deserved it

136

Favorite

By anon

Today, my wife and I got into an argument. She ran out, yelling. Later, at work, I felt guilty, so I picked up some flowers and a card. When I presented them to her, she looked puzzled. I made the mistake of reminding her about our argument. She is now mad at me, again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1887

You deserved it

281

Favorite

By Disappointed

Today, my teenage daughter asked me to buy her the morning after pill, saying "It's for my acne." FML

I agree, your life sucks

40687

You deserved it

5098

Favorite

By Anonymous - 7/1/2021 04:58 - Germany

Noise annoys

Today, the cows on the neighboring farm have been lowing loudly for 3 days straight. The guy who runs the farm is unreachable. The people who own the farm and live right next to the stable claim they don’t hear a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

645

You deserved it

125

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I was at work serving customers at the checkout. A girl was brushing the floor behind me. I turned around and whichever way she brushed, the brush hit me twice straight in the balls before she noticed anything. She had to serve the rest of the customers while I recovered. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1370

You deserved it

146

Favorite

By Jeremy - United States

Today, my parents hosted a party at our house. After seeing one of the extremely beautiful guests, I went to masturbate in my room. When I was about to finish, my bedroom door opened suddenly. It was my mom showing around 10 party guests that our dog can open doors. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27188

You deserved it

86947

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend when we started messing around. Things were getting really hot when he gets a call from his best friend whose grandfather had just died. As they were talking and I heard her crying, he unzips his pants and mouths, "She won't know." FML

I agree, your life sucks

71685

You deserved it

7482

Favorite

By newlysingle - United States

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend. I had been hiding the ring in the sock drawer. When I went to retrieve it, the ring was gone and in its place was a sticky note that said "NO." FML

I agree, your life sucks

57696

You deserved it

3610

Favorite

By brooklyn0118

Today, I got home to find my dog had found and eaten my wedding rings. I get married in 2 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2748

You deserved it

530

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my roommate had mistaken my toothbrush for his dog's. So for the last month he's been using my toothbrush on his dog. The dog's favorite meal? Fresh cat poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33231

You deserved it

2802

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got hypnotized in front of my entire school. Once I was hypnotized the guy told me that the hottest celebrity in the world was in the audience and then he told me to point out who I saw. I said I saw Mick Jagger. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

69682

You deserved it

10368

Favorite

By coop42 - United States - Hortonville

Today, my boyfriend was playing with my hair, when his hand got caught. He ended up ripping out a handful of hair trying to get it free. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47012

You deserved it

6059

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By perdix | 29

#4872598 - Wednesday 29 August 2012 9:09

Tell him you meant his nose hair.

By CherryLipBalm | 1

#4872564 - Wednesday 29 August 2012 9:05

"I really like your highlights--BALD! BALD! BALD!!"

COMMENTS

By mmmPoptarts | 6

#4872544 - Wednesday 29 August 2012 9:00

To make up for it you should buy him a subscription to the hair club for men!

zandalee | 19

#4872838 - Wednesday 29 August 2012 11:33

Or a really pretty wig.

By theannak | 7

#4872546 - Wednesday 29 August 2012 9:01

Just tell him you admire a bald man. The more awkward you make it, the more hurt his feelings will be.

WeAreAHurricane | 14

#4875375 - Thursday 30 August 2012 1:20

Yes. Because admiring bald heads isn't awkward at all!

shadowrider879 | 4

#5784223 - Sunday 8 December 2013 20:19

She wants higher marks not seduction

By allie2590 | 30

#4872548 - Wednesday 29 August 2012 9:01

Well that's just stupid.

By CherryLipBalm | 1

#4872564 - Wednesday 29 August 2012 9:05

"I really like your highlights--BALD! BALD! BALD!!"

__Robin__x | 6

#4874468 - Wednesday 29 August 2012 20:53

MY EYES!

SystemofaBlink41 | 27

#4875334 - Thursday 30 August 2012 1:11

27- it's not bald! It's... thinning!

By CherryLipBalm | 1

#4872566 - Wednesday 29 August 2012 9:05

"I really like your highlights--BALD! BALD! BALD!!"

By pinkpixie06 | 11

#4872592 - Wednesday 29 August 2012 9:09

Did you still pass? You should pass or fail based on your ability, not personality.

By perdix | 29

#4872598 - Wednesday 29 August 2012 9:09

Tell him you meant his nose hair.

zandalee | 19

#4872823 - Wednesday 29 August 2012 11:23

Or ear hair...

Wiringify | 22

#4874516 - Wednesday 29 August 2012 21:12

Or... nevermind.

By kimmi41509 | 10

#4872661 - Wednesday 29 August 2012 9:24

You must have been extremely nervous to compliment something about him that doesn't even exist.

By MistressCaitlyn | 7

#4872709 - Wednesday 29 August 2012 9:51

Every time I read FMLs like this, I wish there was a "You're an idiot" button. "You deserved it" just doesn't seem to cut it...

Mister_Triangle | 21

#4872941 - Wednesday 29 August 2012 12:24

That's what the comments are for!

By doodlecloud | 26

#4872725 - Wednesday 29 August 2012 10:01

Maybe don't try and weasel extra marks next time? If he had actually given you a couple more marks because he thought you were nice would you really feel good about yourself and proud of your overall mark?

emilyjgraham | 34

#4872828 - Wednesday 29 August 2012 11:29

I agree, it's a piano exam, he's examining you on your skill to play piano not be nice or charismatic!