Today, I got stuck behind a guy riding his bike 20 mph below the speed limit. I honked, cursed, screamed, and yelled, before finally managing to overtake him. Once I got home, I went outside to get the paper, and discovered that the biker lives just two doors down from me. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was stuck behind an elderly man on a one-way street into my university campus. There was no traffic in front of him and we were both going under the speed limit, so I honked my horn at him to speed up. He ended up double-parking in the last two spots. FML
Today, the car in front of me was going slow and I flashed my lights and honked. I floored it and passed the car, flipping off the driver. Just as I went around the next corner, I got pulled over by a motorcycle cop. A few seconds later, the guy I flipped off drove by honked and waved. FML
Today, I had a “Fuck you” shouting match with a guy who'd tailgated me in the slow lane through an active school zone. I flipped him off when he finally passed, which admittedly wasn’t my best move. He ended up beside me, windows down, where we verbally sparred like teenagers in a dick swinging contest. Regrettably. FML
Today, I was looking at the map on my phone whilst walking down a street. I heard the sound of a bike behind me so I moved to let the cyclist past. He snatched the phone out of my hand and sped off. FML
Today, some aggressive asshole was tailgating me on my way home, bumping into me twice. I got scared and kicked my car into high gear and got out of there. Seconds later, a traffic cop came out of nowhere and pulled me over for speeding. FML
Today, I missed my bus. I had to ride my bike 2 miles. Once I left, some jerk nearly hit me. I flipped him off and shouted obsceneties. It was my dad, offering me a ride. He left. FML
Today, some guy on a bike kept taunting me about my weight while I was out jogging. He ended up hitting a street lamp and fell off his bike. I had a real good laugh at him for all of 5 seconds before he got mad and really made me run. FML
Today, I was screamed at by a lady for riding my bike too slowly in front of her car. I was in the bike lane, and so was she. FML
Today, I thought nobody was around so I meowed loud as fuck but actually there was some dude right behind me on a bike. Yeah, I know that's my fault, but… FML
Today, I rode my new bike for the first time. I made it less than 100 feet from my driveway before I was almost flattened by someone driving on the wrong side of the road. Upside: I managed to get out of the way. Downside: I did it by slamming my brand new, expensive bike into a wall. FML
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Top comments
plutosaplanet 0
i beeped at people as they pulled out of my condo complex almost hitting me. i dont care where you live, if you drive like an idiot im going to let you know.
music_girl23 0
"i honked, cursed, screamed, and yelled"... holy crap. calm down. maybe you should look into anger management programs... he's on a bike what do you expect.
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Comments (79)
Anteezy 7
You sound like a real retard OP, why the hell would you honk, curse, scream and yell at someone on the road, even though you are not in a hurry and the other person didn't really do anything wrong. And now that you find out where he lives you aren't as tough as you were hidden in your car.
honeybee366 0
road rage is never good.
Erindub 0
I ride my bike at least 20 miles a week. Luckily theres a beautiful bike trail along the beach by my house but te 3 street blocks I have to ride to get to it are terrifying. I always try to stay as far over as possible and keep attention to the cars surrounding me. I HATE the way people drive around bike riders! They're such ass clowns!
janise 2
The biker at the end makes me think he's referring to a motorcycle not a bicycle since most people don't call cyclist bikers. The OP needs to get on here and clear up this issue.
hhhiii 0
a bigger FML would be that he was your paperboy and that he messes with your paper because of it or that he broke your window "throwing" the paper
LemonStarship 5
I would love to compare OP's level of fitness to the bikers.
Risotto_fml 11
Cyclists act the same way around here. They expect to have the exact same rights as drivers, and yet I constantly watch them run red lights or cut people off. If bicyclists expect to have the same rights as car drivers, then they damn well better follow the same rules.
ItisMyOpinion 0
Cyclists are constantly wrongly accused of things. The problem is that on one-lane roads, we should be staying to the right to let the faster vehicles pass, but we have to be super vigilant of opening car doors. Sharing the road is for both cyclists and car drivers. No cyclist should ever be in the middle of the road. It's always very stressful to bike in big cities, even on bike paths. Cars cut you off when turning, oblivious pedestrians unpredictably engage in the bike path, etc. I never cross the street on red (which is illegal, I know, but only because of the invention of cars) unless if there aren't any cars coming or pedestrians crossing. Most cyclists only try to get in front of cars on a red light so cars don't get stuck behind them and start going berserk. Bikes might be slower than cars but they are a much better form of transport in a city IMO. On a side note, I hate motorcyclists, which are huge contributors to noise and air pollution.
damnrosi 0
God I HATE bikers, especially those in Toronto! they expect to be treated like their vehicles but refuse to obey the rules of the road and just cause accidents and problems for all those in cars and that. I don't care if your helping the environment and getting exercise, get the heck out of the way and treat your crappy little bicycle like its an actual vehicle if your going to ride in traffic. and p.s. the cars and that are usually much bigger and heavier than you, they can damage you pretty badly so stop being an effing prick and ride safely! geez. and if it was a motorcycle, well, I've got nothing against them, so no rant here.
Moonstarmist 0
I understand your pain. I've been stuck behind people riding bikes with no room to pass them. Some of them weren't even going fast, they were just casually riding. When I bike, I go on the street too but I move as close to the curb as I can to let cars pass. So, in that aspect, FYL. However, YDI for being that impatient. Take anger management classes.
Phallus_fml 0
so?
barca01 0
fuckk people write stories in this shit