Today, I got stuck behind a guy riding his bike 20 mph below the speed limit. I honked, cursed, screamed, and yelled, before finally managing to overtake him. Once I got home, I went outside to get the paper, and discovered that the biker lives just two doors down from me. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was stuck behind an elderly man on a one-way street into my university campus. There was no traffic in front of him and we were both going under the speed limit, so I honked my horn at him to speed up. He ended up double-parking in the last two spots. FML
Today, the car in front of me was going slow and I flashed my lights and honked. I floored it and passed the car, flipping off the driver. Just as I went around the next corner, I got pulled over by a motorcycle cop. A few seconds later, the guy I flipped off drove by honked and waved. FML
Today, I had a “Fuck you” shouting match with a guy who'd tailgated me in the slow lane through an active school zone. I flipped him off when he finally passed, which admittedly wasn’t my best move. He ended up beside me, windows down, where we verbally sparred like teenagers in a dick swinging contest. Regrettably. FML
Today, I was looking at the map on my phone whilst walking down a street. I heard the sound of a bike behind me so I moved to let the cyclist past. He snatched the phone out of my hand and sped off. FML
Today, some aggressive asshole was tailgating me on my way home, bumping into me twice. I got scared and kicked my car into high gear and got out of there. Seconds later, a traffic cop came out of nowhere and pulled me over for speeding. FML
Today, I missed my bus. I had to ride my bike 2 miles. Once I left, some jerk nearly hit me. I flipped him off and shouted obsceneties. It was my dad, offering me a ride. He left. FML
Today, some guy on a bike kept taunting me about my weight while I was out jogging. He ended up hitting a street lamp and fell off his bike. I had a real good laugh at him for all of 5 seconds before he got mad and really made me run. FML
Today, I was screamed at by a lady for riding my bike too slowly in front of her car. I was in the bike lane, and so was she. FML
Today, I thought nobody was around so I meowed loud as fuck but actually there was some dude right behind me on a bike. Yeah, I know that's my fault, but… FML
Today, I rode my new bike for the first time. I made it less than 100 feet from my driveway before I was almost flattened by someone driving on the wrong side of the road. Upside: I managed to get out of the way. Downside: I did it by slamming my brand new, expensive bike into a wall. FML
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Top comments
plutosaplanet 0
i beeped at people as they pulled out of my condo complex almost hitting me. i dont care where you live, if you drive like an idiot im going to let you know.
music_girl23 0
"i honked, cursed, screamed, and yelled"... holy crap. calm down. maybe you should look into anger management programs... he's on a bike what do you expect.
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Comments (79)
CynicalDepressio 6
Its assholes like you that make roads dangerous. Have you considered maybe he was just trying to be a safe driver? Maybe he has a phobia. Deal with it.
JBsGirlee 7
In case you didn't know, bikes only go as fast sad we do so you are just an idiot
JBsGirlee 7
In case you didn't know, bikes only go as fast sad we do so you are just an idiot
bpayne1983 0
Yea your biker neighbor has no balls. Cause a honking screaming little bitch ass fag like you. I would have stopped and thrown my damn bike at your car window. Serves you right assclown!!!!
bobbinz 2
OP - you're the driving equivalent of a keyboard warrior. I hope you're honking and cursing can stop a right hook
hulopro 16
I guess you gotta kill him now
dagazar 12
I think our man means motorcycle
becca9985 34
I was going to put "YDI" like 33K others on here, but then I noticed where you wrote this FML from. Being a resident of the "Overkill in Biker Friendly" state of Colorado as well, I totally empathize with you regarding the careless and downright rude behavior of bicyclists in this state. I only live three miles from where I work, so my average daily commute is fairly small, but it's unbelievable how many illegal things I've seen bicyclists do. I've seen them run lights/stop signs, ride in the middle of the street instead of in the designated bike lane, cut across lanes of traffic without signaling or even looking to see where cars are, etc. So, yeah, I totally understand where you're coming from.