Transportation: Today, I rode my new bike for the first time. I made it less... - FML

By Banana_Lord - United Kingdom - Arbroath

Today, I rode my new bike for the first time. I made it less than 100 feet from my driveway before I was almost flattened by someone driving on the wrong side of the road. Upside: I managed to get out of the way. Downside: I did it by slamming my brand new, expensive bike into a wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24359

You deserved it

1827

Tweet

Share

Season finale

Triage

Dad of the year

By Anonymous - 4/3/2021 11:01 - Germany

Ungrateful

Today, my teenage daughter insisted it was my job to take down the tray full of empty dishes, because I was the one who had carried it upstairs. Sound logic, so far. Why had I carried the tray upstairs? To serve her breakfast in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

527

You deserved it

695

Tweet

Share

By k.love - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's apartment to surprise him with breakfast only to find that his other girlfriend had beat me to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49438

You deserved it

4353

Tweet

Share

By kingpig - Sweden

Today, I was on a date with a guy I've been crushing on. In the middle of the dinner, he said he had to go get something from his car. When I asked what it was, he smiled and said it was a surprise. I waited for my surprise for half an hour. Then I decided to pay the bill and go home and cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59516

You deserved it

3722

Tweet

Share

By tmi. - Australia

Today, a customer smiled, looked me in the eye and described to me in graphic detail the swelling that occurred to his nuts after his vasectomy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22979

You deserved it

1892

Tweet

Share

By yawho - Japan

Today, a customer that I've been waiting on for years came into the restaurant after a long absence. I said to him, "Hey man, it looks like you lost a lot of weight! How'd you do it?" He replied, "I got cancer." FML

I agree, your life sucks

60260

You deserved it

9825

Tweet

Share

By Ed - United States

Today, I came home from work to find my five year old daughter drawing unicorns on the wall. The same wall that I had to repaint last week because it had puppies on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29586

You deserved it

11047

Tweet

Share

By tclwj - 6/9/2020 23:01 - Trinidad and Tobago - Port-of-spain

Kids and their wacky crazes

Today, I bought a used SUV that had fairly dirty carpets, that got even more dirty as I drove my 2 daughters around. I got it professionally cleaned and detailed and it looks brand new, but now my daughters cry and scream as I put them in the clean car, because their favorite stain is not there anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1435

You deserved it

181

Tweet

Share

By HomeAlone - United States

Today, I went into the bathroom and got angry upon finding that once again, no one had bothered to put on a new roll of toilet paper. And then I remembered that I live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9843

You deserved it

21159

Tweet

Share

By allergyface - Canada

Today, I was talking to my parents, when all of a sudden my dad starts freaking out and asking my mom how I got this really bad allergy on my face. My mom just laughed, and then I had to explain to him that it was just my acne. The worst part is, he was dead serious the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27499

You deserved it

2453

Tweet

Share

By wasteoftime

Today, I went to a job interview. I never applied for the job, they'd sought me out, had a phone interview, and sent samples, all before the face-to-face interview. Turns out none of the people I met with had even read my resume or writing samples. I was told I might not be a good fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4076

You deserved it

277

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, me and my girlfriend were riding on my motorcycle. While at a stop light, she started to make these weird noises. Turns out she was having an orgasm. I still can't give her one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30143

You deserved it

6278

Tweet

Share

By familypet - United States - Vista

Today, I overheard my parents talking about our family pet. Or at least I thought they were, until my mother exclaimed, "Honestly, I don't know why we keep her." Our dog is male. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22522

You deserved it

1779

Tweet

Share

By English_Nut117 - Canada - Georgetown

Today, my boyfriend came onto me in a romantic gesture. We ended up having sex, forgetting that the window repair guy was supposed to come today and do some work on our third floor apartment windows. I still don't know how much he saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48543

You deserved it

15122

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while at work, I suddenly went into diabetic shock. As I was nearly passed out on the floor, a customer yelled at me for not getting his coffee in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44712

You deserved it

3573

Tweet

Share

By AnonymousOne

Today, I took my car to dealer because of the loud knocking sound I heard while driving it. Twenty-four hours later, they told me it was fixed. Fifteen minutes after I drove away, the tire flew off my car while I was on the highway. My car is now totaled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10959

You deserved it

619

Tweet

Share

By Highroller_17 - United States

Today, a customer came in to the Walmart I cashier at, trying to set me up with her daughter. This isn't the first time she's tried. As she so graciously put it, her daughter "has a thing for the wimpy nerdy types". FML

I agree, your life sucks

25744

You deserved it

2345

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Yorba Linda

Today, I learned that if you complain to your mom about your future mother-in-law's bitchiness, your overprotective mom might confront her about it and end up punching her in the face. My fiancée blames me for the incident. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24083

You deserved it

7242

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Bend

Today, I had a feminine emergency. After scrounging up 4 quarters to use the machine in the women's bathroom, it dispensed a diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8267

You deserved it

741

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend, and best friend, had baked a cake, and wouldnt tell anyone who it was for. When I asked he said I'd know soon. He met me after class to break up with me and offered me the cake to make me feel better. FML

I agree, your life sucks

70062

You deserved it

3563

Tweet

Share

By bob - United Kingdom - London

Today, while doing our Christmas shopping, my sister showed me a product that she really hated. The same one I bought her for Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32769

You deserved it

4437

Tweet

Share

By chelseaface - United States

Today, I braved the winter weather conditions to get to a clinic for a prescription anti-diarrhea medication. When I arrived to find it closed, I turned around to walk to my car where I slipped on the ice. The impact made me simultaneously bruise my elbow and shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37508

You deserved it

3613

Tweet

Share

By notsosexy - 18/7/2020 08:01

Alexa, play "Let's Get it On" by Marvin Gaye

Today, I attempted to have amazing birthday sex with my boyfriend in his dorm room. Everything was going great until we tried switching positions. I hit my head so hard on the bunk above his bed that I gave myself a concussion, and blacked out. Needless to say, the moment was ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1518

You deserved it

281

Tweet

Share

By Stacy - United States

Today, I went into my older brother's room to get a condom. This happened the other day too when my boyfriend forgot one. So I went in there today and there was a note that said "Little Sister, stop using my condoms. And your boyfriend sounds like a girl when he climaxes." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33678

You deserved it

120972

Tweet

Share

By xXEmmaLieXx - United States - Berkley

Today, my entire junior class took the ACT. On the last test, a classmate's phone went off, automatically invalidating the whole test. We all have to retake it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43425

You deserved it

2967

Tweet

Share

By thanksdad - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I found out what it feels like to be slapped in the face with a potted cactus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46722

You deserved it

6265

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I thought I saw a snake while I was watering. I got my son to check it out and he agreed too. I was nervous so I called animal control, and they said it would cost $50 just for them to come out, I agreed. It ends up I paid $50 for them to pick up an old diamond weave farmer's hat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9524

You deserved it

42716

Tweet

Share

By waaah - Australia

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. He decided he would be a gentleman and do this to me at work, over text, during a rush of unsympathetic customers, the day before our anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36327

You deserved it

2726

Tweet

Share

By shunned - United Kingdom

Today, two months after moving up to Scotland to be with my fiancé, he broke up with me because he 'didn't love me anymore and hadn't for a long time.' Shame he didn't tell me that when he was saying 'I love you, I want to marry you', having sex with me, and using my savings for a deposit on a flat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34500

You deserved it

4770

Tweet

Share

By FuckedByLife - United Kingdom - Bridgend

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend of two years was cheating on me. How? His other girlfriend crashed her car into mine and had him pick her up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8827

You deserved it

544

Tweet

Share

By altocrm - France

Today, my girlfriend came over to me, like she was going to kiss me, and instead rubbed her chin all over my face, exclaiming, "Can you feel my beard coming in?" Yes, yes I could. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42247

You deserved it

4216

Tweet

Share

By nopethanks - United States - Eden Prairie

Today, I woke up really early to get ready for an interview. I guess it was too early because my mom thought someone broke into our house and now I have two bruised ribs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32831

You deserved it

2756

Tweet

Share

By nononame - United States

Today, I emailed the guy I like to ask him on a coffee date. He responded, declining by telling me he never drinks coffee. We met at Starbucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62058

You deserved it

4161

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/12/2020 01:57

I mean…

Today, I finally noticed that my new coworker, with whom I have to share an office, starts every sentence with, "I mean…", then a pause, then says whatever he has to say. I can't un-notice it now, and it's like hearing nails on a chalkboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

830

You deserved it

86

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was dared to walk home through a rough part of town. My rep hung in the balance, so I accepted. A kid kicked a football in my direction, so I kicked it back at him hard. It hit him in the nuts, and the next thing I know, I'm running for my life from three bald, shirtless, six-packed thugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15768

You deserved it

37422

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, a man easily 30 years older than me said hi in a bar, but I didn’t engage. Apparently that meant "Please rub your junk on my leg." FML

I agree, your life sucks

3393

You deserved it

250

Tweet

Share

By disneyworld - United States

Today, my dad decides to tell me he's taking the whole family to disney world, even my step-brother's girlfriend. But not me, because he can't "afford" it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43864

You deserved it

2446

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home from my 2 week trip to Florida. At the airport, the door said "Enter Only", while a sign above it said "Do not enter." Long story short, I got arrested for "disobeying signs." Nothing says "Welcome home" like being arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30742

You deserved it

4805

Tweet

Share

By christian9294 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, saying I was immature for making gay jokes all the time. A few hours later, I got six texts and three calls from guys I didn't know. It turns out, she put my name and number on Craigslist as a gay man seeking a relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13888

You deserved it

55520

Tweet

Share

By NeitherHrotsvitNorErkembaldus - Canada - Toronto

Today, I learned that the hardest part of marrying a historian is choosing baby names. His top choices derive from two Roman magistrates, two abbesses, a tenth-century author, and an obscure Greek official. I already let him name our pug, for whom he chose the name "Tertullianus." FML

I agree, your life sucks

14545

You deserved it

1469

Tweet

Share

By RandomTurtle109 - United States - White River Junction

Today, I woke up late, got ready within 10 minutes and drove to work. I walked in and apologized to my boss. He said, "Go Home, it's your day off..." Walk of Shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18902

You deserved it

3591

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By lat187 | 18

#6408748 - Saturday 12 September 2015 15:11

Upside: You are okay (and still able to post to FML)
Downside: Hundreds of people will still say YDI

By TheBelt | 19

#6408744 - Saturday 12 September 2015 15:10

Forget about the bike, at least you're still safe.

COMMENTS

By annas3 | 10

#6408734 - Saturday 12 September 2015 15:07

hope you had a warranty!

Reply

AnalAssassin1 | 14

#6409054 - Saturday 12 September 2015 22:00

You don't know what a warranty is do you? .__.

Reply

CallMeWindSock | 24

#6409151 - Sunday 13 September 2015 0:24

I think you mean insurance. And if the bike was bought new, chances are she does.

By larrena2377 | 26

#6408735 - Saturday 12 September 2015 15:07

Bikes are replaceable, you are not. Glad you're safe, OP.

By ToxicTyrael | 26

#6408741 - Saturday 12 September 2015 15:09

Could you remember the drivers plate? You should call the police.
Glad you're not injured.

By cooltatgar | 30

#6408742 - Saturday 12 September 2015 15:09

Did you get the car's plate number?

We are glad you are safe :)

By TheBelt | 19

#6408744 - Saturday 12 September 2015 15:10

Forget about the bike, at least you're still safe.

Reply

MrSassypants | 32

#6408929 - Saturday 12 September 2015 19:30

I know you mean well, but I can't help but laugh at your comment because your profile picture makes it seem like you're being very sarcastic.

By lat187 | 18

#6408748 - Saturday 12 September 2015 15:11

Upside: You are okay (and still able to post to FML)
Downside: Hundreds of people will still say YDI

Reply

felipe2342 | 18

#6408875 - Saturday 12 September 2015 18:20

YDI is always disproportionately high because people hit it by accident and can't undo it.

Reply

smackaroonial | 20

#6408943 - Saturday 12 September 2015 19:52

People will also say he deserves it because he's a biker, and for some reason people hate bikers. I love cycling, so I feel OP's pain.

Reply

Tavers | 19

#6409105 - Saturday 12 September 2015 23:36

697 at this very moment, as a matter of fact.

By WitEluded | 13

#6408769 - Saturday 12 September 2015 15:33

The bike can be repaired more easily than you.

By JMichael | 25

#6408771 - Saturday 12 September 2015 15:35

It was either the bike or you.

By beeferjay | 34

#6408775 - Saturday 12 September 2015 15:40

I hope you were wearing a helmet..

By Aquila_Umbrae | 26

#6408776 - Saturday 12 September 2015 15:42

Bicycle rights!!!