Today, I took my girlfriend of three years on a romantic picnic... - FML

By CombatShadow45 - 25/11/2009 22:39 - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend of three years on a romantic picnic to the park, so I could propose to her. The moment was just right, I made my move. I knelt down on one knee and asked her. Her response was "you're kneeling in dog poop." I looked down. She was right. FML

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Cold-blooded old times

Call CPS!

Live dumping

By inyobeddd - 2/5/2013 08:27 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my crazy neighbor came up to me in the street and slapped me across the face, accusing me of leering through her restroom window while she showered. I'm gay. FML

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By I'm donnnneeee - 21/9/2015 03:26 - United States - Slidell

Today, I finished a 6-part project. It took me 7 hours of straight work because my partner decided I should do it alone. I then learned that the reason my partner did not help me was because the teacher e-mailed the leader of every group, saying the project was cancelled. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/2/2013 02:12 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, after explaining to my four-year-old why our new puppy was peeing on things to mark his territory, my son decided to follow suit and pee all over our house. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/4/2020 23:00

DINOSAURS!!

Today, I tried to cook an extra healthy, vegetable filled meal for my boyfriend and I. Not only did we notice the vegetables were off a little too late, but he also found my hair in his bowl. We had to settle for turkey dinosaurs and spaghetti loops instead. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/7/2015 05:03 - United States - Denver

Today, I found a picture of myself on the "People of Walmart" site. FML

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By MissIsabel - 3/11/2010 10:43 - France

Today, I went to Ikea with my family. I was wearing a yellow polo that vaguely looked like the ones the Ikea employees were wearing. Two dozen people came up to me, complaining that I was staring at furniture instead of helping customers. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/11/2009 22:57 - United States

Today, I woke up in a complete daze. It took me a few minutes to realize what had happened. Apparently my sleepwalking problems have returned, only this time I managed to overdose myself with Nyquil. As a result, I slept for fourteen hours, wet my sheets and lost my job. FML

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By The Selfie Parent - 4/11/2014 21:48 - Canada - Mount Pearl

Today, I looked at my twelve-year-old daughter's test. One of the question was, "When is a good time to worry about your parents?" Her answer was, "When they take selfies, because selfies aren't made for old people." FML

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By TasedAndDazed - 9/10/2009 15:05 - United States

Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I knew his parents wouldn't be there. Later, I woke up in a hospital bed because his sister thought I was a burglar and tased me. FML

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By thedeerman - 17/9/2011 04:39 - United States

Today, I found out my wife and three daughters all have their period on seperate weeks. I now have no break from yelling. FML

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By Username - 2/8/2011 07:55 - United States

Today, it was a warm day out so I left my car windows slightly open while I was at work. One of the local bums apparently thought this was a perfect opportunity to use my open driver's side window as a barf receptacle. FML

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By screwed - 22/12/2010 17:56 - Canada

Today, I accidentally walked in on my roommate while she was changing clothes. She insisted on telling her boyfriend what had happened, because, "It wouldn't feel right" if she didn't. Her boyfriend is a MMA fighter/bodybuilder and has major jealousy issues. I'm screwed. FML

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By Anonyme - 2/9/2015 04:21 - France - Mitry-mory

Today, I had an argument with my boyfriend who was accusing me of only being in a relationship with him because I'd fantasised about being with an Asian. When I told him he was wrong, he asked me what attracted me to him in the first place. "Your eyes" was definitely the wrong answer. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/1/2010 10:29 - United States

Today, I thought my family would like it if I celebrated the new year with them. My brother thought that I'd like him to shoot my butt with his new gun in celebration. FML

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By Hopeless romantic - 16/8/2014 06:20 - Australia - Perth

Today, I began to sign "I love you" to my boyfriend from across the room. I ended up just poking myself in the eye. FML

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By Noname - 17/3/2009 02:41 - United States

Today, I got a phone call saying I was no longer a bridesmaid for a wedding in June. It's my mom's 4th wedding. I'm getting replaced by our dog. FML

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By jameen - 7/5/2016 11:48 - United Kingdom - Newbury

Today, a woman rear-ended my car. She's trying to sue me for 'emotional damage'. FML

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By dangit - 1/3/2010 05:01 - United States

Today, I was wearing my favorite silk sweater, one I actually paid full price for. I sat down in my desk chair to work, and when I tried to get up I felt a strange pull. A corner of my sweater is still stuck in the screw at the back of the chair, the rest is in the trash. FML

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By katara - 2/7/2010 23:53 - United States

Today, I was relaxing on the couch after a long day with my annoying aunt when I heard my sister come in from the garage. I loudly asked, "Do you think Aunt Stacy knows everybody doesn't like her?" It wasn't my sister. It was my aunt returning my purse I had left in her car. FML

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By BrokenVow - 30/7/2009 12:02 - Canada

Today, my mom came into my room to have a heart to heart talk. My dildo was sitting on the nightstand. I didn't notice until she told me to make sure the dog didn't get it. FML

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By husks - 12/4/2011 04:08

Today, I broke up with my now ex-girlfriend for the 5th time. She still hasn't got the hint. FML

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By poor excuse for a father - 27/10/2018 14:00

Today, my wife is out of the country so my daughter asked me for help. She'd tried waxing her "private bits" but it hurt too much so she left the strip stuck down there for nearly two days. I was so unable to handle the situation, I called my wife crying and begging her to come home and deal with it. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/1/2012 23:33 - France

Today, while I was out shopping, my pants decided that they just didn't have enough holes in them, and ripped a new one in the crotch. FML

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By Missy - 9/9/2009 20:16 - United States

Today, I was sitting on a park bench with my very elderly grandfather while listening to music at a low volume. Suddenly, he turned to me and said very loudly, "I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD AIDS!" I received strange looks from everyone because he mistook my ear buds for a hearing aid. FML

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By Mishti - 13/5/2018 15:00

Today, whilst on the toilet at the mall, I took my new designer sandals off as my feet were blistered. Not even a second later, a hand reached out from under the stall, grabbed my sandals and disappeared. I had to walk home a mile barefoot. In the burning heat. FML

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By BrittUnicorn - 6/7/2015 15:14 - United States - Morristown

Today, I was having a dream about Chris Pratt. Instead of having a sexy dream that I would have enjoyed, I dreamt he was a supervisor at my work. He kept telling me how much I sucked. FML

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By religiunatic - 13/12/2013 17:09 - Canada - Keswick

Today, my normally very modest and prissy mom came home, pissed off about something. I asked her what was wrong, but she wouldn't say, and snapped at me to "fuck off". She then grounded me for "making" her use that kind of "vile language". FML

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By Distressed - 11/2/2009 15:51 - United States

Today, I received a packet of papers in the mail by the state suing me for child support. I am 22 and still a virgin. FML

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By anyone - 2/9/2010 04:48 - Lebanon

Today, while browsing facebook I found out that today was my school's class reunion. I was the ONLY one not invited. FML

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By BigBangrocksthenight - 3/4/2010 00:31 - United States

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. Things got kind of heated, so he decided to take off my bra. They cooled back down when a bug flew out. FML

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By fuckyoudeadgunnuts - 4/9/2015 14:30 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I met my Canadian friend at the airport. As we were heading into the city, I told him not to worry about all the US stereotypes and that gun crime in my city is rare. A few hours later, we witnessed a guy get shot in the street in broad daylight. Now he's too scared to leave the house. FML

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By joolsie - 13/4/2012 13:11 - United Kingdom - York

Today, a guy asked me why I'm single. As a joke, I told him that not only do I have a penis, but that it's so large that most men are intimidated by it. He wasn't impressed. And I actually wonder why I'm single. FML

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By toelie - 3/3/2018 19:00

Today, at 6 weeks pregnant, I went to the ER in the middle of the night for severe abdominal pain, fearing ectopic pregnancy. Turns out it was just a wayward turd. FML

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By Rachel - 10/6/2011 09:57 - United States

Today, I was at the park with my daughter. She walked up to a boy at the swings, held her hand out, and said, "Hi I'm Vanessa, and someday you'll be working for me." FML

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By Estranged Fiance - 26/12/2016 05:49 - United States

Today, my fiance got impatient and passed a lady doing 15 mph under the speed limit. The lady was driving slowly in case the black ice in the other lane was in both. We spun out and drove right into a guard rail. I just filled the tank, so now I'm down $40 and need to pay for a rental too. FML

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By nubbins - 26/1/2010 06:56 - Canada

Today, I got a message from my ex saying how sorry he was for everything he did. He also said that if he wasn't getting married and having a kid we could still be together. We broke up a year ago. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/9/2011 16:15 - United States

Today, my mom and I heard a thump from inside the coat closet. I opened the door, and something fell on me. My mom, who was behind me, screamed, closed the laundry room door, and ran into the garage, leaving me to face the alleged attacker. It was the vacuum. FML

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By erdot - 8/5/2019 21:00 - Romania - Bucuresti

Today, after 7 years of writing my PhD thesis, I found a book containing all the exact findings I've spent arduous hours, nay, years discovering. My tutoring professor somehow forgot to mention I was discovering sealing wax. FML

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By anonymous - 26/3/2013 18:31 - United States - Staten Island

Today, after getting a new haircut, I decided to take a few photos. I set up my iPhone in my room and began posing. It wasn't until numerous shots later that I realized my phone had posted every picture to Facebook, and they were all over everyone's newsfeed. FML

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By soldnone - 18/11/2012 10:02 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had a booth at a very expensive craft show. My grandma came to show her support. While there, she managed to knock over my display, get in the way of potential buyers and take down a rather old lady when she supposedly stumbled. This all happened in the first five minutes she was there. FML

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Top comments

By Vava12321 | 0

#688448 - Thursday 26 November 2009 1:44

okkayy.. yeah.. that sucks.. but.. DID SHE SAY YES?? :D

By xCrackerx | 3

#688450 - Thursday 26 November 2009 1:44

What a (please forgive me) shitty situation!

Comments

By hXcsoccerplaya | 0

#688445 - Thursday 26 November 2009 1:44

hhaha wow

Reply

The_Pleb | 0

#688483 - Thursday 26 November 2009 2:07

If she said yeah, you should be busy doing everything but putting this unworthy fml on here

Reply

totalbadass | 0

#688564 - Thursday 26 November 2009 3:23

YDI for having a small cock.

Reply

blink182rocks | 0

#688686 - Thursday 26 November 2009 5:05

YDI FOR NOT KNOWING DOGS POOP, DUMBASS

Reply

DameGreyWulf | 0

#688700 - Thursday 26 November 2009 5:14

Agreed 8 and 34

Still, it is pretty awful to kneel in shit at a particularly crucial moment such as that.

Reply

EpicJohn | 0

#691909 - Saturday 28 November 2009 3:54

Why the fuck does every FML start with "Today, my girlfriend of _____ years..." no1 gives 2 fucks about how many years youve been in a relationship. just get the damn FML part

Reply

colts609380 | 7

#1028359 - Saturday 12 June 2010 3:56

did she say yes?

By Vava12321 | 0

#688448 - Thursday 26 November 2009 1:44

okkayy.. yeah.. that sucks.. but.. DID SHE SAY YES?? :D

By xCrackerx | 3

#688450 - Thursday 26 November 2009 1:44

What a (please forgive me) shitty situation!

Reply

Username72999 | 0

#688530 - Thursday 26 November 2009 2:48

Kneed you bring up that shit?

Reply

rachelxx | 0

#688977 - Thursday 26 November 2009 10:24

you win, you are my hero for the next 10 minutes

Reply

efree | 0

#690453 - Friday 27 November 2009 7:16

witty.....

By TheTruth1428 | 0

#688463 - Thursday 26 November 2009 1:49

It sucks, but it's probably a soft way to say no.

By ohmyword08 | 0

#688473 - Thursday 26 November 2009 1:59

that's memorable. x) hope she said yes :)

By cthulhu1138 | 1

#688475 - Thursday 26 November 2009 1:59

Always be mindful of your surroundings.

By xdrumkid101x | 0

#688477 - Thursday 26 November 2009 2:00

fyl if she said no. if she said yes, then why bother put this as an FML?

By Ritika | 0

#688486 - Thursday 26 November 2009 2:10

ohhh thats pretty bad hope she said yes and all goes well for the future
:p

By sayheyyybabe | 0

#688493 - Thursday 26 November 2009 2:15

Wow, sorry. That sucks. Hopefully she says yes :)

By caiyaguang | 0

#688496 - Thursday 26 November 2009 2:17

Did she say yes or no?