Today, I took my girlfriend of three years on a romantic picnic... - FML

By CombatShadow45 - 25/11/2009 22:39 - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend of three years on a romantic picnic to the park, so I could propose to her. The moment was just right, I made my move. I knelt down on one knee and asked her. Her response was "you're kneeling in dog poop." I looked down. She was right. FML

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Understandable

Recycling helps

Bad news

By TimeForACareerChange - 18/7/2012 00:54 - United States

Today, I told a patient that we needed to collect a stool sample. I left the room momentarily to retrieve what the patient would need. He apparently didn't need anything besides the counter in the exam room. FML

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By BrokeandDesperate - 6/12/2011 07:03 - United States

Today, a 65 year old toothless gas station attendant asked me out on a date in exchange for free gas, and I said yes. This is what my unemployment has come to. FML

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By pinky - 12/2/2010 05:13 - Australia

Today, when setting up for a rehearsal, my eldest teacher was standing next to me. My music teacher announces that it will be a tight fit and hard for everyone to fit in the area. The old teacher next to me leans over and whispers, "I'd like to fit in your tight area." FML

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By Not a day over 35 - 18/6/2013 13:06 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I turned 29. To celebrate, my office got me a cake that read "Happy 38th!!" The "theme" of the "party" was 'Not a day over 35!' I waited all day for someone to tell me it was all a prank, but nobody did. I spent my lunch hour crying in my car. Happy birthday to me. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/7/2019 22:30

Today, I watched a customer open a bottle of salad dressing, taste it, then just put it back on the shelf. FML

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By anoymus - 31/5/2009 02:37 - United States

Today, I was driving to the local market with my son. We approached a vehicle that looked just like my fiancé's. My son peered out his window and said, "Mommy, daddy's getting kidnapped!" It seems he was being 'kidnapped' by his new girlfriend. FML

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By Eyefreshener - 14/7/2010 06:14 - United States

Today, I was at a friend's house. She has one of those automatic air fresheners, and I was amazed when it went off. To get a better look at it, I got real close to it. I saw a button and pressed it. The air freshener went off again, spraying nothing but my eye. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/4/2013 02:11 - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend chooses extra shifts at work over hanging out with me. Every time. She doesn't even like her job. FML

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By cachow - 6/9/2009 04:35 - United States

Today, I was cutting the grass when I saw a man staring at me from my neighbor's garage. This went on for 5 minutes until I finally yelled 'hello'. There was no response, and I was creeped out, so I called my neighbor. It was a life-sized Paul McCartney cutout. FML

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By me - 15/12/2013 01:49 - United States - West Babylon

Today, I managed to infect a clean computer with a virus while looking up info on how to rid my other computer of the same virus. FML

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By Facebook - 13/6/2009 16:11 - United States

Today, I logged into facebook for the first time in a month. I had only 3 new notifications, they were to tell me that the poker application I used on there "missed me" and wanted to give me 10,000 free chips. My poker app talks to me more than my friends. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/11/2010 20:16 - United States

Today, I got home late after a long day at work and all I wanted to do was take a shower and go to bed. As soon as the water in the shower was hot, I got in. One minute, I was standing and the next I was fast asleep at the bottom of the tub. I woke up with my face swollen and my shoulder bruised. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/6/2014 05:02 - United States - Kansas City

Today, my husband reorganized our fridge for the World Cup. He cleared everything out and filled it with beer and chips. FML

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By Noname - 17/3/2009 02:41 - United States

Today, I got a phone call saying I was no longer a bridesmaid for a wedding in June. It's my mom's 4th wedding. I'm getting replaced by our dog. FML

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By squarecircles - 15/6/2019 10:46 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, while working at my unfulfilling part-time job, my colleague said, "Are you aware of how much you sigh?" And then she said, "You're too young for that." So, am I supposed to hold my breath now? FML

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By James - 26/8/2011 18:29 - Canada

Today, I got into a heated argument with my mom, because apparently I'm an idiot for not sharing her belief that chickens are mammals. She has a university degree in this stuff. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/9/2016 13:32 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I entered a raffle at a local fashion designer event; the prize was $400 credit at the store that was hosting it (which was just enough for one of their dresses). Good news: I won! Bad news: they don't carry a single thing above a women's size 5. I'm 6'2" and 180 lbs. FML

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By The Last Cockbender - 6/10/2012 17:09 - United Kingdom - London

Today, a co-worker gave me a couple of CDs he said he wanted me to listen to. I got excited, thinking that they were playlists he'd made for me. They were self-help tracks. FML

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By drew_ar85 - 20/3/2010 16:30 - United States

Today, my girlfriend said, "People think I don't have talent, but I do. I'm really good with my mouth. Just ask anyone." FML

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By Anonymous - 14/8/2013 19:47 - United States

Today, a guest of the private beach club I work at asked if I could do something about the water temperature in the ocean. I laughed, thinking it was a joke. She was serious and complained to my boss, saying I was absolutely no help. FML

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By Heggs - 31/10/2018 17:30

Today, it's Halloween. I get bullied every day and this was no exception, but this time I got beat up so hard I bled. Everyone thought it was part of my costume. FML

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By catlady'sdaughter - 3/7/2020 17:01

Needs more training

Today, my mom read online you could train cats to relieve themselves in the toilet. Without reading any further, she took away the litter tray. My house reeks of cat piss and shit, and she still refuses to give the cat its litter tray back, insisting it'll work eventually. FML

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By ihasnoafroanymore - 10/6/2019 12:05

Today, I was working at my job at a McDonald's. I was on my break, so I went to use the restroom. When I finished, I tried to open the door, but the lock broke. I was stuck in the basement bathroom for 20 minutes. FML

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By assholedad - 21/6/2013 18:05 - United States - Dayton

Today, I came back from the doctor after having been diagnosed with a UTI. My dad now won't shut up about it, saying stuff like, "You must be 'pissed'", "Looks like 'urine' a bit of pain", and "'Urea'-lly need some antibiotics, son", all while making obnoxious finger quotes in the air. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/12/2011 05:30 - United States

Today, I talked to my dad about joining the military. He got up, laughed, and said, "As if the army would accept a pussy like you." FML

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By lonely - 4/4/2011 10:15 - United Kingdom

Today, I was excited about being set up on a blind date by one of my new co-workers. It turns out the guy she thought would be a "totally perfect match" for me is the ex who cheated on me. FML

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By Noname - 30/12/2009 16:53 - Australia

Today, after seeing a girl for a few weeks on and off I sent her a text to see if she wanted to go out the next saturday. Predictive text changed "go" to "in". So..."Why don't we in out on saturday?" She stopped calling me. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/11/2012 06:13 - United States - Houston

Today, I was told I will be having twins; this came as a shock since there are no twins in my family. When I asked my mom about it, she said that she wasn't surprised and not to worry about it because she had "absorbed her twin" and that the problem would "take care of itself." FML

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By PetitPrincePerdu - 8/5/2009 00:42 - United States

Today, I found my mother wandering the halls of my fraternity unescorted and asked why she was here, she told me she was concerned when I didn't pick up my phone for two days. She then informed me that she had also moved to the same city I live in. My mother moved over 600 miles to stalk me. FML

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By sheisselluv - 11/5/2014 20:30 - Germany - Gera

Today, was my first day of work in my life. I was excited, and so was my dad, who saw me to the door and ruffled my hair as he wished me luck. I didn't notice until half an hour after arriving at work that he'd stuck his gum in my hair. Nobody bothered to tell me. FML

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By Spudzy - 11/4/2012 16:46 - Australia - Gold Coast

Today, I tried hitting on the new receptionist at work. After a few flirtatious comments and subtly hinting that I thought she was bangable, she informed me that she's married to our boss. FML

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By Jessica - 21/10/2009 18:31 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out who the father of my sister's 4 year old son is. My husband of 7 years. FML

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By WetPhone - 15/6/2009 18:10 - United States

Today, I was being pulled into a pool by my girlfriend. To avoid ruining my phone, I tossed it into one of the chairs behind me. I missed and it landed into the hot tub behind it. FML

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By notcool - 15/9/2009 19:45 - United States

Today, I learned that my anxious and obsessive mother is going to drive three hours every weekend to attend a Johns Hopkins medical course on stress reduction. Why is this bad? I just left home for college and have enjoyed my last two weeks of freedom without her around. I attend Johns Hopkins. FML

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By why they bomb - 9/3/2015 06:01 - Canada - Campbell River

Today, feeling in need of a self-esteem boost, I took what I thought was a good selfie and I put it on Facebook. Out of 500 friends, the only response I got was a picture of Saddam Hussein with the caption, "This is why I bomb people." FML

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By anonymous - 6/11/2010 21:08 - Canada

Today, I found out that a street performer makes more money than I do. I have a full time job at the bank. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/8/2009 19:28 - United States

Today, I lazily answered the door in my pajamas. It was my elderly neighbor asking to borrow a can opener. Despite the strange and unwarranted scowl she was giving me I obliged. It wasn't until after she had left that I notice my penis was completely sticking out through the flap in my pants. FML

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By rookiemistake - 27/4/2015 03:12 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I went to a wine tasting for the first time. I copied the experienced people around me by swishing the wine around in my mouth, which I then choked on and spit out all over my white blouse. FML

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By mrssagdiyev - 5/3/2011 14:19 - United States

Today, my husband decided to imitate Borat and shout "Very Nice! I Excite!" while having sex. He's also decided that it was ingenious and does it every single time, the entire time. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/1/2013 22:20 - Denmark - Fredericia

Today, my husband quit his stable job of 12 years at the bank to pursue a career selling kites. If we don't end up homeless because of this, god knows we will when he has a real mid-life crisis. FML

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Top comments

By Vava12321 | 0

#688448 - Thursday 26 November 2009 1:44

okkayy.. yeah.. that sucks.. but.. DID SHE SAY YES?? :D

By xCrackerx | 3

#688450 - Thursday 26 November 2009 1:44

What a (please forgive me) shitty situation!

COMMENTS

By hXcsoccerplaya | 0

#688445 - Thursday 26 November 2009 1:44

hhaha wow

Reply

The_Pleb | 0

#688483 - Thursday 26 November 2009 2:07

If she said yeah, you should be busy doing everything but putting this unworthy fml on here

Reply

totalbadass | 0

#688564 - Thursday 26 November 2009 3:23

YDI for having a small cock.

Reply

blink182rocks | 0

#688686 - Thursday 26 November 2009 5:05

YDI FOR NOT KNOWING DOGS POOP, DUMBASS

Reply

DameGreyWulf | 0

#688700 - Thursday 26 November 2009 5:14

Agreed 8 and 34

Still, it is pretty awful to kneel in shit at a particularly crucial moment such as that.

Reply

EpicJohn | 0

#691909 - Saturday 28 November 2009 3:54

Why the fuck does every FML start with "Today, my girlfriend of _____ years..." no1 gives 2 fucks about how many years youve been in a relationship. just get the damn FML part

Reply

colts609380 | 7

#1028359 - Saturday 12 June 2010 3:56

did she say yes?

By Vava12321 | 0

#688448 - Thursday 26 November 2009 1:44

okkayy.. yeah.. that sucks.. but.. DID SHE SAY YES?? :D

By xCrackerx | 3

#688450 - Thursday 26 November 2009 1:44

What a (please forgive me) shitty situation!

Reply

Username72999 | 0

#688530 - Thursday 26 November 2009 2:48

Kneed you bring up that shit?

Reply

rachelxx | 0

#688977 - Thursday 26 November 2009 10:24

you win, you are my hero for the next 10 minutes

Reply

efree | 0

#690453 - Friday 27 November 2009 7:16

witty.....

By TheTruth1428 | 0

#688463 - Thursday 26 November 2009 1:49

It sucks, but it's probably a soft way to say no.

By ohmyword08 | 0

#688473 - Thursday 26 November 2009 1:59

that's memorable. x) hope she said yes :)

By cthulhu1138 | 1

#688475 - Thursday 26 November 2009 1:59

Always be mindful of your surroundings.

By xdrumkid101x | 0

#688477 - Thursday 26 November 2009 2:00

fyl if she said no. if she said yes, then why bother put this as an FML?

By Ritika | 0

#688486 - Thursday 26 November 2009 2:10

ohhh thats pretty bad hope she said yes and all goes well for the future
:p

By sayheyyybabe | 0

#688493 - Thursday 26 November 2009 2:15

Wow, sorry. That sucks. Hopefully she says yes :)

By caiyaguang | 0

#688496 - Thursday 26 November 2009 2:17

Did she say yes or no?