Today, I got home from a week-long vacation with my friend's family. When I got back home, I found the garage door had been completely demolished. My uncontrollably drunk dad blamed me. I don't even drive. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my dad got extremely drunk, so I took away his car keys and left on foot. When I came back, I saw that he had broken down my door. Now my dad is mad at me for not giving him the keys when he was drunk, and I'm door-less. FML
Today, I was having my birthday party. My dad showed up late, blind drunk, and drove his car straight through my garage door. FML
Today, my mom let my younger brother borrow my car. He managed to crash it through the garage door. While I was in another country. Somehow, I manage to get berated by my mom because I'm not doing enough to make my brother feel better about him having an accident involving my car and my house. FML
Today, my friend and his girlfriend got in a fight while drunk and he started walking home. While driving around looking for him, I accidentally hit him with my car. FML
Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML
Today, my dad came home drunk off his ass. So drunk that he couldn't manage to open the refrigerator, and ended up punching it in a fit of rage. When I tried to calm him down and get him to bed, he told me to fuck off, and grounded me. FML
Today, my parents yelled at me for coming home drunk from a party last night. They said I couldn't hang out with my best friend anymore as he's a "bad influence". He was the only one sober in our group and drove me home safely. FML
Today, I drove 10 hours on a broken foot to get away, because my drunk dad decided to shove me to the ground multiple times, and now I have to get fusion surgery on my foot. I also found out he’s trying to get me arrested for burglary. FML
Today, I had to pick up my dad because he was too drunk to drive home. Drive his wheelchair home, that is. FML
Today, a drunk driver totalled my new Audi. Who was the drunk driver? My dad. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
uhhSavage 22
I bet he drove you crazy.
Nordrag 26
Naaa. People only post things they're happy about on this site.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (49)
horne2 9
Please don't, put unnecessary commas, after every, couple of,words. Thank, you.
BEButterfly 13
Send him the bill then include a note stating start going to AA, start being more responsible for yourselves, others and your actions!
thejimler 9
The father does need substance abuse therapy, but recommending AA is the worst solution. It is forced religion and teaches them to shift blame and responsibility away from themselves.
Futacy 30
He obviously drove his own drunk ass into the garage. Just wait until he's sober.
ervington 8
Is this Cole Schnieder?
DrSo 15
Clearly your garage is haunted. Or your dad's vehicle is Christine. I mean that's the logical explanation, right?
TheAuditor 4
******' loved that movie! What year was that Plymouth? '57 I believe?
WildWonder808 14
That friggin sucks! I hope your mom knows the truth
Zebediabolical 45
I'm personally more concerned with the ellipsis followed by a question mark.
Brightbulb 40
While your comma usage stands grammatically correct; please select either the ellipsis, or the question mark. They do not pair together in the least. Thank you, G. Nazi
Brightbulb 40
Your grammar is very refreshing. But, how did you acquire such skills from the Tennessee education system?
SWC_Penguin 17
Perhaps you are secretly The Hulk. Ask your dad if he saw a huge green shirtless guy do it.