By DocBastard - 17/12/2011 02:29 - United States

Today, after rocking my one-year old daughter for nearly two hours, she finally fell asleep. As I went to leave her room, I stubbed my toe. I now have a broken toe, a screaming child, and a wife who will be so proud that her daughter's first word is "FUCK!" FML
I agree, your life sucks 39 408
You deserved it 6 537

DocBastard tells us more.

Akai, the only people who say that are people who don't have kids. My 2 children are the most precious things in my world, and I've smiled more since my daughter was born than in all my previous years combined. I truly feel sorry for people who think like you.

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every1luvsboners 11

You do seem to be in quite a jam. I would definitely call a toe-truck. Holy Shat it's Doc!!!

Remember those parrots that repeat what you say, small children are very much like them.

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She'll probably drink as well, so work on that too.

delilah09 6

While we're at it, let's teach her how to dance on a pole too guys ...

Dare you assholes compare cursing and sex

ShroomsOnAcid 16

Too far, guys. Curse words are still just words. She won't even know what it means anyway, and if the parents don't make a big deal of it she won't go around saying it just to get a reaction, the way all kids do.

Well, that went overboard real fast. XD

Oh wow. DocBastard got an FML published. Congrats.

Why is everyone shitting themselves over the bastard getting an FML published? What I really want to know, is how is Doc's other daughter doing? She's gotta be like 4-6 now maybe? And in case anyone ACTUALLY thinks I was being serious about drinking, I was speaking facetiously.

the_fuck_is_this 2

Curse words are the least of your problems. Weed, alcohol, sex, college fund, and maybe more sex.

zurisbloodyrose 0

I think he deserved it. A father needs more self control than that. I broke my foot without screaming and I'm sixteen.

Had you also just been trying to get an angry, writhing, screaming toddler to sleep for two hours while being chronically sleep deprived? No? The two situations do not compare, kiddo.

Docbastard! Woohooo

Not only did DocBastard get an FML published, it was the first one he ever submitted. That's pretty awesome. Worth it to wait until you have a *really* good story to submit.

zurisbloodyrose 0

Actually, I have done that before. I have three younger sisters. It's happened a few times.

ewputthataway 0

Wow, Doc is the most accomplished person I know. Not even being sarcastic. Seriously, anyone who can actually get their FML published deserves an award...

Ahhh they grow up so fast. Well if ur gonna teach him a cuss word, you have chosen the right one!

14 years old gonna start telling you to piss the fucking shit off :D I know I did

Anyone who willfully makes the mistake of having a child really deserves whatever comes their way, so YDI.

Akai, the only people who say that are people who don't have kids. My 2 children are the most precious things in my world, and I've smiled more since my daughter was born than in all my previous years combined. I truly feel sorry for people who think like you.

I really don't understand the big deal about it actually getting published. The first one I ever posted got published, though the 11 since then haven't. I honestly think it's a bigger deal that Doc posted this than that he got it published.

Douche. Just bear in mind, you were the reason your parents ever hated the world. And I'm sure your parents didn't deserve to be curse by your existence.

Remember those parrots that repeat what you say, small children are very much like them.

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14- Obviously you aren't a parent..

Being a parent doesn't make you an invincible, perfect superhero! They are still human. And having a baby doesn't make you grow up over night, it's a process!

My friends little sister has a wide vocabulary of profanity she has learned from overhearing her father due to his loudness. Her mom is not pleased at all.

yumlicious 4

My parents are perfect. They've never messed up!

Awee Doc, you're a daddy? That's soooooooo cute!!!

So, did she say, "fuck," THEN start screaming? Or what happened with that?

The_Troller 14

33- They had you, didn't they? OUCH

yumlicious 4

I was just kidding. Haha. I've been for the most part raised by a nanny. So... Yeah.

Original - the screaming came first. The "fuck" came later in the day, much to Mrs. Bastard's surprise and non-amusement.

Aw Doc, I'm sorry. This must be your first FML you've submitted after all of your smart remarks. Congrats and FYL. ;w;

FYL, but congrats on getting it published!

every1luvsboners 11

You do seem to be in quite a jam. I would definitely call a toe-truck. Holy Shat it's Doc!!!

*insert girlie scream that sounds like she just met Justin Bieber or something

Aww poor Doc, Sorry about the broken toe! Hope it heals fast. At least you got access to the meds.

ukrage 1

First time I've seen him post an actual fml

HAIL TO THE KING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Uh, can someone fill me in who is doc?

If you don't know, you are either not on FML a lot or you are just not in our circle. Either way, I feel bad for you.

#152: In short, witty, famous person on FML.

You must not read the comments very often if you don't know who he is. FML celebrity, just saying that made me feel sad for humanity but you still have to love him

They grow up so fast...

IhateMahLife16 0

She was gonna learn it sooner or later.

MsMeiriona 2

O_O my god, it IS Doc.

ceilingfans 1

When I saw it was doc, I immediately favorited it.

Sorry for singing stupid, but who's Doc?

I mean sounding.

every1luvsboners 11

HappyJello, if you don't know who Doc is we can't tell you. We're all sworn to secrecy. Let's pretend this little incident never happened. M'kay, good bye

Whoa, Doc posted an FML???? never seen that happen, just comments

Haha this is epic. Nice one Doc, good luck with the wifey.

Holy moly! DocBastard wrote an FML!!!!! Don't feel bad though Doc, that could have happened to anyone. The things people say when they stub their toe!

iemislayer 10

Who is doc bastard???

57- That's like asking "who is Jesus"

Umm, who is Jesus? Is he a friend of the doc?

Is your island... Lonely? :D

Pretty_Pink_Lady 10

And the moral of the story is.... you can't trust the system.

Ahhhhhh!!! Kelly clarkson!!!!!!!

Swearing when you're in that much pain isn't really voluntary. I'm sure that this incident won't affect your daughter's ability to grow up to be a well adjusted person.

SlaveToRetail 10

It's surprisingly hard to censor yourself, especially when you manage to break a bone. I wacked my foot really hard today at work and could only say garbled gibberish to cover yelling profanity.

TheDrifter 23

Exactly. And congratulations on managing to be there for your daughter's first word Doc, as troublesome as it may prove.

Shes now scarred for life by profanity. That mite take years of therapy to get her to overcome that traumatizing event

Well, she probably would have learned the word sometime later in her life anyways! XD

DocBastard you always make my day :) and fyl because i've been there done that and it sucks

My parents have been there. When I was about one, my dad dropped something and yelled "FUCK". I walked around the house singing "fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck" for awhile :) And then I stopped. Don't worry Doc, she'll get bored of it if you guys don't react TOO harshly :-)