Today, I broke my wrist because a Nutella glass fell on it after I opened the cupboard. FML

Today, I learned that no matter how much you want the Nutella, it's never a good idea to deep-throat the knife. FML

Today, I got slapped in the face by my girlfriend with a banana skin, because I finished up the chocolate cake. FML

Not a sponsored post

Today, I was diagnosed with severe nut allergies. My dad decided to buy jars of Nutella, write "You know you want this" on them, and stick them around the house. FML

Today, at work a customer bitched me out for not explicitly telling her that our peanut butter pancakes contain real peanut butter. She's threatening to sue because she's allergic to peanuts. FML

Today, I forgot my boyfriend was allergic to nuts and ate Nutella toast before he arrived. He had just brought me flowers for doing well in an exam and I kissed him. He had a reaction and I had to stab him in the leg. FML

You what now?

Today, I was called a wimp for getting a sunburn. FML

Today, I was mugged. Not for a laptop, cell phone or money, but for the cupcake I was eating. FML

Drive-by casualty

Today, as I was walking home from work, I became the victim of a drive-by peanutting. Yes, apparently I'm only worth a bag of nuts. FML

Today, it's Black Friday. I got sucker-punched by some woman over a ten dollar griddle. FML