Today, I received a series of rejection letters from jobs, one... - FML

By Jesse Thames - 16/5/2019 04:03

Today, I received a series of rejection letters from jobs, one after the other. Last night, I stayed up into the wee morning hours to apply to campus jobs I'm not qualified for, because I was classified as a part-time student due to an administrative error. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1563

You deserved it

133

Tweet

Share

Creepy

Thanks, I'm cured!

Alexa, play "Boredom" by Buzzcocks

By Anonymous - 21/7/2011 16:40 - United States

Today, I missed a call from my mom. It's my birthday, and glad she remembered, I called back to thank her. She was surprised when I brought up going out for dinner, and asked me what the occasion was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36553

You deserved it

2743

Tweet

Share

By Zoey - 9/2/2012 15:17 - Canada

Today, my husband started a food fight. During our wedding reception. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33731

You deserved it

6152

Tweet

Share

By Pandistoteles - 14/4/2015 21:17 - United States

Today, I took my 5-year-old daughter to the play place at McDonalds but I had to keep her busy, instead of letting her play. A mom was teaching her 3-year-old daughter how to pole dance, using the play place's poles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32311

You deserved it

2685

Tweet

Share

By MyLife - 6/2/2013 08:04

Today, my husband decided to start seeing other people. I found out when I called and interrupted his date. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39424

You deserved it

2613

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/3/2020 21:00

Check your head

Today, while watching a movie on my iPad, a really cute girl sat next to me. Suddenly, everyone on the bus started clapping. I started to clap very loudly as well, asking the girl why we were clapping. She gave me a strange look. I then realized the applause was coming from my headphones. FML

I agree, your life sucks

669

You deserved it

2041

Tweet

Share

By Pixie - 15/2/2017 03:00 - United States - Mckenna

Today, I was asked if the reason I didn't like the new male massage therapist was because I was no longer the most muscular person in the spa. I'm a 5'4 woman and I don't work out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5775

You deserved it

503

Tweet

Share

By bandcamp926 - 5/1/2010 01:02 - United States

Today, after the two week winter break, I went back to school to find that the bookbag that I'd left in my car was covered in some creepy, pink gooey stuff. Under the freezing conditions, my lotion had exploded all over my notes and bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11299

You deserved it

22591

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/6/2012 03:26 - United States - Metamora

Today, a cop turned his lights and siren on to pull me over. I pulled into a parking lot and got a ticket. It wasn't until the cop pulled away that I realized that I'd pulled into, and interrupted, an on-going funeral visitation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24604

You deserved it

5181

Tweet

Share

By grann - 15/3/2010 01:39 - United States

Today, while walking to my car through the snow, I noticed the sunroof was open and 2 feet of snow had poured in. Angry, I opened the door to start cleaning. That's when I noticed all the wildlife that had taken refuge inside from the cold. Not only were my seat cushions wet, they were torn open. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10832

You deserved it

26203

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/12/2013 16:49 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I asked my girlfriend what she loves the most about me. She said it's the fact that I look like her cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49635

You deserved it

4104

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 31/10/2012 06:18 - United States

Today, my boyfriend surprised me by showing up at my work and proposing to me. It was sweet until an angry customer bitched us out for "wasting her time." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30073

You deserved it

3558

Tweet

Share

By TeamVomit - 27/8/2017 23:15

Today, I went over to my boyfriend's house to surprise him and caught him with another girl. As my boyfriend got up to explain himself, I, in a state of shock, violently threw up on him (and partially her). His mum had let me in the house. At least I know whose side she's on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5701

You deserved it

293

Tweet

Share

By thatcreepyteacher - 17/2/2016 04:27 - United States - Mchenry

Reported!

Today, someone called the police on me because one of my students was going home with me every day. The student is my son. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28659

You deserved it

1413

Tweet

Share

By TBaggins00 - 21/6/2009 07:34 - United States

Today, as I was texting a friend, I was going to warm up some cold pizza. As I got finished with a text I put the pizza in the microwave and set the timer. After the timer ran out, I opened the door and smelled burnt plastic. Turns out phones aren't meant to be in the microwave. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14209

You deserved it

61517

Tweet

Share

By kay51 - 24/11/2012 18:41 - United Kingdom

Today, my room-mates were inspired by a TV show to make a "douchebag jar", into which we have to put money every time we say something obnoxious. It seems like I can't open my mouth without having to cough up £10. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8738

You deserved it

27324

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/5/2019 06:11

Today, I woke up late for work. I rushed everything, ate a quick meal and was thirsty as hell. I saw a 2-liter Coca Cola bottle, so I poured a huge glass filled with ice and ran out the door. While driving, I took a huge gulp of nice, cold thick cooking oil. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1740

You deserved it

809

Tweet

Share

By dkajxu - 12/8/2009 12:57 - Singapore

Today, while studying in the middle of the night, my dad came home drunk. I helped him to the sofa and after clearing up his mess, he started going on about how useless my sister Vanessa was, and how good a daughter I am. I am Vanessa. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53105

You deserved it

3121

Tweet

Share

By magomag - 14/5/2013 04:15 - United States - Fair Lawn

Today, I learned if you type my full name in Google Images, the 3rd thing that comes up is a naked woman in ropes. Someone on Pornhub thought it was smart to comment that the girl looks just like me. She does. Now my parents think I'm a porn star, and most people at school stopped talking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

69880

You deserved it

5460

Tweet

Share

By doughgirl101 - 7/9/2011 05:59 - Canada

Today, my parents canceled the Internet at our house because they view it as a "passing fad." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33640

You deserved it

2377

Tweet

Share

By Face fucking palm - 23/7/2014 03:36 - United States - Albany

Today, I went to a bookstore to get "The Grapes of Wrath". I have a problem with controlling the volume of my voice, so once at the counter, I accidentally said quite loudly, "WHERE ARE THE ANGRY GRAPES?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

40179

You deserved it

13368

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 17/9/2010 08:19 - United States

Today, my mom was going through the newspaper and cutting out coupons for me to use. She hands me two of them, one for tampons and the other for a pregnancy test saying "well, you're gonna need one or the other this month." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28647

You deserved it

7313

Tweet

Share

By lydia - 1/7/2020 08:08

Like that's an excuse

Today, my mother screamed at me because she thinks I peed on the toilet seat. Not my dad, me. I’m a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1366

You deserved it

120

Tweet

Share

By fobfan14 - 16/9/2009 10:37 - United States

Today, somebody broke in to my house and stole my laptop, which had years worth of family photos on it. Where was I when it was stolen? At Staples, buying supplies that included CDs to finally back up my pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48668

You deserved it

5348

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/10/2019 12:00

Kids, eh?

Today, I was with my four year-old daughter when we met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman I know. My daughter looked at her for a while and then asked, "Why doesn’t your skin fit your face?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1446

You deserved it

140

Tweet

Share

By Ad-s - 14/1/2009 05:01 - France

Today, I got together with a small gathering of friends in a bar. I go up to the bar to order something, but with all the music and noise, the barman can't hear what I'm trying to say, so he leans forward, cocking his ear towards me. For some reason, I thought he was being friendly so I kissed him as if we were saying hello to each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11392

You deserved it

22706

Tweet

Share

By aragmir - 18/12/2016 06:10 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, while working at a nursing home, I was alone in the station and figured I could sneak one out. It wound up being very loud, and I could hear the faint snickering of a patient in the next room. Every time he saw me for the rest of the day he would burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5638

You deserved it

2800

Tweet

Share

By Divorcemenow - 17/7/2009 22:02 - United States

Today, I awoke to my husband donning a gorilla mask in the middle of the night. My kids have been staying in a tent out back for the past few nights, and have complained of a "monster" scaring them. I told them that it was their imagination. My husband says he gets a kick out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50511

You deserved it

6938

Tweet

Share

By Lydlsis - 30/10/2015 23:53 - United States

Today, while shopping, I suddenly got the terrible urge to use the bathroom. I already had several items and my 5-year-old niece in tow, so I hurried to checkout. I ended up pissing myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21642

You deserved it

4579

Tweet

Share

By Ethan - 9/3/2009 13:35 - Australia

Today, I was having birthday dinner with my girlfriend and her parents, when her Dad asked what I got her she replied "He said he was going to give me a Pearl Necklace when we get home." I realized then that my girlfriend did not know what I meant by 'Pearl Necklace.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

28061

You deserved it

94870

Tweet

Share

By dr immature - 23/12/2013 23:11 - United States - Washington

Today, I diagnosed a patient with a spastic colon. For some reason, the term "spastic colon" has always amused me, and I burst into uncontrollable laughter as I said it. By the time I managed to stop laughing, my eyes were watering and my patient was visibly angry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23362

You deserved it

48498

Tweet

Share

By me - 20/4/2015 01:46 - Canada

Today, my exchange student asked me for a ride to a party at a friend's house that I didn't know about. When I said, "Oh, just let me change", she replied, "I just need the ride, you're not invited." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34276

You deserved it

3208

Tweet

Share

By lezbplove - 19/3/2011 05:26 - Canada

Today, I finally decided to tell my parents I was a lesbian. They spent the next few hours reading me the bible. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55439

You deserved it

22897

Tweet

Share

By carl_carl_ - 13/7/2015 15:10 - United States - Wichita

Today, I was on a roller coaster behind a boy who vomited in front of me as the cart shot down. It splattered all over my arm, and a little on my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28708

You deserved it

2182

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/3/2017 04:00

Today, I was giving my one-year-old a bath. I'd finished washing her, so she started to play and splash. When I went to lift her out of the tub, I slipped and busted my kneecaps on the side. Guess who sat there and laughed hysterically as I cried out in agony. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5054

You deserved it

553

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/9/2020 20:01

Reliable

Today, aside from clearing out my bank accounts and having an affair, the kicker was finding out my fiancé planned on taking himself and his mistress to Cancun for his birthday, while I would be attending the Marine Corps boot camp. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1444

You deserved it

106

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/6/2020 17:04

This is us

Today, after 14 years of relationship, him forgetting every anniversary and birthday, and being disloyal several times, my boyfriend offered to buy us friendship rings. Because I according to him, I seem to care for such gestures, and it would fix our problems. 14 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

857

You deserved it

2093

Tweet

Share

By Read The Fine Print - 24/11/2012 05:55 - United States - Sylmar

Today, I got into a car accident. The guy wouldn't give me his information, but instead stood there saying, "Like a good neighbor, Statefarm is there." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31116

You deserved it

2231

Tweet

Share

By ismerf19 - 22/12/2010 00:05

Today, I was working in a restaurant. On the receipt under "tip" someone actually took the time to write out "$0.00." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29349

You deserved it

7334

Tweet

Share

By Jen1444 - 26/2/2018 13:00 - United States - Rockaway Park

Ouch.

Today, I gave a financial presentation to my entire firm. After it was over, somebody accidentally copied me on a group text that said, "Her zipper was open the whole time. If we're so successful, why is our CFO wearing a urine-stained store-brand K-Mart panties?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

4632

You deserved it

927

Tweet

Share

By sucker - 7/9/2019 17:01 - United States - Duluth

Alexa, play "I'm Not In Love" by 10CC

Today, I went on a date I was really enjoying. My ex-boyfriend called halfway through. When I answered, he told me he wanted to get back together and couldn’t stop thinking about me. I didn’t realize my phone was on speaker. My date heard everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

642

You deserved it

2315

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By RichardPencil | 28

#7803308 - Thursday 16 May 2019 5:11

Get a job in the administration office and fake your info to make it look like you’re a “full-time student.” ;)

By nix1993 | 41

#7803722 - Friday 17 May 2019 14:43

Did you read the FML?

COMMENTS

By aurynforever | 11

#7803304 - Thursday 16 May 2019 4:23

Did you get the job?

Reply

nix1993 | 41

#7803722 - Friday 17 May 2019 14:43

Did you read the FML?

By RichardPencil | 28

#7803308 - Thursday 16 May 2019 5:11

Get a job in the administration office and fake your info to make it look like you’re a “full-time student.” ;)