Work: Today, I gave a big presentation at work. The manager decided... - FML

By Viridian - United States

Today, I gave a big presentation at work. The manager decided to video tape it. I went through my presentation with ease and was confident I did a good job. My confidence was then lowered after watching the tape. Apparently, my boobs are much more interesting than what I had to say. FML

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Sorry…

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Kids will be kids

By Anonymous

Nice pic

Today, for the first time in my life, I sent a member pic to a girl I had been talking to for a few days on Snapchat. (she had asked me for it). She saw the pic, and blocked me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Redlands

Today, it was my birthday. It was also the only day my family wanted to hold the graveside funeral for my grandmother who passed last week. FML

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By NinjaPanda88 - United States

Today, my girlfriend wanted to name my penis. After 5 minutes of thinking up names, she finally picked one. Say hello to Squirtle. FML

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By Baby_girl - United States

Remember bars?

Today, my best friend whom I have been in love with for years, called me, proposed, and confessed his love for me. He was at a noisy bar so I asked him to call me back later and we'd discuss it. He called back later, hungover, with no recollection of our conversation whatsoever. FML

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By shellie - Reserved

Today, I went to the gynecologist for the first time. I was so nervous that when she extended her hand to shake mine, I gave her my handbag instead. FML

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By Jer - United States - Louisville

Today, I knocked over a display case at a mall, shattering hundreds of dollars in goods. Embarrassed, I tried to scurry out of the nearest door without being seen. I scuttled right into the janitor's closet, the door automatically locking behind me. I waited for an hour to be let out. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, while in class, I desperately had to fart. Someone in the room had a coughing fit, so I took that as the chance to let it out. When I was about to release, the coughing stopped. I couldn't stop in time. FML

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By I'm screwed - United States - King Of Prussia

Today, after I got home from a long day at work. I go inside my room and find a life-size cut out of Miley Cyrus. I don't know how it got here. I'm the only person with a key to my apartment. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was taking a shower outside at my fiancé's beach house. I was struggling to take my bikini bottoms off so I started to walk backwards to step out of it. Little did I know that I had pushed the door open. My fiancé, his family, and my family all saw me bend over naked. FML

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By todayJman03 - United States

Today, I gave my wife her anniversary card. She started to giggle then walked in our bedroom and came back with the exact same card from last year. This is the second time I've done this. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/5/2021 06:01

Sounds reasonable

Today, my mum gave me a two-month ultimatum to get married or risk being disowned. I’m only 24. FML

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By kipper

Today, I took my 8 year-old daughter to an airplane museum to show her the kinds of aircraft I’ve worked on during my 30+ year career. In the first 15 minutes, I had grease on my new shirt, bumped my head, spilled coffee and cut my hand. Sums up my career. Only 10 more years to go. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I found out that my new roommate is dating my ex-boyfriend. FML

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By anon - United Kingdom - Ely

Today, when I went over a bump, I was assaulted by a badly-fitted bicycle seat. I've been walking like John Wayne all afternoon. FML

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By Pups4Cups

Today, I finally realized why my 9-week-old puppy was going to the bathroom so much. I went to pick up the food bag and realized she had chewed a hole in the bottom, and eaten half of the bag in the last 4 days. Goodbye 30 pounds of dog food, and 100$ for a vet visit. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/7/2020 20:08

All weddings are themed

Today, I went to pick up my wedding dress from the seamstress, only to find out that my fiancé called two weeks ago to say I wanted the dress "tie-dyed to match our new theme." She believed him. Our wedding is tomorrow. FML

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By footscratching - United States

Today, my wife and I were getting intimate for the first time in several months. Then we heard our son yelling from the other room needing my help. He needed me to scratch his foot because the cat was on his lap and he couldn't reach it. FML

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By ShakeRattleHiss - Canada

Today, it's been 5 years I've been working for a man that won't admit he has Tourette's. He sits at his desk, twitching his head and hissing like a snake. He's also randomly said things like 'nipples', 'Jessica Simpson', 'potato peeler', etc. I feel like it's become my job to warn new employees. FML

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By stupidassgeek - Australia - Moonee Ponds

Today, I opened up my laptop to replace a faulty chip inside, which took me half an hour. When I closed it all up again, I saw the replacement part in its packaging on my desk. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, my boyfriend said he wanted to try something new. By something new, it was to put flour in my butt and see what would happen if I farted. FML

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By yuna - 5/4/2021 22:59

Mouthwatering

Today, I discovered that I have a condition in which saliva frequently falls out of my mouth for no apparent reason. I’m 17. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/5/2021 11:01

Life imitates art

Today, I realized that I've watched so much Honey Boo Boo that I've developed a mild southern accent. FML

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By ... - South Africa - Port Elizabeth

Today, my boyfriend and I talked about our past relationships. He said he broke up with his last girlfriend because she was "too smart" for him, and that he felt better being with someone who "doesn't have too many lights on upstairs, if you know what I mean." FML

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By broken finger - United States

Today, while wiping my ass, the broken finger that has been set straight dipped into the toilet and touched a turd. This keeps happening since I broke it, and I'm sure it will again. FML

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By nomorecleaning - United States - Augusta

Today, I discovered that the reason my mom hasn't been noticing the extra cleaning I've done lately is because her boyfriend took credit when she asked about it; and was rewarded for it in bed. I helped him get with my mom. FML

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By Anonymous

Stay safe, stay home

Today, my professor gave me a huge lecture in front of the class about showing up sick, about how I was endangering the lives of other students, and kicked me out of class. As I left, everyone applauded. I'm not sick, but suffering for horrible allergies. FML

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By ihatevideos - United States

Today, I was sifting through my parents old home movies. I put in one and was horrified to see my parents having sex. I immediately ejected the tape and looked at the label. It said "Bermuda, 1989". They've told me I was conceived in Bermuda around that time. I've seen my own conception. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I found out that what I thought was "acne" is actually an allergic reaction to a cream I've been using for years. I thought the cream was helping me with the breakouts but my doctor says the real acne probably went away naturally years ago. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Charlottetown

Today, everyone at the office was finally presented with the bonuses our boss had promised to pay us by the end of last year. Turns out he was never authorized to promise any such thing, so he ended up just giving us signed "thank you" letters instead. FML

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By Uh_Oh_Bro - United States - Annandale

Today, my family, grandma included, took some time to discuss whether or not olive oil is a suitable substitute for lube. FML

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By NaKreen - Sweden - Bor

Today, I was at a barbecue with my extended family. I was chatting to my grandma, when my idiotic brother decided to douse the grill with his cola. The hissing sounded so much like a Minecraft creeper that I instinctively screamed and practically shat my pants. FML

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By DaggerHole - Australia

Today, I learned the worst part about being dared to shave your ass hair: Stubble. FML

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By fatty milkshakes - United States

Today, I found out that my roommate has been switching my protein powder with chocolate milk mix and brown sugar. Since I work out frequently, I've been consuming large amounts of this and have gained at least 10 pounds of fat. His reason? I turned his bookbag inside out. Once. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband is completely convinced that his taking a massive dump after being constipated is exactly like the time I gave birth to our twins. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/2/2021 18:30 - United States - Newport News

Classic

Today, after I helped get my boyfriend get a new job, he thanked me by dumping me for some whore who works there. FML

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By Anunimos - Romania - Bucharest

Today, I found out my best friend's girlfriend is cheating on him with his own brother. I went over to his place and told him everything while his girlfriend was in the same room. He called me a jealous liar who wanted to break them up, and kicked me out while she looked on, smirking. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/10/2020 11:02 - United States - White Plains

AKA taking a screenshot

Today, I was holding in pee because i was so busy at work. When I finally got up to relieve myself, I pulled down my pants, sneezed at that exact moment and peed all over the bathroom floor. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I attempted to score with a previous friend-with-benefits by sending her a photo of my Christmas present, bondage rope. She arrived an hour later in a mad panic. She thought I was going to hang myself. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was using the toilet and decided to check out some FMLs. One made me laugh out loud as my room-mate was passing by the bathroom. He now tells everyone my penis is so small it makes even me laugh every time I see it. FML

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By singingintherain

Today, ever since my boyfriend has seen A Clockwork Orange, he always suggests that we have sex by asking, "How about a little of the good old in-out-in-out?" and refers to his genitals as, "Yarbles". He seriously doesn't understand why this turns me off every time and our sex life has sunk. FML

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Top comments

By Ilovelife07 | 0

#191921 - Tuesday 12 May 2009 19:51

pft, you could be talking about how to turn rocks into gold and boobs would still be more interesting

By agifttotearapart | 0

#191960 - Tuesday 12 May 2009 19:58

I'm pretty sure that's sexual harassment.

COMMENTS

By fmlsmymiddlename | 0

#191915 - Tuesday 12 May 2009 19:49

First.
i have nothing else to say. im sorry.

By Ilovelife07 | 0

#191921 - Tuesday 12 May 2009 19:51

pft, you could be talking about how to turn rocks into gold and boobs would still be more interesting

Reply

truelyawesome | 0

#969655 - Sunday 28 March 2010 5:05

no offense, but probably true

By wienerwagon | 0

#191924 - Tuesday 12 May 2009 19:51

You deserved it. Shouldn't have had boobs.

By Jaywin | 3

#191929 - Tuesday 12 May 2009 19:52

Depends on how much cleavage you were showing and how important the presentation was exactly. Boobs are freaking awesome but money tops boobs any day of the week.

By nativebacon | 0

#191930 - Tuesday 12 May 2009 19:53

What a douchebag, your manager!

By 666midnight | 0

#191943 - Tuesday 12 May 2009 19:54

Haha, well guys will be guys :P

Reply

ZleveL | 0

#801583 - Wednesday 27 January 2010 6:57

and boobs be boobs

By xxjoexx | 0

#191944 - Tuesday 12 May 2009 19:55

At least it means you have nice boobs.

Reply

mrperspire | 4

#4996047 - Tuesday 2 October 2012 17:40

And here we have the two best employees here.

By amknmaz | 0

#191946 - Tuesday 12 May 2009 19:55

one day or another you're gonna discover ur a hoe so its a good thing u figured it out from now.(:

By aqualight_fml | 0

#191947 - Tuesday 12 May 2009 19:55

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

lala150 | 24

#6287793 - Monday 11 May 2015 4:52

Sexual harassment is not a compliment. Ever.

By UncleverName_FYL | 0

#191952 - Tuesday 12 May 2009 19:56

And you're mad because your boobs are that interesting? YDI