Geek: Today, I was in line for Star Trek and chatting with another... - FML

By Ottawa - Canada

Today, I was in line for Star Trek and chatting with another couple about a guy who came to the movie wearing a Starfleet uniform. We were having a good snicker about this "Geek" until my cell phone rang. My ringtone is the sound made by the Star Trek communicator. FML

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Late term

Fragile

OK, well, goodbye

By sadman - United States

Today, I had a date with a girl I'd been seeing for about a month. When I got home, I saw her facebook status changed to "In a relationship". This made me kind of excited, until I realized it wasn't with me. FML

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By screwedhousemate - United Kingdom

Today, my three housemates got into a huge fight and ended up declaring their undying hatred for each other. They now refuse to talk to each other, and I've become their go-between. Yesterday, we signed the lease for another year in the house together. FML

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By Anonymous

Mommy Issues

Today, my mother-in-law yanked my corset so tight that I shit myself. While wearing my dress. On my wedding day. FML

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By pokeballbra - United States

Today, I had to sit on the bus next to a creepy guy. He began pestering me with overly-sexual statements, and finally I told him I had a boyfriend. He responded with "Tell me his name so I can track him down, kill him, and hopefully take his place." FML

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By ugh - United States - Dearborn

Today, I realized that my relationship has hit a new low when I made an appointment with my girlfriend to have sex. I have a two week wait. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was sitting on the train and some crazy man started talking to me. I ignored him, and he tapped on my shoulder. He started blabbing and I just pointed to my ears and mouthed "I'm deaf." He stopped talking. A minute later my phone rang and I answered it without thinking. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, the canine behaviour course I am studying released a new assignment in which I need to film myself teaching a dog a new trick. The only dog I have access to is my sister's neurotic, anxious Chihuahua who bites at any sudden noise. FML

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By broke - United States - Orlando

Today, I paid $125 to get my car back after it was towed. Yesterday, I bought the car. When I got it to my apartment, the office wasn't open, so I couldn't get a parking decal. The same office that towed my car while they were still closed. FML

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By Me - United States - Canyon Lake

Today, while reading out loud in front of my entire class and teacher, I learned that I can't pronounce the word 'success'. It came out as 'sex', and when I tried to correct myself more slowly (multiple times), it came out 'sexsex'. FML

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By Mark - Malta - Naxxar

Today, I was feeling terrible so I called in sick to work. My boss refused to believe me and told me he'd fire me if I didn't come in. I dragged myself to work, only to spend most of the day glued to the toilet. Now he says I won't be paid for the day because I barely did any work. FML

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By Star_Wars_Lover - United States - Dallas

Today, my husband got a vasectomy. My mother-in-law is extremely upset that he only gave her one grandson. Guess my other son doesn't count. FML

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By Anonymous - Malta - Santa Venera

Today, I came across the word "pegging". Not knowing what it meant, I googled it and got a very graphic explanation. Seconds later, I realised that the webpage URL actually included the sexual nature of the meaning. The IT department have logs of every page we visit. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Pennsville

Today, my parents refused to give my daughter her Christmas presents as an act of revenge against her father. FML

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By MJjunior - Australia

Today, I started my first day working at a toddler day care center. At one point I decided to play "got your nose" with one of the kids. It turns out this kid has a physical birth abnormality on his face. I got his nose... his prosthetic nose. FML

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By Music Lover - 7/11/2020 05:01 - United States - San Jose

Bum note

Today, after entering a conservatory of music, I've worked really hard on my academic subjects to past through the exam, so my major is pretty weak. After practising 6 hours a day for three weeks, my teacher asked me to change my major and said I'm the worst student she's ever seen. And there‘s nowhere I can go. FML

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By Mee - Kuwait

Self-care

Today, I was frustrated at work so to have fun, I wrote an email to myself saying that I was great and loved myself and should relax. I used all different colors and fonts. Instead of hitting "delete", I hit "print" without realizing. My manager got it out of the printer and put it on my desk. FML

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By filipinoclari808 - United States

Today, I was horsing around after my big test. Someone punched me softly on my back. Figuring it was my friend, I turned around and did a roundhouse kick. It was my girlfriend. FML

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By Nightbird827

Today, a police officer pulled me over. He asked me where I was headed, so I jokingly replied, "Probably to jail after you run my name". He laughed and took my information, only to then arrest me for unpaid parking tickets I never received. FML

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By it's shitty, yeah, stfu - Sweden - Trollh?ttan

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes, and I excitedly called my mother to tell her about our engagement. She half-heartedly said, "Aww, that's nice", before changing the topic to what she'd found in her turd earlier. FML

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By Callie - 6/12/2020 20:02 - United States

Jimin causing drama time!

Today, my daughter got mad at me for saying I didn't really get the appeal of Kpop. She went off at me, saying that I should "stan BTS" or something to that effect. She's 28. FML

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By scaredscreenless - United States

Today, I was on my back patio talking with my husband. It got dark outside, and I saw something shuffling in the back yard. I freaked out so bad that I went to run inside, only to fly face-first into the screen door. Turns out the shuffling was from a baby rabbit. FML

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By snydeeli000 - United States - Kent

Today, I learned the hisses of my 3 cats so I can tell who starts the fights. FML

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By nazooer - United States

Today, I thought I was going to my doctor for a yearly check-up. My father had actually tricked me into therapy. FML

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By

Today, after 3 years of unemployment and 6 months of hard studying, I found out I hadn't actually registered myself for the public service exam that will happen later this month and could finally get me a job. FML

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By CollegeChef - Australia

Today, months into supporting my mum with her part time cleaning job by cooking dinner for my large family after university, I found out that she doesn't actually have a job, she just leaves the house for a few hours because she doesn't want to cook dinner. FML

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By Thatguynoonelikes - United States - Mansfield

Today, I was babysitting a couple of kids. I'd spent time with them before, so I brought my video game console to play with them. I forgot to take it home with me. They soon sold it to another kid for $10. FML

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By fire0fisis - United States

Today, the police called because someone had turned in my wallet that was stolen. I happily drove home only to find that my house had been robbed and ransacked. FML

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By ActuallyDoneFor - Canada - Saint Albert

Today, my boyfriend and I had a friend over. This friend was talking about how 2 girls were trying to get with him. My boyfriend says "I wouldn't ever fuck the blonde one, but I would do the other one in a heartbeat." Then, realizing what he said, he hesitantly added "...if I was single." FML

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By Unsanitary - United Kingdom

Today, my daughter spent three hours crying and having a temper tantrum over being forced to have a bath after four days without one. My daughter is 16. FML

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By Jessie - United States

Today, I got stuck listening to my coworker bang on about how sexy her fiancé is for almost an hour. She told me about their sex life, described his dick in great detail, and showed me pictures of him shirtless. My coworker is 49; her fiancé is 56 and overweight. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was drinking a bottle of water. My friend came up from behind and scared me, causing me to inhale and choke on the water. Lacking air, I passed out. I awoke to him on the ground laughing his ass off. I almost drowned drinking a bottle of water. FML

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By Discostu80 - Australia

Today, I was at an awards dinner. I whispered in my wifes ear that she looked really pretty. She whispered in my ear that I should stop clapping so loud because I was embarrassing her. FML

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By Off to Canada - Hong Kong - Kowloon

Today, my class was given the assignment to have an informal discussion, debating who would be the best fit for president of the US. The school's security guards were called in after the Trump supporters started fights with everyone else. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I went for a jog. While passing by my neighbor's house, their six year old son started throwing peanuts at me screaming, "I hope this kills you!" because I'm allergic to peanuts. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized that my dog, who's 11, eats his own shit, and chews bones like crazy still has 10 times nicer teeth than I do. FML

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By Highschoolisover!

Today, a good friend refuses to speak to me because she found out that I slept with her husband. It happened twelve years before they met. FML

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By Joplin - United Kingdom

Today, I was lying on my recliner watching TV when I dropped the remote under the footrest. I got down on my hands and knees and pushed the footrest into the chair. The moment I touched the remote, the footrest deployed and hit me square in the face. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, while babysitting, I brought over some colouring-in sheets as an activity. I said that I should bring some Christmas-themed ones for next time. The little girl then turned to me and said "If there is a next time." I've been put on probation by an 8-year-old. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Minneapolis

Today, the new security guard of my apartment building tackled me for "suspicious behavior" while I was taking a bag full of dirty kitty litter to the trash chute. He broke my arm and cause the trash bag to explode. When I got back from the hospital, I was fined for littering in the hallway. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/11/2020 23:02

Sike

Today, my 35 year-old sister, who has no job or life, came downstairs and told me she knows I can hear her thoughts. FML

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Top comments

By farmgirl | 3

#192601 - Tuesday 12 May 2009 23:08

you're all in line for the Star Trek movie - you're ALL geeks, no need to make fun of one of your own

By winteryescapes | 0

#192585 - Tuesday 12 May 2009 23:05

well, that was a bit hypocritical of you, wasn't it?

COMMENTS

By MizzHollywood | 0

#192568 - Tuesday 12 May 2009 23:03

well obviously they had to like Star Trek if they knew what it was. They're geeks too

but seriosly get a new ringtone... FIRST!

Reply

PinkElephants713 | 6

#4627211 - Thursday 28 June 2012 21:45

Karma's a Bitch, asshole.

By winteryescapes | 0

#192585 - Tuesday 12 May 2009 23:05

well, that was a bit hypocritical of you, wasn't it?

Reply

scarletdragonfly | 5

#1020874 - Saturday 5 June 2010 21:27

Totally! They're all at the Star Trek thing, so how is one geekier than the next?

One of my best friends has that as her ringtone, and it's freaking awesome!

Reply

NoahStaz | 3

#3193542 - Sunday 28 August 2011 7:03

Irony and Karma are soul mates.

By shameonmedude | 0

#192592 - Tuesday 12 May 2009 23:07

It's Geek central whenever Star Trek or Star Wars etc etc etc cums out.....Geeks call eachother geeks cuz they dont think they geeks themselves?.......psshhh

By nuked | 0

#192595 - Tuesday 12 May 2009 23:07

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

SparkleyTurtle | 4

#4539786 - Friday 8 June 2012 11:20

It's an FML because the OP is a hypocrite and the couple he was talking to found out he's kind of a star trek nerd, too.

Reply

jonnyBgoode | 9

#4592858 - Thursday 21 June 2012 1:26

Spock is God.

By colortherainbowx | 0

#192599 - Tuesday 12 May 2009 23:08

FYL? What life? Nerd.

By farmgirl | 3

#192601 - Tuesday 12 May 2009 23:08

you're all in line for the Star Trek movie - you're ALL geeks, no need to make fun of one of your own

By purplestuff_fml | 0

#192604 - Tuesday 12 May 2009 23:07

people will do anything to make friends these days.

By NorfolkDude | 2

#192606 - Tuesday 12 May 2009 23:08

I was wearing a starfleet shirt too. It was awesome! I was like, Booo Yeah!

By lindsayylou | 0

#192609 - Tuesday 12 May 2009 23:10

hahaha awesome.
way to be hypocritical though. but nonetheless, awesome.

By greenfrog5 | 0

#192614 - Tuesday 12 May 2009 23:10

Karmas a Bitch