Today, I was in line for Star Trek and chatting with another... - FML

By Ottawa - 12/5/2009 14:11 - Canada

Today, I was in line for Star Trek and chatting with another couple about a guy who came to the movie wearing a Starfleet uniform. We were having a good snicker about this "Geek" until my cell phone rang. My ringtone is the sound made by the Star Trek communicator. FML

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Age ain't nothing but a number

Gordon Ramsey called, you're an idiot sandwich

By oh my fucking god - 10/7/2014 13:34 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, my fiancée has been saying, "Shit's gone cray-cray" for over a week. I finally snapped. When I was done ranting, she murmured, "Baby, don't be cray-cray". FML

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By I'm donnnneeee - 21/9/2015 03:26 - United States - Slidell

Today, I finished a 6-part project. It took me 7 hours of straight work because my partner decided I should do it alone. I then learned that the reason my partner did not help me was because the teacher e-mailed the leader of every group, saying the project was cancelled. FML

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By epicvixen - 15/3/2015 21:12 - Canada - Richmond

Today, while driving, I saw someone's hubcap blowing away behind me on the highway. I thought it was funny and sort of chuckled to myself. Later I realized it was my hubcap. FML

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By NOKHAN - 25/10/2013 17:17 - United States - Durham

Today, my boyfriend and I watched Star Trek Into Darkness together. He liked it so much that he's now chosen to yell "KHAAANNNNN!" as he cums. FML

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By Dominique Richards - 20/2/2018 19:00

Today, I went to the dentist to get a tooth pulled. When I woke up I found out they pulled the wrong one. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/9/2010 04:20 - United States

Today, I discovered that my husband is a tad paranoid after finding out that our cat has worms. He and I were in the middle of sharing a romantic shower following something of a dry spell when he bent over, spread his cheeks apart and asked, in earnest, "is there a worm sticking out of my ass?" FML

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By sociallyawkward - 19/5/2016 01:52 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I fistbumped a cashier as they tried to hand me my change. FML

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By LadyGagasLOVER - 8/8/2010 08:49 - United States

Today, I found out that my best friend is moving to Arkansas, and my girlfriend is going with him. FML

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By pizzafaceinc - 2/3/2010 02:24 - United States

Today, I woke up with a headache. My girlfriend said it might be from the night before, explaining she punched me while I was sleeping because I was snoring in her ear, and she dreamed a bee was attacking her. I'm not sure if I'm more concerned that she punched me, or that it didn't wake me. FML

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By Weak Disposition - 27/4/2012 04:29 - United States - Roanoke

Today, I entered a hotdog eating contest. I made it up to two, threw up on the rest of them, and fell over. FML

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By KitchenFlooder - 1/2/2018 01:30

Today, I flooded my entire kitchen. The water was cut off at night and I left the faucet open without realizing. When the sound woke me up at 5am, the water reached my ankles. I frantically tried to sweep it out before my mother woke up at 6am. I didn't make it. FML

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By myleghurts - 12/11/2012 06:50 - Australia - Strathfield

Today, on my way to school, I was shouted at by an obnoxious businessman for sitting down on the train when a "full fare paying passenger" was standing. I would normally have given him the seat straight away, except I have a broken leg. I showed him my leg and crutches. He still made me get up. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/1/2010 02:28 - France

Today, I was having sex with a girl when her parents decided to come home early. Trying to run out the back door I fell and broke my ankle. Not only did her former Navy Seal father find out I was banging his little princess, he drove me to the ER, alone. FML

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By mark - 31/12/2011 17:40 - United States

Today, my wife was about to take a shower, when she called me into the bathroom. She stripped me off and pulled me in with her. As I started to get into it, she sighed, "Thank god. You really needed a shower." FML

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By Eh.. - 5/12/2018 04:00 - Israel

Today I learned that just because the cute barista at the train station smiles at smiles, waves at me each time I arrive, and develops small talk probably means she's trying to sell me pastries. The smile she had when I asked for her number and she said "nah" still haunts me. FML

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By bbbkingsey - 23/7/2009 07:10 - United States

Today, while walking through the park, a little boy came running up to me and hit me in the nuts with a stick. I fell on the ground and looked up just in time to see his mom giving him the thumbs up with a smile on her face. FML

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By mando - 6/10/2011 15:14 - Australia

Today, at work, I refused a customer a refund because there was nothing wrong with the item, and she didn't have the packaging. I then watched as she and her son rummaged through a public bin for the packaging. When I refused her again, she called me a "fucking idiot". FML

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By Toothy - 2/4/2011 05:03 - United States

Today, I learned that when I leave skid marks in the toilet my wife uses my toothbrush to remove them. FML

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By fucktheearth - 20/4/2016 03:32 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was sitting at my desk when out of nowhere I had a "silent sneeze attack". Someone in the office called the paramedics because they thought I was having a seizure. This is the third time this has happened this week. FML

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By fuckit - 31/1/2009 17:24 - United States

Today, I realized I bought 30 condoms last year. I now have 29. FML

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By veevee - 17/8/2009 08:31 - Australia

Today, I noticed my dishwasher wouldn't turn on. After shelling out $120 call-out fee, I was a little miffed when the technician walked in, pressed the 'unlock' function and walked out again. FML

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By noway - 3/1/2014 11:03 - France - Cholet

Today, my French wife chose the name of our unborn baby girl. She wants to call her Fanny and won't change her mind. FML

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By lagirl - 9/6/2009 05:27 - United States

Today, I had a date with this really cute guy. He invited me over to make dinner at his place. Eventually we end up in his bedroom to have sex. He pulls down my panties and says, "You need to shave that shit." FML

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By mommyopps - 26/3/2016 02:14 - United States - Madison Lake

Today, I'm beginning to regret explaining death to my 3-year-old son. We were at the supermarket when he looked at an elderly woman and loudly told her "You're gonna die soon!" FML

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By Anonymous - 13/4/2009 02:39 - United States

Today, my two year old cousin was having a temper tantrum. I decided to give him a flashlight because playing with it usually distracts him. It didn't. Instead, he hit me in the face with it as hard as possible, leaving a bruise. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/8/2011 21:17 - United States

Today, I was out shopping when an old lady bumped into me and dropped her purse. Trying to help, I bent over to pick it up, at which point she battered the shit out of me, called me a "filthy thief" and threatened to open an umbrella in my ass. What the fuck has the world come to? FML

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By fml9124 - 21/12/2019 05:00

New urinal

Today, my wife caught our six-year-old son peeing in the bathroom sink. He pulled his little stool up in front, that he uses to brush his teeth, and was peeing in the sink. When we asked why, he said that he wanted to pee like a man, "like we do at football games." My son is using our bathroom sink like a urinal. FML

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By chickenmcnuggetgirl - 18/3/2013 18:10 - Ireland - Enfield

Today, I found out my boyfriend has a chicken nugget fetish. He wants me to take a chicken nugget bath in a bikini. He seems to be dead serious. FML

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By Tooks - 28/7/2009 19:41 - United Kingdom

Today, everyone at work commented on how much better my new haircut looked and how I should keep styling it this way as it's such an improvement over my old style. I was late for work this morning. My new hair style was Bed hair that I didn't have time to sort out... FML

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By Anonymous - 17/10/2015 23:30 - United States - Trenton

Today, I walked from my friend's wedding to my divorce. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/5/2019 03:10

Today, I was playing beer pong at a party and managed to get the ball in a cup. I jumped a little bit in excitement and somehow managed to fracture my foot while doing so. FML

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By riappp - 25/2/2009 15:31 - United States

Today, I farted in my cubicle thinking no one would smell it. Two seconds later, everyone came to my cubicle to wish me a happy birthday. FML

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By CreeptacularBait - 21/3/2018 15:00

Today, after my husband trusted me to sort out the arrangements for modifying our kitchen and I spent a lot of time finding the perfect top-quality items, they were delivered 1,291 miles away in a town I’ve never heard of. FML

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By Andrew - 30/10/2012 06:08 - United States - Monroe

Today, whilst in an argument with my girlfriend, I told her she was the craziest bitch I'd ever met. She responded with "Challenge accepted." I'm now terrified. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/1/2015 00:19 - United States - Huntsville

Today, I'm at the unique point in my schooling that I'm either extremely overqualified or extremely underqualified for every job opportunity that appeals to me. FML

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By moonbears - 22/10/2015 16:46 - United States - Portland

Today, as I tried to parallel park at a busy spot downtown, a group of teens jumped in front of my car and started a slow clap. FML

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By WaxOnWaxOff - 6/9/2012 21:50 - United States - Denver

Today, I realized that my boyfriend really does have a problem with my upper-lip hair. I woke up this morning to him ripping a wax strip off of my face. All he could say after I stopped shrieking was that he had hoped it wouldn't wake me up. FML

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By Lou Czar - 7/1/2009 23:56 - United States

Today, I signed up on one of those "cheater" dating sites. I ended up meeting my own girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/12/2015 02:02 - United States - San Francisco

Today, as I turned to face the cashier at the supermarket, I managed to knock over an entire display of gift cards with my backpack. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/7/2009 08:09 - United States

Today, I found out I'm balding faster than my dad. I'm 19. FML

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Top comments

By farmgirl | 3

#192601 - Tuesday 12 May 2009 23:08

you're all in line for the Star Trek movie - you're ALL geeks, no need to make fun of one of your own

By winteryescapes | 0

#192585 - Tuesday 12 May 2009 23:05

well, that was a bit hypocritical of you, wasn't it?

Comments

By MizzHollywood | 0

#192568 - Tuesday 12 May 2009 23:03

well obviously they had to like Star Trek if they knew what it was. They're geeks too

but seriosly get a new ringtone... FIRST!

Reply

PinkElephants713 | 6

#4627211 - Thursday 28 June 2012 21:45

Karma's a Bitch, asshole.

By winteryescapes | 0

#192585 - Tuesday 12 May 2009 23:05

well, that was a bit hypocritical of you, wasn't it?

Reply

scarletdragonfly | 5

#1020874 - Saturday 5 June 2010 21:27

Totally! They're all at the Star Trek thing, so how is one geekier than the next?

One of my best friends has that as her ringtone, and it's freaking awesome!

Reply

NoahStaz | 3

#3193542 - Sunday 28 August 2011 7:03

Irony and Karma are soul mates.

By shameonmedude | 0

#192592 - Tuesday 12 May 2009 23:07

It's Geek central whenever Star Trek or Star Wars etc etc etc cums out.....Geeks call eachother geeks cuz they dont think they geeks themselves?.......psshhh

By nuked | 0

#192595 - Tuesday 12 May 2009 23:07

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

SparkleyTurtle | 4

#4539786 - Friday 8 June 2012 11:20

It's an FML because the OP is a hypocrite and the couple he was talking to found out he's kind of a star trek nerd, too.

Reply

jonnyBgoode | 9

#4592858 - Thursday 21 June 2012 1:26

Spock is God.

By colortherainbowx | 0

#192599 - Tuesday 12 May 2009 23:08

FYL? What life? Nerd.

By farmgirl | 3

#192601 - Tuesday 12 May 2009 23:08

you're all in line for the Star Trek movie - you're ALL geeks, no need to make fun of one of your own

By purplestuff_fml | 0

#192604 - Tuesday 12 May 2009 23:07

people will do anything to make friends these days.

By NorfolkDude | 2

#192606 - Tuesday 12 May 2009 23:08

I was wearing a starfleet shirt too. It was awesome! I was like, Booo Yeah!

By lindsayylou | 0

#192609 - Tuesday 12 May 2009 23:10

hahaha awesome.
way to be hypocritical though. but nonetheless, awesome.

By greenfrog5 | 0

#192614 - Tuesday 12 May 2009 23:10

Karmas a Bitch