Geek: Today, I was in line for Star Trek and chatting with another... - FML

By Ottawa - Canada

Today, I was in line for Star Trek and chatting with another couple about a guy who came to the movie wearing a Starfleet uniform. We were having a good snicker about this "Geek" until my cell phone rang. My ringtone is the sound made by the Star Trek communicator. FML

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Money hole

Childfree

Devious, the lot of them

By Merry F-ing birthmas - 20/12/2020 11:01 - Australia - Brisbane

They targeted gamers!

Today, as he has all day for the last 3 days, my husband has been playing Cyberpunk 2077. However, it's my birthday. When I mentioned this fact, I was told to just walk the 4 miles to the store and buy a cake, "if it matters so much." I have celiac and he spent our grocery money on the game. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, a customer filed a complaint against me because my coworker took too long to do a price check. I hate my job. FML

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By nicolette5785452 - United States

Today, I shadowed an ultrasound technician for my future career. She did an ultrasound on me to show me how to do the job. I found out I was pregnant. FML

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By flicmybicgrl - 23/9/2020 08:01

Look where you're going

Today, I was heading to class with all of my books and papers in my arms. To prevent tripping and falling down the stairs, I decided to take the elevator. On my way there, I slipped and fell because my books were blocking the wet floor sign. FML

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By regretsteachinghighschool - United States - Rochester

Today, while teaching juniors about black holes, I said, "Imagine everything being sucked into a black hole." An African-American student shouted, "I'd better start clenching!" Nobody took the lesson seriously after that. FML

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By JoanT - 20/10/2020 11:08

Hangry

Today, while petting one of the goats we have, the other one was jealous so it ripped out a chunk of my hair. FML

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By fatandsad - United States

Today, I bought a $450 elliptical machine to get in shape of the new year. After 5 hours of putting it together, I realized that all the ceilings in every room of my apartment are too low for me to use it without hitting my head. I can't return it. FML

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By Mamaofdrama

Today, I was working on potty training my daughter. She opened the fridge while I wasn't looking and peed all over the lower shelf. FML

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By anonymous198913 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I learned how to play "Happy Birthday" on the guitar, just to have my friend tell me that my voice sucks, and that I needed to stop immediately. FML

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By screwed - 11/3/2020 23:00

Bad choice of material, dude

Today, I told my on and off girlfriend as a joke that I stalked her two years ago. She didn't believe me. When I say she didn't believe me, I mean she didn't believe it was a joke. FM

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By crimsoncon

Today, my dog nearly died when my mom fed him chocolate. After finding out dogs are not supposed to eat chocolate, she promptly grounded me for not telling her. FML

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By hyphen - 9/12/2020 18:01 - United States - Denver

The patriarchy rules

Today, I was talking to a new friend when I told him my last name. It’s hyphenated. He then left and declared me to be a "stuck-up bitch" who thinks she’s "too good to take a man’s last name." This is the name I was born with. FML

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By trafficfail

Today, as I was driving to work, I glanced in my rear view mirror to see an old man behind me using binoculars to see in front of him since we were stuck in a huge traffic jam. He rear ended me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I was out with my youngest cousin and we had to stop for gas. Since he just got his license, I asked if he wanted to pump the gas while I went into the station to get snacks and pay. He pumped my car full of diesel. FML

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By patriarchal apparently - Saint Lucia

Today, my girlfriend kicked me out for bringing up the idea of her maybe giving me a blowjob someday. According to her, it's "demeaning" and "sick". She doesn't seem to have a problem always making me go down on her for ages as a condition for having sex with me, though. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Louisville

Today, I woke up to a mouse sitting on my pillow and chewing on my hair. FML

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By MaggotMother - United States

Today, I learned what live maggots in chocolate cake taste like. FML

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By sad - Canada

Today, I left my book on the plane after I'd finished reading it. The flight attendant thought I'd forgotten it, so he chased me through the airport, past security, past customs, and past baggage claims. I didn't have the heart to tell him I left it on purpose. FML

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By far23 - United States

Today, I had a big party that left my house really messy. I spent hours cleaning the house until it was spotless. When my parents got home, my dad said "Did you have fun at the party?" and I said, "How'd you know?" and he replied "You hate cleaning and the house was filthy when we left". FML

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By CivE - United States

Today, I started work as the head engineer for a big civil engineering project. I met the rest of my team, in particular the environmental engineer who I'll need to get along with the most. As it turns out, I took her virginity when we were freshmen in college. She still thinks I'm an asshole. FML

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By porcelainleigh - United States

Today, I got engaged. I called my mom and told her. "You didn't say yes, did you?" she said. Afterwards, I told my dad. "Uh, Congratulations. But, I have questions." Thanks guys. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was walking along when I saw this girl kissing her boyfriend. I thought to myself "I wish I had a boyfriend like that". I'm a guy, and straight. At least I thought I was. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was crocheting while watching television, and thinking to myself how proud I was that I taught myself to crochet. Then, an episode of Golden Girls came on, and I watched that while I crocheted. I'm 24. FML

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By Uhg

Today, my spouse made it clear that they would rather play videogames than be intimate with me. I've tried everything but get nothing. FML

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By I love L - Canada - Richmond Hill

Today, I woke up panting and drenched in sweat from a horrible nightmare. I'd been dreaming that bright, colored shapes were falling from the sky and I couldn't make them all neatly align with one another on the ground. I guess I should stop playing so much Tetris before bed. FML

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By Stalkerella

Today, I asked my neighbor to kindly move his truck because it blocks my driveway and the side entrance to my yard. He responded by throwing a decapitated bird onto my front lawn and filing an injunction against me for stalking. FML

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By imaqtb - Canada

Today, I was working at a restaurant. This guy comes up to the counter and asks if he could have some toothpicks. I told him they were right in front of him. He said "Sorry, I'm blind." Thinking it was a joke, I laughed until he said "No, seriously." FML

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By IGOTIT - United States - Fountain Valley

Today, my boyfriend took me to a very elegant and expensive restaurant to celebrate our anniversary. When it came to the check, I volunteered to pitch in half, which he rejected by saying "I got it". Little did I know was that "I got it" was short for "I got your credit card". FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I got an email from my professor with my grade for a paper. It said, "Solid writing, but you should have proofread your final draft more carefully." In a moment of annoyance, I typed in the reply box, "God should have proofread your FACE more carefully." My elbow hit the send button. FML

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By gingerbread - Armenia - Yerevan

Today, I got a little too drunk at my best friend's birthday party and threw up in the pub bathroom. I wiped everything up, composed myself, and went back to the party table before promptly throwing up on myself in front of the whole pub. FML

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By comics over coatis

Today, my boyfriend got mad at me for starting to give him oral sex because I wasn't paying attention to the Marvel movie he was showing me. FML

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By PaneraSucks - United States - Londonderry

Today, a customer at work pronounced the word "Asian" as "Ah-See-Awn" when ordering a salad. I wasn't allowed to say anything. FML

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By ihatecats - United States

Today, I heard my cat climbing on the counters in the kitchen. To prevent a tremendous avalanche of dishes, I picked up the cat and put it outside. She got scared from the blinds and scurried away leaving deep scratches across my nipple. I wasn't wearing a shirt. FML

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By Sad elf - Australia - Brookfield

Today, after weeks of tirelessly organising a Secret Santa with work colleagues, we finally exchanged gifts. I got a stapler, which had been stolen from my desk the day before. FML

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By anidiotskeeper - United States - Hawthorne

Today, I went to my girlfriend's house and caught her digging for gold. She wasn't picking her nose - she was literally trying to dig for gold in her backyard. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were choosing animals that reminded us of eachother. I said he reminded me of a tiger because he is really muscular. He told me I reminded him of a zebra. When I asked him why, he said it was because of my stretchmarks. FML

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By nic - United States

Today, for April fools I decided to set off the smoke detectors in my friend's apartment while he was sleeping and saran wrap the outside of his bedroom doorway so he would smack into it. Instead, he jumped out the window and broke his leg. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/7/2020 23:02

Don't you know that you're toxic?

Today, I found out my girlfriend talks to around 18 other men for fun. She says she loves me more, but I told her to prove it, so I took her phone and deleted the social media accounts that she made just for these men. Now I'm a "toxic controlling monster" because I don't let her chat with random men. FML

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By Denki - China - Beijing

Today, I went to my cousin's wedding. The groom walked over when the two of us were talking, took one good look at me, slapped me on the ass, and said, "You know, if I wasn't marrying Rose here, you'd be next." Yeah, about that: I'm a 16-year old guy. FML

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By Sylvania - United States

Today, I was playing a medieval game with my brother, when he took all of his character's clothes off and said, "Let's have sex!" I looked at him and said, "UH YOU ARE MY BROTHER!" He turns and looks at me, smiling and says, "But not in the game!" I am a 19 year old girl. He is 12. FML

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Top comments

By farmgirl | 3

#192601 - Tuesday 12 May 2009 23:08

you're all in line for the Star Trek movie - you're ALL geeks, no need to make fun of one of your own

By winteryescapes | 0

#192585 - Tuesday 12 May 2009 23:05

well, that was a bit hypocritical of you, wasn't it?

COMMENTS

By MizzHollywood | 0

#192568 - Tuesday 12 May 2009 23:03

well obviously they had to like Star Trek if they knew what it was. They're geeks too

but seriosly get a new ringtone... FIRST!

Reply

PinkElephants713 | 6

#4627211 - Thursday 28 June 2012 21:45

Karma's a Bitch, asshole.

By winteryescapes | 0

#192585 - Tuesday 12 May 2009 23:05

well, that was a bit hypocritical of you, wasn't it?

Reply

scarletdragonfly | 5

#1020874 - Saturday 5 June 2010 21:27

Totally! They're all at the Star Trek thing, so how is one geekier than the next?

One of my best friends has that as her ringtone, and it's freaking awesome!

Reply

NoahStaz | 3

#3193542 - Sunday 28 August 2011 7:03

Irony and Karma are soul mates.

By shameonmedude | 0

#192592 - Tuesday 12 May 2009 23:07

It's Geek central whenever Star Trek or Star Wars etc etc etc cums out.....Geeks call eachother geeks cuz they dont think they geeks themselves?.......psshhh

By nuked | 0

#192595 - Tuesday 12 May 2009 23:07

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

SparkleyTurtle | 4

#4539786 - Friday 8 June 2012 11:20

It's an FML because the OP is a hypocrite and the couple he was talking to found out he's kind of a star trek nerd, too.

Reply

jonnyBgoode | 9

#4592858 - Thursday 21 June 2012 1:26

Spock is God.

By colortherainbowx | 0

#192599 - Tuesday 12 May 2009 23:08

FYL? What life? Nerd.

By farmgirl | 3

#192601 - Tuesday 12 May 2009 23:08

you're all in line for the Star Trek movie - you're ALL geeks, no need to make fun of one of your own

By purplestuff_fml | 0

#192604 - Tuesday 12 May 2009 23:07

people will do anything to make friends these days.

By NorfolkDude | 2

#192606 - Tuesday 12 May 2009 23:08

I was wearing a starfleet shirt too. It was awesome! I was like, Booo Yeah!

By lindsayylou | 0

#192609 - Tuesday 12 May 2009 23:10

hahaha awesome.
way to be hypocritical though. but nonetheless, awesome.

By greenfrog5 | 0

#192614 - Tuesday 12 May 2009 23:10

Karmas a Bitch