Love: Today, for my girlfriend's birthday, I got her an external hard...

By Anon. - 28/03/2009 08:07 - United States

Today, for my girlfriend's birthday, I got her an external hard drive and my grandmother's engagement ring. When she opened both boxes, I took her hand and looked deep in her eyes and told her to pick whichever she wanted. She took the external hard drive, even though she already has one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 664

You deserved it 14 544

Love

Dementia or hate? You decide

This Charming Man

Student becomes the master

By jazzterchic - 29/12/2016 15:03 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I found out that my boyfriend's mom doesn't believe you can get food poisoning from food that is cooked. She gave us food that had sat out all day/night and then got angry when I said we could get sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 538

You deserved it 378

By goodlkjh - 24/04/2019 14:00 - South Africa

Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to put a camera in my room so I could be watched at all times, to make sure I'm behaving. I'm 14. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 726

You deserved it 271

By WarMachine68 - 06/06/2015 19:19 - United States - Shawnee

Today, just before a job interview, I coughed so violently that I lost my voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 136

You deserved it 2 100

By Sarcasmo - 12/07/2016 20:04 - United States - Madison

Today, I'm so broke that I had to get a refund for my unopened hummus, just so I'd be able to afford the bus fare to get to work tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 794

You deserved it 1 276

By tool - 09/04/2009 06:03 - United States

Today, I was bored at my job at Home Depot. I got a bar code tattoo 3 weeks ago and thought it would be funny to scan it. I'm a $5.98 160z claw hammer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 866

You deserved it 143 010

By Needasafe1234 - 25/09/2009 15:24 - United States

Today, it was my mother's birthday. My 5 year old brother and 85 year old grandma decided to decorate the house with balloons and a blow up "people" they found in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 992

You deserved it 46 702

Awkward

By Anonymous - 26/12/2020 02:01

Today, I saw my friend's ex and noticed she had gained a ton of weight since he dated her and had been dating someone else. It reminded me of my friend, so I messaged him and made a joke about her being unrecognizable. He informed me that they started seeing each other again last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 379

You deserved it 1 144

By windthroughmyflab - 13/05/2015 23:19 - United States

Today, I stuck my hand out the car window and noticed my arm fat flapping in the wind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 672

You deserved it 10 424

Red flag

By Anonymous - 12/01/2021 20:01

Today, I tried therapy to talk about my problems without feeling like i am harassing anyone. After messaging a therapist for over 2 hours, I felt way better and finally understood. It turned out I'm in such a bad mental state that I'm a danger to myself and others. Police were called by the therapist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 114

You deserved it 223

By astroloser - 07/03/2009 16:10 - Philippines

Today, I went to my guidance counselor and told her how I'd been fascinated with space since I was 12, had read about the universe and everything, and how I want to be an astrologist when I grow up. She stared at me for a second, before saying, "But you're... stupid." FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 207

You deserved it 18 037

By Hairless freak - 23/09/2012 08:14 - United States - Fallbrook

Today, after weeks of dealing with a bad hair cut, my hair finally grew back to my preferred length. Today is also the day my roommate replaced my shampoo with hair remover as a prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 422

You deserved it 1 849

By kaleigh - 31/05/2011 17:01 - United States

Today, as I was walking out of a restaurant with my boyfriend, I saw some guys checking me out. One of them walked up to my boyfriend and said, "Dude, you and your girlfriend have matching moustaches!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 725

You deserved it 10 159

Get Lucky, sound of the summer

By ashamed - 25/11/2015 15:50 - United States - Buffalo

Today, my neighbor called me a lucky bastard and said he heard me getting my wife off last night. I was too ashamed to admit the sounds he was referring to were from my 17-year-old daughter after a wasp flew through her bedroom window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 850

You deserved it 2 363

By wheezy - 06/09/2011 02:52 - United States

Today, I had to go to the hospital to get a harmonica removed from my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 977

You deserved it 28 184

Some people just don't like surprises

By alone and horny - 20/06/2020 20:01

Today, I went outside to smoke a cigarette. When I started to head back in, I saw a shadow move across my bedroom window. I live alone, so I waited outside and called the police. They came and investigated, only to drag my naked boyfriend out, where he promptly dumped me. I forgot our 2-year anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 608

You deserved it 1 465

By Anonyme - 22/06/2016 04:05

Today, my parents, who aren’t usually lenient, allowed me to have my boyfriend over. We started to cuddle, things got a little heated, but then my sister walks in and says, “You do my math homework, or I tell mom what you guys were doing.” I don’t remember middle school math being this hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 364

You deserved it 4 147

By hubby - 08/10/2013 17:57 - United States

Today, my wife's pregnancy hormones got so bad that she freaked out and threw a tantrum, accusing me of always making important decisions for her. All I did was get her some food from Taco Bell as a surprise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 513

You deserved it 5 770

By yomamma787 - 24/11/2009 17:11 - United States

Today, I was outside, peeing on a cactus. Then all of a sudden my dog jumped on my back, knocking me into the cactus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 847

You deserved it 54 337

Mid-life crisis

By theslutmuncher - 14/12/2012 23:20 - Germany - Merseburg

Today, in the midst of his ongoing mid-life crisis, my dad forced me to accompany him for some father-son bonding. The bonding involved me driving us away at high speed after he gleefully hurled a bucket of paint all over a store window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 833

You deserved it 2 465

By A.K. - 27/05/2009 12:40 - United States

Today, I was driving on the highway and a cop had his radar gun out. The woman in front of me panics and slams her brakes on, causing me to rear end her. The cop cited me for "tailgating" and I have to pay for the damages on both of our cars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 090

You deserved it 21 047

By ks.swan13 - 22/12/2010 09:50

Today, I got a call about my dog who went missing a week ago. The guy who called said "We have your dog, but you aren't getting her back." Then he hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 588

You deserved it 2 883

By beautifulme - 31/01/2012 06:22 - United States

Today, I got to be an innocent victim caught in the middle of a farting war between my boyfriend and my 10-year-old son. I fear my sense of smell will never recover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 073

You deserved it 4 863

By Anonymous - 06/05/2016 16:55 - United States - Harrisburg

Today, my dad and I ran into a guy I've been dating. He flipped out and accused me of cheating on him. This is now the second guy to have a similar reaction to my dad. I guess this is one of those unexpected consequences of teen pregnancy that my parents didn't see coming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 302

You deserved it 1 442

By Firequeen - 21/11/2016 21:44

Today I visited my boyfriend's house for Thanksgiving. The fast food from the drive made me really need to poop, so I did my business and flipped on the air vent. Turns out the vent sparked a hot spot in the attic and caused a fire. I literally set my boyfriend's house on fire with my shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 322

You deserved it 996

By "linzi1771" - 15/12/2018 05:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, in front of my friends, my mom came after me with a pair of tweezers exclaiming "there's just a couple of hairs on your chin that need to be plucked." I'm a 14 year old girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 525

You deserved it 331

When nature calls

By Andrew Williams - 11/12/2020 14:01

Today, as I was walking to go look at Christmas lights in my neighborhood, I really had to go number two. I called my dad to come and pick me up. I couldn’t hold it in much longer, so I took a crap in the sewer in the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 667

You deserved it 309

No warning

By lol - 19/09/2021 11:00

Today, despite leaving early to go to work, I still ended up late because some dude decided to have an argument with the bus driver, delaying us by 20 minutes. As a result, I was fired without a write-up. This was my first ever time being late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 154

You deserved it 54

By Anonymous - 23/07/2019 06:00 - United States

Today, as I was putting groceries away, I went to open my freezer door which randomly gets stuck by giving it a good tug, and a frozen hamburger fell on my right foot. My right foot, which is currently healing from a sprain I got a couple days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 111

You deserved it 176

By Eric Forrest - 24/02/2011 08:27 - United States

Today, while at a work meeting, I finally summoned up the courage to share and express my opinions about unprofessionalism in the office. After the meeting, I went to clean up, only to notice in the bathroom mirror that I'd had a booger pasted across my forehead throughout the meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 105

You deserved it 23 915

By Anonymous - 15/11/2010 12:05 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to spend £200 at the dentist for fillings and repairs to my teeth. Why do I need them? Because I'm stressed about money and grind my teeth in the night because of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 017

You deserved it 4 564

By dollarstorepwnr - 19/03/2011 05:37 - Canada

Today, my dad cussed out an individual on the phone because he thought it was a telemarketer. He was my Indian girlfriend's father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 573

You deserved it 4 901

Locked out

By blank - 21/01/2013 21:55 - United States

Today, my girlfriend left for basic training. I went to say goodbye to her at the airport. Only after I walked back to my car did I realize that she still had the keys. My extra set was back at the house, locked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 480

You deserved it 6 367

By selfesteemloss - 10/08/2013 23:41 - Spain - Barcelona

Today, I was flirting with a cute bartender on my last day in Spain. It was going well until we somehow got onto the topic of how I was recently dumped by my boyfriend of 3 years via Facebook. He spent the next 5 minutes laughing and telling his coworkers how hilarious that was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 140

You deserved it 8 965

Dirty talk

By Anonymous - 14/03/2010 07:54 - United States

Today, I was in bed with my boyfriend, in the middle of foreplay, and somehow out of my mouth came, "I want to be inside you." I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 710

You deserved it 10 144

Not a sponsored post, honest

By Superwoman678 - 27/10/2020 05:01 - Canada

Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. This brings me bad news and good news. The bad news, I'm a vegetarian. The good news, I finally know why I've been craving Big Macs for the last two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 513

You deserved it 750

By quackers - 08/07/2016 07:00 - United States - Columbus

Today, I found out that my favorite pizza place will no longer deliver to my area after dark because they've been robbed too many times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 784

You deserved it 1 188

Creepy Crawly

By chelseasdead - 04/07/2021 06:01

Today, I was smoking a cigarette outside and kept thinking I saw something moving out of the corner of my eye. I would look and there was nothing there, so I kept brushing it off. Finally I figured out it was an earwig crawling through my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 809

You deserved it 108

Slimed

By Hashtagfail - 04/08/2021 10:01 - Netherlands

Today, I went outside to feed the hedgehogs who often visit my garden. It was late in the evening and dark outside. I was walking barefoot, when I suddenly stepped on something. It felt soft and splashed apart under my foot. I looked and realized that I had stepped on a slug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 599

You deserved it 280

By Anonymous - 02/01/2013 19:02 - Canada - Belle River

Today, at a house party, I finally got the guy I've been seeing alone in his room. We started making out, and I got on top of him to take control. He responded by saying he couldn't do it because he needed to go make pizza for his friends, and then bolted out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 857

You deserved it 9 829

By Anonymous - 21/02/2016 21:48 - United States - Merrimack

Today, I found out that my friends only hang out with me so they can play with my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 701

You deserved it 2 401

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anaphaseii 0

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Saturday 28 March 2009 15:59

Well....I mean.... This is gonna be harsh, but I'd be pretty disappointed if my boyfriend proposed to me like that. It's supposed to be romantic, you know? This just doesn't ...sparkle?... enough. I don't know. Maybe she was hitting the refresh key. Try again later?

elemenopyqrstuv 0

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Saturday 28 March 2009 15:58

why the hell wouldn't you JUST get her the ring if she already had an external HD???

_Nick_ 0

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Saturday 28 March 2009 15:44

That's just cold-hearted....

nightslayer 6

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Friday 12 August 2011 20:50

Not really, if she didn't want to be engaged then she can say no

zykrithium 22

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Monday 11 January 2016 3:43

#132 is right, but I'd like to add that you can never have too many external hard drives.

kwbuzz23wk 0

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Saturday 28 March 2009 15:46

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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madgrinchhatter 12

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Friday 15 March 2013 23:32

That's called rape

byork 0

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Saturday 28 March 2009 15:48

Was it a 1TB external HD? :D

iampunk 0

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Monday 25 October 2010 1:35

^ Has a point. That's a lot of space. And cash.

stevenish 0

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Saturday 28 March 2009 15:49

You can never have too much storage space, are you still with her?

Jaywin 3

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Saturday 28 March 2009 15:51

I second #3 a 1 TB would be pretty tits. Also, I laughed at your execution of the proposal. Sorry, man.

Kingcc 0

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Tuesday 10 May 2011 3:23

aha tits :) epic win bro

z_vet 0

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Saturday 28 March 2009 15:54

Geek girl! You're lucky man, stop whining!

elemenopyqrstuv 0

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Saturday 28 March 2009 15:58

why the hell wouldn't you JUST get her the ring if she already had an external HD???

anaphaseii 0

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Saturday 28 March 2009 15:59

FriesWithASideOf 0

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Saturday 17 July 2010 18:42

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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definecrazy 0

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Saturday 28 March 2009 16:00

Huh. You should've proposed properly, though.

Lolrus 0

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Saturday 28 March 2009 16:03

agree with # 7. If she already had an external HD then why did u get her one ? If u would've just gotten her the ring then she wouldnt have to choose. lol.