Today, for my girlfriend's birthday, I got her an external hard... - FML

By Anon. - United States

Today, for my girlfriend's birthday, I got her an external hard drive and my grandmother's engagement ring. When she opened both boxes, I took her hand and looked deep in her eyes and told her to pick whichever she wanted. She took the external hard drive, even though she already has one. FML

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Out of it

Alexa, play "Boredom" by Buzzcocks

Great quality control

By destiny147 - United Kingdom

Today, I posted a picture of my boyfriend and I kissing on facebook. He untagged himself. FML

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By wideman - United States

Today, I was at church and saw a blind teenager who obviously felt lost. Feeling like I should help I went over and asked if he needed anything. He said, "I can't find my caretaker." I asked, "What does she look like?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Tampa

Peek a boo

Today, my husband and I put our children to bed a little earlier than usual, so we could have some sexy time. Immediately following my full-blown orgasm, I rolled over, only to see my wide-eyed son peeking over the top of the mattress. FML

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By sorethumb - United Kingdom - Bookham

Today, while observing a surgery, I was asked to open a glass ampule of adrenaline. Not only did I break it and get it everywhere, I sliced open my thumb bad enough to need stitches. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I spent my remaining cash on a doctor's visit, only to find out that at the age of 22, I'm getting major health problems brought on by stress. I came home to relax, only to find out my roommate can't pay his rent, and needs me to cover for him so we don't get evicted. FML

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By Dumbdumb - United States

Today, at work a really hot guy came up to me and asked "what are your hours?" Excited, I told him I get off at 4 but might be able to get out sooner. He started laughing and then said "I meant your store hours". He turned around and walked away, shaking his head and laughing. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/11/2020 23:02

Unforgettable

Today, I was mistaken for an employee at my grandmother's funeral. There were only twelve of us there, all family. FML

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By anonymous2.0 - United States - Raleigh

Today, I asked my husband to come upstairs to our bedroom, thinking I could get some "special time." It ended up with us arguing about his mother, and him falling asleep cuddling my pillow while sucking his thumb. FML

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By FailedEngineer - Australia

Today, I lost my house keys while staggering home drunk, so I decided to climb through an opened window and promptly went to bed. Twenty minutes later the police wake me up while attempting to search my place. The neighbors thought I was a burglar and called the cops. FML

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By Angie - South Africa

Today, my twelve year old neighbour decided to give a Hannah Montana concert in her backyard, starring herself. Unfortunately, she only knew three lines of the song "The Best of Both Worlds" and screamed them repeatedly at the top of her lungs. FML

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By Charity Taylor

Some pain, no gain

Today, after establishing that we have no idea what's wrong with me, only that it's chronic pain, my doctor informed me that even though I've been dealing with increasingly worse symptoms for years, I'm not a "good applicant" for pain medication. FML

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By fihifgni210 - United States

Today, I decided to go tanning. I went outside and took my top off and laid out in the sun for about an hour. When I was about to go inside a phone rang. It belonged to one of the five men that were working on my roof and watching me the entire time. FML

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By fuckedalready - United States

Today, the cleaning lady left a note that said my room was too dirty to clean. FML

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By Rainman - United States

Today, I had to water my entire garden. After an exhausting hour of watering hundreds of plants, I turned off the hose and started to feel good about the grueling job. That is, until it started pouring rain. FML

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By biomajor - United States

Today, I was talking to a guy at the bar and I told him I was a biology major. He promptly said, "NEXT" and moved on to the girl next to me. FML

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By ceedee - United States

Today, I was pondering the meaning of life - why I'm here, why anyone is here, why go on, and whether it's worth it... Then it hit me. The football in the head, not the meaning of life. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/5/2020 05:00

Tricky situation

Today, my roommate in our barracks posted trans hate-speech on Facebook. My choices are to report him and risk ending his military career, confront him and risk him finding out I'm trans, or do nothing and live in fear of him figuring me out. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I came home to tell my parents about my new nose job I got about a month ago. My mom always told me I should get one, so I didn't tell her right away to see if she would notice. I was home for about 20 minutes before she asked me, "so when are you getting that nose job?" FML

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By Skazzy3

Today, I got banned from my school library after I ran after a guy who stole my bag. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took my car to a drive-through car wash. It wasn't until after my back seat was filled with foam and I had been squirted in the face that I realized my back seat window was rolled down. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was changing my clothes with my dog in the room. As I took off my shirt, he looked at me, ran into the corner, and threw up. Well that's a confidence booster. FML

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By "QueenCortana Tiffany Turner" - 7/2/2020 14:00

Temper tantrum

Today, the cops were called to my apartment because my daughter had a temper tantrum while I was at work. She was naked when they were there. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/1/2020 20:00

After shower

Today, my sister snuck into the bathroom while I was in the shower (the locks broke) and took my clothes and towels. I came out and quickly went to my room. As I went in, my sister was sitting on my bed with two friends watching TV. I instantly covered up, but they saw everything. FML

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By mohit

Today, I found out that my neighbor's son is supposed to be giving me gas money for driving him to school each morning. He's using it to buy drugs instead. FML

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By DeadDude

Today, I took my kids to the doctor. In the waiting room, a six year old boy walked up to me, punched me in the crotch, and ran away with my glasses. When the kid's parents made him give me my glasses back, he spat on them. FML

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By kristajoy2001

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. All of the sudden, he whispered in my ear, "Do you want to hear a Minecraft joke?" FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my boyfriend, who is supposed to protect me from murderers and rapists, had an emotional breakdown because he was so excited that I'd cooked french fries for dinner. FML

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By Ash_U

Today, I had to dig through my dog's poop again because I thought I saw a worm, but it was just the remains of the paper towels my husband leaves all over the house. My efforts to make them both stop have obviously fallen on deaf ears. FML

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By RePete

Today, thanks to downsizing and corporate restructuring, I was "promoted" to the entry level position I had 10 years ago. FML

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By soreloser - United States - Manhattan

Today, I beat my extremely competitive friend in a game of pool. He responded by breaking a pool stick over my head. FML

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By in pain

Today, I got into a bad car accident, where I got severe whiplash, swollen knees, and cuts everywhere. I called my boss to let him know I wouldn't be able to make it in and he fired me for being 'not dependable'. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was on my way to work and someone cut me off. I then switched lanes and sped past the person as I flipped them off. What I didn't notice was that the person that cut me off was my boss. He's been shooting me dirty looks from across the room all morning. FML

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By gooddriver - United States

Today, I was involved in a wreck. How quickly did the police arrive at the scene? Very quickly, considering he was the one who rear-ended me at a red light. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went on my first date in six years. The guy was unbelievably creepy, and I couldn't wait for it to be over. Right after we finished eating, he told me he loved me, then tried to lean in for a kiss. He looked like he was going to cry when I turned him down. FML

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By efmylife - United States

Today, I threw a paper ball into a recycling bin backwards. I don't know whats more sad: the fact that that was my highlight of my life, or I had been attempting to make that shot every day for 3 years. FML

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By Anonymous - Philippines - Sucat

Today, I had a big argument with my girlfriend, after she tried to stop me going home, even though it was already past my curfew. I got home, only to find out I'm grounded for staying out late, and dumped for being "inconsiderate". FML

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By cmck932012 - United States - Tyrone

Today, at a job interview, my interviewer bent forward and I admired his ass. When he turned, I couldn't tell if he caught me or not. At the end of the interview he shook my hand in congratulations of getting the job, then said "Yes, I do work out." I have to see him everyday now. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I became that small percent of people who face three different kinds of complications after their wisdom teeth are removed. FML

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By phillyfan4life - United States

Today, I saw my dog sleeping, so I laid next to her and put her arm around my neck to be cute. Only for her to wake up and bite my nose. FML

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By Tiana - Canada

Today, I was watching a movie in the basement with my boyfriend when we started to get a little frisky. My mom walks down with dirty laundry and tells him to stop it because I'm creaming all over my undies. She showed him a pair of dirty ones to prove it. FML

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Top comments

By anaphaseii | 0

#64786 - Saturday 28 March 2009 15:59

Well....I mean.... This is gonna be harsh, but I'd be pretty disappointed if my boyfriend proposed to me like that. It's supposed to be romantic, you know? This just doesn't ...sparkle?... enough. I don't know.

Maybe she was hitting the refresh key. Try again later?

By elemenopyqrstuv | 0

#64784 - Saturday 28 March 2009 15:58

why the hell wouldn't you JUST get her the ring if she already had an external HD???

COMMENTS

By _Nick_ | 0

#64752 - Saturday 28 March 2009 15:44

That's just cold-hearted....

Reply

nightslayer | 6

#3095692 - Friday 12 August 2011 20:50

Not really, if she didn't want to be engaged then she can say no

Reply

zykrithium | 22

#6507166 - Monday 11 January 2016 3:43

#132 is right, but I'd like to add that you can never have too many external hard drives.

By kwbuzz23wk | 0

#64755 - Saturday 28 March 2009 15:46

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

madgrinchhatter | 12

#5407133 - Friday 15 March 2013 23:32

That's called rape

By byork | 0

#64759 - Saturday 28 March 2009 15:48

Was it a 1TB external HD? :D

Reply

iampunk | 0

#1597469 - Monday 25 October 2010 1:35

^ Has a point. That's a lot of space. And cash.

By stevenish | 0

#64761 - Saturday 28 March 2009 15:49

You can never have too much storage space, are you still with her?

By Jaywin | 3

#64765 - Saturday 28 March 2009 15:51

I second #3 a 1 TB would be pretty tits.

Also, I laughed at your execution of the proposal. Sorry, man.

Reply

Kingcc | 0

#2486628 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 3:23

aha tits :) epic win bro

By z_vet | 0

#64776 - Saturday 28 March 2009 15:54

Geek girl! You're lucky man, stop whining!

By elemenopyqrstuv | 0

#64784 - Saturday 28 March 2009 15:58

why the hell wouldn't you JUST get her the ring if she already had an external HD???

By anaphaseii | 0

#64786 - Saturday 28 March 2009 15:59

Well....I mean.... This is gonna be harsh, but I'd be pretty disappointed if my boyfriend proposed to me like that. It's supposed to be romantic, you know? This just doesn't ...sparkle?... enough. I don't know.

Maybe she was hitting the refresh key. Try again later?

Reply

FriesWithASideOf | 0

#1101876 - Saturday 17 July 2010 18:42

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By definecrazy | 0

#64789 - Saturday 28 March 2009 16:00

Huh. You should've proposed properly, though.

By Lolrus | 0

#64791 - Saturday 28 March 2009 16:03

agree with # 7.
If she already had an external HD then why did u get her one ?
If u would've just gotten her the ring then she wouldnt have to choose.
lol.