Today, for my girlfriend's birthday, I got her an external hard... - FML

By Anon. - 28/3/2009 08:07 - United States

Today, for my girlfriend's birthday, I got her an external hard drive and my grandmother's engagement ring. When she opened both boxes, I took her hand and looked deep in her eyes and told her to pick whichever she wanted. She took the external hard drive, even though she already has one. FML

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Great boyfriend

Rich people problems

Abuse

By bbbbb - 14/10/2012 05:29 - United States - Woodbridge

Today, I slipped on a crayon a little girl threw on the floor, causing me to drop the tray of water I was carrying, making me spill it all over her. After getting cussed out by her mom, I was fired for making a customer unhappy. FML

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By wvugirl - 19/4/2009 20:49 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend what he thinks about long term relationships. He said, "Our relationship is kinda like having a dog. Chances are, your dog is going to die pretty quickly, before you do. Dogs and humans just aren't meant to be together forever." He compared me to a dying dog. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/11/2009 20:55 - United States

Today, at work, I screamed, used one of my employees as a human shield, dove for cover, and cried. Why? A bat flew into my store. Bats scare me shitless. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/1/2016 00:24 - United States - San Francisco

Today, after weeks of watching Michael Jackson videos non-stop, my boyfriend learned how to moonwalk. Now he does it literally everywhere. I can't even cross the street without him moonwalking behind me. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/3/2014 18:16 - United Kingdom - New Malden

Today, my husband actually tried to pay me to forget about the affair that he's been having. FML

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By shroomda - 29/6/2009 07:29 - United States

Today, I called my Dad to wish him happy birthday. The phone was disconnected, so I called my sister to see what his cell was. She then informed me that our Dad was in jail for selling shrooms to teenagers at a music festival out of state. FML

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By whatthef - 2/11/2009 18:06 - United States

Today, I found out that my fifty-five year old uncle had taken my phone and texted my girlfriend saying "I'm his uncle, send tit pics." She did. FML

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By Victim - 27/6/2009 13:47 - United States

Today, at lifeguard class, I played a victim while my peers strapped me to the backboard in the water. When I was strapped down, I got wood in a wet swimsuit. My hands were strapped down so I could do nothing to hide it. FML

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By Cinderella - 9/7/2017 14:55

Today, my house was so dusty that when I started to clean it, the smoke detector went off. FML

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By ShayanFCB - 20/10/2009 19:35 - United States

Today, my boss was angry at me because I had filed a complaint about him refusing to change our phone service to something more reliable. Later, a customer called him and said I had hung up on him. I got fired. I didn't hang up on the customer, the phone service just dropped the call. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/9/2018 03:30

Today, I found out my fiancé can't wear his ring at his parents house cause his mom and dad don’t want him to marry me, and it has nothing to do with me. They don’t like my parents so I’m not good enough for their son. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/1/2011 04:05 - Canada

Today, my parrot won't stop repeating my boyfriend's name. The problem is we broke up days ago and my parrot won't shut up. FML

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By oofouchmyvagooter - 6/10/2019 16:00

The Rupture

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time in over a week, because I had been having weird cramps. Afterwards, I was experiencing the worst pain I’ve felt in my entire life, so we went to the ER. Turns out my cramping was from an ovarian cyst, and having sex made it rupture. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/9/2013 21:00 - Hungary - Szeged

Today, my girlfriend came over to visit me and my brother at our apartment. I left for just five minutes to fix us lunch. When I got back, she was making out with my brother. FML

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By pillowless - 13/10/2011 14:41 - United States

Today, I came home to find that my house had been broken into. The items stolen were my PS3, cell phone, laptop, tablets, and for some reason my deodorant and pillowcases as well. FML

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By anonymous - 25/7/2013 05:47 - United States - Gerald

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, saying, "I'm not ready for a serious relationship." We're supposed to get married in a month. FML

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By 2broke4ajoke - 29/11/2018 13:30

Today, after starting my new career as a server, two women were kind enough to leave a $5 tip... while still owing $6.84 on their bill. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/12/2012 10:52 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my pregnant girlfriend gave me back the ring I'd used to propose with a week ago. Her reason? She only said yes because she was worried the real father of the baby wasn't going to stick around. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/9/2016 02:51 - United States - Omaha

Today, I was laying in my bed and discovered a couple stray black hairs scattered about. This was odd considering I have light strawberry blonde hair but I forgot about it only to later see my hair brush have more of the same black hairs. I live alone. I'm scared. FML

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By fuzzle003 - 13/6/2012 12:47 - Australia - Canberra

Today, I finally bought the expensive but beautifully stylish dress I've been eyeing for ages online. Ten minutes later, I went back to check the shoes the model was wearing so I could coordinate my outfit. The dress had been reduced to half price. FML

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By dunnough - 14/1/2009 11:06 - United States

Today, I went to the bagel shop down the street for breakfast, the same one I've been going to for over 6 months now. At the counter the same lil' cook guy who's served me over those same 6 months, looks at me and says, "Yes, Ms?". I'm a guy. FML

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By level6 - 23/10/2010 22:11 - United States

Today, after constantly checking my email for a week, I finally got a letter saying that I was accepted to take a test for a job position. The only problem is I was scheduled to test today, eight hours ago. FML

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By danrocketman - 5/10/2010 05:16 - United States

Today, I got a job in my university library. My job title is technical services. My actual job is pulling off the book label for the scanner and putting a new one on. For six hours a day. FML

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By dontgothere - 23/2/2014 04:40 - United States - Egg Harbor Township

Today, I woke up with a strange and itchy feeling in my anus. When I told my boyfriend about it, he started laughing. I still don't know what he did. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/1/2012 16:33 - United Kingdom

Today, my toaster scared me. Again. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/9/2019 16:00

Venus in Furs

Today, my boyfriend asked my dad why he gave me the nickname "Bear," which he has called me since I was very little. My dad responded, "Because she has a hairy back." FML

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By yikes78 - 31/5/2009 13:04 - United States

Today, I went to Macy's to buy some bras. After I paid, the old lady cashier noticed there was pen on one of the bras. By accident I blurted out "It's alright. No one's seeing them." The old lady nodded back in agreement. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/12/2011 07:29 - Canada

Today, while my boyfriend was sneaking out before my parents woke, he slipped on some ice and fell on their car. The alarm went off. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/3/2009 16:39 - United States

Today, I got my laptop back after sending it to Dell to repair water damage after a night of partying. Dell returned my computer unrepaired, saying it was unfixable. When I called to ask why they couldn't fix it, they told me it was a biohazard. Someone got drunk and pissed on my laptop. FML

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By Tommy - 6/3/2012 18:55 - United States

Today, I approached the girl I like, hoping to ask her out. Just as I strode up to her, she excused herself as quickly as she could. I then realized I'd forgotten to zip up my pants after going to the bathroom minutes before. FML

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By badwolf - 4/9/2012 20:34 - United States

Today, I bought some bitter-apple spray to stop my puppy chewing on everything. Later, I found out how effective it was, when I tried to eat a sandwich, and gagged at the horrifying taste on my hands. My dog seems unaffected, and continues to chew the table legs. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/8/2009 00:14 - United States

Today, I found out that I'm immune to laughing gas and partially immune to novocaine while I was getting two teeth pulled. FML

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By stillfuckingcrying - 24/2/2013 21:20 - Sweden - Kristdala

Today, my boyfriend made me play Slender. I was so terrified, I stopped playing 10 minutes in. Tonight, I kept hearing noises outside. When I peered out through the window, a bald figure in a suit was staring back at me. I shrieked in absolute terror; he burst out laughing. It was my boyfriend. FML

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By missseloit3 - 13/3/2018 19:00

Today, I met a nice guy who wanted to chat. I didn't want to be the bitchy type and throw him the "I have a boyfriend" line right away, so I conversed with him. When he asked was I single I, of course, said no. He yelled at me and made a huge scene about me leading him on. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/2/2012 04:45 - United States

Today, I was informed that my boyfriend's mother would be joining us on our Valentine's dinner. I'm not sure if this momma's boy thing is going to work out. FML

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By Sarah-D - 29/7/2016 05:31

Today, a policeman pulled me over and proceeded to flirt with me. After I had rejected him, he gave me a ticket for "not paying attention to the road". FML

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By teapotrevolt - 2/3/2015 20:40 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, while laughing at a jogger that fell down while running, I choked on my French fries. They had to give me the Heimlich maneuver. FML

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By hanzastfu - 26/10/2009 17:25 - United States

Today, I was spending time with my boyfriend for the first time in two weeks. I started tearing up and telling him that I feel like he never has time for me anymore. He responded with, "I'm hungry." FML

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By DumpedHisAss - 14/10/2009 15:19 - United States

Today, I got a phone call from my boyfriend, who screamed at me for being a f-ing liar and never taking time for him. He'd called my work and knew I wasn't there as I said I'd be. He was right - I was lying. I'd been driving for the past 10 hours to his family's beach house to surprise him. FML

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By Devon - 3/9/2010 04:35 - United States

Today, I found out that there is literally a giant hole in my son's bedroom because my son wanted to build a "secret entrance." FML

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Top comments

By anaphaseii | 0

#64786 - Saturday 28 March 2009 15:59

Well....I mean.... This is gonna be harsh, but I'd be pretty disappointed if my boyfriend proposed to me like that. It's supposed to be romantic, you know? This just doesn't ...sparkle?... enough. I don't know.

Maybe she was hitting the refresh key. Try again later?

By elemenopyqrstuv | 0

#64784 - Saturday 28 March 2009 15:58

why the hell wouldn't you JUST get her the ring if she already had an external HD???

COMMENTS

By _Nick_ | 0

#64752 - Saturday 28 March 2009 15:44

That's just cold-hearted....

Reply

nightslayer | 6

#3095692 - Friday 12 August 2011 20:50

Not really, if she didn't want to be engaged then she can say no

Reply

zykrithium | 22

#6507166 - Monday 11 January 2016 3:43

#132 is right, but I'd like to add that you can never have too many external hard drives.

By kwbuzz23wk | 0

#64755 - Saturday 28 March 2009 15:46

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

madgrinchhatter | 12

#5407133 - Friday 15 March 2013 23:32

That's called rape

By byork | 0

#64759 - Saturday 28 March 2009 15:48

Was it a 1TB external HD? :D

Reply

iampunk | 0

#1597469 - Monday 25 October 2010 1:35

^ Has a point. That's a lot of space. And cash.

By stevenish | 0

#64761 - Saturday 28 March 2009 15:49

You can never have too much storage space, are you still with her?

By Jaywin | 3

#64765 - Saturday 28 March 2009 15:51

I second #3 a 1 TB would be pretty tits.

Also, I laughed at your execution of the proposal. Sorry, man.

Reply

Kingcc | 0

#2486628 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 3:23

aha tits :) epic win bro

By z_vet | 0

#64776 - Saturday 28 March 2009 15:54

Geek girl! You're lucky man, stop whining!

By elemenopyqrstuv | 0

#64784 - Saturday 28 March 2009 15:58

why the hell wouldn't you JUST get her the ring if she already had an external HD???

By anaphaseii | 0

#64786 - Saturday 28 March 2009 15:59

Well....I mean.... This is gonna be harsh, but I'd be pretty disappointed if my boyfriend proposed to me like that. It's supposed to be romantic, you know? This just doesn't ...sparkle?... enough. I don't know.

Maybe she was hitting the refresh key. Try again later?

Reply

FriesWithASideOf | 0

#1101876 - Saturday 17 July 2010 18:42

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By definecrazy | 0

#64789 - Saturday 28 March 2009 16:00

Huh. You should've proposed properly, though.

By Lolrus | 0

#64791 - Saturday 28 March 2009 16:03

agree with # 7.
If she already had an external HD then why did u get her one ?
If u would've just gotten her the ring then she wouldnt have to choose.
lol.