Love: Today, for my girlfriend's birthday, I got her an external hard... - FML

By Anon. - United States

Today, for my girlfriend's birthday, I got her an external hard drive and my grandmother's engagement ring. When she opened both boxes, I took her hand and looked deep in her eyes and told her to pick whichever she wanted. She took the external hard drive, even though she already has one. FML

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Triage

Stained

Cute trick, asshole

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went on a date with a guy that I have been crushing on for 2 years. At the end of the date he tells me that he is moving away and as his going away present, I could pay for dinner. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my siblings came home for the weekend. At dinner, my dad started complaining at how one of my siblings had gotten fired, one was failing college, and the other was gay. He went on to say I was 17 and already had a bright future. I'm pregnant. FML

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By FriendsSuck - United States

Today, I was leaving a cafe with some of my friends. I had to sit in the back by myself. I opened the door when I saw an old woman needing help getting to her car because it was raining. I shut the door and went to help. My friends thought I had gotten in. I was left in the rain with no phone. FML

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By marmarr - United States

Today, I pretended to not be able to go out with a friend so I could hang with my boyfriend at the movies. When I sat down I received a text that said "turn around" it was her. FML

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By rongo12

Today, I was heading to the bathroom when I clearly saw a little boy walking into my bedroom. My wife and I live alone, and I screamed at the top of my lungs, thinking he was a ghost. Turns out my wife collected him from school for a friend, and I just didn't hear them arrive. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend that her mom doesn't give us any privacy when we're at their place. I suggested that we go to my place for a change, and she agreed. Her mom called my house three times to see what we were doing. We're well beyond teenagers. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while at work in the service department of a car dealership, I sat in the driver seat of an old man's car to get the mileage. He'd just pissed in the seat. FML

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By lumi - United States

Today, I received in the mail a hockey puck autographed by recent hall of fame addition Steve Yzerman. When asked, I had to explain to my 4 year old brother that someone famous had written his name on it. Later, I discovered that my brother decided it needed his name on it too. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Try to do a nice thing…

Today, I mowed our lawn without being asked. My sister wouldn't stop yelling at me for not checking with her, because she wanted the grass to get long enough to "play jungle" in. My mom sided with her. FML

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By Gottabekidding - United States - Ashland

Today, my workplace instituted a policy in which employees must stop and write down what they are doing every fifteen minutes. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I was on the internet with my Dad looking up information about allergies. I began to type 'allergies' into the Google Search Box and as I typed 'a', the phrase 'amazing sex positions' popped up as a search I had already looked up. My Dad asked me if any of the positions worked out. FML

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By Twomanybananas

Today, I found a banana on my bed. It was black and shriveled because I accidentally left it there after I thought I finished the whole bushel I bought last week. I've been sleeping in my bed all week and didn't notice. FML

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By Loveless - 29/10/2020 20:08

Sorry, but…

Today, my crush said that I was exceptionally ordinary. To my face. FML

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By best friend! - Canada

Today, my best friend informed me that she has been sleeping with my boyfriend. She tried to justify it by saying, "He's just going to break up with you anyway." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Parkesburg

For real though?

Today, my father was offered 85 sheep for my hand in marriage. We live in the USA, and he is literally contemplating the offer. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I had to call poison control because my idiot son swallowed a bunch of baking soda to "make a volcano in his tummy." FML

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By lonelygirl - United States

Today, my boyfriend took me on a romantic weekend away at a hotel. What is he doing now? On his computer looking up stuff on Craigslist while I am watching t.v. alone. FML

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By GhettoBeast - New Zealand

Today, it was the first day of my job at a kindergarten. A boy fell over in the playground, so I ran over to see if he was OK. He got up and had a huge red mark on the side of his face. Shocked, I yelled "Oh my god, your face!" Turns out it's a very large port-wine birthmark and now he won't stop crying. FML

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By ARGHHHH

Today, my mom ordered my birthday presents on eBay. Too bad she used my account, so when I went to look for ideas, everything she bought me popped up. It's so much stuff I don't want, need, or will ever use, and it's on my credit card. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Fairfield

Today, I got rear-ended. An old woman got out and came over to my car window. I thought she was coming to apologize and trade insurance companies. Instead, she poured her soda on my head, ran back into her car, and drove away. FML

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By E_G_G_S_O_U_P

Today whilst riding my brand new dirt bike for the first time, the chain broke and slashed me down the back of the left leg with such force that it chipped the bone. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Portland

Today, my pregnancy test came back positive. My boyfriend is no fan of fatherhood, so it was with some hesitation that I called him and let him know I'm pregnant. He replied, "Like hell you are!" and hung up. He now refuses to answer any of my calls. FML

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By burrrito_ - United States - Crystal Lake

Today, I found out why you depressurize your espresso maker before changing out the coffee grinds. FML

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By malebonding - United States

Today, I slept in late and when I woke up, thought I was the only one in the house so I decided to walk around the corner to the only upstairs bathroom naked. My dad also slept in, also thought he was the only one in the house, and also decided to walk to the bathroom naked. We collided. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my soon to be ex-wife told her friends that we're getting a divorce because I'm physically abusive. I guess that sounded better than the truth: that she waited 8 months into her pregnancy to tell me that the child probably isn't even mine. FML

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By Anonymous

Abandoned

Today, I found a baby in a cradle on my doorstep. I was shocked that someone would do this, so I picked it up and uncovered the baby. It was actually a rudimentary stink bomb that went off in my face when I uncovered it. FML

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By garfield749 - United States

Today, I discovered that I have to share a room with my new stepbrother. I also discovered that he takes the same number of showers over the course of two weeks as I do in a single day: one. FML

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By Faithy - United States

Today, I got flustered because my hair straightener wasn't working. It took me fifteen minutes to realize I hadn't turned it on. FML

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By princess4242 - India

Today, I was with my friend and her entire family at a restaurant. While we were eating, her brother who is really cute asked what "brown sauce" is. I said thats probably 'penis' sauce. I'd meant to say 'peanut sauce' but the damage was done. The entire family just stared. FML

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By loving grandaughter - United States

Today, after months of cooking breakfast, lunch, and dinner for my husband's grandmother due to her getting a hip replacement, I overheard her calling me a whore over the phone from the next room. FML

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By FML - United States - Maricopa

Today, I took my boyfriend to a family dinner. It went well, until my dad got drunk and started telling everyone about how "midgets" are assholes and are ruining America. FML

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By Betrayed - United States

Today, my family took me to a wig store saying I wouldn't feel so insecure about being bald because of my chemo treatments. When I told them I accepted myself and didn't want a wig, they came out and told me THEY couldn't accept it. My own family is embarrassed of me over something I can't control. FML

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By Ugh - United States

Today, I was really depressed so I talked on the phone with my best friend. She was telling me how a guy she really liked complimented her. I told her it was be nice to get at least one compliment. After a long silence she says, "You're really good with computers." FML

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By Traumatized - Israel

Today, my coworker returned the camera I lent her. After plugging the camera into my PC, I saw a file was still on it. Wanting to make sure I didn't delete something important, I opened it. To my horror, it was a video of my coworker pleasuring herself. She's old enough to be my mother. FML

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By shelly - United States

Today, I was locked out of my house and had to pee. I waited an hour for my boyfriend to come home. When I saw him pull into the driveway, I peed myself in excitement. FML

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By saintmichi - Poland

Today, after a 9 hour train journey through the Polish mountains, I mistook a small black and white cat for a penguin. FML

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By Janice - Canada

Today, while jogging, I realized my face jiggles more than my breasts. FML

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By Anonymous - Estonia - Tartu

Today, at the hardware store, I had to physically restrain my senile grandpa from trying to take a crap in one of the display toilets. FML

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By CakeForBreakfast

Boomers

Today, I asked my father if I could have my grandfather's old vinyls, record player and vintage tube radio. He told me he threw those out years ago because, "Who listens to that crap anymore, now that we have mp3s?" FML

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By

Just love!

Today, I told my boyfriend that I loved his flaming red hair. He told me that he loved the fuzz on my butt. FML

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Top comments

By anaphaseii | 0

#64786 - Saturday 28 March 2009 15:59

Well....I mean.... This is gonna be harsh, but I'd be pretty disappointed if my boyfriend proposed to me like that. It's supposed to be romantic, you know? This just doesn't ...sparkle?... enough. I don't know.

Maybe she was hitting the refresh key. Try again later?

By elemenopyqrstuv | 0

#64784 - Saturday 28 March 2009 15:58

why the hell wouldn't you JUST get her the ring if she already had an external HD???

COMMENTS

By _Nick_ | 0

#64752 - Saturday 28 March 2009 15:44

That's just cold-hearted....

Reply

nightslayer | 6

#3095692 - Friday 12 August 2011 20:50

Not really, if she didn't want to be engaged then she can say no

Reply

zykrithium | 22

#6507166 - Monday 11 January 2016 3:43

#132 is right, but I'd like to add that you can never have too many external hard drives.

By kwbuzz23wk | 0

#64755 - Saturday 28 March 2009 15:46

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

madgrinchhatter | 12

#5407133 - Friday 15 March 2013 23:32

That's called rape

By byork | 0

#64759 - Saturday 28 March 2009 15:48

Was it a 1TB external HD? :D

Reply

iampunk | 0

#1597469 - Monday 25 October 2010 1:35

^ Has a point. That's a lot of space. And cash.

By stevenish | 0

#64761 - Saturday 28 March 2009 15:49

You can never have too much storage space, are you still with her?

By Jaywin | 3

#64765 - Saturday 28 March 2009 15:51

I second #3 a 1 TB would be pretty tits.

Also, I laughed at your execution of the proposal. Sorry, man.

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Kingcc | 0

#2486628 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 3:23

aha tits :) epic win bro

By z_vet | 0

#64776 - Saturday 28 March 2009 15:54

Geek girl! You're lucky man, stop whining!

By elemenopyqrstuv | 0

#64784 - Saturday 28 March 2009 15:58

why the hell wouldn't you JUST get her the ring if she already had an external HD???

By anaphaseii | 0

#64786 - Saturday 28 March 2009 15:59

Well....I mean.... This is gonna be harsh, but I'd be pretty disappointed if my boyfriend proposed to me like that. It's supposed to be romantic, you know? This just doesn't ...sparkle?... enough. I don't know.

Maybe she was hitting the refresh key. Try again later?

Reply

FriesWithASideOf | 0

#1101876 - Saturday 17 July 2010 18:42

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

By definecrazy | 0

#64789 - Saturday 28 March 2009 16:00

Huh. You should've proposed properly, though.

By Lolrus | 0

#64791 - Saturday 28 March 2009 16:03

agree with # 7.
If she already had an external HD then why did u get her one ?
If u would've just gotten her the ring then she wouldnt have to choose.
lol.