Transportation: Today, I woke up late to an urgent voicemail from my dad telling... - FML

By ~JESSICA~ - 11/09/2010 06:19 - United States

Today, I woke up late to an urgent voicemail from my dad telling me he left me a present in my car. Excited, I went to investigate. I then saw that his "surprise" was fresh fish he had caught. I hate fish, and now my car stinks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 822

You deserved it 3 590

Compromises

You tried

Nice try

By Anonymous - 20/06/2009 11:13 - Switzerland

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with a girl. Things were getting pretty hot, so I decided to smack her butt. I missed. I smacked my balls instead. Real hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 757

You deserved it 97 444

Awks

By Anonymous - 02/09/2013 21:23 - United States - Plaquemine

Today, I showed up at my brother's house for a visit. Little did I know, there was a family gathering. My best friend was invited and I wasn't. She's "more fun and less awkward" than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 901

You deserved it 3 495

By stillkindahorny - 13/09/2011 05:51 - United States

Spicy

Today, I finally had sex with the guy I've been seeing. It took him longer to put the condom on than it did to finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 676

You deserved it 4 697

By poorkids - 31/10/2012 05:01 - United States - Auburn

Today, my daughter called me telling me she had her twin girls. She named them Juli and Anne. Her name is Julianne. Her kids are going to fucking hate her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 522

You deserved it 4 003

By Richie - 20/05/2009 05:37 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were buying Subway. When it came to ring up the order the lady asked us together or separate? My girlfriend looked and said separate. Half-jokingly, I asked if it was some sort of hint. She looked at me and said yes. I got broken up over a 12-inch ham sub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 113

You deserved it 4 635

By Username - 27/05/2011 02:39

Today, I saw a firework show. In my kitchen. When my stove blew up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 019

You deserved it 4 426

By Rehab - 11/02/2010 19:58 - United States

Today, I was looking through my computer's history to find a website I had visited. I found an online forum where my son was discussing how to inject Oxycontin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 323

You deserved it 3 717

By orgasmsareoverratedanyway - 25/09/2012 17:42 - Norway - Myre

Spicy

Today, I realized just how clingy my boyfriend is, when he pulled out in the middle of sex, lay down and hugged me, and said in his "adorable" voice that he didn't really want to have sex, but cuddle. I wouldn't mind if it didn't happen so often. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 808

You deserved it 5 228

Completely soaking

By wet and sad - 15/11/2019 03:00

Today, I was walking to work when it was starting to pour down sideways. I was pretty early anyway, so, I decided to duck into a bus shelter and let it pass. Suddenly, a big truck comes and drenched me with the biggest puddle. Soaking from head to toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 894

You deserved it 143

By sexyredhead - 14/02/2012 18:14 - United States

Today, I was in class when someone came in with a rose for me. My teacher made me read the card aloud: "I'm breaking up with you, happy Valentine's." It was from my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 099

You deserved it 3 444

By quick blow - 16/05/2012 02:53 - United States

Spicy

Today, I received an email from my girlfriend listing 10 ways to stop premature ejaculation. Subtle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 831

You deserved it 7 310

By TotaledBeamer - 03/06/2019 22:09

Today, I found out how much damage my neighbor's 5-year-old kid can do to my brand-new BMW with a baseball bat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 231

You deserved it 145

By Anonymous - 05/08/2019 02:02

Today, I pointed out to my manager that I haven’t been paid for my first month's work. They told me my paperwork had been misplaced, so I hadn’t actually been hired yet. So I just worked a full month for free. Oh, and apparently they’re not legally obligated to pay me, so I’m not getting paid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 199

You deserved it 161

By NoMoreHeadphones - 08/09/2009 19:32 - United States

Today, I was listening to my iPod while changing the diaper on my baby. One earbud fell out of my ear and onto the changing table so I quickly picked it up without looking and put it back in my ear, only to realize the headphone had fallen onto more than a table. I now have brown earphones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 804

You deserved it 47 196

By jcesom - 01/08/2009 06:35 - United States

Today, my father taught my son to pee on trees outside. We went to the mall later and my son decided to practice what he'd learned on a potted plant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 835

You deserved it 6 079

By thegreatcometofawayhamilton - 20/10/2017 01:48

Today, I twisted my ankle and fractured my wrist while dancing. I audition for a performing arts school in one week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 112

You deserved it 264

By lonesome - 28/04/2013 05:23 - Canada

Today, my whole family made an hour-long drive to a restaurant that's just a few minutes away from my place. I wasn't invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 500

You deserved it 3 413

By notenough - 29/08/2009 04:27 - United States

Today, I was on the webcam with my boyfriend. I could see that he was on the couch, and alone, so I took off my shirt and smiled, waiting to see his reaction. He smiled at me but then kept looking in another direction. I playfully asked "What's so distracting?" His answer: "History Channel". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 317

You deserved it 10 054

Quality family time

By Anonymous - 18/10/2021 02:00 - United States - Verona

Today, I made a nice dinner for my relatives, as we share the same quarters for lockdown. For an hour, I had to hear the same old complaints about other relatives for the last ten years that I have been hearing about every day since lockdown. I wanted to scream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 657

You deserved it 75

By Carowl - 05/08/2015 02:33

Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't like cuddling in bed because he hates rebreathing his own carbon dioxide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 161

You deserved it 2 887

By Anonymous - 29/09/2010 06:24 - United Arab Emirates

Today, this guy I've been "seeing" for a year said he didn't want to share my birthday with me because he doesn't want us to get serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 541

You deserved it 3 911

Superficial

By skinnybitch - 08/09/2019 14:00

Today, my Tinder date took one look at me and left, because, "the camera" made me "look thick" and he, "can’t date a skinny bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 634

You deserved it 197

By Anonymous - 30/12/2017 15:00

Today, after 4 years of college to get a BA in Marketing and 2 years to get an MBA, I landed a great job as a receptionist. My boss likes to fist bump when I buzz him through the security door correctly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 122

You deserved it 743

By pinkplasticjesus - 20/06/2009 03:17 - Canada

Today, I went to a restaurant and only brought $14 with me to eat. I ordered and ate my meal, then went to the counter to pay for it. I threw $2 into the tip jar then got my bill. My bill was $13.86. I had to reach into the tip jar and take my $2 back so I could pay for my meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 271

You deserved it 55 939

By Cody - 07/03/2009 18:15 - United States

Today, I walked into the kitchen and accidentally broke my mother's vase. I said, "Accidents happen." She replied, "Yeah, like your birth." FML

I agree, your life sucks 103 941

You deserved it 21 126

By rainonmyparade - 17/03/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, I called my dad to tell him my boyfriend had proposed to me, and that we're planning on being married this summer. He was surprised at the short engagement, so I said, "Well, we're almost 30." Dad replied, "Wow, I left your mom when I was 35!" So not the conversation for that information, Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 633

You deserved it 3 565

By AlienZ - 12/04/2009 02:44 - United States

Today, my parents asked if I wanted to go to military school so I said, "Yeah, that would be awesome," thinking it was a joke. They weren't joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 200

You deserved it 43 923

By take a fucking seat, gran - 14/12/2013 22:05 - United States - Fullerton

Today, my psychotic grandma set fire to our Christmas tree because she refuses to let us celebrate what she calls a twisted pagan holiday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 201

You deserved it 4 016

By thisisbad - 12/10/2009 14:21 - Malaysia

Today, I was in the toilet when somebody started banging on the door loudly. I panicked and immediately cleaned my self and opened the door. As I opened the door, my brother vomited all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 918

You deserved it 2 768

By fat and alone - 05/06/2014 04:11 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I figured I needed to go on a diet when I discovered I could make farting noises with my neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 126

You deserved it 18 063

By anonymous - 04/05/2009 05:40 - United States

Today, I went into work to set up a new store. There was a lot of lifting so I dressed casual. This happened to be the day the owner brought in his conservative family to check out the store. I was wearing a shirt that says "everyone poops" and has a donkey and elephant pooping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 325

You deserved it 60 280

By pinkfreak94 - 13/10/2012 13:38 - United States - Norwalk

Today, I kissed a boy for the first time in over a year. It was at drama club practice, and he quickly ended up asking the director if we could remove that scene from the play. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 701

You deserved it 2 700

By parishiltonsbff - 04/02/2009 00:11 - United States

Today, I realized that I know more about Paris Hilton's cervix than how my government is run. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 463

You deserved it 40 564

By oh no - 06/06/2016 15:45 - United States - Rochester

Today, I set my phone down at work in the back while I helped a customer. When I came back it was gone. It took me twenty minutes to find, duct taped to the ceiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 069

You deserved it 3 041

By Cait - 30/01/2017 20:00 - Canada - Olds

Today, my friend figured out that if you poke my neck I scratch like a dog. She has yet to cease doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 251

You deserved it 777

By NeedALittleRoomToBreathe - 08/06/2017 16:00

Today, and for the past month, I've been feeling lightheaded from a breathing problem. I've now been prescribed a medication to help with my anxiety and my breathing issue, which would in turn help stop me from getting so lightheaded. The side effect of said medication: lightheadedness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 807

You deserved it 282

By Anonymous - 13/09/2010 20:52 - United States

Today, I was late to a sold out movie in the theater, so I had to shuffle in during the previews in the dark. I sat down in what I thought was the last vacant seat, but I'd really just sat in a small woman's lap. She was not happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 338

You deserved it 12 959

By Anonymous - 26/11/2011 05:54 - United States

Today, while waiting for my mom to pick me up from university, I took out my phone and pretended to talk to someone. I didn't think people still pointed and laughed, but apparently they do when your mom pulls up and shouts, "Stop pretending to talk to someone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 864

You deserved it 33 294

By BMike - 11/07/2011 18:16 - United States

Today, I moved into my new house. I went over to my neighbors' house to introduce myself. As they opened the door I saw a telescope pointed at my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 497

You deserved it 2 961

Smash the Patriarchy!

By Anonymous - 18/10/2019 00:02

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that yes, girls do get armpit hair, we just have to shave it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 459

You deserved it 208

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Saturday 11 September 2010 16:19

How can you hate fish. it's Yummy. and smells like Vaginas ;D JAYKAY. but seriously. fish is good...

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Sunday 12 September 2010 7:52

I always kinda laugh at people who say "YDI for being ungrateful!" ... Because you would be SO TOTALLY THANKFUL YOURSELF if your dad left a food that you don't like in your car, making it stink. Get the fuck over yourselves.

Comments

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Saturday 11 September 2010 16:19

that sucks

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Saturday 11 September 2010 16:38

nom nom

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Saturday 11 September 2010 16:40

smack your dad with the fish

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Saturday 11 September 2010 17:27

Well some one is thinking out side of the box. That's a great question! Sushi is yummy.

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Saturday 11 September 2010 17:43

Why is this up here? This comment was for #4 which seems to vanish on and off.

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Saturday 11 September 2010 19:28

Sushiiiii <3

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Saturday 11 September 2010 22:45

39! i know that happened to me twice yesterday then someone pmsed at me! it kinda hurt my feelings D':

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Saturday 11 September 2010 23:24

that doesn't suck you suck at making first comments!

KaarmaaBiitchzz 0

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Sunday 12 September 2010 0:59

giiigiiityyy.... giiigiityyyy... giigigiigigiigigigigigigigigigigigigigii-GIGITY!!!! dont know why I have quag mire jaws in mind... but I had to share it FML's people!!

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Saturday 11 September 2010 16:19

How can you hate fish. it's Yummy. and smells like Vaginas ;D JAYKAY. but seriously. fish is good...

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Saturday 11 September 2010 16:26

haha smells like vaginas?wtf all random..lol

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Saturday 11 September 2010 17:15

eww...wtf

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Saturday 11 September 2010 23:08

playa!!!

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Sunday 12 September 2010 7:41

idk wat vaginas u smelt

smokergirl420 0

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Saturday 11 September 2010 16:19

LOL I LIKE PENISES

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Saturday 11 September 2010 16:22

why would he put it in your car??

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Saturday 11 September 2010 16:23

hey. he was kind enough to give u something nice to eat. deal with it

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Sunday 12 September 2010 2:43

She'd better be a lover of fish.

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Saturday 11 September 2010 16:26

I just modded this one

STr8_CaLi_d0p3 4

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Saturday 11 September 2010 16:47

Thanks for telling us that

SuperFlyDinosaur 0

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Saturday 11 September 2010 16:26

dad's and thier suprises :D haha fyl.

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Saturday 11 September 2010 16:27

awww! your such a meanie! it's not his fault you didn't come out as a boy. Stick to Hannah Montanna you ungrateful hochie lol - also it is his fault he didn't get a boy lol :)

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Saturday 11 September 2010 16:28

Fish is good :P

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Saturday 11 September 2010 16:34

I bet you "Metal Fish" would have loved it. his friends call him fishy and nemo. username "Metal Fish" lol

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 761

You deserved it 101

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 194

You deserved it 289