Today, I woke up late to an urgent voicemail from my dad telling...

By ~JESSICA~ - 11/9/2010 06:19 - United States

Today, I woke up late to an urgent voicemail from my dad telling me he left me a present in my car. Excited, I went to investigate. I then saw that his "surprise" was fresh fish he had caught. I hate fish, and now my car stinks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26765

You deserved it

3580

Favorite

Transportation

Alexa, play "Paranoid" by Black Sabbath

Compassion

Don't give up

By copenhagen20 - 5/3/2010 20:21 - United States

Today, I'm seven months into a twelve month deployment. I called my fiancée, and she dumped me. The worst part is that two days ago, I re-enlisted to go to a unit an hour away from her house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29094

You deserved it

2476

Favorite

By NotGay - 16/6/2012 05:45 - United States - Lake Zurich

Today, I decided to motivate myself to workout by looking at a picture of a guy with a six-pack on my computer screen while doing abs. My dad walked in after I finished and was still breathing heavily from working out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29032

You deserved it

7550

Favorite

By Tag - 7/9/2015 00:54 - Australia - Sydney

Today, a male friend of mine tried to kiss me. When I shoved him away and demanded to know what the fuck he was doing, he said he didn't think I was really a lesbian because I went on a date with a guy. Once. Over 15 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28110

You deserved it

2733

Favorite

By embarrassedinretail - 20/1/2010 10:01 - Australia

Today, whilst at work, my dad decided to call me and sing an entire rendition of 'The Gambler' by Kenny Rogers. There was a big line of people, and my boss had been standing nearby checking out my phone. I had to stand there and listen to the whole song. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21774

You deserved it

4857

Favorite

By SterlingEnigma - 25/9/2009 08:43 - United States

Today, I decided to start making healthier decisions. Instead of the usual cheeseburger I have for lunch I ate an apple instead. I took one bite and broke one of my teeth. Apparently, apples keep the doctor away, but not dentists. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37135

You deserved it

7327

Favorite

By needlessly hungry - 10/3/2019 20:00

Today, when I tried to give blood, I was turned down before I even made it through the information packet. Why? Because I had thought I was supposed to fast for 24 hours beforehand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

909

You deserved it

3310

Favorite

By anonymous - 4/12/2010 12:03 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were arguing about how he was too busy for me. During that conversation, he was texting his best friend and then called by his brother to drive him home. Instead of returning to finish our conversation, he left to prepare for his fishing trip with his mates tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27848

You deserved it

5989

Favorite

By Chedder - 26/6/2009 23:36 - United States

Today, I tried to keep a drunk girl from driving by holding her keys, she had a spare set in her purse. She hit me with her car when I was walking home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62860

You deserved it

3474

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/4/2016 21:06 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to pick up my daughter from my dad's house. He'd shaved her head bald. "For a laugh." FML

I agree, your life sucks

23955

You deserved it

1845

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/10/2019 02:00

Bite me

Today, after two root canal procedures done on the same tooth in last two years, the tooth had been acting up for a few days, so I went in to get it checked. Turns out, it got infected AGAIN and I gotta get a THIRD root canal done on the same tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1722

You deserved it

166

Favorite

By speshlk37 - 20/8/2012 02:19 - United States

Today, while traveling with my cat, I had a mini-freakout when I realized that I left his favorite toy in the hotel room. I'm a 30-year-old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22117

You deserved it

9516

Favorite

By Unluckiest Guy of the group - 28/9/2011 19:26 - United States

Today, my friends and I were having a conversation about which mythical creature would be the most unlikely to exist in the real world. They all collectively agreed that it would be a girl who is attracted to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38626

You deserved it

4945

Favorite

By disgruntled - 26/3/2019 18:00

Today, I was passed over for a team lead role at work which went to my older male coworker instead. He repeatedly said that he only wanted the position for the money and didn’t care about leading. When I asked why he was offered the role over me, they said he had more leadership experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1854

You deserved it

230

Favorite

By Worsttreeever - 5/12/2009 05:15 - United States

Today, we brought our Christmas tree inside to decorate. We decorated it, then went out to dinner as a family. Returning 2 hours later, we came back to find our living room to be occupied. Not with people. The tree had been filled with baby spiders, and they were all over the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38282

You deserved it

3500

Favorite

By ReayHorse - 28/7/2016 16:02

Today, I ran into an old couple everyone has been avoiding in my small town. Four weeks ago, they accidentally posted a picture of their pierced junk on Facebook, and I was one of the unlucky people who saw the actual picture. I can't make eye contact with them anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15146

You deserved it

1761

Favorite

By Lady Cuntsnatch of Fallopia - 4/1/2015 01:30 - United States - Yuba City

Today, I went into labor and got my husband drive me to the hospital. Instead of staying by my side, he rushed back home for a World of Warcraft raid. His excuse? His friends were counting on him and they'd be pissed if he let them down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45085

You deserved it

5894

Favorite

By Catremorse - 1/8/2019 14:00 - United States - Centreville

Today, my cat was laying on my chest while I was in bed. I farted, which my closed legs seemed to amplify. My cat was so scared, she used me as a launching pad and cut my chest in three places with her claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1258

You deserved it

465

Favorite

By JG - 10/5/2012 11:48 - United States - Melbourne

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to announce to the class that I finally got a girlfriend. I received a standing ovation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29259

You deserved it

4172

Favorite

By Misunderstood - 8/2/2009 05:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a few notes from this girl I like at school for 2 years telling me she feels the same way. My dad knocks on the door and I panic and say "Hold on!". I shoved them under my pillow then told him to come in. He said "Son, it's perfectly normal to masturbate." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36856

You deserved it

11533

Favorite

By Un1ucky - 8/6/2014 03:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend wanted to make breakfast. Since I usually do all the cooking, I said that was fine. Four hours later, my boyfriend and I were sitting on the sidewalk across the street as the firemen sprayed down the burnt remains of our kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56651

You deserved it

7297

Favorite

By sam - 2/5/2010 00:12 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to do something fun and spontaneous, so we had sex in the disabled toilet in the shopping centre. Little did we know, the male AND female toilets were conveniently being cleaned at the time, so the only toilet open was the disabled one. Walk of shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11228

You deserved it

47301

Favorite

By broken vows - 15/3/2014 21:48 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, I followed my wife out, since she's been acting strangely lately and I was suspicious. She met up with a guy at a restaurant, who she later claimed was her brother. Either she's cheating on me, or it's tradition in her family to make out and grope each other at the end of meals. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63261

You deserved it

4818

Favorite

By 1415926 - 22/1/2015 05:22 - United States

Today, I got a large envelope from a college I applied to earlier. My mom, expecting big news, made my family gather round as I opened it. It ended up being a letter of rejection from not just that school, but all 3 campuses of the state college. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34115

You deserved it

2743

Favorite

By Boob - 7/1/2010 16:36 - United Kingdom

Today, for my art project, I spent hours painting my whole body in black spots with acrylic paint. I then went and stood outside in the snow, naked, so I could take pictures of it. Only then to find out the camera was out of batteries. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9595

You deserved it

34782

Favorite

By Quirk - 29/10/2009 05:17 - United States

Today, in class, everyone read my Creative Writing submission. It was a touching story about the unconditional love that exists between dog and his owner. Everybody unanimously agreed that it was probably about bestiality. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33137

You deserved it

6953

Favorite

By Snotmyfault - 11/1/2009 14:33 - United States

Today, at the age of 22 I started eating my boogers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7541

You deserved it

49194

Favorite

By Paulie89 - 20/10/2019 12:00

Bullshit quack chiropractor on the loose!

Today, I told my family how my wrist has been hurting for almost a week. My aunt’s chiropractor boyfriend then decided he could help by suddenly pulling my hand as hard as he could. Not only did my wrist pop and cause me more pain, but my shoulder got dislocated. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1731

You deserved it

113

Favorite

By irulan - 14/1/2020 03:00 - United Kingdom - London

Single shot

Today, I farted so loudly in bed and I woke up my husband. Startled, he thought that someone was entered in our room and fired a shot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2261

You deserved it

511

Favorite

By 420curse - 5/5/2015 18:20 - United States - San Mateo

Today, I found out the "sex noises" I heard from next door last night, which I'd angrily yelled at my neighbor for, were actually from him having an uncontrollable seizure. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34500

You deserved it

15062

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/10/2010 19:59 - Canada

Today, my ex-girlfriend was having lunch with my parents. Believing she was in love with me and feeling the same, I dropped by. My parents told me that she’s their friend and that she has a boyfriend that they approve of, all while telling me I was never good enough for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36405

You deserved it

4826

Favorite

By Great. - 22/2/2013 22:32 - Brazil - Belo Horizonte

Today, I found an old toy that I gave to my daughter several years ago. It was still unopened, and long forgotten, so I decided to re-gift it to one of my friend's children. My daughter immediately remembered her "favorite" toy and started crying inconsolably. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33591

You deserved it

11764

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/11/2009 00:04 - United States

Today, I was texting while making dinner. I went to pour the noodles into the boiling water and I dropped my phone in. Not thinking, I went to retrieve it from the water. I now have a completely useless phone and a useless hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11887

You deserved it

38902

Favorite

By Imslow - 5/4/2011 16:40 - United States

Today, I found out that our neighbors told almost everyone on our street that I was mentally handicapped. All this time I wasn't sure why they would speak slowly and loudly at me. Now they won't believe me when I tell them I'm a 4.0 GPA student. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37334

You deserved it

3542

Favorite

By go fuck myself - 7/2/2015 00:57 - United States - Tampa

Today, I can't decide what's worse: the fact that my mother found my vibrator or that, as a prank, she replaced it with a realistic tarantula replica. She won't tell me where it is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30091

You deserved it

4946

Favorite

By headdesk - 25/6/2014 05:41 - United States - Kaneohe

Today, I picked up a co-worker from the airport. As she got in the car, she looked over at me and said, "I'm still not sleeping with you". This was our second conversation. The first is when she asked if I could pick her up from the airport. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57364

You deserved it

6180

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/5/2013 16:48 - Norway

Today, I decided to end things with my boyfriend, thinking it would be fine since things have never been at all serious between us. He cried for hours before having his grandmother text me to say how heartless I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47055

You deserved it

8459

Favorite

By cbad - 30/1/2012 15:27 - United States

Today, I cut my finger with a plastic knife while demonstrating that you can't cut yourself with a plastic knife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12975

You deserved it

47891

Favorite

By Not So Smart - 23/7/2010 23:47 - Canada

Today, I went to the mall. While shopping in a store, a woman bumped into me numerous times. Getting annoyed, I turned to her and loudly exclaimed, "Are you blind?!" Turns out she was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12524

You deserved it

47871

Favorite

By Whoops - 24/6/2009 20:44 - United States

Today, I lost it on my co-workers about how hard I've been working, picking up everyone's slack with no appreciation, and it was clear that I needed to find a job that actually rewarded hard work. As I went to grab my jacket to leave, I saw a cake and gift card for a cruise on the table, from the staff. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16075

You deserved it

72573

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/12/2013 08:45 - Canada - Richmond

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, she stopped moaning and told me to stop because she couldn't fake it anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58309

You deserved it

16668

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Chibbbles | 0

#1387715 - Saturday 11 September 2010 16:19

How can you hate fish. it's Yummy. and smells like Vaginas ;D JAYKAY. but seriously. fish is good...

By Clover2009 | 0

#1391633 - Sunday 12 September 2010 7:52

I always kinda laugh at people who say "YDI for being ungrateful!" ... Because you would be SO TOTALLY THANKFUL YOURSELF if your dad left a food that you don't like in your car, making it stink. Get the fuck over yourselves.

Comments

By sexyscooter | 0

#1387712 - Saturday 11 September 2010 16:19

that sucks

DearLar | 0

#1387806 - Saturday 11 September 2010 16:38

nom nom

legonut4 | 0

#1387812 - Saturday 11 September 2010 16:40

smack your dad with the fish

sourgirl101 | 28

#1388039 - Saturday 11 September 2010 17:27

Well some one is thinking out side of the box. That's a great question!

Sushi is yummy.

sourgirl101 | 28

#1388098 - Saturday 11 September 2010 17:43

Why is this up here? This comment was for #4 which seems to vanish on and off.

PiinkCupcake | 0

#1388466 - Saturday 11 September 2010 19:28

Sushiiiii <3

acccccccc | 1

#1388901 - Saturday 11 September 2010 22:45

39! i know that happened to me twice yesterday then someone pmsed at me! it kinda hurt my feelings D':

flyersfan365 | 0

#1389021 - Saturday 11 September 2010 23:24

that doesn't suck you suck at making first comments!

KaarmaaBiitchzz | 0

#1389204 - Sunday 12 September 2010 0:59

giiigiiityyy.... giiigiityyyy...
giigigiigigiigigigigigigigigigigigigigii-GIGITY!!!!

dont know why I have quag mire jaws in mind... but I had to share it FML's people!!

By Chibbbles | 0

#1387715 - Saturday 11 September 2010 16:19

How can you hate fish. it's Yummy. and smells like Vaginas ;D JAYKAY. but seriously. fish is good...

Mclovin_95 | 0

#1387755 - Saturday 11 September 2010 16:26

haha smells like vaginas?wtf all random..lol

kiwimartini | 0

#1387974 - Saturday 11 September 2010 17:15

eww...wtf

acccccccc | 1

#1388960 - Saturday 11 September 2010 23:08

playa!!!

rocky21 | 0

#1391602 - Sunday 12 September 2010 7:41

idk wat vaginas u smelt

By smokergirl420 | 0

#1387722 - Saturday 11 September 2010 16:19

LOL I LIKE PENISES

By PixiiLuv | 0

#1387733 - Saturday 11 September 2010 16:22

why would he put it in your car??

By cars819 | 0

#1387737 - Saturday 11 September 2010 16:23

hey. he was kind enough to give u something nice to eat. deal with it

ancientfrog | 5

#1390413 - Sunday 12 September 2010 2:43

She'd better be a lover of fish.

By joanjett | 0

#1387757 - Saturday 11 September 2010 16:26

I just modded this one

STr8_CaLi_d0p3 | 4

#1387846 - Saturday 11 September 2010 16:47

Thanks for telling us that

By SuperFlyDinosaur | 0

#1387759 - Saturday 11 September 2010 16:26

dad's and thier suprises :D haha fyl.

By Juneyah1017 | 9

#1387766 - Saturday 11 September 2010 16:27

awww! your such a meanie! it's not his fault you didn't come out as a boy. Stick to Hannah Montanna you ungrateful hochie lol
- also it is his fault he didn't get a boy lol :)

By Mclovin_95 | 0

#1387768 - Saturday 11 September 2010 16:28

Fish is good :P

By Juneyah1017 | 9

#1387792 - Saturday 11 September 2010 16:34

I bet you "Metal Fish" would have loved it. his friends call him fishy and nemo. username "Metal Fish" lol