Transportation: Today, I woke up late to an urgent voicemail from my dad telling...

By ~JESSICA~ - United States

Today, I woke up late to an urgent voicemail from my dad telling me he left me a present in my car. Excited, I went to investigate. I then saw that his "surprise" was fresh fish he had caught. I hate fish, and now my car stinks. FML

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Transportation

Mother of the year

Instadrama

Mr Sensitivity

By asdffhhjk - Philippines - Makati

Today, I saw a coin on the ground. As I bent over to pick it up, some dude came up from behind, grabbed my waist and humped me three times. He ran away before I could get a good look at his face. FML

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By prdept. - France

Today, I was having sex with a really hot guy. It was going great until his 6-year-old brother walked in and screamed so loudly it brought both of his parents running. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Hampton Hill

Today, I got turned down by my dream job because their rival company happens to be called my exact name. I'm now known as "The Spy". FML

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By targe - Australia

Today, after a stressful series of events, I went to the beach to unwind. I sat on the sand, breathed in deeply and closed my eyes, trying to find some sort of inner peace. Then a seagull shat on me. FML

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By Anonymous - Finland - Helsinki

Today, I found out that my upstairs neighbor has a cat. I was blessed with this knowledge when she threw several piles of used kitty litter and cat poop over her balcony and onto my patio. FML

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By Janice - Canada

Today, while jogging, I realized my face jiggles more than my breasts. FML

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By MusicLover18 - Canada - Leduc

Today, I caught my little sister taking a selfie in the mirror with a fake nose piercing, peace sign, and a duck face. She's 12. FML

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By Alittlebitiffy - Australia

Today, I spent an hour pulling poop-covered prickles out of my husky's butt. A duck had startled him while he was doing his business and his first thought was to run, mid-poop, into a prickle bush. FML

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By Champs - Australia

Today, I downloaded the 'Dark was the Night' compilation made for charity. I have no soul. FML

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By Anonymous

Body Positivity

Today, after going through a major weight loss and change of lifestyle to better my confidence and health, I now have saggy thighs, arms and boobs, a deflated ass, two inches of hanging stomach, and have realized just how unsymmetrical my face is. Oh, and my physical health has never been worse. FML

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By bestgirlfriend - United Kingdom - Stockton-on-tees

Today, my dad made me and my boyfriend break up. Not because he was a bad influence, but because I was. FML

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By only my life - United States - Concord

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and he was moaning a lot. My ego was quickly crushed, though, when I found out they were moans of pain due to a foot cramp. We had to stop so I could rub his foot better. FML

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By Wilf - Australia - Perth

Today, the arts company I work for cancelled our 8 pm sold-out outdoor performance at 7:30 due to rain, and will have to reticket 550 patrons. I'm the only person in the office trained in ticketing. It stopped raining 10 minutes after we cancelled it. FML

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By grrrrrr - United States

Today, I grounded my daughter for putting play doh in the toaster. She's 17 and got into Columbia early admissions. FML

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By Dan - 17/11/2020 22:58

Bye bye

Today, I fell asleep at work. I got woke up by my boss with a coffee and a referral letter. FML

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320

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By notonasoccertam - 6/9/2020 10:09 - United States

Harsh

Today, I made my school's soccer team. I told the coach that since I have diabetes, I might need to sit out occasionally. He promptly erased my name and said he didn't accept "slackers." FML

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By LP - United States

Today, my mom accused me of having an eating disorder, and I didn't correct her. Truth is, I lost weight after I went off the pill a year ago. I'm too embarrassed to tell my mom that I haven't had anyone in a year. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, after a 2 month relationship, I realized two things: A) Dating a known psycho because "crazy chicks are great in bed" is a dumb idea, and B) What crazy chicks are actually great at is beating the crap out of you and driving you to alcoholism. FML

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By Darkheaven - France

Today, I was in an online chatroom speaking to this girl that I really hit it off with. She then confided in me that she'd recently been dumped by her boyfriend and that he was a jerk. A little while later, we exchanged photos. It was my ex. FML

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By life101 - 19/10/2020 13:56

PMS FTW

Today, I realized how emotional I get around my time of month when I cried because a cheese commercial was so "touching." FML

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By jesushelpme - United States - Nixa

Today, I came home to find an almost completely devoured cheesecake, The Notebook playing on the TV, and a shoe thrown at my head. It's safe to say my girlfriend is just about on her period. FML

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By unlolable4321 - United States

Today, my mother sent a letter to my best friend trying to comfort her over the death of her mother. She signed the letter "LOL, Jen" thinking LOL stood for "lots of love." FML

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By sunshinexx - Australia

Today, I announced to my family that I was going to start playing netball with my work colleagues. They all burst into fits of laughter at the thought of me doing physical activity. FML

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By fxck

Today, at work, I sneezed so hard that I hit my head on my cash register. A second later, I heard roaring laughter from the security room, followed by someone saying to play it back. I'd almost convinced myself it wasn't about me, when one of the guys came out and gave me a thumb up. FML

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37295

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By nosleep

Today, like every other day since I moved into this apartment a year ago, the construction crew started their noisy work at 5:30 in the morning. When I moved in I was promised it was a quiet neighborhood; only offices. What have they been building in the meantime? Three nightclubs. FML

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By what... - United States - North Port

Today, my boss took me to one side and said, "Cross me like that ever again, and you're fired." I have no clue what he was talking about, and he denies ever having said a word to me. FML

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41528

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By Anonymous

Today, my husband put up one of those sticky fly trap strips behind our toilet. I was tired and didn't notice it in the dark bathroom. I leaned back and it stuck in my hair. I didn't notice the dead flies in my hair until I went to buy lunch. FML

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By lachaisse - United States - Vinton

Today, my sisters and I pitched together nearly $500 to send my mom to the spa for Mother's Day. We put the printed sheet with her info into a little box with our card on top. When she opened it, she freaked out and started hugging my dad. Turns out he switched the cards and took all the credit. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was on the computer in the library on campus. I was facebook stalking this really cute girl that I often see on campus. As I'm looking at her profile pictures, I turn around and the girl is standing right behind me. She gave me a disgusted look and walked off. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was headed on vacation with my family. On the way, our trailer tire blew out. Because the trailer was tilted from the flat tire, the door would not open to get the spare. After breaking the window to get the spare and putting it on, the spare blew out. FML

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23757

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By Anonymous

Today, during the trailers at the movies, my boyfriend elbowed me in the ribs and smiled when an ad for a weight loss institute was shown. FML

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88868

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By regrub - United States

Today, ignoring the unspoken rule of not entering the bus when the driver's not inside, I went in while he was taking a break. As I stepped inside, he reached in the window and pressed the "close-door" button. It closed on my hand. Everyone at the bus stop laughed as I yelped in pain. FML

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8345

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By GnarCarBar - United States

Today, I woke up to the feeling of someone tickling my back. I quickly realized I haven't been touched in so long that I was smiling to flies landing on me in my sleep. FML

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By zlotytarasy - Poland

Today, I accepted a great job offer I've been working months to earn so I can continue to live with my fiancé here in Poland. I just found out that my work visa was denied. Now I have to fly home to Canada and reapply before coming back. This takes a month. My new job starts tomorrow. FML

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32841

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went indoor rock climbing with my uncle and his 5 year-old girl. I'm about halfway up the hardest ascent when my arm cramps up. As I stretched my arm, my cousin yells up at me in her tiny voice, "Prove you're a man and climb that wall!" I fell off. I was emasculated by a 5 year-old. FML

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24511

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By owmyballs - Thailand

Today, I was playing with my yo-yo. I began showing off to my friends. When the girl I liked walked by, I thought it'd be really cool to do the move "dog bite". I ended hitting myself in the balls. Hard. FML

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9046

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I had to listen to my brother whine yet again about being single and how unfair it is. This is a guy who owns an "I fuck on the first date" t-shirt and has more than once referred to women as "vaginas with a person attached". Last time I called him out for being such a dick, I got punched. FML

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By fuckedup - Germany

Today, I found out that my mom called my boss informing him that I am a little behind on some college projects. She felt he should know that she fears I might not be able to graduate on the planned date. My boss had already offered me a permanent job. I may not get that job now. FML

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By AvengedSevenX - United Kingdom

Today, I came home from work and went into the bathroom. I saw a poo on the toilet lid, and thinking it was a trick toy that my son had got to trick me, I picked it up. It wasn't a toy. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my drunk neighbor informed me that if I don't keep my skunk out of his yard, he's going to call the cops. I live in town, and it's a wild skunk. FML

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Top comments

By Chibbbles | 0

#1387715 - Saturday 11 September 2010 16:19

How can you hate fish. it's Yummy. and smells like Vaginas ;D JAYKAY. but seriously. fish is good...

By Clover2009 | 0

#1391633 - Sunday 12 September 2010 7:52

I always kinda laugh at people who say "YDI for being ungrateful!" ... Because you would be SO TOTALLY THANKFUL YOURSELF if your dad left a food that you don't like in your car, making it stink. Get the fuck over yourselves.

COMMENTS

By sexyscooter | 0

#1387712 - Saturday 11 September 2010 16:19

that sucks

DearLar | 0

#1387806 - Saturday 11 September 2010 16:38

nom nom

legonut4 | 0

#1387812 - Saturday 11 September 2010 16:40

smack your dad with the fish

sourgirl101 | 28

#1388039 - Saturday 11 September 2010 17:27

Well some one is thinking out side of the box. That's a great question!

Sushi is yummy.

sourgirl101 | 28

#1388098 - Saturday 11 September 2010 17:43

Why is this up here? This comment was for #4 which seems to vanish on and off.

PiinkCupcake | 0

#1388466 - Saturday 11 September 2010 19:28

Sushiiiii <3

acccccccc | 1

#1388901 - Saturday 11 September 2010 22:45

39! i know that happened to me twice yesterday then someone pmsed at me! it kinda hurt my feelings D':

flyersfan365 | 0

#1389021 - Saturday 11 September 2010 23:24

that doesn't suck you suck at making first comments!

KaarmaaBiitchzz | 0

#1389204 - Sunday 12 September 2010 0:59

giiigiiityyy.... giiigiityyyy...
giigigiigigiigigigigigigigigigigigigigii-GIGITY!!!!

dont know why I have quag mire jaws in mind... but I had to share it FML's people!!

By Chibbbles | 0

#1387715 - Saturday 11 September 2010 16:19

How can you hate fish. it's Yummy. and smells like Vaginas ;D JAYKAY. but seriously. fish is good...

Mclovin_95 | 0

#1387755 - Saturday 11 September 2010 16:26

haha smells like vaginas?wtf all random..lol

kiwimartini | 0

#1387974 - Saturday 11 September 2010 17:15

eww...wtf

acccccccc | 1

#1388960 - Saturday 11 September 2010 23:08

playa!!!

rocky21 | 0

#1391602 - Sunday 12 September 2010 7:41

idk wat vaginas u smelt

By smokergirl420 | 0

#1387722 - Saturday 11 September 2010 16:19

LOL I LIKE PENISES

By PixiiLuv | 0

#1387733 - Saturday 11 September 2010 16:22

why would he put it in your car??

By cars819 | 0

#1387737 - Saturday 11 September 2010 16:23

hey. he was kind enough to give u something nice to eat. deal with it

ancientfrog | 5

#1390413 - Sunday 12 September 2010 2:43

She'd better be a lover of fish.

By joanjett | 0

#1387757 - Saturday 11 September 2010 16:26

I just modded this one

STr8_CaLi_d0p3 | 4

#1387846 - Saturday 11 September 2010 16:47

Thanks for telling us that

By SuperFlyDinosaur | 0

#1387759 - Saturday 11 September 2010 16:26

dad's and thier suprises :D haha fyl.

By Juneyah1017 | 9

#1387766 - Saturday 11 September 2010 16:27

awww! your such a meanie! it's not his fault you didn't come out as a boy. Stick to Hannah Montanna you ungrateful hochie lol
- also it is his fault he didn't get a boy lol :)

By Mclovin_95 | 0

#1387768 - Saturday 11 September 2010 16:28

Fish is good :P

By Juneyah1017 | 9

#1387792 - Saturday 11 September 2010 16:34

I bet you "Metal Fish" would have loved it. his friends call him fishy and nemo. username "Metal Fish" lol