Today, I found out who my randomly assigned roommate was. Out of 10,000+ people, I just happen to get assigned a girl who threatened to kill me. FML
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Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, my roommate came home and instantly began raging, cursing, and threatening to kill me. While I was cowering in my bedroom, the police had to settle the situation. All I'd done was rearrange some furniture. FML
Today, I walked into my dorm to find my roommate hanging a voodoo doll of me on a noose. FML
Today, I got into a fight with my roommate's girlfriend's best friend. A few hours later, they had me evicted. FML
Today, I found out that my new roommate is dating my ex-boyfriend. FML
Today, after I told my roommate last week she needed to find a new place to live because I thought she was psychotic, she set my house on fire. FML
Today, I woke up to my new roommate staring at me, just a few inches from my face. She then told me how easy I would be to kill in my sleep. Then she stood up, naked from head to toe. FML
Today, I met my new roommate. She has a life-size cardboard cutout of Justin Bieber in her room, which I've seen her having actual conversations with twice already. I have to share a bedroom with this psycho. FML
Today, I got a new roommate after having a horrible relationship with the previous one. She seemed nice at first, until our first night together. She got completely wasted, spilled beer all over my bed, and blew chunks into my fish tank. FML
Today, my new roommate, who seemed to get along with me just fine up until now, has requested to switch to a different room. Apparently, I was making racist comments in my sleep. FML
Today, I found out when my new roommate said she was self-employed, she really meant unemployed. She insists that I let her stay for free or she will file a sexual assault case against me. Rent is due on the 10th. FML
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Top comments
06dopey 8
assigned to an assassin. nice
jennawill10 10
Ever watched The Roomate? Yeah, you probably shouldn't now! :-/
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Comments (120)
n3rdzgotskillz 29
And may the odds be ~ever in your favour!
ambowew 7
It's already passed the stage of having the odds in their favour if OP was chosen from 10k people. Now it's all about the skill to avoid an incoming assassination attempt.
egc573 40
Better hope she's just a Theatre major. But if she's in a heavy-duty, soul-sucking major like Engineering or Computer Science, you're screwed. Those people will SNAP.
mcmillan0520 1
Actually, most of the people that do these "soul-sucking" majors do so because they enjoy them :)
TarieBoo 2
Awwwh(: that just means she likes you!(; get 'em tiger! no but seriously your teacher doesnt like you
FMLshark 12
Their roommate is their teacher, too? What a conspiracy.
ladyLALAA 29
Yeah, OP is going to get murdered and die with shocking grades!
maskedman 9
You think that was a coincidence? No, my friend. She planned it.
failureusername 12
Either you did something to upset her or it's possible that she simply wants to make her dominance known between the two of you. Either way you should go ask for a new roommate, there's no need to have your experience ruined just because someone doesn't know how to properly interact with others.
mzrobinson 13
What did you do to make them threaten you is my concern..
THE_A_TEEN 28
Some people are just THAT crazy.
SkoomaKi 28
Take her out for dinner, and talk about her problems. She might open up. You guys could become best friends! P.s. Keep a knife with you at all times, it night not work.
SkoomaKi 28
might*
zakkman 4
Having your life threatened means they like you in Wisconsin!
SpaceMann_fml 2
Tell her that you'll kill her before she kills you! That should psych her out.
mollym241 9
Or she'll just kill her that much sooner. Just a thought.
rammy125 4
Random my ass. It was planned out that way. Better sleep with one eye open..... And a few weapons