Today, I was wondering why my home smelled so weird, until I... - FML

By Anonymous - 10/1/2010 10:45 - Canada

Today, I was wondering why my home smelled so weird, until I found out that my 4 year old son had been secretly scattering around food he didn't like to eat throughout the house. How did I find out? No one else in this family leaves half eaten spinach all over my underwear drawer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27718

You deserved it

3847

Tweet

Share

Great speech, thanks!

Social distancing gone wrong

Trip Advisor says no

By Nosexytime - 14/1/2010 15:56 - United States

Today, for my boyfriends 21st birthday, I wore sexy lingerie, put on a naughty librarian outfit and did a strip tease for him. He just laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25496

You deserved it

5318

Tweet

Share

By forest killer girl - 14/9/2017 16:00

Today, I went out with a friendly guy who's very passionate about the environment and everything was going fine until he asked about my job. I work as a clerk in a plantation company. He went from Mr. Daydream to Mr. Scary because the company I work for is destroying the forest. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3144

You deserved it

561

Tweet

Share

By clarakipper - 25/9/2013 07:19 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I found out that the vacation my mom has been planning to "repair our relationship" was just an opportunity to change her Facebook profile picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37456

You deserved it

2711

Tweet

Share

By Z - 9/4/2011 22:29 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad decided to have a little father and daughter bonding time. Unfortunately, his idea of bonding involves him sitting around at home, getting piss drunk, and falling asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31340

You deserved it

3002

Tweet

Share

By Panda Man - 29/11/2018 08:30 - United States - Seattle

Today, I had a meeting with my girlfriend, who I live with and work with but on different teams. Both our teams got laid off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2829

You deserved it

123

Tweet

Share

By jobsearching - 21/11/2012 20:43 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I ran into my boss outside of work. She smiled, and started trying to have an in-depth chat with me. I wouldn't have minded, if it weren't for the fact I ran into her at a club, whilst they were having an S and M theme night. And we were both fully dressed up for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24630

You deserved it

4646

Tweet

Share

By MitchRapp - 4/3/2016 22:11 - United States

Today, my brother asked me what I want for my birthday, so I said that we could just hang out. He told me I should ask for something more realistic, like a gift card. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19952

You deserved it

1635

Tweet

Share

By Nemo - 11/6/2017 12:00

Today, I got an e-mail from a company saying that I would not be a good fit for them. Strangely, it's quite similar to an e-mail they sent me last month. And the month before. They aren't generated e-mails, each one is different. They just e-mail me every month to remind me that I suck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4145

You deserved it

251

Tweet

Share

By Ben - 21/8/2009 21:28 - United States

Today, my 6 year old daughter somehow learned about sex. She also had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When the teacher asked where she came from, she said, "My daddy's happy sacks." FML

I agree, your life sucks

42107

You deserved it

4670

Tweet

Share

By Funyearahead - 8/8/2016 12:44 - United States - Red Bank

Today, I found out that my new roommate likes to put candy on the floor, let ants crawl all over it, and eats it. Ants and all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15520

You deserved it

927

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 17/12/2017 01:30

Zigazig Ah

Today, I walked in on my fiancé while he was masturbating to the Spice Girls movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5224

You deserved it

770

Tweet

Share

By Ah hell - 31/1/2009 14:43 - United States

Today, I woke up with the worst hangover of my life. My best friend comes over and informs me that I had sex with my girlfriend's two best friends last night. Awesome! Then I realized her best friends are guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11817

You deserved it

52333

Tweet

Share

By WrongPlaceWrongTime - 25/6/2016 18:51 - France

Today, my girlfriend came to my workplace to tell me she was breaking up with me. My boss, who was passing by, fired me for "chatting with friends" during work hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15198

You deserved it

799

Tweet

Share

By s3xygrandpa - 6/11/2013 19:09 - United States - Palm Harbor

Today, despite my fear of using public restrooms, I was forced to anyway to avoid my bladder exploding. I was finally getting over it when someone stuck their head under the stall to "see if someone's in there". I'm scared more now than I was before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48607

You deserved it

5103

Tweet

Share

By just physical - 18/3/2013 02:45 - Canada - Sarnia

Today, in an attempt to break up with my boyfriend, I told him, "I don't feel a mental connection between us." His reply? "Why do we need a mental connection?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

31267

You deserved it

10327

Tweet

Share

By winneuse - 5/6/2015 02:30 - France - Allennes-les-marais

Today, for the first time since kindergarten, I won! I came first! Yes, I'm first on the waiting list for the M.A. degree I applied to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25978

You deserved it

3733

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/2/2012 12:39 - Australia

Today, I walked into two things. The first was a spiderweb. The second, due to blind panic, was oncoming traffic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26841

You deserved it

5800

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/2/2011 05:19 - Australia

Today, I finally found out whether or not my boyfriend is cheating on me. Turns out he isn't. He is cheating on his wife, with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51990

You deserved it

6410

Tweet

Share

By Muralove - 14/5/2015 02:55 - United States - Matawan

Today, my friends told me they will be unable to attend my birthday party on Friday because they'll be watching the Vampire Diaries finale. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30458

You deserved it

3459

Tweet

Share

By tulisa - 21/2/2015 04:25 - United States - Alexandria

Today, I witnessed the beautiful sight of a tiny baby bird struggling to take flight from its nest. "You can do it," I muttered, which I guess my asswipe of a cat heard as "Quick, go kill that bird and scar me for life, please." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32247

You deserved it

4419

Tweet

Share

By bushy brows - 4/1/2016 23:13 - United States - Prior Lake

Today, I recently gave birth to my daughter, and my husband and I both have dark hair and bushy eyebrows. We never thought it was a problem until our daughter was born with a dark, bushy unibrow. Now I'm too nervous to take pictures of her 'cause our family and friends laugh every time they see her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21695

You deserved it

3418

Tweet

Share

By username - 6/6/2020 08:04

Keep out

Today, my social awkwardness got to an all-time high when I hoped that I wouldn't get the job that I applied for, because I'd be working with the public. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1267

You deserved it

293

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/8/2016 03:50 - United States - Fishers

Today, eight tornados hit the town where I live. The only person who tried to get a hold of me and see if I was OK was my World of Warcraft guild leader after I didn't show up to raid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17383

You deserved it

1414

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/11/2013 15:37 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I actually thought of faking my own death to get away from my girlfriend and her insane, overbearing family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48697

You deserved it

7797

Tweet

Share

By Mellamononeyobiz - 13/1/2016 02:10 - United States - Hooper

Today, my mom smoked pot in my sister's bedroom while I was at school. When I noticed the stench, she blamed the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21033

You deserved it

1614

Tweet

Share

By staciedee - 1/6/2010 09:49 - United States

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be cute to try and pick me up while kissing, instead he tripped and slammed the back of my head on the corner of the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35068

You deserved it

4911

Tweet

Share

By MentalHealthWorker - 17/9/2020 02:05

True hero

Today, I once again had to clean up a shower and bathroom covered in feces, because of client with incontinence. It smelt so bad that I couldn’t hide my reaction; the client saw my face and I could see the embarrassment on theirs. I spent the rest of the day feeling like an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1307

You deserved it

175

Tweet

Share

By BadKneeBackAndSinuses - 23/9/2018 15:30

Today, I found out I have to have an operation. This will be the third in 3 years, all for completely unrelated reasons. I'm only 26 and apparently my body is already falling apart at the seams. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2726

You deserved it

125

Tweet

Share

By italy1986 - 13/4/2009 19:41 - United States

Today, I got 20% tints on my car. As I'm driving home, a cop pulls me over. I didn't want to ruin my new tint by opening my window, so I opened my door as the cop approached. He then pulled out his gun and yelled "GET ON THE FUCKING GROUND!" before I could explain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42519

You deserved it

58113

Tweet

Share

By negromancer - 11/7/2009 01:08 - United States

Today, I worked up the courage to ask my crush out for coffee after work. She agreed and I confidently said "Alright, it's a date!" She replied, "Haha a date with you? I'm just going for the free coffee!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

56532

You deserved it

4342

Tweet

Share

By Hungry - 14/1/2009 15:01 - United States

Today, a drunk girl asked me for directions to her hotel. I had just bought an empanada and was feeling good, so I agree to look up the address on my phone. Two minutes and a text charge later, I got the address. Out of inebriated glee, she hugged me and knocked the tasty empanada out of my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22499

You deserved it

4442

Tweet

Share

By apparently_disabled - 17/4/2015 06:24 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I was trying to make a good impression with my fiancé's friends. After a few hours, I thought all was going well. As I walked to the washroom, I heard, "So what disability does she have? No one can be like that without something wrong in their brain." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33002

You deserved it

2901

Tweet

Share

By Username - 26/4/2011 19:11 - United States

Today, my friend told me that her favourite aunt died last night of a heart attack. The first thing I could think of to say was, "Oh no, is she okay?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

17879

You deserved it

40131

Tweet

Share

By Spac3Ghost - 28/12/2010 17:08 - China

Today, I was having a conversation with my girlfriend about having kids. We were outside a hotel in front of those rotating glass doors. One of my friends ran at me as a joke, screaming like a caveman. I freaked out in a high pitched squeal, and tried to run inside the hotel. I ran in the wrong way. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8582

You deserved it

26221

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/9/2013 07:15 - United States - Petrolia

Today, I took my girlfriend out to eat at a diner where my friend works. My friend was our waiter but too busy to talk much. He texted me after we'd left to tell me that my girlfriend had slipped him her number. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54803

You deserved it

3387

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/2/2013 06:40 - United States - Northbrook

Today, after trying to convince my girlfriend to have sex for almost 16 months, she finally said yes. I couldn't get it up the second she said it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27060

You deserved it

39490

Tweet

Share

By notsoonenufdeparted - 2/10/2010 05:07 - United States

Today, my four-year-old asked me when I was going to die. I replied "Not for a long time, why?" He looked at me and stated "Because I only want to live with Daddy." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46160

You deserved it

4781

Tweet

Share

By Sarah - 1/1/2013 15:15 - United States

Today, instead of the traditional midnight kiss, my husband handed me divorce papers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49966

You deserved it

5529

Tweet

Share

By imafrickenidiot - 8/3/2010 08:33 - France

Today, I was supposed to talk to my girlfriend's mom to ask permission to date her daughter but I chickened out. We've been together for almost a year, but have not been on a real date because I am too damn scared of her family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10918

You deserved it

45982

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/1/2012 19:09 - United States

Today, it's my girlfriend's birthday. I presented her with an oil painting of her that I'd been working on for over a month, and she started to cry. I thought it was because she liked it, until she asked if she really looks that ugly and disproportionate in real life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30868

You deserved it

3840

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By bittersweets | 2

#766069 - Sunday 10 January 2010 16:14

In most families you eat together at one table and get up when everybody is ready. How exactly did your 4 year old son manage to scatter around food througout the house?

By pet_virus | 0

#766084 - Sunday 10 January 2010 16:21

YDI for making him eat Spinach

COMMENTS

By akwasi | 1

#766043 - Sunday 10 January 2010 16:03

first

Reply

#766046 - Sunday 10 January 2010 16:05

Well, second counting the OP's FML.

Reply

bfrench95 | 0

#1087866 - Wednesday 14 July 2010 8:15

In Soviet Russia, underwear is all over your spinach.

By realggirl | 0

#766047 - Sunday 10 January 2010 16:05

and i am third

By Camy123_fml | 0

#766064 - Sunday 10 January 2010 16:13

Yup and im 4thh

:P

By dbs22 | 0

#766068 - Sunday 10 January 2010 16:14

Food hanging around for a while plus your underwear is the vital ingredient for anthrax...

By bittersweets | 2

#766069 - Sunday 10 January 2010 16:14

In most families you eat together at one table and get up when everybody is ready. How exactly did your 4 year old son manage to scatter around food througout the house?

Reply

Twinklestar | 0

#766246 - Sunday 10 January 2010 18:14

He could have taken the food before meals to get it out of the kitchen and hidden it places so his parents couldn't cook it.

Reply

bittersweets | 2

#766851 - Monday 11 January 2010 1:02

But it was half eaten... Does he snuck it out of the kitchen, starts to eat it and then hides it?

Reply

gareshmear | 0

#767096 - Monday 11 January 2010 2:30

yea man, that's pretty old school....

Reply

T1A2Z3 | 34

#7648738 - Saturday 16 June 2018 1:37

Pockets?

Reply

T1A2Z3 | 34

#7648739 - Saturday 16 June 2018 1:38

Pockets?

By madeleine83_fml | 0

#766078 - Sunday 10 January 2010 16:18

oh nooo, you have spinach in your underwear drawer, f your life, that's just terrible...

Reply

CheshireHalli | 19

#766309 - Sunday 10 January 2010 19:16

Gotta agree with Twinkle on this one. =)

By pet_virus | 0

#766084 - Sunday 10 January 2010 16:21

YDI for making him eat Spinach

Reply

Wolfwood187 | 0

#767175 - Monday 11 January 2010 3:07

^

By TheLetterZero | 7

#766105 - Sunday 10 January 2010 16:31

HAH!

By TheLetterZero | 7

#766106 - Sunday 10 January 2010 16:31

Weird, double post.

By cel123456789 | 0

#766115 - Sunday 10 January 2010 16:38

smart kid :)