Kids: Today, I was wondering why my home smelled so weird, until I... - FML

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was wondering why my home smelled so weird, until I found out that my 4 year old son had been secretly scattering around food he didn't like to eat throughout the house. How did I find out? No one else in this family leaves half eaten spinach all over my underwear drawer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27738

You deserved it

3849

Tweet

Share

Out of it

Our house, in the middle of our street

Coherence dude, do you have it?

By ewww - United States

Today, I used the community vacuum to clean my dorm. When spots started appearing on the floor, I assumed it was leaking water. By the time I finished there were tons of wet spots on the floor. Later I found out that someone had just used that very vacuum to suck up vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65034

You deserved it

5198

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Envy

Today, while watching my guinea pigs have sex, I got jealous. Yeah. It's been that long. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37152

You deserved it

13058

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Gardnerville

Today, I found the eggshells from the nest belonging to the little bird that lives outside my house. They were covered in blood and it was quite obvious that they had been eaten. While I was looking at them, the mother bird came over and attacked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30902

You deserved it

3560

Tweet

Share

By Yeppets - United States - Roscoe

Today, I got called "un-American" when I said I didn't care about Kim and Kayne's wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67777

You deserved it

5932

Tweet

Share

By ftt

Today, Facebook notified me a "friend" had tagged me in one of his photos. It was a group photo of 20, but my face was the only one that was intentionally blocked out with an emoji because I "didn't belong in the group." FML

I agree, your life sucks

9259

You deserved it

580

Tweet

Share

By apav - Australia

Today, I had my first appearance in a court as an attorney. I called the prosecution the prostitution. FML

I agree, your life sucks

85782

You deserved it

24363

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Lonely, so lonely…

Today, to get my mind off being single, I texted some friends. The first one was going out tonight to work things out with her ex, the second told me about his amazing new girlfriend, and the third replied an hour later with, "Sorry, I was having sex when you texted me." FML

I agree, your life sucks

2097

You deserved it

235

Tweet

Share

By iswearicandrive - United States

Today, I hit my boss's car. It's only my second day on the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26205

You deserved it

10248

Tweet

Share

By shittysongs - United States - Bothell

Today, I was so bored at a dinner party that I went to the bathroom to play games on my phone. One of my co-workers came in, so I rushed into a stall, but forgot to turn my phone's sound off. She heard it and said, "It's OK, music helps me shit too" and started blasting her music and grunting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32826

You deserved it

7074

Tweet

Share

By lamortdeshommes - United States

Today, I sent my boyfriend to the store to get groceries while I was at work. Instead of what I listed, he came back with hot pockets, ice cream and beer. I'm lactose intolerant and pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42840

You deserved it

8288

Tweet

Share

By ihatemyex - 23/5/2020 14:00

Who are you?

Today, a woman I’d never met came to my door asking if my kids were ready to go. Obviously I refused to send my kids with a stranger. Apparently she’s my ex's new girlfriend and "has his permission" to come get my kids. Now he’s threatening to take me to court for violating the visitation order. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1883

You deserved it

134

Tweet

Share

By InsertPopcicle - United States

Today, I forgot I left my tampons in a grocery bag packed with food that I put into the fridge. I realized two hours later while frantically looking for a tampon. I'm still cold down there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44088

You deserved it

12790

Tweet

Share

By cumbucket cops - United States - Barberton

Today, I found out that my unemployed husband has his own web-comic, that he makes money off it, and that it mainly involves the main character's airhead, money-grubbing wife ruining his life. She looks strikingly like me and shares my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44453

You deserved it

7045

Tweet

Share

By time to put you down, gran - United States

Today, I went to Hollister with my grandmother. She immediately started yelling about the music being too loud, and ordered the staff to "shut the damn thing off". She was yelling at a bunch of mannequins. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27767

You deserved it

4681

Tweet

Share

By Salaryman - Philippines

Today, I was instructed by my boss to welcome the 2 new foreign business partners since I am the only one who could speak their language. When they arrived I greeted them in their language. One of them scratched his head and asked his companion in plain and clear English, "What did he say?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

38634

You deserved it

4959

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - La Grande

Today, I had to break up a fist fight between two female residents. I work in a retirement home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45689

You deserved it

3406

Tweet

Share

By fmylifebadddd - United States

Today, was my birthday. My friends love to play pranks on me. So when I entered the door for my surprise party, I became aware of the surroundings. There was nothing. Everyone was staring as I slowly entered the room. When I closed the door behind me, a freaking bucket of pee fell all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

91026

You deserved it

5697

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 28/11/2020 20:08

About last night…

Today, I woke up on the couch in front of the television covered with a blanket. Last night, I'd come home pissed from the pub, fired up porn, got my pants off and settled down for a wank. However, this morning the telly was off, my trousers were on, and I don't remember a blanket. I live with my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

233

You deserved it

1671

Tweet

Share

By lulabell - United States

Today, I waved at a cute guy when I was leaving Wendy's. I then ran into a curb, spilled my frosty, and hit my head on the steering wheel. I turned around and both the cute guy and his dad were in hysterics. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16219

You deserved it

43830

Tweet

Share

By fu2then - Canada

Today, I ran into my manipulative ex-boyfriend at a party. We were chatting and I mentioned that the guys I have been seeing lately all turn out to be jerks. He says "yeah well you dumped me and don't deserve to be happy." Apparently he has been creeping and scaring off any guys interested in me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35499

You deserved it

4093

Tweet

Share

By BurnedByAWaiter

Today, I went on a blind date at a fancy restaurant. My date was running a bit late, so I went ahead and got a table. I got bored, so I decided to ask my waiter how I looked. He stood there, then said that "it's against company policy to mock customers to their face." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41067

You deserved it

8261

Tweet

Share

By

Science teacher

Today, in science, we were studying reproduction. Our teacher was reading out the notes and claimed that 'the female's penis stiffens to enter the male's vagina.' I'm supposed to be learning stuff from this woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2605

You deserved it

216

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home to find my younger daughter left her silly band collection on the carpet in front of the fireplace. I now have melted unicorns and princesses stuck in my carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28906

You deserved it

4171

Tweet

Share

By can’t buy her love - 22/3/2021 18:01 - United States

Menace II Society

Today, my teenage stepdaughter wrecked her third car texting and driving. I’ve pleaded with my husband to stop buying her new ones and to revoke her driving privileges. He’s so desperate for her to love him that he’ll give her literally anything. I’m scared she’s going to get someone killed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1395

You deserved it

129

Tweet

Share

By Jim Smith - United States

Today, I went for a run and took my shirt off part way through. The next person I saw was a nine year old girl playing outside her house. She looked at me and said, "Ewwwwww! Gross!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

20274

You deserved it

27635

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was helping my friend pack her carry on for her vacation. I drove her to the airport, and after her plane took off, I noticed I put my cell phone in her purse. Her vacation is 2 months long. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16944

You deserved it

33438

Tweet

Share

By Professionally Curtious

Today, I was offered my dream job. When I gave my current employer my 2+ weeks notice so they'd have time to find a replacement, I was told to pack up and leave immediately. Now I'm out a month's pay because I gave notice instead of just leaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5971

You deserved it

412

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Federal Way

Today, I was at a restaurant where the host is an attractive guy with only one arm. I was with my family, so I didn't want to be too obvious when checking him out. It seems like I was, though, because he came over and told me it was rude to stare at his arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26942

You deserved it

4061

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw an elderly man struggling to make it across a busy street. I jumped up from my table at Starbucks to help him, leaving my things behind. When I got back to my table feeling good, I found that my coffee had disappeared. So had my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38284

You deserved it

25627

Tweet

Share

By UnicornWaffles - United States - Wooster

Today, I saw the guy I've been seeing passing by my dorm. I called out to him, but he covered his ears and crossed the street. Well, at least I have ice cream in my fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11422

You deserved it

1016

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/10/2020 15:02 - Estonia

I don't wanna

Today my mother, who was once shocked to realise that my older sister was having unmarried sex, told me to go and 'get some' because it's good for my health. I'm asexual. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1034

You deserved it

308

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I discovered that my fiancé had tried to fake his own death because he thought it would be easier than confessing to the affair he was having. FML

I agree, your life sucks

71523

You deserved it

3467

Tweet

Share

By lanikai610 - United States

Today, there was no toilet paper left, so I asked my grandmother if I could use her Kleenex tissues. I found out too late that they were Vicks vapor rub tissues. My crotch has been burning for the last half hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32282

You deserved it

7581

Tweet

Share

By

Today, I found out I'm pregnant with my soon-to-be ex-husband's baby from the moment we agreed to have sex one last time together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6640

You deserved it

9013

Tweet

Share

By Mary - France

Today, after a year together, my boyfriend admitted to me that in bed I had as much an effect on him as a crossword puzzle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31164

You deserved it

4327

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/11/2020 22:02 - Argentina - Mar De Ajo

Deal with it

Today, apparently having mood swings at 37 weeks pregnant is being "braggy" according to my husband, and totally not acceptable. FML

I agree, your life sucks

815

You deserved it

118

Tweet

Share

By yeah hun i think insects arent animals too - Germany - Leipzig

Today, I yet again had to pretend to be a dumb bimbo so that my boyfriend wouldn't get upset over the fact that, in some cases, I might be smarter than him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41531

You deserved it

23780

Tweet

Share

By StockedWithJuice - United States - Austin

Today, I found out that my 16-year-old son bought a huge amount of grape juice, because he thought he could store it under his bed and wait for it to turn to wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49680

You deserved it

5313

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

W.T.F.

Today, while getting dressed, I discovered that when my brother and his friends got drunk last night one of them wanked into a pair of my panties and put them back in my wardrobe. The crusty mess pressed right into my groin. I had to clean dry spunk out of my pubic hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5900

You deserved it

574

Tweet

Share

By Andrew Williams - 11/12/2020 14:01

When nature calls

Today, as I was walking to go look at Christmas lights in my neighborhood, I really had to go number two. I called my dad to come and pick me up. I couldn’t hold it in much longer, so I took a crap in the sewer in the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks

655

You deserved it

301

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By bittersweets | 2

#766069 - Sunday 10 January 2010 16:14

In most families you eat together at one table and get up when everybody is ready. How exactly did your 4 year old son manage to scatter around food througout the house?

By pet_virus | 0

#766084 - Sunday 10 January 2010 16:21

YDI for making him eat Spinach

COMMENTS

By akwasi | 1

#766043 - Sunday 10 January 2010 16:03

first

Reply

Expertfail | 0

#766046 - Sunday 10 January 2010 16:05

Well, second counting the OP's FML.

Reply

bfrench95 | 0

#1087866 - Wednesday 14 July 2010 8:15

In Soviet Russia, underwear is all over your spinach.

By realggirl | 0

#766047 - Sunday 10 January 2010 16:05

and i am third

By Camy123_fml | 0

#766064 - Sunday 10 January 2010 16:13

Yup and im 4thh

:P

By dbs22 | 0

#766068 - Sunday 10 January 2010 16:14

Food hanging around for a while plus your underwear is the vital ingredient for anthrax...

By bittersweets | 2

#766069 - Sunday 10 January 2010 16:14

In most families you eat together at one table and get up when everybody is ready. How exactly did your 4 year old son manage to scatter around food througout the house?

Reply

Twinklestar | 0

#766246 - Sunday 10 January 2010 18:14

He could have taken the food before meals to get it out of the kitchen and hidden it places so his parents couldn't cook it.

Reply

bittersweets | 2

#766851 - Monday 11 January 2010 1:02

But it was half eaten... Does he snuck it out of the kitchen, starts to eat it and then hides it?

Reply

#767096 - Monday 11 January 2010 2:30

yea man, that's pretty old school....

Reply

T1A2Z3 | 34

#7648738 - Saturday 16 June 2018 1:37

Pockets?

Reply

T1A2Z3 | 34

#7648739 - Saturday 16 June 2018 1:38

Pockets?

By madeleine83_fml | 0

#766078 - Sunday 10 January 2010 16:18

oh nooo, you have spinach in your underwear drawer, f your life, that's just terrible...

Reply

CheshireHalli | 19

#766309 - Sunday 10 January 2010 19:16

Gotta agree with Twinkle on this one. =)

By pet_virus | 0

#766084 - Sunday 10 January 2010 16:21

YDI for making him eat Spinach

Reply

Wolfwood187 | 0

#767175 - Monday 11 January 2010 3:07

^

By TheLetterZero | 7

#766105 - Sunday 10 January 2010 16:31

HAH!

By TheLetterZero | 7

#766106 - Sunday 10 January 2010 16:31

Weird, double post.

By cel123456789 | 0

#766115 - Sunday 10 January 2010 16:38

smart kid :)