Today, I found out the reason our toilet paper has been disappearing so fast recently isn't because my son is wanking like a gibbon as I first thought. He's just been using our shredder to make streamers out of the stuff, then hiding it all in a box in his closet. Fucking hell, son. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, after a day, I finally noticed that the toilet paper I'd been using to wipe my butt is actually a roll of paper towel cut in half. My dad thinks that it's a waste of money to buy proper paper. Guess who had to unclog the toilet twice. FML
Today, in desperate need of a shit, I quickly ran into a shop to buy toilet paper. I rushed home and unleashed, only to realise I'd bought paper towels. Without options, I had to wipe my ass with them and consequently blocked the toilet. I found rolls of toilet paper while looking for the plunger. FML
Today, my 4 year old son thought it was funny to put money in the shredder. He stuck over 500 dollars in it. FML
Today, my household ran out of toilet paper so we have to shower after every dump. My mom just confessed that she does in fact have money for shit tickets, but won't buy any because it's the only way she can get my brother to shower. FML
Today, my 6-year-old son apparently decided to make a game out of clogging the toilet with toilet paper. He won, and now the whole basement is flooded. FML
Today, as I realized I'm too broke to go out and get more toilet paper, I noticed my cat chewing on something and tearing it apart. It was my last roll. FML
Today, my friend explained to me that the toilet paper in his bathroom is "just for show." Now I know why his hamper smells like shit. FML
Today, I was wondering why my home smelled so weird, until I found out that my 4 year old son had been secretly scattering around food he didn't like to eat throughout the house. How did I find out? No one else in this family leaves half eaten spinach all over my underwear drawer. FML
Today, and for weeks now, I was sure my underwear was going missing. I found out why. My husband's brother has been stealing them whenever he visits, presumably to masturbate with. I literally caught him shoving an unwashed pair into his pocket he'd stolen from my laundry pile. Creep. FML
Today, I gave my son a bollocking for losing a very important paper that I needed for work. I've just found it in my right pocket. FML
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Top comments
feelingold 18
You'd rather he was wanking like a gibbon?? *Parenting five*
auzziegirl1938 22
Follow up story? I'm actually curious why he wants streamers out of toilet paper...
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Comments (81)
DevinCam03 14
Omg
Nuclear101 4
Next roll, spray the toilet paper with a clear, but painful chemical that reacts to skin.
emeraldmaz 9
Wtf does that have to do with stopping him from making streamers out of toilet paper?
Ballowall 5
My brother does that sort of thing and he's autistic. If I were you I'd start paying real close attention to your sons behavior so you can get him the right therapy if he needs it.
sugarmonster42 7
Get his sanity checked?
JustShootMeFML 32
Oh my god. I love that, "wanking like a gibbon." Did you ever figure out why he was shredding it for streamers?
bassfisher100 23
what is a gibbon and why is it wanking
unholyswiss 19
Tell him to purchase his own or smuggle some outta his school, which he likely attends if he's doing that at your place.
TheNerdyVillager 2
Not streamers. Tassles, bitch.