Today, I found out the reason our toilet paper has been disappearing so fast recently isn't because my son is wanking like a gibbon as I first thought. He's just been using our shredder to make streamers out of the stuff, then hiding it all in a box in his closet. Fucking hell, son. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, after a day, I finally noticed that the toilet paper I'd been using to wipe my butt is actually a roll of paper towel cut in half. My dad thinks that it's a waste of money to buy proper paper. Guess who had to unclog the toilet twice. FML
Today, in desperate need of a shit, I quickly ran into a shop to buy toilet paper. I rushed home and unleashed, only to realise I'd bought paper towels. Without options, I had to wipe my ass with them and consequently blocked the toilet. I found rolls of toilet paper while looking for the plunger. FML
Today, my 4 year old son thought it was funny to put money in the shredder. He stuck over 500 dollars in it. FML
Today, my household ran out of toilet paper so we have to shower after every dump. My mom just confessed that she does in fact have money for shit tickets, but won't buy any because it's the only way she can get my brother to shower. FML
Today, my 6-year-old son apparently decided to make a game out of clogging the toilet with toilet paper. He won, and now the whole basement is flooded. FML
Today, as I realized I'm too broke to go out and get more toilet paper, I noticed my cat chewing on something and tearing it apart. It was my last roll. FML
Today, my friend explained to me that the toilet paper in his bathroom is "just for show." Now I know why his hamper smells like shit. FML
Today, I was wondering why my home smelled so weird, until I found out that my 4 year old son had been secretly scattering around food he didn't like to eat throughout the house. How did I find out? No one else in this family leaves half eaten spinach all over my underwear drawer. FML
Today, and for weeks now, I was sure my underwear was going missing. I found out why. My husband's brother has been stealing them whenever he visits, presumably to masturbate with. I literally caught him shoving an unwashed pair into his pocket he'd stolen from my laundry pile. Creep. FML
Today, I gave my son a bollocking for losing a very important paper that I needed for work. I've just found it in my right pocket. FML
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Top comments
feelingold 18
You'd rather he was wanking like a gibbon?? *Parenting five*
auzziegirl1938 22
Follow up story? I'm actually curious why he wants streamers out of toilet paper...
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Comments (81)
a1l2l2i3son 13
This post sounds so British, I already knew it was the United Kingdom without even looking.
therouni 23
"Wanking like a gibbon".... Awesome. Just awesome.
worldclassrager 39
Party time! Time to hide the toilet paper...but that's better than using Financial documents...right?
thesinginguy 18
Okay can someone explain what a gibbon is. Cause it seems everyone else knows.
MidnightMusic53 37
You really don't know? A gibbon is a monkey. Just google it, or even better, visit a zoo.
mac_attack3000 4
This is the most British post I've read in my life.
mansen 15
Oh god. I just had the horrid thought spring into my mind that your son is wanking like a gibbon with the toilet paper, and that shredded pile you found is not pure clean toilet paper...
GuiLD15 7
mean while in the son's room: "diversion success."
boshbish 14
It could be worse OP! Be thankful it was just shredded toilet paper.
MidnaLink 33
What for????
Witchylady 17
Why streamers out of toilet paper? Curious