By HoobidibooFox - United Kingdom - Coseley Today, I found out the one good thing about having fat rolls: when someone walks in on you sitting on the toilet, they hide your private parts. FML I agree, your life sucks 31468 You deserved it 6382 63 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By julian Today, I met my daughter's first serious boyfriend, only she forgot to mention he has hypermobility. All I did was shaking his hand normally, but it still dislocated three of his knuckles. My daughter made me call his mother to explain what I did. FML I agree, your life sucks 3528 You deserved it 252 20 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By he's a dawk, and a cunt - Australia - Darling Point Today, my boyfriend and I went to my parents' barbecue. He knew my family is extremely religious, so what did he do? Called for silence to make an announcement, namely: "God isn't real." Cue a riot that ended in us being kicked out and me all but disowned for "putting him up to it". FML I agree, your life sucks 47928 You deserved it 8043 129 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By cjgreer70 - United States - West Linn Today, I was told I looked like Beaker from the Muppets. After doing a side-by-side comparison, I realized it's true. FML I agree, your life sucks 42268 You deserved it 4626 75 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Cookie_monster - Canada - Toronto Today, getting ready to go out, I turned on my straightener. After 5 minutes, I start straightening one big strand when I realize I'm smelting plastic into my hair. Turns out I'd left it on a plastic box. Of course, plastic never comes out, so I had to cut it out. FML I agree, your life sucks 4158 You deserved it 2077 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Julia - United States Today, I found out all the money my dad has been saving in the bank for me since birth has all been spent, by my mother who I haven't seen or talked to in about two years. FML I agree, your life sucks 34407 You deserved it 1974 71 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By footfood - Slovenia Today, I witnessed my girlfriend eat the dead skin from the soles of her feet. FML I agree, your life sucks 74100 You deserved it 7700 690 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, I saw what I thought was a cobweb right behind my head where I sleep. I went to wipe it off and part of the sheetrock dented in. On further inspection, they were holes in the wall. Termites started coming out of them like something out of a horror movie. My husband is out of town for the next few weeks, and I'm extremely bug-phobic. FML I agree, your life sucks 1966 You deserved it 204 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By okay - United States - Woodstock Today, a customer complained he never got his sandwich, even though I put it in the oven, dressed it up and served it to him. When I went to clear his table off, I saw the sandwich basket. We had to give him his money back. FML I agree, your life sucks 27496 You deserved it 2281 46 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Donewiththis Today, my cat was diagnosed with FIV, to which my in-laws said, "That's impossible!" Apparently, what is possible though is that aliens are stealing their pool water. FML I agree, your life sucks 12925 You deserved it 839 38 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Pierced Today, my mother accused me of getting another lip piercing done on the sly to spite her. She finally realised I have more than one and won't believe I've always had two. Thanks for noticing, mom. FML I agree, your life sucks 3012 You deserved it 390 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Denied! Today, I got cock-blocked by the laundry. My boyfriend was the one who wanted to do laundry. FML I agree, your life sucks 31156 You deserved it 4735 157 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sigh... - United States Today, after several hours of trying to get my triplet daughters to go to bed, they finally fell asleep. Exhausted, I went to the bathroom so I could go to bed. Not thinking about it, I dropped the toilet seat down rather loudly and flushed the toilet. All three girls woke up crying. FML I agree, your life sucks 34525 You deserved it 27444 0 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my boyfriend kept trying to convince me to do anal with him. After denying him several times he told me "Why it feels good, trust me." I asked him how would he know. There was a long awkward silence when he then replied with "I'm not gay I swear." FML I agree, your life sucks 37249 You deserved it 5029 179 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Catherine - United States Today, I had to go to the emergency room with vision problems. The nurse was helping my mom fill out the paperwork. When asked for her employer, my mom started trying to sell the nurse Aflac, and got into a serious 10 minute conversation about it, all while I'm going blind in my left eye. FML I agree, your life sucks 36376 You deserved it 3179 124 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Richmond Today, I woke up early, went to the gym, then came home and showered. When I went into my room to change, my mom woke up and started pounding on my door, screaming about how lazy and useless I was for sleeping so late. When I tried to tell her otherwise, she grounded me for "talking back". FML I agree, your life sucks 57025 You deserved it 3592 122 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Australia Today, my three-year-old daughter rushed in, excited about her new baby brother or sister. She was so excited, I didn't have the heart to tell her men can't have babies, and I just have a beer gut. FML I agree, your life sucks 32879 You deserved it 15730 112 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, I returned home from my honeymoon and met my dad for coffee. He told me he's been seeing someone and he's so happy. It's my new mother-in-law. They moved in together during my wedding weekend. FML I agree, your life sucks 4527 You deserved it 335 20 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Meg93 Today, I went to a concert for the first time in 5 years. I got all dressed up and even ended up hanging out with the band. The night came to a screeching halt when I got a migraine and ended up in the ER vomiting non-stop. I was in the hospital all night. FML I agree, your life sucks 1804 You deserved it 186 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By JordanVilleneuve - Canada Today, I went to the park and sat down on a bench to enjoy my coffee. I heard a few young girls behind me talking about how their first experience of sex was. I turned around to see how old these girls really were. One of them was my daughter. FML I agree, your life sucks 64125 You deserved it 7505 233 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By thoughtitwasspecial - United States Today, I found a link to a porn website on my boyfriend's computer. A bit jealous, I asked why it was there. He told me that he thought thinking of me might get boring. FML I agree, your life sucks 29427 You deserved it 20649 154 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By WTF Lady? - 8/4/2020 20:00 Rod Stewart was wrong Today, I was walking down my street when a girl came up behind me and started yelling about me being a slut. When she saw I was the wrong person, she continued to yell at me because I have blonde hair. FML I agree, your life sucks 1762 You deserved it 129 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 21/2/2020 01:00 The innocence of children Today, my 5 year old stabbed me in the back with a pencil because I stole her nose and wouldn’t give it back. My daughter has been sulking now for 3 hours and refuses to breathe until she has her nose. FML I agree, your life sucks 1625 You deserved it 558 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Loola - France Today, Father Christmas touched my ass in a shopping mall. I'm a bit worried about what's going to happen on Christmas Day. FML I agree, your life sucks 23827 You deserved it 2513 38 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By katieemw95 I'm not drunk, you're drunk! Today, I came home from partying all night, having stayed completely sober. My Dad, blind drunk, told me he was proud of me for staying sober. He claims to have been sober longer than I have. FML I agree, your life sucks 1291 You deserved it 102 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Australia - Clayton Today, I babysat a kid who was such a bratty little prick that I actually considered walking out on the job. After his mom finally got home 4 hours later, he called her a slut. When he got in trouble for it, he claimed that I taught him the word. Needless to say, I didn't get paid. FML I agree, your life sucks 14933 You deserved it 863 55 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Warren Today, my mother and I were discussing how we couldn't believe it's been nearly a year since my dad died. Not paying attention, my husband absentmindedly added, "Time flies when you're having fun." FML I agree, your life sucks 48737 You deserved it 3612 50 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By gt - Canada Today, my boss fired me because I corrected him after he misspoke during a meeting. FML I agree, your life sucks 15732 You deserved it 35703 139 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Hm - United States Today, I found out the love of my life, my husband, is cheating on me. When I confronted him about it, his response was, "Don't blame me, you're the gullible bitch." FML I agree, your life sucks 46374 You deserved it 3981 156 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lameows - United States Today, things got heated with my boyfriend for the first time. Turns out he's even more inexperienced than I thought; when I started grinding against him, he frowned and said, "Um... why're you doing that? We've still got clothes on..." FML I agree, your life sucks 35238 You deserved it 4344 59 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Oblivious - Kuwait Today, I found out that my husband named our daughter after his favorite porn star. FML I agree, your life sucks 155557 You deserved it 16178 267 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jabba - United States Today, I saw a spider crawling on my new roommate's cheek, so I told her to stand still so that I could flick it off. Several long seconds of flicking made me realize that it wasn't a spider at all. I had been flicking her hairy mole. FML I agree, your life sucks 16639 You deserved it 34697 147 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By HighasaCloud Today, while typing at my desk, I leaned back in my chair to stretch my arms. A spider dangling from the ceiling must have been watching me since it had perfect timing on its descent right into my open yawning mouth. FML I agree, your life sucks 8529 You deserved it 745 33 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco Today, after a broken smoke detector in my home caused the fire department to come, I got an angry visit from my neighbor who was upset because she had parked in front of a fire hydrant and got a ticket. She demands that I pay it, "or else." FML I agree, your life sucks 33608 You deserved it 2433 121 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Tickettoride - Austria - Vienna Today, my boyfriend and I stressed out preparing for our one week holiday. We packed for the whole day, said goodbye to everyone and arrived at the airport quite exhausted after a 45-minute train ride. Turns out our flight isn't until tomorrow. The check-in lady couldn't stop laughing. FML I agree, your life sucks 43954 You deserved it 16218 85 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Vietnam Today, I'm on holiday in Vietnam, and was wearing a new shirt. In a restaurant, the waitress pointed at my shirt and said something I couldn't understand, so I just smiled and nodded my head. She then gave me a weird look and walked away. Turns out there was a huge spider on it. FML I agree, your life sucks 28246 You deserved it 4857 92 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Michelle - Australia - Richmond Today, my boyfriend told me that I have the bad habit of not doing the dishes before he has his daily piss in the sink. FML I agree, your life sucks 50596 You deserved it 5597 151 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By PrettySureItsReal - United States - Saint Peters Today, a parent of one of the students I teach called me to complain that I was teaching her child "lies" and "fairytales". I was teaching them about the Holocaust. FML I agree, your life sucks 36946 You deserved it 2205 38 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Australia - College Park Today, I got jumpscared, by my freshly-bathed grandma coming out of the bathroom without a towel on. FML I agree, your life sucks 19640 You deserved it 1520 42 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By guy - United States Today, my entire family came over for Thanksgiving. It went pretty well, only four family members got in a fistfight and only one cop car was called. FML I agree, your life sucks 29704 You deserved it 2284 87 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Bad Artist - United States Today, my friend sent me a link to a "horrible" tattoo that he found online, that a guy had gotten at my tattoo parlor. FML I agree, your life sucks 39936 You deserved it 9747 64 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By AlaskanG | 27 #6118391 - Friday 14 November 2014 9:03 Locks help with that as well. Send a private message 241 4 Reply
By Steven696 | 6 #6118395 - Friday 14 November 2014 9:06 The half glass full approach, I like it Send a private message 99 2 Reply
By AlaskanG | 27 #6118391 - Friday 14 November 2014 9:03 Locks help with that as well. Send a private message 241 4 Reply
Reply hard_candy | 25 #6118400 - Friday 14 November 2014 9:12 maybe it was broken. I've literally been in a public restroom where every single lock was broken, but I have pushed my foot against the door too, to avoid being walked in on. Send a private message 54 2 Reply
Reply coming back in the future | 30 #6118403 - Friday 14 November 2014 9:18 OP is looking on the "plus" side. Send a private message 42 2 Reply
Reply MeanBeagle | 22 #6118531 - Friday 14 November 2014 14:34 attitude is "larger" than life. Send a private message 6 11 Reply
Reply Ichiya | 29 #6118538 - Friday 14 November 2014 14:56 I had someone slide under the locked door and halfway into the stall with me before realizing it was occupied. Send a private message 28 4 Reply
Reply randome101 | 12 #6118624 - Friday 14 November 2014 17:31 I've been to one where there were no doors... Crazy Send a private message 5 1 Reply
Reply SalsaVerdeDonut | 22 #6118674 - Friday 14 November 2014 17:57 The boys locker room at the middle school I went to didn't have doors on the stalls. And yes, guys did take shits in them. All the time. Send a private message 16 1 Reply
Reply wallamanut | 14 #6118765 - Friday 14 November 2014 20:00 is it weird that even in public restrooms I always knock before going into a stall? Send a private message 9 2 Reply
Reply coming back in the future | 30 #6119580 - Saturday 15 November 2014 23:14 OP is looking on the plus side. Send a private message 5 1 Reply
By CrownedHellbound | 11 #6118392 - Friday 14 November 2014 9:03 Haha I suppose they would. That sounds embarrassing though, OP. :/ Send a private message 38 5 Reply
Reply coming back in the future | 30 #6118405 - Friday 14 November 2014 9:20 No "shit" sherLOCK.*Ba Dun Tss* Send a private message 10 33 Reply
Reply DippinGrizzly907 | 27 #6118429 - Friday 14 November 2014 10:17 That might of been punny if you didn't feel the need to point your (quite sad) joke out with ""these"" or by doing THIS... Send a private message 6 8 Reply
Reply vipirius | 18 #6118432 - Friday 14 November 2014 10:29 And if not for the fact that every variation of that pun has been posted here 6374 times already. Send a private message 17 4 Reply
Reply Dekat121 | 24 #6118488 - Friday 14 November 2014 13:04 you mean quotation marks and using capital letters? Send a private message 2 13 Reply
By paigexox0 | 37 #6118393 - Friday 14 November 2014 9:04 I almost feel like fat rolls that large would be more alarming... Send a private message 89 23 Reply
Reply Dekat121 | 24 #6118489 - Friday 14 November 2014 13:07 how large do you think fat rolls need to be to cover a VAGINA? OP is a girl. Send a private message 48 4 Reply
Reply paigexox0 | 37 #6118785 - Friday 14 November 2014 20:39 Big enough lol Send a private message 3 18 Reply
By Steven696 | 6 #6118395 - Friday 14 November 2014 9:06 The half glass full approach, I like it Send a private message 99 2 Reply
Reply MeanBeagle | 22 #6118529 - Friday 14 November 2014 14:31 well.. toilet was half full Send a private message 15 17 Reply
Reply jbombdighetty | 11 #6118623 - Friday 14 November 2014 17:30 why the downvotes on 35?I thought it was hilarious. Send a private message 4 5 Reply
Reply MeanBeagle | 22 #6118800 - Friday 14 November 2014 20:58 it was at 7+ Lol. Send a private message 3 7 Reply
By MrCareless | 17 #6118396 - Friday 14 November 2014 9:06 Well that must've been awkward. Good thing the rolls hid your private parts.. Consider locking the door next time will you? Send a private message 7 18 Reply
By Earths_Venus | 25 #6118397 - Friday 14 November 2014 9:08 Unfortunately they also hide your privates during other slightly more pleasant activities :( Send a private message 66 4 Reply
Reply kerstileann | 26 #6118460 - Friday 14 November 2014 11:43 that old fml "my boyfriend had to lift a roll to enter me" comes to mind. Send a private message 39 2 Reply
By Raxal | 21 #6118398 - Friday 14 November 2014 9:09 Assuming that the door didn't have a lock, hasn't the person who entered ever heard of knocking before entering? Send a private message 30 1 Reply
By itwontvalidate | 18 #6118399 - Friday 14 November 2014 9:11 still not something you'd wanna see though, if someone walked in on that they'd probably be just as scarred Send a private message 33 4 Reply
By coming back in the future | 30 #6118401 - Friday 14 November 2014 9:16 They must be pretty big then. Or your private parts might be small. Send a private message 21 8 Reply
Reply soullyfe | 33 #6118597 - Friday 14 November 2014 17:17 Or OP is a female... Send a private message 16 2 Reply
By scottyboy417 | 19 #6118404 - Friday 14 November 2014 9:18 Not sure that's entirely a fair trade but whatever floats your boat. Nice to see you are staying positive. Send a private message 15 2 Reply
Today, my best friend confided in me that she's going to have sex with her cousin. Shocked, I tried to convince her not to and how it's a horrible idea.... I agree, your life sucks 275 You deserved it 33 2 Comments
Today, my ex-girlfriend called me say she needed her car repaired. I fixed it as fast as I could so she could get back on her way, only to find out she’s... I agree, your life sucks 425 You deserved it 327 5 Comments