Today, I found out that using a certain hand sanitizer as masturbation lube will put you in the hospital and result in having to wear an adult diaper for a week. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, after waking up from a drunken night, I realized the burning sensation I had from the lube during sex was because I used hand sanitizer. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he reached out onto my dressing table to grab the lube. He missed, and found the hand sanitizer instead. I'm not sure who is in more pain. FML
Today, after pranking my roommate several times by putting lube in his hand sanitizer bottle, he got me back by putting sanitizer in my lube. FML
Today, I was sitting down in the hallway at school. As I tried to get up, I lost my balance and fell against a hand sanitizer dispenser. It then continued to squirt sanitizer all over the back of my shirt, drenching the whole left side. FML
Today, I had to call my mom and tell her about the insurance claim that is going to be coming through in the next couple of weeks. I spent the night in the hospital. I'm allergic to lube. FML
Today, I had a seizure and went to the hospital. Turns out, when you put in a tampon, forget, then get horny, your dildo can push the tampon all the way up to your cervix, where it will fester until you become septic. I'm now on antibiotics and horribly ill, but at least I know why I've been so tired recently. FML
Today, I found out my older brother put tanning lotion in the lotion I use to masturbate with. Now I have orange palms and an orange penis which won't go away for weeks. FML
Today, I accidentally twisted my balls in my own underwear so badly that I had to be hospitalized. FML
Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML
Today, I had to call poison control on one of my students, because they decided to drink a half a bottle of hand sanitizer. FML
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Top comments
beeship321 5
wow that was a smart move. Do you brush your teeth with toilet cleaner?
deputy_g 5
only time to do that is when you don't know where your penis has been..not for recreational use
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Comments (283)
fmlfails 0
why hand sanitiser I thought it stings (not from personal experience). I would only do that if I was drubs and didn't no where my junk has been
idogis1 0
Oh, that sucks... What the hell kind of hand sanitizer are you using. Whatever it is, maybe you should consider a different brand, I don't think that shit's safe on any appendage.
ilovemusic22192 0
Hahahaahaha! It's American Pie 2 all over again! XD
wassha09 0
that was smart of you. fyl
brittp 0
wow you are a ******* dumbass!!!!
brittp 0
wow you are a ******* dumbass!!!!
samneville 1
no shit Sherlock lol.
punkin_26 16
Hey dumbshit! Try lotion next time.
TaySweetHeart 0
YDI ! You Really Need More Common Sense.
Nuclear_Ninja 6
I agree 28... how embarrassing.