Today, I found out that sometimes when my girlfriend is mad at me she will allow our unfixed male dog to jack off on my pillows when I'm at work. She won the battle and the war. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out why my girlfriend has been angry with me ever since I moved in with her. Apparently, she is pissed that I taught her cat how to play fetch and keep treating him like a dog. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I started fighting. Instead of arguing for herself, she decided to set her puppy on me. Only "Puppy" is the name of her fully-grown police-trained German Shepherd. FML
Today, my boyfriend kicked me out of bed so the dog could get under the covers. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML
Today, my dog was watching me and started to have a hard-on, for half an hour. FML
Today, my wife kicked me out of my own bed to go and sleep on the sofa because the dog was whining, and would only stop if she was allowed to sleep on my side of the bed. My wife would rather sleep with the dog than me. FML
Today, my girlfriend yelled at me for changing my phone's password, like I thought she would try to access my phone without telling me. When I pointed out she could only know I changed it by trying to unlock it behind my back, she took the sandwich I'd just made and fed it to the dog. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend feeds her boogers to our dog. Sometimes she even makes her do tricks for them. FML
Today, while my girlfriend and I were making out, she went to fix the pillow behind her head and punched me straight in the face. FML
Today, I found pictures in my boyfriend's phone of our dog eating treats out of my mouth while I'm sleeping. FML
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Top comments
InfiniteSunshine 32
I actually think she lost both here. What she did is awful and shows she's just vindictive and petty. She resorts to revenge tactics, instead of expressing her feelings and talking about them like an adult, that's incredibly unhealthy. I've met children more mature than that. This is just so gross, I'd get new pillows.
cocacola999 27
She still has to sleep in the same bed with dog cum, so it seems like a pyrrhic victory.
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Comments (46)
the_bammit 5
You dump that crazy girl, that ain't ok. On any level, that is really really messed up.
Wishe 17
Passive aggressive revenge tactics, what a child.
great_nate 26
Shouldn't that read ex-girlfriend?
klirrivirri 9
well, they say semen is good for your skin... let's hope it's not a myth
WillMM76 12
This is just awful. Op, I hope you've moved on to something better for your own safety and happiness, but if you didn't, and you're still with this chick, you're a butthole and deserve everything you get outta this relationship. Enjoy you're evening!
kiaora_fml 11
Time for a new girlfriend, she sounds childish and mentally unbalanced
writerchic85 26
Fix the dog. Problem solved.
Catdragon 40
To the people saying this is breakup worthy. Really? It's not like she's forcing the dog to hump the blankets or anything. If the dog has a humping problem, then they need to fix their dog. Blankets and stuff can be washed.
GhostFox 34
The "blankets and stuff" weren't being washed before OP slept on them. And the wording implies she was encouraging the dog to hump his pillow. So, yeah, it is break up worthy because it not only implies she can't be trusted, but that she probably does other things to be spiteful AND that she would rather be a passive aggressive brat than actually communicate about problems. It isn't just the multiple instances of her doing this, it's what it implies about how unhealthy the relationship is or will become.
korylabauve79 4
so being that dogs can't Jack off, does that mean that she's doing it for him? Cause that's kind of sick.
Catdragon 40
Dogs can hump things on their own. However it would indeed be incredibly ****** up if she was jacking him off
korylabauve79 4
well, there is a major difference between jacking off, and humping a pillow. He, however, said jacking off, so... yeah... lol
skatehard89 2
did she tell you this or did you find the stains and ask about it cause that explanation is a little fishy...