Today, I found out that my wife makes mashed potatoes by using her dirty feet to crush the potatoes because apparently this is a "healthy, natural" way to make them, and it also cleans her feet. I've been eating her mashed potatoes at least once every week. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I found out what rotten cooked potato both smells and tastes like. FML
Today, we went for a foot massage. My wife found it incredibly relaxing; I just found it weird that a complete stranger seemed to be trying to give each of my toes its own handjob. Plus they used so much moisturiser that it made the inside of my shoes feel like squishy mud all day. FML
Today, I over-boiled some potatoes. I was having a bad day and this tipped me over the edge. I burst into tears and threw the potatoes all over my kitchen. I then stomped on the piping hot potatoes. The bottoms of my feet are blistered and still feel like they’re burning. FML
Today, I got home from work to see that not only had my wife opened my bag of potato chips, she'd ripped it all down the side and left it open all day without a clip. Now my chips are stale. She has a whole bag of her favorite flavor, unopened, right next to it. FML
Today, I watched my husband pick his dead foot skin and say, "That's a keeper!" before putting it in his mouth. FML
Today, my wife bitched at me for not washing my hands before handling the dishes. The dirty dishes. That were sitting in a sink of hot soapy water. According to her, the dirt from my hands was gonna make the dirty dishes even dirtier. Huh? FML
Today, I found out what unwashed, warty feet taste like after someone kicked me in the mouth with one. FML
Today, my wife stabbed my hand with a fork, making it bleed. I'd only tried to take some fries from her plate. FML
Today, my wife complained that the coffee grounds I swept into the sink grossed her out. Yesterday, I removed several panty-liners from her soiled underwear before doing the laundry. FML
Today, I was making mashed potatoes in a hurry, I had the pot boiling on high when I had to rush to the bathroom. As I'm walking away, I ask my boyfriend to watch the potatoes. When I returned, they were no longer boiling and he proudly announced he added cold water because they looked a little dry. What? FML
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Top comments
TheDrifter 24
I'd say have a glass of wine and mull it over, but that might just get you thinking of how those grapes were crushed.
mangoboy1 19
Get tested.
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Comments (156)
Jessj958 19
Wtf is your wife thinking?! That's nasty!
Sarow_96 13
I am surprise that you did not get food poisoning. XD Lucky guy, but still that sucks man. :&
vbmg152 19
What? How in the hell? Never mind, I don't wanna know! I've been cooking since I was 8, 43 years & I've never used my feet to make anything! That's just gross! What else is she doing in the kitchen? I'd be eating out if I were you. Maybe she has the dog take a crap on your steak, who knows!
vbmg152 19
Did you vomit when you found out? Cause I feel really sick & I'm just reading this! She needs help!
kitchennuglet 3
This is why you have an immune system genius.
outoftown 27
And that's just the potatos. What's she doing to the rest of your food? (Glad I learned not to eat when reading FMLs.)
akiahara 14
It could actually be worse. At least she cooks the food. Could be like those kooks who only eat raw things.
CdnTestmonkey 3
It's also a great way to get you to do the cooking.
buckdharma 38
Remember back when you two were dating, and dinner at mom's was part of mating? Did mom complain of corns and bunions?, while you exclaimed, mashed potatoes with onions! Anyway, it sounds to me, like a passed down family recipe.
Ray_of_midnight 23
If I were you, I'd avoid the lobster bisque.