Today, I found out that my wife makes mashed potatoes by using her dirty feet to crush the potatoes because apparently this is a "healthy, natural" way to make them, and it also cleans her feet. I've been eating her mashed potatoes at least once every week. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out what rotten cooked potato both smells and tastes like. FML
Today, we went for a foot massage. My wife found it incredibly relaxing; I just found it weird that a complete stranger seemed to be trying to give each of my toes its own handjob. Plus they used so much moisturiser that it made the inside of my shoes feel like squishy mud all day. FML
Today, I over-boiled some potatoes. I was having a bad day and this tipped me over the edge. I burst into tears and threw the potatoes all over my kitchen. I then stomped on the piping hot potatoes. The bottoms of my feet are blistered and still feel like they’re burning. FML
Today, I got home from work to see that not only had my wife opened my bag of potato chips, she'd ripped it all down the side and left it open all day without a clip. Now my chips are stale. She has a whole bag of her favorite flavor, unopened, right next to it. FML
Today, I watched my husband pick his dead foot skin and say, "That's a keeper!" before putting it in his mouth. FML
Today, my wife bitched at me for not washing my hands before handling the dishes. The dirty dishes. That were sitting in a sink of hot soapy water. According to her, the dirt from my hands was gonna make the dirty dishes even dirtier. Huh? FML
Today, I found out what unwashed, warty feet taste like after someone kicked me in the mouth with one. FML
Today, my wife stabbed my hand with a fork, making it bleed. I'd only tried to take some fries from her plate. FML
Today, my wife complained that the coffee grounds I swept into the sink grossed her out. Yesterday, I removed several panty-liners from her soiled underwear before doing the laundry. FML
Today, I was making mashed potatoes in a hurry, I had the pot boiling on high when I had to rush to the bathroom. As I'm walking away, I ask my boyfriend to watch the potatoes. When I returned, they were no longer boiling and he proudly announced he added cold water because they looked a little dry. What? FML
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Top comments
TheDrifter 24
I'd say have a glass of wine and mull it over, but that might just get you thinking of how those grapes were crushed.
mangoboy1 19
Get tested.
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Comments (156)
Epikouros 32
And maybe you should check why your potatoes always have that golden yellow color.
lilcuz69 16
What you don't suck toes?
alittlebrighter 2
Are you sure she wasn't just trying to make a point about how rarely you help her in the kitchen- seriously though, once a week for your entire marriage and you never once noticed? .......might try this myself :P
whY402Jay 12
Do you feel healthy yet?
xmaximusx 12
Your wife is ******
TheCutestLizard 28
She has got to be lying in an attempt to be funny!
Old_Iron_Sides 6
So, does she cook them first? I would think so, otherwise she'd just end up with a broken tailbone...
m3lyc 18
Note to self; don't read FML whilst eating. Bluuurrrggghhh!
sugarshane007 20
I'm surprised the real question hasn't been asked yet. Did it taste good? I know plenty of people that like toefu with their meals.
perdix 31
"Was mich nicht umbringt, macht mich stärker!" -- Nietzsche. ("What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.") I had to write it in the original German so you wouldn't think Kelly Clarkson made it up. If you are still alive after eating her foot filth for a year, it obviously isn't bad for you. You should thank your wife for giving you a bad-ass immune system.
perdix 31
#74, bitte schoen. Now, you've taken me to the limit of my German unless you want me to count to ten, or say some Hogan's Heroes expletives.
TheCutestLizard 28
I've decided we should be friends!
perdix 31
#94, Although you don't need it, you have my permission to PM me. I don't bite. . . well, not often ;)