Today, I found out that my wife makes mashed potatoes by using her dirty feet to crush the potatoes because apparently this is a "healthy, natural" way to make them, and it also cleans her feet. I've been eating her mashed potatoes at least once every week. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out what rotten cooked potato both smells and tastes like. FML
Today, we went for a foot massage. My wife found it incredibly relaxing; I just found it weird that a complete stranger seemed to be trying to give each of my toes its own handjob. Plus they used so much moisturiser that it made the inside of my shoes feel like squishy mud all day. FML
Today, I over-boiled some potatoes. I was having a bad day and this tipped me over the edge. I burst into tears and threw the potatoes all over my kitchen. I then stomped on the piping hot potatoes. The bottoms of my feet are blistered and still feel like they’re burning. FML
Today, I got home from work to see that not only had my wife opened my bag of potato chips, she'd ripped it all down the side and left it open all day without a clip. Now my chips are stale. She has a whole bag of her favorite flavor, unopened, right next to it. FML
Today, I watched my husband pick his dead foot skin and say, "That's a keeper!" before putting it in his mouth. FML
Today, my wife bitched at me for not washing my hands before handling the dishes. The dirty dishes. That were sitting in a sink of hot soapy water. According to her, the dirt from my hands was gonna make the dirty dishes even dirtier. Huh? FML
Today, I found out what unwashed, warty feet taste like after someone kicked me in the mouth with one. FML
Today, my wife stabbed my hand with a fork, making it bleed. I'd only tried to take some fries from her plate. FML
Today, my wife complained that the coffee grounds I swept into the sink grossed her out. Yesterday, I removed several panty-liners from her soiled underwear before doing the laundry. FML
Today, I was making mashed potatoes in a hurry, I had the pot boiling on high when I had to rush to the bathroom. As I'm walking away, I ask my boyfriend to watch the potatoes. When I returned, they were no longer boiling and he proudly announced he added cold water because they looked a little dry. What? FML
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Top comments
TheDrifter 24
I'd say have a glass of wine and mull it over, but that might just get you thinking of how those grapes were crushed.
mangoboy1 19
Get tested.
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Comments (156)
phooboy 10
I'm sorry you are dating a hobbit.
harry352000 4
EUGHADJSKFDHJDHDSHSBJDFBHFJDHFJGDJFHGD (Thats how I throw up) Thats disgusting!
SixthSinEnvy 39
Excuse me while I barf.
TheMystery13 13
Piss on her toothbrush.
Dave_Davington 35
Wipe your ass with her pillow.
TheVurcle 10
I find this hard to believe.....
TheAspieDork 27
Yep, your wife's a freak
AmbrosiaFan 19
So how long has she been doing this? Have you been sick when you think you shouldn't? Are you healthier than usual? Inquiring minds want to know.
Sammie Warners 13
How did you not notice this when she was cooking that cannot be a quick and simple method to go unnoticed