Today, I found out that my obese son, who is on a health-mandated diet and exercise plan, gorges on junk food whenever he has the chance. His logic? "It won't make you fatter if you crap it out." FML
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Today, I scolded my son at a buffet after he pointed at an obese woman in a motorized wheelchair and asked how anyone could let themselves get so unhealthy. As I lectured him on genetics and thyroid problems, she rolled past with a plate stacked with an obscene amount of fried food. FML
Today, I found out why my daughter eats so many sugary baked goods. According to her, when you bake things, all the sugar and calories are "released" and so you can't gain weight from it. It seems I raised a moron. FML
Today, my daughter expressed wanting to lose weight so I took her to a licensed dietician nutritionist to get her a healthy eating plan, and even made her an appointment with a personal trainer to get her on track. I walked in on her eating a whole box of laxatives, because "this way is faster." FML
Today, I found out that, when mad at us, my son picks the tops off his shoulder-pimples and sprinkles them in our food. FML
Today, I found out my mom intentionally puts extra butter and oil in the food she cooks for me because she wants me to be fatter than her. FML
Today, my dad insisted on taking us to a local buffet that is known for bad food and botulism. He kept piling things onto a plate for me, despite my objections. A waitress commented on how much was on my plate. I told her I wasn't hungry, and it was my dad's doing. Her response, "Your skinny self needs to eat." FML
Today, I told my kids that our family dog was getting too fat and we should give him a little less food. My youngest daughter whispered to her sister, "Mommy's fat and we still give her food." FML
Today, my husband told me that he thinks I am getting a little heavy and may need to lay off the junk food. The ultrasound is hanging on our fridge. FML
Today, I had a customer go on a 15-minute rant about how disgusting fat people are, and how they deserve it if they develop diabetes, gout, etc. Yes, I am fat. I eat well, I exercise, I've had a gastric balloon, I've been to weight loss retreats, dieticians, personal trainers, and yet I'm "gross." FML
Today, my morbidly obese mother gave me an angry lecture at dinner, saying without any trace of irony that my vegetarian diet is "unhealthy and utterly unacceptable". FML
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Top comments
xSkittle 16
I really want to know how old he is
MEAT_CURTAINS 5
That's what I tell myself too 'Oh no my jeans don't fit' 'Oh it's ok i just haven't had a shit today'
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Comments (102)
Beepbeep7 14
Put a muzzle on him.
vffjvsegb 11
I've tried that theroy, it's a no go
yryilmaz 13
What does he do with the food usually then?
thecrazymancan 17
Lock him in his room with a giant hamster wheel and a little ticker that will unlock his door after he has run enough miles.
Wiz_Of_Oz 17
"Augustus Gloop! Augustus Gloop! The great big greedy nincompoop! Augustus Gloop! So Big and Vile! So greedy, foul, and infantile!"
WeskersSexslave 15
well its your fault if you age junk food during pregnancy..
baref00tmama 15
No it isn't. What a ridiculous theory. OP, your son needs to take some nutrition classes since he clearly doesn't understand how the body takes nutrition or absorbs calories; a lot of obesity issues stem from people having NO idea how to nourish themselves.
DanielleinDC 33
OP is the kid's father.
zuzupetalsYO 11
Did you tell him that when you made him fat?
The_Khan 12
Denial, or a fairly serious case of young kid (but that usually goes away on its own). Ask him what kind of food he eats that isn't crapped out. I'm sure once he thinks about it, he realizes that everything ingested will be (attempted to) digested.
LtBoom 13
Well, at least he's not eating shampoo.
chosha_fml 26
How does he think he got obese in the first place...3 year bout of constipation?