Miscellaneous: Today, I found out that Cheetos are flammable, as is my hair....

Hey guys, OP here (: I was so excited to hear that this got published!! Thank you for all your feedback, even the ones saying I deserved what happened. I believe due explanations are in order. First of all: I wasn't the one who lit the Cheetos on fire, that was courtesy of my older brother. He saw a post on iFunny saying that Cheetos are flammable, so, naturally he felt the need to see which flavor of Cheetos burned the fastest. He then he ran into my room to show me his discovery, waving a flaming Cheeto around proudly. I'm assuming you can guess what happened next.

Miscellaneous

Hiding from the drama

You light up my life

Must be one hell of a novel

19/01/2010 13:20

Today, I was given a ticket for running a red light. The reason? I was moving out of the way of an ambulance. The police officer watched it go by. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 645

You deserved it 2 985

11/02/2013 01:51

Today, I went to the local pet store to purchase a large dog bed so my dog wouldn't sleep in mine. After I got home and set up her bed, I realized I forgot to buy dog treats. When I came home again, her new bed was torn to shreds, and she was still sleeping on my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 156

You deserved it 5 908

08/09/2015 19:12

Today, I found out I wasn't cool enough to be invited to a college party that happened last night. The one in charge of inviting people was my girlfriend of two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 186

You deserved it 2 090

07/03/2011 16:17

Today, I flipped out when I saw a centipede. I screamed, very loudly and in a very high voice. My girlfriend came into the room, stomped on it, picked it up and threw it in the trashcan. I apologized to her for the scene and all she said was, "I'm used to it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 662

You deserved it 41 574

17/02/2010 01:30

Today, I was in the theatre watching a movie. I leaned my head back to relax. Suddenly, I hear this sneeze behind me and then I feel "rain" pouring down on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 888

You deserved it 2 812

14/06/2010 14:32

Today, it was a long queue at the store, and behind me were two senior citizens. I wanted to do a good deed, and said: "Cut before me in line, I have all the time in the world." My reward? The old man scolded me because I supposedly insinuated that they were old, and only had a short time left to live. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 348

You deserved it 13 402

09/12/2013 19:17

Today, I woke up in my hospital bed after having knee surgery, on the wrong knee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 999

You deserved it 4 021

09/06/2015 20:03

Today, I took new sleeping meds. One of the side effects was sleepwalking. I had a dream my girlfriend wanted me to pee on her. Apparently, while sleepwalking, I pissed all over our dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 207

You deserved it 3 184

01/07/2013 04:35

Today, I went to get new shoes. I'm a pretty tall girl and I have proportional feet. I asked the cute guy who worked there for a size 9.5. He burst into laughter before putting on a shocked face and saying, "Oh wait... You're serious." Goodbye, self esteem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 502

You deserved it 3 177

Hangry sex

By Krissy - 06/04/2012 02:11

Today, during sex, my boyfriend stopped and asked if he could eat a sandwich while we do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 065

You deserved it 4 828

11/08/2009 17:57

Today, at work, a man bought a lot of really expensive stuff. He paid the large bill with cash, and the manager helped me count the money. When we were done, he handed me a $100 bill to thank me for all the help. We can't accept tips. The manager was next to me. I had to say no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 087

You deserved it 3 855

24/02/2012 19:18

Today, I was posing in front of the mirror, when I realized that everyone who looks at me can easily tell which arm I use to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 702

You deserved it 37 789

12/05/2009 07:49

Today, I was walking with my girlfriend when she began skipping ahead of me and out in to the street. I saw a car coming right at her so I tackled her to the ground to save her. Turns out the car was stopping and was never going to hit her, and my girlfriend doesn't appreciate concussions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 714

You deserved it 12 868

Good one

By Anonymous - 16/12/2012 00:06

Today, on the way out to buy groceries, my boyfriend asked if I'd like him to buy some of my favourite flowers. Happy with his rare show of affection, I said yes. When he returned, he gave me a bag of our usual brand of flour and laughed hysterically in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 206

You deserved it 4 369

28/12/2013 20:07

Today, my girlfriend informed me that our relationship is an open one. This was only after I was told that when she was "stuck in traffic" two days ago, she was actually playing the triple-X version of Twister in my "best friend's" bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 996

You deserved it 3 367

04/12/2012 05:01

Today, I walked into school confident about the new hair color I'd had done over the weekend. My drama teacher apparently dyed her hair the same color; everyone noticed and thought I'd copied her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 652

You deserved it 2 337

10/02/2010 05:09

Today, my girlfriend of 11 months told me that she's been faking her orgasms the whole time. Just to make me "proud" of myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 972

You deserved it 5 891

27/05/2012 13:20

Today, my car broke down and had to be towed to the dealership. Normally, this would be just unlucky but I work with kids and we had been fundraising for charity. I am now sitting at the dealership with my hair coloured purple, red and blue and in ridiculously high pigtails while people stare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 204

You deserved it 2 609

10/02/2009 01:50

Today, I ran out of underwear and so I went into my mom's drawer to borrow a pair from her. It was then that I found out my mom uses the same vibrator as I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 257

You deserved it 42 594

Hobbies

By Stinkycar - 05/06/2017 12:00

Today, it was an unusually hot day and I saw one of my friends walking down the street carrying a large bag. I stopped and asked if he needed a ride. When he got in, I noticed a horrible stench. He then told me he'd just been dumpster diving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 586

You deserved it 509

15/08/2019 04:00

Today, I'm so broke after my recent divorce that I stole toilet paper from my church. I'm the pastor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 879

You deserved it 313

13/07/2014 17:54

Today, I was singing in the shower, not realising the window was open. When I got out, the neighbours were at the front door, loudly arguing with my mother. They were complaining about my awful singing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 849

You deserved it 6 991

30/09/2013 21:59

Today, I discovered that I have caught head lice from my son. Unfortunately, they are living in my chest hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 327

You deserved it 3 812

17/03/2010 00:46

Today, at a debate tournament based on domestic abuse, my partner yells out, "Has anyone considered that maybe the women DESERVED to be beaten?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 526

You deserved it 6 609

25/05/2012 18:21

Today, I joined a local interest website, hoping to make some friends in my area. I don't think I've ever met so many guys before who introduce themselves with pictures of their cocks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 503

You deserved it 5 961

03/08/2018 19:00

Today, my best friend of 10 years blocked me for no reason. When I went to her house to ask why she did it and apologize for whatever it was, she told me to kill myself and slammed the door. I still don't know what I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 034

You deserved it 306

11/09/2013 14:16

Today, I noticed that my car's passenger-side door has cobwebs all over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 521

You deserved it 7 099

08/08/2013 12:54

Today, I confessed my feelings to the guy I've had the biggest crush on. He spent the next ten minutes calling me delusional, said that I know nothing about him, and laughed that "this isn't Twilight, for fuck's sake". All he did when I started crying was pat me on the head and leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 106

You deserved it 10 113

11/03/2010 22:44

Today, while at the dog park, I suddenly had to use the bathroom really badly. Since there weren't any facilities nearby, I decided to go behind a tree and relieve myself there. While doing this, two other owners, one that's in my math class, noticed me, regardless of me hiding. She definitely saw everything. School will be fun tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 190

You deserved it 26 332

07/10/2018 05:00

Today, my husband of 5 months admitted he is jealous of my dog. I've had the dog for 16 years. He admits to wanting to drop it off at the shelter while I'm at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 480

You deserved it 311

06/03/2009 17:58

Today, I was boarding my flight when I got pulled aside for looking suspicious. As she was opening my bag, I said, "Be careful, I jammed so many clothes in there it may explode." I was then strip searched for my trouble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 536

You deserved it 49 649

12/12/2014 01:17

Today, I noticed that I'm way more productive when I'm drinking than when I'm not. I think I just figured out why I'm related to so many alcoholics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 038

You deserved it 3 424

Trip Advisor says no

By crazycatwaiter - 22/06/2020 23:06

Today, I was so excited that my favorite local spot reopened, I couldn’t wait to go there for lunch. Unfortunately, my waiter’s shirt was so caked with thick smelly cat hair, it sent me into an immediate allergy attack. Not only did I not get to eat my food, the manager refused to give me a refund. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 469

You deserved it 217

25/04/2012 06:22

Today, it was snowing, and the campus looked just lovely. I sat on a nearby window ledge to enjoy the view. I was joined by a girl who looked fascinated as well, so I decided to make small talk. She nodded, smiled wistfully, and said, "There's herpes in the air today." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 551

You deserved it 3 133

23/02/2013 06:28

Today, my brother accidentally hit me in the throat. After I stopped coughing, choking, and feeling like I was going to die, he came back into my room, quietly said "I know your weakness," and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 490

You deserved it 3 429

Meanwhile, in 1953…

By nope! - 04/03/2020 12:00

Today, I had my first date in more than two years. As soon as I sat down, the first words out of his mouth were, "How many people have you had sex with? Not just recently, but ever. I don’t date women who’ve had more than 5 partners." I left before we'd even ordered drinks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 762

You deserved it 249

18/02/2011 14:47

Today, my mom told me that she was selling my favorite thing in the world, my trombone. The only thing that I'm good at is the trombone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 657

You deserved it 5 257

13/04/2009 12:07

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He knows that I love when he breaths on my neck. When I was about to finish he put his lips a millimeter away from my neck/ear and breathed, "I love how you smell like my grandmother's house." FML

I agree, your life sucks 111 506

You deserved it 9 708

09/09/2013 20:16

Today, my pregnant wife was crying, so I let her sit on my lap so I could comfort her. She quickly started laughing in embarrassment as she peed on my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 731

You deserved it 6 829

11/01/2011 18:46

Today, my baby-crazy mother expressed her concerns that I haven't conceived after a whole two months of marriage. Her advice amounted to "get divorced while you're still hot, sleep around until you get pregnant, then marry the winner." When I complained to my father, he supported her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 966

You deserved it 3 151

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Top comments

nanxi 30

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Monday 2 September 2013 9:09

What were you doing??

ClaireWinchester 17

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Monday 2 September 2013 22:50

Comments

nanxi 30

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Monday 2 September 2013 9:09

What were you doing??

TorturedXeno 27

Monday 2 September 2013 9:10

How??? Why?

slooby_fml 25

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Monday 2 September 2013 9:19

They must have been Flamin' Hot

Kn0wledge123 21

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Monday 2 September 2013 9:31

Seriously. How the hell does that happen??

firegirl1993 21

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Monday 2 September 2013 11:22

I really hope OP replies back. You can't say such a thing then not elaborate!!!

ohro 10

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Monday 2 September 2013 11:55

I have to know this story before I conduct my own experiments!

starile 19

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Monday 2 September 2013 12:03

Yeah, somehow I feel whatever happened is definitely OP's fault. Until further details, Cheers

CarbonCoach 11

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Monday 2 September 2013 20:28

mayenop is trying to smoke cheetos

tjv3 10

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Tuesday 3 September 2013 2:14

Is your hair made out of substitute cheesy goodness too?

jlaginski 10

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Monday 2 September 2013 9:09

And, how exactly did you find these two things out? At the same time, perhaps?

tiana000 12

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Monday 2 September 2013 10:08

It must have been a fiery situation.

davincidasecond 24

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Monday 2 September 2013 9:09

Quite the hot-head, huh?

TypeBbitch 15

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Monday 2 September 2013 9:11

Wow...now I know just how dangerously cheesy they are

rememberkids 14

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Monday 2 September 2013 20:59

I'm just glad I eat Hawkins cheeses then.

unlucky_lucy 17

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Monday 2 September 2013 9:11

Why were there Cheetos in your hair?

andrewturtle 16

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Monday 2 September 2013 10:02

Wait, you don't put Cheetos in your hair?!

BecauseWhyNot 8

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Monday 2 September 2013 11:38

I've been using them wrong all this time...

mFUNdo21 17

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Monday 2 September 2013 13:19

37, your pic makes the comment so much funnier

iAlissa 34

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Monday 2 September 2013 9:12

This FML definitely needs follow-up. I'm curious.

moonsalt 20

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Monday 2 September 2013 9:46

Agreed. This FML lacks important details.

TrinityNevada 11

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Monday 2 September 2013 10:54

I was about to say the same thing! I can imagine dropping a cheeto on the floor, picking it up, and throwing it into an ashtray that just happened to have a hot in there. I can understand catching your hair on fire, too, maybe by lighting a cigarette on the stove. I cannot imagine how both the cheeto- and hair-thing occured. Wow. I put too much thought into this, bedtime.