By Anonymous - 20/11/2015 19:27 - United States - Clearwater
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That really had nothing to do with you. He has pent up anger that he released on her. Had you not said anything he would have done it anyway. For example my therapist said I need to stand up to my sister. We got in an argument and I threw her food across the kitchen. Wasn't my therapists fault. I had pent up anger that just came out.
It's not your fault. You should definitely blame yourself, but it's not your fault.
Its not your fault OP....taking a stand against a woman and hiiting her....are two entirely different things... .its the fault of your dickheaded friend.
@10 Or leaving the relationship, try counseling, having the police deal with it, etc... Violence does not automatically need to beget violence. An eye for an eye leaves everyone blind and all that. That's not to say that I do not think someone who is being beaten shouldn't defend themselves, I just needed to point out that it isn't a requirement.
I have to disagree with you, 10. Using violence to solve violence just perpetuates a vicious cycle (regardless of gender). If someone is hitting you, by all means defend yourself. Once you are safe, you leave—the situation and your partner. You stand up for yourself and protect yourself by refusing to engage with that person and the cycle of abuse. Defending yourself against a partner should not be a regular occurrence. If it is, then you need to seriously rethink that relationship. My father used to beat my mom. Hitting him back solved nothing. Leaving him and getting the police and courts involved absolutely solved the problem. And yes, I understand every situation is different and for some people leaving is difficult (for many reasons). However, the best way to stand up for yourself and defend yourself is to do everything in your power to remove yourself from that relationship.
20—I'm unclear how reversing genders would negate 17's point. Violence (physical or emotional) is extremely unhealthy in any relationship, regardless of who is using the violence (male to female, female to male, male to male, female to female). Perpetuating that violence solves nothing. Leaving the partner/situation is the best (and healthiest solution).
I get your point #21, and I agree with you. But I think what #20 was saying was that, if the gender roles had been reversed, the majority of people would support violence committed by the female. It's the double standard that violence perpetrated by a female to a male is somehow more acceptable because "women are the weaker sex". Which is utter shit by the way. No human being, regardless of sex, has the right to cause another human harm, unless they are defending their immediate safety.
33, I can see that, but 20's comment was vague. It seemed like he was saying that 17's point would be invalid if gender roles were reversed. However, what we need to be teaching children, and society as a whole, is that violence within a relationship is unacceptable. There was a study done a year or two ago about physical, sexual, and emotional violence/abuse in lesbian relationships. They found that most victims do not file police reports or seek help because no one believes them. The whole report was heartbreaking (I'll have to search for the name of it). I come from an abusive home (and my mom was one hell of a strong woman to get us out of there). Regardless of gender or sexual orientation, if your partner is hurting you, you leave. Perpetuating that violence is not helpful.