Today, I found out my boyfriend keeps a gun under his pillow. This was only after my friends and I surprised him with his birthday cake while he was sleeping. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I found out my boyfriend keeps a sword under the bed, a proper sharp 'knight on horseback' sword instead of the typical baseball bat for burglars, I found this out after I was groping under there for a dropped earring and cut one of my fingers down to the bone. FML
Today, I found out that my boyfriend is only staying with me for the present I promised him for his birthday. FML
Today, my husband excitedly came home from the gun show with a new lower receiver. I, however, had to go back out and get my own birthday cake. FML
Today, while walking downstairs to go to work, I turned the corner and my boyfriend pulled a gun on me. Apparently, he forgot I was there. FML
Today, I woke up crying in the middle of a nightmare in which my boyfriend of 8 months shot me through the heart whilst laughing as I screamed, "I love you." After I told him about this, he took me into his arms as I cried, stroked my back, and said, "What kind of gun was it?" FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me with a surprise up on my birthday. Unfortunately, it was her screaming at the top of her lungs and punching me in the face because of a nightmare. FML
Today, it was my boyfriend's 24th birthday. His friends were throwing him a surprise party and I was in charge of getting his birthday cake. As a joke, I got it in the shape of a penis, with a graphic marzipan design. Funny, I never knew his overly-conservative parents were invited. FML
Today, I found out that the loud "firecrackers" I heard the night before were actually shotgun blasts by my neighbor murdering his girlfriend. FML
Today, my boyfriend's parents found out we had a sleepover while they were on vacation. His dog had retrieved the underwear I had unknowingly left and brought them to his mom. FML
Today, it's my roommate's birthday. His friends were planning on a surprise birthday cake at midnight last night, and one of them told me about it, hoping to split the expense between us, which I was totally cool with. But I fell asleep before midnight and they didn't even bother to wake me up. FML
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Top comments
Stefany713 0
be careful...don't cheat on him lol
MarkSeattle 0
how could you *not* know he keeps a gun under his pillow?
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Comments (194)
biomassive 0
so next time u surprise him, its going to be a blast.
willgraham101 0
literaly
seanreddog 4
Guns don't kill people. I kill people with guns!
phatdaddy 0
Old people burning, old people burning. Put your hands up!! Old people burning, old people burning. That's kind of messed up...
Stefany713 0
I shoot ur cat im just kiddin... ur cat's cool!!
seanreddog 4
Good. Ain't no one gonna hurt my pussy!
mnbbv 0
HA. SOTY wa right: your cat could feed Sudan for three days.
Stefany713 0
lol u have a pussy... I thought u were a guy yess I know that was pretty lame..I fail
Isamermaid 17
I keep a gun under my pillow too! What a coincidence. I'da shot you in the kneecap.
EmmaPeelWannabe 0
You live in the U.K? Where? I wanna live somewhere where people are allowed to have guns! ;-) It must have been scary, though. I wonder what makes him so paranoid that he has to have a gun under his pillow?
FYLDeep 26
Where do you live where you can't have guns? Prison?
EmmaPeelWannabe 0
The United Kingdom. We have strict gun laws here, especially where I live. No Target just to stroll into and buy a gun (after the appropriate waiting time, of course ;) Mind you, if they actually sold guns near here there would be murders all the time. We have enough knifings, thank you very much. Also, a girl was murdered and then set alight near where my friend lives. At least, we hope it was in that order :-( (Also, I was asking where in the U.K. they lived, in case I didn't make it clear. It looked kind of confusing to me.)
Tweak56 0
so you can't own guns In the uk but how did the taxi cab driver shoot up all those people then and everyone probably kills each other there because it rains so much you guys need sunshine In your life, or care bears one of the two
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
Not being a dick here, but you're thinking of Wal-Mart if you're referring to the US. Target's run by those commie French pinkos* who won't donate to the troops. Very anti-Uhmerrkin. *This is what those with a sense of humor would call a joke. I'm not xenophobic and I shop at Target and Wal-Mart both. Wal-Mart is, after all, the only place to get clay pigeons and shotgun shells in my hometown. ;)
EmmaPeelWannabe 0
TheIrishJaneDoe; Oops. :-P My brother got a BB gun when we were in Florida, (which it's legal to have here) and I could have sworn it was a Target we got it in. Also, you know, 'Target.' :-) Tweak56; What the hell? CareBears? Also, guns are illegal to just buy out of a shop here. If someone wants a gun that badly, they're going to find a way to get it on the black market. And, we have far fewer murders, proportionally, than the U.S. I'm not saying the U.S. is bad, I like it very much, but really, we don't kill each other quite so much. Also, the sun is shining outside and has been for days, including the day when taxi-driver-man went mental. So yeah. :-D
rakume 0
i think ur full of shit. you mean to tell me you have never laid on your mans' pillow?
mikagesouji 0
It's always a good idea to keep a weapon under your pillow or bed. Don't be upset with him.
phatdaddy 0
Especially when even your own friends break into your house while you're asleep.
xaqori 0
then they probably deserve it if they *break* in...
RedPillSucks 33
So he doesn't like surprises? Next time surprise him by replacing his gun with a twinkie.
SkoomaKi 28
Or a water pistol?
TehBearJew 0
Before he fires, do a barrel roll!
doolflex 1
holy shit that must suck if it whent off in the middle of the night
idkweird 0
Well, at least you know you're always safe with him!