Today, I found out my boyfriend keeps a sword under the bed, a proper sharp 'knight on horseback' sword instead of the typical baseball bat for burglars, I found this out after I was groping under there for a dropped earring and cut one of my fingers down to the bone. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out my boyfriend keeps a gun under his pillow. This was only after my friends and I surprised him with his birthday cake while he was sleeping. FML
Today, a baseball bat fell on my head while my boyfriend and I were cuddling. The same baseball bat that he keeps next to the bed, because he genuinely fears a zombie outbreak. FML
Today, I walked into my bedroom to find my boyfriend clipping his toe nails into my pillow case. FML
Today, when I got up for work, I went into the bathroom and saw a coat hanger sitting in the crack of the window. I had a panic attack, thinking someone had tried to break in and grabbed a knife. I ran into the room where my boyfriend was sleeping and he said he put it there. FML
Today, I had to hide the entire drawer of kitchen knives under my bed just to keep my mother from stabbing her cheating boyfriend, and slashing his tires. This happens more often than I'd like to admit. FML
Today, I was helping tidy up after my girlfriend's flat warming. I went to put a sharp kitchen knife in the sink while she was washing dishes, and stabbed her in the finger instead. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's dad. He pointed to two crossed swords above the fireplace and informed me the right one is his, and that if I ever hurt his daughter, he’ll give me a fighting chance by letting me use the left one. This guy thinks he lives in the Middle Ages or something. FML
Today, I was watching TV, when I heard a blood-curdling scream from my boyfriend upstairs. It sounded like he was being murdered with a rusty fork, and I rushed to see what the hell was going on, hitting my shin against the stairs in the process. He'd stubbed his toe. FML
Today, I was about to go and take a shower when I saw a pair of scissors taped to the door at eye level with a note from my boyfriend saying "Time to trim that hairy thang down under." FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that he had once been possessed by demons, and that he now sleeps with a knife under his pillow for protection from, "The dark spirits that are feasting upon his soul." I'm not sure that I'll be sleeping over anytime soon. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
cuz803 46
That's to be expected when dating a samurai
Bogrbon 27
So you found your knight in shining armor? Sounds like a keeper. =) The hand sucks though - you'll likely need stitches. It's okay if he keeps a sword for self defense, but he should take a note from the medieval knights to protect his blade and others reaching around in the dark - he should use a scabbard for his sword. (Also a good policy for his other "sword" too)
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (8)
Bogrbon 27
So you found your knight in shining armor? Sounds like a keeper. =) The hand sucks though - you'll likely need stitches. It's okay if he keeps a sword for self defense, but he should take a note from the medieval knights to protect his blade and others reaching around in the dark - he should use a scabbard for his sword. (Also a good policy for his other "sword" too)
cuz803 46
That's to be expected when dating a samurai
Blimix 9
You know, there's an 85% chance that a dude with a sword really ought not to have it, but I'm always willing to give the benefit of the doubt. Until I read that they leave it unsheathed under the bed. This is someone who does not respect the sword, and.. Well, I was going to write, "Will get himself or someone else hurt," but I guess that already happened. *sigh*
Jon Tessler 14
they have this really cool invention called a flashlight. you press a button and it shines a light so you aren't blindly groping for stuff you drop in dark places, like under your bed.
TeaTimeAbyss 22
NO SHEATH???
AlmightyAzriel 13
swords are cool as HECK
bobsanction 18
Sword works better than a baseball bat.