By Anonymous - 11/4/2020 20:00

Stir crazy

Today, I was so bored under quarantine, I spent 2 hours on a colouring book for toddlers. I need human contact, any human, desperately, before I start talking to the walls or seeing pink elephants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1338

You deserved it

214

Favorite

Family values

Time for the ER

Trip Advisor says no

By incendiaaa - 24/2/2013 11:17 - Australia

Today, my parents told me that I'm no longer allowed to come home from boarding school on weekends because it will confuse my cats and disrupt their lives. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46050

You deserved it

3012

Favorite

By now afraid... - 3/4/2016 17:28 - United States - Bloomington

Today, I found a bowl of green beans just sitting in my microwave. The only person in my life who ever eats green beans is my psycho ex-girlfriend. She moved out three months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24408

You deserved it

2178

Favorite

By oh well - 14/3/2019 06:00 - United States - Hesperia

Today, my sister in law threatened to call CPS on me because I “starved” her children when they spent the night. I didn’t starve them. I made an actual home cooked meal instead of the microwaveable or fast food crap she constantly feeds them. They chose not to eat and threw tantrums instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2652

You deserved it

166

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/12/2016 04:33 - United States - Yuma

Today, after buying hundreds of dollars worth of Christmas presents, my transmission blew up on the interstate heading home. Now, I either have to return the gifts or not drive over 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10205

You deserved it

949

Favorite

By John - 19/11/2011 17:50 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a very long, complicated talk with my girlfriend. Apparently, since she isn't religious, she doesn't have to give anyone Christmas presents, and yet expects everyone to give her some. She then told me what I should get her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39337

You deserved it

5091

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/4/2012 13:55 - Sweden - Falk?ping

Today, I accidentally cut myself while slicing some sponge cake. My husband's first reaction was to ask if the cake had gotten bloody or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24482

You deserved it

4711

Favorite

By semischweet - 1/9/2019 20:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I learned why you should never to use Sean Connery's voice when asking your girlfriend to sit on your face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

689

You deserved it

1778

Favorite

By Anonymous - 19/2/2010 05:31 - United States

Today, I was complaining to my roommate that I never get asked out. Then, at work, a mentally challenged man left me his phone number on his pay ticket. Well, I guess I can't complain about never getting asked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21377

You deserved it

7304

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/9/2009 00:40 - United States

Today, I was at a baseball game. I was eating my nachos when all of the sudden I woke up in the hospital, with my dad sitting next to the bed. Apparently, I was hit with a foul ball. He kept the ball for himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38592

You deserved it

3169

Favorite

By that makes me a sad panda - 19/5/2014 21:44 - Sweden - Ume

Today, my landlord's control issue got out of control when I got a call telling me I have "too much stuff" and have to move out of the apartment. I sold all my furniture when I moved in and all I currently own is a scratch post, a chair and a pair of curtains. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43753

You deserved it

4086

Favorite

By unlovedd - 22/3/2009 05:45 - United States

I agree, your life sucks

66587

You deserved it

4671

Favorite

By Manatee - 11/5/2009 15:14 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor. I had a spider bite that had been getting progressively larger for days. I had been putting Neosporin on underneath the bandage that was on it. The doctor saw my wound and laughed. He said the spider bite was no big deal, but that I was allergic to the Neosporin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55649

You deserved it

9798

Favorite

By lifestinks - 23/8/2009 03:29 - United States

Today, my work finally hired someone to replace some leaky pipes at work. I work in the basement by myself, and just as I walk under the newly fixed pipes, I get soaked with water. Apparently it was connected to a toilet. My boss couldn't find a replacement so they made me work covered in piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34288

You deserved it

2341

Favorite

By Sabraynay - 28/9/2011 06:47

Today, my mom instructed me to never scream when being attacked by a rapist. Apparently it would only anger him, causing him to chop my boobs off and superglue my eyes shut. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40842

You deserved it

3274

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/1/2015 01:08 - United States - La Crosse

Today, I gambled on a fart and lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26846

You deserved it

17185

Favorite

By Username - 9/3/2011 10:04

Today, my boyfriend told me he had to go pick up his family from the airport. I assumed he meant his parents. He apologized and said he meant his wife and child. They'd got their visa sooner than he'd thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44954

You deserved it

6176

Favorite

By unknown - 8/3/2014 00:53 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to mess around at my workplace's parking lot. Things got hot and steamy, but in the middle of it all, there came a bang at my car window. My frantic boss had seen us and thought I was being attacked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35920

You deserved it

28643

Favorite

By RowanBlossom - 7/7/2020 05:01

The lifescript

Today, I found out that my mother doesn’t visit me because I'm the only sibling without children. She posts all about her wonderful children on social media, but I'm left out. She hasn't set foot in my house since I moved out of hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1568

You deserved it

100

Favorite

By anonymous - 5/9/2014 18:54 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I just got back from a two week vacation. I live with six people and only the dog was happy to see me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36875

You deserved it

3572

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/7/2016 10:36 - Ukraine - Poltava

Today, I confessed to my boyfriend that I have no sex drive, but faked it to avoid hurting his feelings. It was after he confessed he is not attracted to women, but forced himself to have sex with me because he didn't want to admit he is gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24928

You deserved it

3545

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/3/2019 22:00

Today, I caught a ride with a coworker in their brand new mercedes. They spent the drive passionately talking about how it made them a better driver and all the people that say otherwise are idiots. After running three stop signs and nearly sideswiped a mini-van I decided to walk the last mile. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2079

You deserved it

150

Favorite

By teflon_hammer - 25/5/2016 23:19 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I was taking a shower, facing away from the faucet, when I dropped the soap. When I bent over to pick up the soap, my sister flushed a toilet in the next room, causing hot water to scorch my anus. I got made my shower's bitch, FML

I agree, your life sucks

11795

You deserved it

1174

Favorite

By ohwell - 9/6/2009 21:40 - United States

Today, I finally confessed to the guy I've liked for 2 years. I told him that I've really liked him for a long time and that I knew he had a girlfriend and I didn't expect anything from him, I just wanted him to know. His response: "Are you done? 'Cause I need to go to the bathroom." FML

I agree, your life sucks

55120

You deserved it

17261

Favorite

By goestoschoolonsnowdays - 12/2/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, we had our second snow day in a row, something that never happens. So while the rest of school got to sleep late, I had to wake up early, get dressed, and go to my bus stop because my mom didn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30600

You deserved it

3128

Favorite

By rejecteddd - 4/7/2011 20:07 - United States

Today, I went on a blind date. Right after I arrived there, he excused himself to go to the bathroom. He never came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39815

You deserved it

5059

Favorite

By maxiflouf - 28/12/2009 09:50 - France

Today, someone I used to know got in touch with me, after I hadn't heard from him in years. He insisted that we met up as soon as possible, and wanted me to go to his house that afternoon. I spent the afternoon repairing his computer. Since then, no news. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23714

You deserved it

2903

Favorite

By LolaBell - 24/4/2015 14:12 - United States - Brookfield

Today, my husband admitted that he's been spying on me for the last 5 years to see if I was cheating, out of paranoia brought on by his own cheating for all 5 of those years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35534

You deserved it

2207

Favorite

By iwassoclose - 10/4/2013 16:32 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and I told him I was close to having an orgasm. He smirked and started talking like Yoda, saying, "Strong with the cum, this one is". Orgasm gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55550

You deserved it

8731

Favorite

By Dante - 30/11/2009 07:07 - United States

Today, I got the repair estimate for my car. It is going to cost me $3,000 to rebuild the front end. It was wrecked because a couple decided to have a lovers spat in the middle of the freeway. I had that car for exactly four hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33911

You deserved it

2659

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/10/2016 05:06

Today, our family reunion began with my sister calling my brother's current crazy girlfriend by his last crazy girlfriend's name and ended with my dad telling my adopted niece that he wanted a family picture without her in it, but she could be in the next one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13142

You deserved it

794

Favorite

By TheSickness - 28/5/2010 04:15 - United States

Today, the girl that I fancy was sick and I offered to hug her, but she protested saying that she didn't want to get me sick. I told her, "If hugging you gets me sick, then I'll just have to deal with being sick." She gave me the biggest hug she could. I haven't stopped puking since. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15150

You deserved it

59072

Favorite

By Danielle22291 - 29/4/2017 17:27 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, as a waitress at Denny's, I had a 25 top table. Only 3 of them spoke English. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4787

You deserved it

450

Favorite

By bad karma - 21/11/2011 14:34 - United States

Today, I was so hungry that I literally stole candy from a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11601

You deserved it

46110

Favorite

By Quest for fun - 20/5/2017 04:00

Today, I was on a bus traveling from Denver to San Francisco with my boyfriend. We hoping to see some amazing sights and escape from stress. However, the bus breaking down in the middle of the desert and being forced to stay in a ratty motel was neither an amazing sight, nor stress relieving. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4293

You deserved it

362

Favorite

By footyfallout - 16/8/2009 05:17 - Canada

Today, I finished writing the most perfect love letter for this girl at summer school. At the end of the letter I signed: Your secret admirer. Cute, right? Not really. Turns out I was so anxious to finish the letter that I ended up writing my name at the bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13117

You deserved it

53497

Favorite

By kaitiem224 - 22/10/2015 02:52 - United States - Pratt

Today, my boyfriend of one year and seven months left me for not wanting to have a baby yet. I'm seventeen years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30869

You deserved it

2833

Favorite

By justwantedtounpack - 29/12/2015 04:55 - United States

Today, my parents threw a hissy fit calling me ungrateful and disrespectful for wanting to do laundry and clean at home, instead of going out to their friends' house for dinner. They also disconnected the Internet to punish me when they left. I'm 20 and visiting home on a college break. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34263

You deserved it

3199

Favorite

By jlong9071 - 9/11/2014 03:38 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I learned that when you're talking about your girlfriend's 6'4", 250 lb dad in a negative way, you should really make sure he isn't around first. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19846

You deserved it

39830

Favorite

By pharmn00b - 8/7/2009 17:52 - United States

Today, at work, I was calling customers to tell them that they had prescriptions waiting to be picked up. It was a long list and every time I reached an answering machine I left our number so they could call us back. When I was finished, the pharmacist told me I been giving out our fax number. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17829

You deserved it

39103

Favorite

By Bob - 14/4/2009 06:13 - United States

Today, I was working at a local restaurant when another server's table called me over to ask if I've "ever killed anybody". They informed me I looked like a serial killer. I informed them, of course, that I have never killed anybody. Another customer claimed I scared her child. I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks

74841

You deserved it

4647

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By pbruins84 | 16

#7896778 - Saturday 11 April 2020 20:39

These days there are also coloring books for adults.

By RichardPencil | 28

#7896793 - Saturday 11 April 2020 21:09

What's wrong with pink elephants?

They are very scared of cars and hide when they are around. Now, with no one driving, I'm enjoying seeing them lumber down the street.

COMMENTS

By Skylar Scudder | 2

#7896757 - Saturday 11 April 2020 20:05

I went down that road too 😂

By pbruins84 | 16

#7896778 - Saturday 11 April 2020 20:39

These days there are also coloring books for adults.

By RichardPencil | 28

#7896793 - Saturday 11 April 2020 21:09

What's wrong with pink elephants?

They are very scared of cars and hide when they are around. Now, with no one driving, I'm enjoying seeing them lumber down the street.

By Jaymail | 16

#7896829 - Saturday 11 April 2020 23:44

Look up www.meetup.com. Whatever your interest you’ll find people in your same city that enjoy the same things as you.

Phr0zen | 11

#7896896 - Sunday 12 April 2020 8:23

Can he even still Meetup with social distancing?

Jaymail | 16

#7899160 - Monday 20 April 2020 8:01

It depends on which meetup group you select

By markm1969 | 3

#7897165 - Monday 13 April 2020 2:04

There is a thing called a phone and apps like Skype to help you connect! Just ask all about it!!

By John Nemeth | 14

#7897246 - Monday 13 April 2020 10:02

PINK ELEPHANTS ON PARADE!

By wysegirl | 19

#7897447 - Monday 13 April 2020 20:49

You should be lucky you can be in lockdown. Some people that are worried about bringing the virus home to their families.

By icecreamisrad | 13

#7897696 - Tuesday 14 April 2020 16:49

Actually coloring is one of the easiest ways to get your body to mediation mode and full relax!