By Anonymous - 11/4/2020 20:00

Stir crazy

Today, I was so bored under quarantine, I spent 2 hours on a colouring book for toddlers. I need human contact, any human, desperately, before I start talking to the walls or seeing pink elephants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1349

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Coherence dude, do you have it?

Business savvy

Noise

By anonyme - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend's virginity. A few minutes in she remarked, "If this is what sex is normally like then I'm seriously disappointed." FML

I agree, your life sucks

63050

You deserved it

17176

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By cocacola999 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at a party. Trying to overcome my social anxiety, I was trying to take part in conversations. So, when a girl mentioned she had a doctor's appointment next morning, I blurted out: "What kind of a doctor?" Everyone stared as she responded: "A gynaecologist." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41635

You deserved it

7739

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By lostmyfaithinblowjobs - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, during an hour-long drive, my sister told me she's lost her "faith in humanity", because one of her friends bought his 8-year-old son an iPad. She uses this stupid expression all the time, and I got so pissed off that I forgot to brake at a red light, rear-ending the car in front of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12444

You deserved it

51662

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By Anonymous - 6/3/2020 18:00

Our house, was a very very very nice house

Today, my house caught on fire. After it was put out, I realized the damage wasn't bad, mainly smoke damage. I went to my parents' for the night because my house smelled. While there, I received a phone call from my neighbor. Apparently, my house caught fire again. It's now a pile of ashes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1988

You deserved it

213

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By BLEACH Gum

Great Success

Today, I decided to finally bleach my teeth. After 45 minutes of stinging pain, my teeth are still yellow as ever. My gums, on the other hand, are opaque white. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2875

You deserved it

1221

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By dusty

Today I picked my baby up from my babysitter's house. As I was getting him ready for bed, I saw blood and immediately went into a panic, rushing to the hospital and trying to contact her to see if my baby fell and she didn't tell me. Turns out it was just hot Cheeto dust mixed with drool. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2078

You deserved it

1667

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By i.ask.you.how. - United States

Today, a friend of mine told me that he knew I was into kinky sex, "like getting tied up." I just stared at him, spluttering simple question words and wondering how on earth he could possibly know that about me. I then realized that he had been joking. Too late. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49543

You deserved it

20525

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By Scarred

Today, my Nana asked me to get her a book from her nightstand, but failed to specify which nightstand was hers. I stumbled across my grandparents' collection of sex toys instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2987

You deserved it

289

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By sauce - United States

Today, after months of looking, my fiancé and I finally signed a lease. We are using my savings to pay for it. This apparently poses a "moral dilemma" for my in-laws who think we should wait to be married. I'm paying for an apartment I'm not allowed to live in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28341

You deserved it

6257

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By shitty candles - United States - Issaquah

Today, I dug out the 5 fancy, extremely expensive candles I bought during Black Friday. I lit one up, and was delighted that it smelled so great. My mother then walked into my room and stated that it smelled "like shit". The other four were going to be a Christmas gift for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34515

You deserved it

3671

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By Jakub89 - Canada

Today, I signed up for an online dating site. In order to prove I was human and complete my registration, I had to pass a CAPTCHA. Coincidentally enough, the words in it were "depressed" and "loser". FML

I agree, your life sucks

34973

You deserved it

7559

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By Needasafe1234 - United States

Today, it was my mother's birthday. My 5 year old brother and 85 year old grandma decided to decorate the house with balloons and a blow up "people" they found in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13977

You deserved it

46674

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By Cheap - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend wrote 50 dollars on my gift card just to look generous, it's really only worth five. I found this out after I tried to buy an arm full of clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38030

You deserved it

3120

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By Soph - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, during a sex ed lesson, we were given a lecture on pregnancy and abortion from the school nurse. Throughout the session she kept repeating, "Of course, Sophie knows ALL about this." The nurse happens to know that my dad's a gynaecologist. That's not what everyone else in the year thinks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47565

You deserved it

2851

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By thechimpchapter - United States

Today, I found out that the neighbor I'd given a bottle of wine to for Christmas is a recovering alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31358

You deserved it

7143

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By lonesome - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I was so lonely, I tried to get into bed noiselessly while pretending I had a boyfriend asleep in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35475

You deserved it

6201

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By littlemissignored - United States

Today, I was having lunch with my boyfriend and talking about how stressed out I've been because of my job. While I'm speaking, he pulls out his phone and says his boss is texting him and it was important. There was a game of Tetris reflecting onto his glasses from his phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49704

You deserved it

7101

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By Username - United States

Today, I asked my two children why they smelled like pee after we had gotten lunch at McDonald's. They told me that they were playing in the puddles in the play-place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40697

You deserved it

4973

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By Terminator101101 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be funny to go to the Apple store and log me on to Facebook on every single computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49777

You deserved it

9130

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was at a party with my boyfriend meeting all of his friends for the first time. My boyfriend went into the kitchen to get me a drink, and after ten minutes I went looking for him. I discovered his friend holding two melons to his chest, mid explanation on how they look exactly like mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36984

You deserved it

6571

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By Anonymous - 27/12/2020 10:59

Who's that weird guy?

Today, I was trying to get a girl's attention, because I had a question. I shouted her name. No answer. I shouted again but louder. It wasn't her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

266

You deserved it

630

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By Amanda Ross - United States

Today, I went to school in my brand new shirt. It was loose fitting and a bit thin, so I wore a sweatshirt on top, intending to take it in once inside. When I got to my seat, I took off my sweatshirt, but also took off my shirt with it, flashing my whole class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31643

You deserved it

11787

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Nuneaton

Today, after recently breaking up with my boyfriend, I unknowingly washed my laundry using his washing tabs. My whole wardrobe now smells like my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30932

You deserved it

16933

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By love_to_live - United States - Waupun

Today, while in the store with my kids, they wanted to buy tampons because I am "getting cranky, and it should be that time of the month." FML

I agree, your life sucks

12767

You deserved it

22437

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By Shelly - United States

Today, the only one that became aroused while looking at me in my sexy Halloween costume was my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25029

You deserved it

12546

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By Moving On - United States

Today, I found out my parents' New Year's resolution is to get me to move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24501

You deserved it

9491

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By Anonymous - United States - Middletown

Today, during a soccer game, some utter moron got the bright idea of trying to score a goal from his side of the field. I sarcastically made a big show of just barely stopping the ball, and nailed it off to the side. The ball hit a kid so hard in the head that he had to go to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17743

You deserved it

4968

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By thebigpeezy - United States

Today, at Jiffy Lube a woman and her 4 year-old son were waiting at the checkout counter. As I walk by them, her son mistakes me for his father and holds my hand. The woman immediately grabs her son's wrist, looks at me, and says "Sicko." FML

I agree, your life sucks

59055

You deserved it

2961

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By lions214 - United States

Today, at work at a store, I was sitting on the floor stocking a bottom shelf. A woman in a motorized cart did not see me, and ran over my hand. When I alerted her about what she had done she laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30295

You deserved it

2916

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By Halloweenie - United States

Today, I took a box of Halloween decorations down from the attic. Inside, were a bunch of fake spiders. I emptied the box onto the floor and the "fake" spiders crawled all over the living room in opposite directions. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43038

You deserved it

5419

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By Teddy - United States - Gardner

Today, I ran into my sister, who nobody in the family has seen in six years. She looked very happy working the pole. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35801

You deserved it

3997

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By Googleit - Canada

Today, I was told that I may die by the time I'm 30, and that I should Google the disorder because he doesn't know what it is for sure. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44032

You deserved it

3442

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was getting ready to have sex with my boyfriend for the first time. It seems he thought I was a much larger cup size than I really am, because when he saw my actual boobs, he said, "Aaaaaaand they're gone". FML

I agree, your life sucks

68437

You deserved it

15348

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By Crotch_Rocket_Rider - United States

Today, when approaching a stop light on my motorcycle, I went to extend my left leg as usual to balance when stopped. Apparently my shoelace loop got wrapped around the shift lever and "tied" my shoe to the bike. It's hard to look cool when you fall over for no apparent reason at a stoplight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37589

You deserved it

7695

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By CheeseyPotatoes - United States

Today, I wore a fake wedding ring on my left hand when buying a pregnancy test so the cashier at Walmart wouldn't think I'm a slut. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23653

You deserved it

73355

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By Anonymous - 19/11/2020 20:02 - United States - Onancock

How? Why?

Today, after getting in bed after a long day, I decided I would relieve some tension. Just as I'm ready to pop, in walks my grandma. I explode. My grandma, without missing a beat, just says, "Get cleaned up and go to bed. It's after twelve o'clock, you have to work in the morning." FML

I agree, your life sucks

873

You deserved it

300

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By frustrated - Hong Kong

Today, I met my boyfriend in Hong Kong after being apart for almost 6 months. We got to our room and got right down to business. I was just about to come when a voice came over the PA system in the room. "This is just a fire alarm test, sorry for any inconvenience." FML

I agree, your life sucks

55925

You deserved it

5900

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, a friend and I saw some deer outside my car. Since we were both leaving for college the next day we wanted to do something memorable so we decided to chase the deer. Turns out the deer wanted to chase us too. We ran for over five minutes screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8746

You deserved it

53965

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By Anonymous - United States - Denver

Decisions, decisions

Today my boyfriend, whom I haven't seen all summer, blew off our date to attend a local chili eating contest. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1403

You deserved it

274

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By crap - 17/7/2020 05:00

Compassionate

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because apparently, I'm a drug addict who can't speak without slurring and stumbling with my words. I have a recurring speech impediments and the stammer is definitely real. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1594

You deserved it

139

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Top comments

By pbruins84 | 16

#7896778 - Saturday 11 April 2020 20:39

These days there are also coloring books for adults.

By RichardPencil | 29

#7896793 - Saturday 11 April 2020 21:09

What's wrong with pink elephants?

They are very scared of cars and hide when they are around. Now, with no one driving, I'm enjoying seeing them lumber down the street.

COMMENTS

By Skylar Scudder | 2

#7896757 - Saturday 11 April 2020 20:05

I went down that road too 😂

By pbruins84 | 16

#7896778 - Saturday 11 April 2020 20:39

These days there are also coloring books for adults.

By RichardPencil | 29

#7896793 - Saturday 11 April 2020 21:09

What's wrong with pink elephants?

They are very scared of cars and hide when they are around. Now, with no one driving, I'm enjoying seeing them lumber down the street.

By Jaymail | 17

#7896829 - Saturday 11 April 2020 23:44

Look up www.meetup.com. Whatever your interest you’ll find people in your same city that enjoy the same things as you.

Phr0zen | 11

#7896896 - Sunday 12 April 2020 8:23

Can he even still Meetup with social distancing?

Jaymail | 17

#7899160 - Monday 20 April 2020 8:01

It depends on which meetup group you select

By markm1969 | 3

#7897165 - Monday 13 April 2020 2:04

There is a thing called a phone and apps like Skype to help you connect! Just ask all about it!!

By John Nemeth | 14

#7897246 - Monday 13 April 2020 10:02

PINK ELEPHANTS ON PARADE!

By wysegirl | 19

#7897447 - Monday 13 April 2020 20:49

You should be lucky you can be in lockdown. Some people that are worried about bringing the virus home to their families.

By icecreamisrad | 13

#7897696 - Tuesday 14 April 2020 16:49

Actually coloring is one of the easiest ways to get your body to mediation mode and full relax!