Miscellaneous: Today, I flipped out with happiness over the new Barbies. I want... - FML

By barbieissocute - 01/02/2016 03:27 - United States - Elizabethtown

Today, I flipped out with happiness over the new Barbies. I want to buy one. I'm almost 26. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 490

You deserved it 6 613

Vulture

Dysfunctional

Taking stock

By LadyDean - 29/11/2011 08:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came home, chugged a beer, and passed out in our bed without saying hello or goodnight to me. I've been on vacation for a week and was hoping to cuddle. But no, if I try to touch him, he hits me and growls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 062

You deserved it 6 912

By whymyroomthough - 06/08/2014 22:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up because of a weird noise. Scared, I turned on my bedside lamp. I saw my older, 17-year-old brother peeing in my bedroom doorway. He was hoping I'd step in it in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 113

You deserved it 3 208

By DUFF - 11/06/2015 21:04 - United States - Harrisburg

Today, I found out I wasn't invited to my neighbor's funeral, with whom I had been good friends with for a long time. When I asked her husband why, he said, "We have a small amount of money and can't afford for you to eat all of the refreshments." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 301

You deserved it 3 437

By linda - 22/11/2010 21:14 - United States

Today, I went to get my hair highlighted at the salon. The salonist mixed up my blonde hair dye with some other girl's hot pink and violet dye. Now I look like a cheap hooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 625

You deserved it 5 397

By rimjob - 20/02/2010 10:36 - United States

Today, my dog barked for 30 minutes with me yelling for him to shut up. Guess that's how long it takes someone to steal the rims from my truck. Good dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 835

You deserved it 42 888

By CantBlink - 16/07/2012 18:25 - United States - Jersey City

Today, I woke up with a pimple on my eyelid. Not only is it impossible to cover up with makeup, I can't pop it either. Now I'll be spending the rest of the day trying not to blink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 618

You deserved it 2 694

By anonymouse - 09/03/2011 19:37 - Reserved

Spicy

Today, I was getting dirty looks on the train whilst air strumming the guitar to a song on my iPod, after glancing at the reflection in the window I realized it looked like I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 874

You deserved it 42 492

By Will - 15/12/2009 07:08 - United States

Today, my roommate drew a giant red penis and scrotum on our refrigerator, using what he thought was a dry erase marker. It was a permanent marker. I just renewed my lease. I get to look at a red penis every day for the next year and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 870

You deserved it 5 051

By snydeeli000 - 27/10/2015 03:41 - United States - Kent

Today, I learned the hisses of my 3 cats so I can tell who starts the fights. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 543

You deserved it 3 379

By bedrockmike - 28/01/2009 14:15 - United States

Today, I broke, shoveled, and salted the ice covering my entire driveway. The size is roughly 8 cars' worth, and took me two hours of back-breaking effot to clear. I completely forgot that it was supposed to rain later today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 554

You deserved it 19 435

By The Sbeak - 13/02/2009 15:54 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 555 535

You deserved it 45 284

By anonymous - 10/02/2010 20:59 - United States

Today, I went to the store and bought some cream to help with a sunburn I'd gotten a few days ago. What's worse than having red, peeling, and painful skin? An allergic reaction on top of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 999

You deserved it 2 740

Looking for love in Alderaan places

By not4geeks - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went out on a first date with a cute guy. Turns out we won't be going on a date again because I didn't know the difference between "Star Wars" and "Star Trek." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 648

You deserved it 73 897

Showing

By Anonymous - 02/06/2021 14:01

Today, I recorded a 20-minute TED talk and told my students to watch it on the app in preparation for next terms projects. I got bombarded with messages from my students, telling me that because I was sat down on a chair while recording, certain camera angles could see straight up my skirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 717

You deserved it 516

By oh - 23/02/2016 02:41 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my ex-girlfriend woke up from a coma that lasted a few months. Her parents called me from the hospital shortly after because she was in hysterics that I wasn't there. Apparently she thinks we're still together, and I now have to somehow break up with her again after almost a year apart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 461

You deserved it 2 080

Assumptions

By Blue Lemon - 13/12/2020 20:01

Today, I was at a job interview and thought the guy interviewing me was a bit of a perv because he kept staring down at my cleavage. Afterwards, I realised what he was really looking at: the wire in my bra had popped out and had been poking right through my shirt like a dagger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 021

You deserved it 240

By Boneo and Juliet - 16/07/2015 19:22 - United States - Amherst

Today, I accidentally texted the girl I like, "Oh god, I just choked on a boner." I meant bone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 776

You deserved it 4 968

By Anonymous - 31/10/2015 05:44 - Canada - London

Today, my mother in law basically said I deserve my breast cancer, all because I declined to take part in one of her "March Against Cancer" events a while ago. I guess donating money to cancer research instead of going on a meaningless march really messed up my karma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 808

You deserved it 1 772

By Anonymous - 29/08/2009 01:44 - United States

Today, I got a call from the Sheriff's dept. saying that water was coming out my front door. I ran home to find a waterfall cascading over my covered parking. It turns out my puppy had chewed through the hose that connects the toilet to the water. My entire condo had an inch of standing water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 534

You deserved it 4 964

By Anonymous - 29/04/2011 06:29 - United States

Today, while being robbed, a man heroically chased down the robber and got my purse back. He then looked at the distance between us, turned the other way and ran off with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 337

You deserved it 3 754

By Anonymous - 16/08/2014 02:16 - Australia - Notting Hill

Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me. I asked why, and he said "Because sometimes you look good, and you buy me stuff." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 907

You deserved it 7 224

By Anonymous - 04/03/2016 14:52 - United States - Dallas

Today, I made the decision to lighten my hair from dark brown to blonde. I thought the stylist knew what she was doing, but I ended up with my hair fried off and orange. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 474

You deserved it 2 577

Hashtag ForeverAlone

By Forever Alone - 16/05/2019 06:14

Today, I was so happy to hear my phone go "Ding" that I jumped for joy out of my couch. It was actually a character on my TV getting a text. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 637

You deserved it 268

By Anonymous - 05/09/2018 08:30 - United States - Sewell

Today, my mother-in-law insisted we go to a baby clothing store. When I reminded her that I don’t want children, she sat on the floor, crying, kicking and screaming. She then said I was denying her grandchildren because I hate her. Well, I didn’t... FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 543

You deserved it 172

By Le Dookie - 19/10/2018 15:00 - United States - Sugar Land

Today, I got denied a refund for my dream coffee machine. I've overdrafted my bank account to buy it on Offer Up for an excellent price, but USPS delivered the package to a wrong address. Someone got it for free. Offer Up won't refund me because it says "delivered" on the tracking page. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 194

You deserved it 730

By Anonymous - 30/04/2009 04:52 - United States

Today, my girlfriend bought this hot pink Chanel nail polish. Bored, she thought it would be funny to paint my nails. I finally gave in and let her paint my toe nails. After she left, my buddy calls to to see if I can give him a ride. I forgot I had a swim meet today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 988

You deserved it 54 264

By Preggie - 07/07/2011 04:04 - Singapore

Today, a sweet old lady gave up her seat for me in the bus. She lectured to the entire bus that seats should be given to those in need, like myself who is heavily pregnant. I am just fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 819

You deserved it 23 502

By Anonymous - 26/04/2012 04:36 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I discovered that my daughter refuses to eat, but not because she's anorexic. Apparently, her health class has learned about the digestive system and now she refuses to "take part in something so gross." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 876

You deserved it 2 673

By LoserOfTheYear - 09/11/2009 22:27 - United States

Today, I went to have my eyebrows waxed for the first time. After signing in the receptionist looked at me and said "Lip wax?". I told her no, my eyebrows. She sat me down and the waxer walked up, took one look at me and said "Lip wax?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 059

You deserved it 9 989

By Anonymous - 06/08/2009 11:11 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend stacks things on me while I sleep. Apparently his record is 4 pillows, a textbook, and the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 794

You deserved it 22 935

By welly223 - 20/01/2011 06:01 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was chosen by my coworkers to explain to my elderly boss that ''tossing the salad'' isn't another expression for saying ''brainstorming''. She didn't believe me. Guess we will all keep ''tossing the salad'' for new ideas each afternoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 064

You deserved it 3 271

By Mr Pippin - 09/09/2018 22:00

Today, after frolicking in some long grass near a lake, my dog got back in the car smelling strongly of poop. Upon further investigation, I discovered that a sewer had overflowed in the area. My dog rolled around in human faeces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 922

You deserved it 307

By Anonymous - 08/03/2015 16:42 - United States

Today, I decided to show up early for work and really try to get off my manager's shit-list. On my way to work, my manager called to bitch me out for already being 30 minutes late. Yeah, I forgot about Daylight Savings Time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 100

You deserved it 12 371

By unloved cat owner - 16/02/2014 00:50 - United States - Carmichael

Today, out of boredom, I built my cat a little fort. Later, I decided to crawl inside to pet her, but as soon as I stuck my head in, she clawed me. I guess I'm not allowed in, then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 594

You deserved it 9 441

Sharing is caring

By Eddie - 07/03/2021 23:00

Today, I caught my sister using my shaver to trim her pubic hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 908

You deserved it 107

By Anonymous - 06/04/2019 02:00

Today, I went on a date for the first time in ages, only to realize that the guy I was seeing chose to take us to a restaurant to stalk his ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 224

You deserved it 134

By TriangularBanana - 10/12/2016 22:50 - United States - Houston

Today, I babysat my little cousin. He thought that a glue stick would have the same effect as chapstick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 729

You deserved it 733

By KeysToHappiness - 16/08/2015 12:39 - United States - Roseville

Today, I was kayaking with my family for my birthday, when we tipped over while going down a rocky cascade. My husband badly cut up his arm, and my car keys and my phone both went for a swim and never returned. Great birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 385

You deserved it 8 634

By reyoflight - 19/04/2013 22:04 - Brazil - Rio De Janeiro

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my 12-year-old daughter lying on her bed, repeatedly opening and closing her legs. I asked her what she was doing, and she replied, "Trying to queef. I saw it online." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 336

You deserved it 7 389

By spoiled22 - 12/10/2011 07:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I was trying to change the batteries of my automatic room freshener. As I held it to my face to figure out where the batteries went, it started spraying on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 839

You deserved it 28 142

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Monday 1 February 2016 11:53

is someone stopping you from getting one? so what if you buy a barbie..

Spark_Slicker 19

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Monday 1 February 2016 11:54

I don't see anything wrong with that. I'm almost 20 and I collect special edition Barbies. Been doing it since I was 8 years old.

Comments

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Monday 1 February 2016 11:53

then hurry..hurry... grow up : P

awildwhisper 30

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Monday 1 February 2016 16:19

YOLO buy one. Barbies are so pretty

gamermonster 34

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Monday 1 February 2016 17:07

@51 leave YOLO in 2015

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Monday 1 February 2016 18:04

It should've been left in 2012.

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Monday 1 February 2016 21:00

It should've left the moment it was first used

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Monday 1 February 2016 21:12

I agree.

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Monday 1 February 2016 11:53

Still in a barbie world

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Monday 1 February 2016 18:01

Still fantastic

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Monday 1 February 2016 23:29

Still in plastic

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Monday 1 February 2016 11:53

is someone stopping you from getting one? so what if you buy a barbie..

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Monday 1 February 2016 20:02

my dad he said if I get one I will be kicked out I'm 17 same with pop figurerens

angelnursery 18

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Tuesday 2 February 2016 0:55

Your dad is fuckin' weird.

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Tuesday 2 February 2016 4:41

his thinking is I have better things to think about like jobs and collage and not "baby" toys

science-teacher 15

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Monday 1 February 2016 11:53

Yeah I hear Webers are pretty good

Spark_Slicker 19

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Monday 1 February 2016 11:54

I don't see anything wrong with that. I'm almost 20 and I collect special edition Barbies. Been doing it since I was 8 years old.

yerawizardlizzy 27

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Monday 1 February 2016 19:56

I do too! I mostly just like their dresses.

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Monday 1 February 2016 11:55

You wanna trade your curvaceous Barbie for my Charizard? Nah. Just kidding. Charizard is way cooler than Barbie.

9a_1z 12

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Monday 1 February 2016 12:05

I just wish they were bought out when I did play with them! I bet my younger self would have got way more fun out of playing with them, my imagination isn't what it used to be.

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Monday 1 February 2016 12:09

If you want one so bad, just buy it. No one is there to judge you

SubparAtBest 23

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Monday 1 February 2016 12:14

Well tons of people might judge but who gives a shit about them right?

Comrox 19

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Tuesday 2 February 2016 4:50

I don't think anyone would judge. Adults buy toys for their children and other people's children all the time. I don't see how this would be perceived any differently.

DarkStorm2Bad 14

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Monday 1 February 2016 12:11

I kinda want one of the new Barbies, and I'm a guy! What's up with that? lol

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Monday 1 February 2016 12:27

yeah, but you guys can call them action figures, and then suddenly it's a cool thing for grown ups..

FelicityWishes 32

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Monday 1 February 2016 12:17

Each to their own! I'm still obsessed with my Neopets *shurgs*

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Monday 1 February 2016 14:52

Hey, if it helps, I have a twin who's my age (20 - obviously lol) and she still occasionally logs onto her Webkinz account

9a_1z 12

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Monday 1 February 2016 15:05

I used to have really cool Neopets and loads of Neopoints but I gave it all away and closed my account because I thought I was too old, silly me! I hope they made their next owner happy.

geekpower_fml 28

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Tuesday 2 February 2016 15:41

High five! Fellow neo addict here. Going to be 22 this month.

taywuhsaurusrex 19

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Tuesday 2 February 2016 18:05

Hey, I still have my account I've had since the site opened, and log in usually once a day because the lab ray. There are lots of "adults" who still play.

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 28

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 22

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 632

You deserved it 186

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 862

You deserved it 258