Intimacy: Today, I finally had sex with a girl I've been dating for over...

By UrbanCass - 25/06/2009 23:44 - United States

Today, I finally had sex with a girl I've been dating for over a month. Before we got started she told me not to worry about the birth control because she could handle that. So after we finished I asked her what kind of birth control she used. She said she meditated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 452

You deserved it 76 826

Mother's Day: Sweets and Bummers
Between disastrous breakfasts in bed and unusual gifts, Mother's Day is an inexhaustible source of laughter. More…

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Same thing different taste

Some people are so... creative.

By Anonymous - 17/02/2018 06:00

Today, my girlfriend told me that she's pregnant. She'd told me she was on birth control, so I asked her to show me. She had been sticking the pills up her vagina like a suppository. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 393

You deserved it 1 581

By Anonymous - 16/09/2012 15:32 - United States - Acton

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. Yesterday, I finally came to my senses and started using birth control. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 804

You deserved it 59 537

By Anonymous - 12/01/2014 00:03 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my girlfriend told me that she is pregnant. I asked how it could be possible, since she's on birth control. She said she didn't know her antibiotics would interfere with it. She's a pharmacist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 109

You deserved it 8 884

Comeback

By sadguy - 18/02/2009 22:07 - United States

Today, I was having sex with a girl I really like for the first time. After a while I told her I was about to come. Her response, "Lucky you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 104

You deserved it 23 235

By prayforme - 11/11/2009 01:52 - United States

Today, I woke up next to the girl I had drunk intercourse with last night. Before we got it on, I noticed a package of birth control pills on her nightstand. Because of this, I felt no need to use a condom, or pull out. When I woke up, I noticed those "pills" were actually a makeup case. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 051

You deserved it 63 185

I don't understand!

By Anonymous - 28/11/2019 18:00 - Canada

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she did not want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 951

You deserved it 630

The best method!

By Anonymous - 04/01/2020 18:00

Today, while discussing having sex for the first time with my boyfriend, I asked what method of birth control we should use. He replied, "Anal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 967

You deserved it 946

Nice try, chief

By Anonymous - 04/04/2011 01:46 - United States

Today, while discussing having sex for the first time with my boyfriend, I asked what method of birth control we should use. He replied, "Anal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 965

You deserved it 15 167

By wtfjusthappened - 31/01/2014 15:29 - United States - Redmond

Today, I went down on the girl of my dreams. While I was down there, I started to put on a condom. As I came back up to start having sex, she told me she couldn't cheat on her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 799

You deserved it 13 025

By what the fuck - 07/06/2013 21:20 - United Kingdom - Northolt

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to get intimate for the first time. He said he didn't want to use a condom, and that I should just give him one of my birth control pills instead, "so we can still be just as safe". What the hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 800

You deserved it 9 989

starflake 3

Friday 26 June 2009 10:23

Lol, YDI. Take some responsibility for yourself you idiot.

Sawadee 0

Friday 26 June 2009 10:16

No control is the best control.............. You can secretly mixed the plan b into her food or drink

Comments

Leptailurus 0

Friday 26 June 2009 10:38

LOL. Sounds like you picked a real winner there.

hypothetically 0

Friday 26 June 2009 10:38

In a month, you didn't realise she was a little... weird? But ready to have sex with! Right.............

fuckmyl1f333 0

Friday 26 June 2009 10:40

Punch her in the ******

BRIDESHEAD 0

Tuesday 30 June 2009 7:08

dude, that's ****** up..... that's not where you punch.

guitar0501 0

Monday 25 October 2010 9:06

No no no... punch her in the stomach. That ought to take care of that baby...

untoldfame 3

Friday 26 June 2009 10:40

she is made of.....WIN!

smiller0789 3

Friday 26 June 2009 10:42

You should always wear a rubber anyway unless you've both been tested for stds recently.

The_Great_Zucchi 15

Friday 26 June 2009 10:44

That was so funny. Thx for that :-)

dnb23 0

Friday 26 June 2009 10:47

I really hate to call fake, but this is stolen directly from one of those canceled Fox comedies... I think it was Titus.

SunlightVeins 0

Friday 26 June 2009 10:52

You are correct. This is from Titus. I have all the seasons and am an avid fan. Fake.

Albedo667 5

Friday 26 June 2009 10:54

dam i miss Titus, it was a dam good show

BvR 0

Friday 26 June 2009 10:48

A daddy and aids patient. Wear a condom....

xNephilim 18

Wednesday 11 July 2012 5:39

You do realize that AIDS doesn't just magically appear, right? Your partner has to be infected and it didn't imply anything remotely similar in the FML.

Whovian42_fml 14

Thursday 22 October 2015 6:42

I think #22 was referring to the fact that although OP was obviously concerned about ensuring no pregnancy (not enough to ask any follow up questions but anyway..) however BC does nothing to protect against STDs. So he very realistically could have AIDs right now, or a host of other diseases.

JarJarBinks_fml 0

Friday 26 June 2009 10:50

It's funny how all the really stupid shit here on fml pertains to women. Like the mother who went to see a psychic about her son's sexuality. ****, I lol'd though, this is hilarious. Fyl dude, make sure next time