Today, I finally figured out why my mechanic was so cheap; he wanted to sleep with me. After I politely declined, he charged me regular price plus extra for "humiliating" him. He's 60. I just recently turned 18. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I finally lost my virginity. Too bad it cost me every last shred of self-respect and involved begging a hooker to take my money. FML
Today, the guy whose son I babysat for six hours straight confessed to being broke, then actually asked if he could pay me with sex instead. FML
Today, excited that I finally got a place of my own, I invited my boyfriend over for a sexy sleep over. He told me his mom doesn't want him sleeping over. He's 21 years old. FML
Today, as I often do, I had sex in my old car. I'm 25, my boyfriend is 28 and we're still living with our parents. FML
Today, I met a really attractive guy outside of a club. We came back to my apartment and had sex. Afterward, we both fell asleep. I woke up and found 20 dollars on my nightstand that wasn't there before. He thought I was a prostitute, and apparently a cheap one. FML
Today, I was at work on a smoke break. I work at a truck stop, and it was around 2 a.m. Some old man pulled in and asked me if I would like to join him for some dinner. I said no, and told him I was working. He replied, "How much do you charge?" Apparently, even in sweats I look like a hooker. FML
Today, a man asked me on a date. It's been so long, I accepted immediately. He began quoting what seemed like random numbers to me, and it took me a few minutes to work out what he meant. Not only was I mistaken for a prostitute, I'm also worth, at most, $60. FML
Today, my mom came home unusually early from work and walked in on me hooking up with a guy. What made it more embarrassing is the fact that I’m 19 and my hookup is 52. FML
Today, as I was fueling my truck, I was asked out to dinner by a 65-year-old retiree. I'm 25. He stormed off and called me a bitch for politely turning him down. FML
Today, I had to take my horribly misogynistic grandad to get his car repaired. After it was done, he realised the repair had been done by a female mechanic, so he refused to pay or leave until a “proper mechanic” checked over his car to make sure she hadn’t fucked it up. FML
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Top comments
hannahtaskey 9
Horny old man...
borntoperform 14
Bow chicka wow wow
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Comments (184)
hannahtaskey 9
Horny old man...
Iamnotmyself 17
Could be worse, I hear Hugh Hefner does some creepy stuff with his "employes"
Eyeliner_fml 0
Op, you can always say you're underage and that you'll file a police report. I'm sure he'll belive you and not charge you.
YourEvilHero 12
I always go to walmart for car problems. their homeless mechanics are just fine.
Jvr91 8
9 isn't that a little much
zachherbert 10
Like old man Herbert the perve on family guy.
Eyeliner_fml 0
20 - not really, she can just say that not actually do it.
n_epic_fail 14
4- Hugh Hefner's employes get paid ;) nd besides just tell him your underage but willing to "wait for him" then get Ur ass to Canada >.< lol
Iamnotmyself 17
-30 Fine, replace "employes" with "slightly legal prostitutes"
flockz 20
replace "slightly legal prostitutes" with "Iamnotmyself"
Iamnotmyself 17
-38 replace "Iamnotmyself" with "proud bisexual man *****"
diamond_d_ 6
would you like some chocolate? I got some frozen popsicles in my basement.
flockz 20
replace "*****" with "virgin"
flockz 20
oh how i kid. we all know your the local neighborhood prostitute. Boners told me to tell you he will give you the $20 later.
Iamnotmyself 17
-47 Replace "virgin" with "who can last on 20 seconds :("
Iamnotmyself 17
-49 Tell him that it is $23, him ******* me in the armpit is worth way more.
flockz 20
you must have some clean shaven armpits my friend.
Iamnotmyself 17
-53 bro, he wanted it hairy.
flockz 20
i bet that was exhilirating. And you only last 20 seconds right? That must of done you in about 7 or 8 seconds then. Hairy armpits sound hot!
rostron71 3
Giggity, giggity =0)
Iamnotmyself 17
-64 The problem with that statement is, I last 20 seconds for every person in the room. Boners brought his extended inbred family.
flockz 20
you mean to tell me that there are other little boners in this world?
Iamnotmyself 17
-70 Yes. He's been hiding his nephew with three eyes for some time.
Monii_Harlz 11
HOOK IN ;D
thefriendlyc 0
I see no problem here
acdc923 0
To the fml: Hey! You're legal! :D
PrickHead 0
horny old man xD from hall pass...
borntoperform 14
Bow chicka wow wow
Glitterhinoceros 14
Giggity c:
Iamnotmyself 17
Booyaaaaaa
Clozzie 0
Pedo...
OoLogicalOo 4
Don't pay him at all!
LolMoqz 10
Brown Chicken Brown Cow
MrSexyPants 14
That's so grodie. How's about you fire him?
MrTittySprinkles 7
Bitch stop being so high and mighty! Old guys need love to.
DjeePee 25
And old prostitutes need a job too.
DropTheDaggerxx 31
66 is right. He did it and didn't proposition her first- "I'll fix your car if you [insert creepy old man phrase for sex here]". He's a creep, but he did his job and should get paid.. the original amount, minus the asshole tax he tacked on.
MrSexyPants 14
I didn't say he shouldn't get paid. Just if he's her regular mechanic, then she should consider looking for another one.
ohSNAPyall 27
That's not what you said.
22cute 17
Yes, it is what he said. Look again. You misinterpreted it.
gman90210 18
That's not what was said you don't know how to read. And why he a perv if he was 20 something with a rock hard body she would have been thrilled and probably slept with him. Old people want and hae sex also what's wrong with that?
juliaaalove 8
Well, a lot of girls dig old men! So I've heard..
hellokat1 0
Think of all the experience he has in bed! ...on second thought, that's pretty gross and creepy.
Eyeliner_fml 0
.
Simpson143 2
I thought girls only dig old, rich men...?
a_nutritionist 10
@81 no girls only dig rich men. age isnt a factor...:P
Sunny_Eclipse 6
OP just turned 18, which is still pretty young. So I doubt she's into sleeping with rich guys. And girls who do that are screwed up.
FMLaddict20 5
I guess he just wanted you to "fix his motor" :P
TBMFan 0
That Guy's A PETAFILE
Perdition 4
Yeah, he's a Petafile. He's really into sleeping with people from PETA.
jman726 0
Giggity
sydneyaval 9
thats the best joke ive heard lol
Aurorah 3
It's your fault for turning him on.
raphanne_fml 33
I hope it's just you having a crappy sense of humor and that it's just a kind of joke...
aFatFuck 0
Logic Fail
SesameSpeed 7
that's pretty messed up.... old men these days.
imustbeinsane 2
they get viagra and suddenly they think they own the place
rawrface22 10
Try someone a bit more mature than yourself? ;)
luckydog__1 2
Way to pass up the 10% senior discount.
BIEBERSLAYER 10
Did he ask you to hold his wrench?
ThreeSheetsGone 12
I've never heard of a mechanic using a pipe wrench until now. Hopefully it's not one of those huge ones, that shit will wear your arm out in a hurry.