Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML
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Today, I gave my virgin boyfriend his first ever blowjob. I was expecting we’d move on to full sex straight away, but he was weird about it. I asked what was wrong, and he was confused why men are obsessed with blowjobs, because the one I just gave wasn’t that good. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said, "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. Apparently, I was so bad at it that he eventually just slapped my hand away and angrily said he'd do it himself. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML
Today, my boyfriend wanted a blowjob, shortly after we've started dating. He said to be careful because he blows a massive load. Thinking he's full of crap, I rolled my eyes and got to work. Had him going and then a massive load shot down my throat and a bunch of fire hoses sprayed out my nose. It burned so bad. FML
Today, I finally felt ready to have sex for the first time, with my boyfriend of nearly 8 months. When I told him, things became intimate and pants came off. He then looked at me and said, "Yeah, I can't do this." The rest of the night was spent in awkward silence. FML
Today, was the first time giving head to my boyfriend. He couldn't finish, so I tried a handjob. In the end he kind of pushed my hand away so he could finish himself off. FML
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Top comments
DontClickOnMe 28
He could've been nicer about it, but if it really bothers you, ask him how he likes it and to give you some tips. He should be helpful, not hurtful.
Hiktmae 20
If it's her first time it's not really her fault... He needs to be nicer and patient and kindly let her know how to improve, it is very nerve-wracking for a girl to perform for the first time.
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Comments (183)
joshi42 16
Mind. Your. Teeth.
junglemouse 5
How about this: he keeps his d*** in his pants and you just suck iceblocks. seriously, gross!
MzZombicidal 36
PLENTY of people would disagree with that last bit. lol
troian_fml 6
To be honest, it's better than seeing him loosing his erection. It's something you have to learn, it's not the best thing to hear for your confidence but he can tell you what he like and you can look online to find some ideas.
Poppeye253 6
I was worried about this when I was young too. I had a guy friend who I got on well with, there was chemistry but we both knew we'd go no where. I was talking to him about it and he talked me through it and practiced on him. Then he repaid the favour. Still friends now.
Tsukiyomi 16
Sucks to be you then
randomname98 22
All you people in the comments with relationships and I'm just over here hugging my dog
scottyboy417 19
If it makes you feel better it's a cool looking dog
simiiana 4
At least he was honest
limabeans101029 21
There are nicer ways to be honest. Just saying "this is terrible" will only knock her confidence and probably make next time even worse. Telling her *nicely* to stop and then telling her what he'd like her to do would be a much better way of going about it.
Omniprism 15
Tell him to effing guide you instead of making you feel like shit. Next time he goes down on you tell him the same thing see how he feels.
whyusofat 17
Surprised no one mentioned a grapefruit yet.
cnclo54 6
don't worry about what he thinks some people have different taste no pun intended