Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I gave my virgin boyfriend his first ever blowjob. I was expecting we’d move on to full sex straight away, but he was weird about it. I asked what was wrong, and he was confused why men are obsessed with blowjobs, because the one I just gave wasn’t that good. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said, "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. Apparently, I was so bad at it that he eventually just slapped my hand away and angrily said he'd do it himself. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML
Today, my boyfriend wanted a blowjob, shortly after we've started dating. He said to be careful because he blows a massive load. Thinking he's full of crap, I rolled my eyes and got to work. Had him going and then a massive load shot down my throat and a bunch of fire hoses sprayed out my nose. It burned so bad. FML
Today, I finally felt ready to have sex for the first time, with my boyfriend of nearly 8 months. When I told him, things became intimate and pants came off. He then looked at me and said, "Yeah, I can't do this." The rest of the night was spent in awkward silence. FML
Today, was the first time giving head to my boyfriend. He couldn't finish, so I tried a handjob. In the end he kind of pushed my hand away so he could finish himself off. FML
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Top comments
DontClickOnMe 28
He could've been nicer about it, but if it really bothers you, ask him how he likes it and to give you some tips. He should be helpful, not hurtful.
Hiktmae 20
If it's her first time it's not really her fault... He needs to be nicer and patient and kindly let her know how to improve, it is very nerve-wracking for a girl to perform for the first time.
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Comments (183)
NobodyGay 16
I would have bit his dick in half if he said that to me. What a dick that guys was!
John_in_Oz 12
Good on you both. You for trying to please your partner, and him for honesty. I don't know where you got your ideas about ******** from- other girls, pornography, boyfriends or whatever- but it's not your fault if these let you down. It's only your fault if you let this embarrassment damage your relationship and/or stop you from doing better next time. Understand that for him to have said what he did, he had to have been in serious discomfort. So yes, you were 'doing it wrong'. Somewhere, somehow, you picked up a mistaken idea about what to do or how to do it. So what? You're not a pre-programmed sex robot manufactured to know all the moves already. You're a human being learning how to create sexual intimacy and joy with your boyfriend. There's lots of things that can go wrong with a *******. it's certain you didn't do all of them wrong. Here's some of them: People have suggested teeth can scrape him. So too can braces on teeth. Even nothing more that a mouth being too dry due to nerves can be very uncomfortable. Jackhammering, or trying to give it a hickey, or pulling on it like you're trying to start a lawnmower. Making choking noises. Pulling faces like you're doing the most disgusting thing you can imagine. If you can overcome the embarrassment, you can create sexual delight with your boyfriend, so do work your way through it. Apologise for hurting him, if that's what you did. Practice on a banana. Look at the banana afterwards. If it's mangled, shredded, bent askew or otherwise damaged, you will have a good clue as to what went wrong. Get him to coach you while you practice on a banana. Oh- and do encourage him to return the favour. And if he's terrible, teach him to improve.
peanutandliz22 3
Hahaha .
lbanks_fml 10
Practice makes perfect
TyVulo 10
Darn .. That blows.
tdotreppin 12
wow what a dick
riley2010 4
He's a jerk for saying it that way. Especially since it sounds like it was your first time doing this and he knew so if you waited a while. He should have been nicer in saying that your method wasn't what he enjoyed. And he should have given you more time to adjust before saying so
EthanSecondServe 10
I agree, your life SUCKS.
brendonbmw 20
Use your hand my gf isn't that good either, just use your hand, or look online on how to give a good one, hope this helps
KingSplatter 9
Sounds like you need to consult Ted the florist