Today, I finally convinced my mom to read Fight Club. As English isn't her first language, she occasionally asked me to translate some of the words. Her latest question: "What's a dildo?" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was reading a book in German, which I don't know very well. Suddenly I reached a passage I had no trouble understanding. Excited, I showed my husband, saying I was finally getting the hang of it. He laughed and patted my head. Turns out, that particular passage was a quote. In English. FML
Today, I found out my mom sleeps in my room when I'm at college during the week. I discovered this my bumping into her dildo with my foot. FML
Today, my new boyfriend came over to my apartment for the first time. Up until now I thought he was great, but when he spotted the book I'm currently reading next to my couch, he uttered the immortal question, "Why do you read?" FML
Today, while I was working at a children's toy store, a woman walked in, looked around a bit, then asked if we sold dildos. FML
Today, my mom tried to convince my dad that I was a lesbian. Why? Because she was bored. FML
Today, in the middle of the supermarket, my 7 year old son asked me what a cocksucker is and why his mum always calls me that. FML
Today, I received a package. When my mom asked what I had bought, I had told her that I had ordered dumbbells and was going to start lifting. She laughed her way into the kitchen. FML
Today, my mom just handed me a book called "100 Ways To Motivate Yourself." FML
Today, my mom barged into my room, threw 5 boxes of condoms at me, then said, "So you don't get pregnant". She still hasn't accepted the fact that I'm a lesbian. FML
Today, the moment I had been fearing for the past few days arrived: my mom asked me if I knew what a groyper was. I don't know what's worse, that I know what they are, or that trying explain the concept is so convoluted, she now thinks I'm making shit up. FML
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Top comments
ItsAnanya 25
You could have just NOT convinced her to read it OP. YDI.
sabrinaacrow 26
Just tell her what it is for her reaction
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Comments (78)
bigredmonkeybutt 30
So explain it to her. If you don't think she can handle it why did you recommend it anyway?
morella_xx 29
Yeah, Palahniuk really has a, um, unique style. And by unique I mean downright filthy sometimes. It's a good book but I would probably pass on recommending it to Mom.
Really_SIGH 7
what did you expect... really? learn from my username, LEARN!
SomeRandomGuy15 18
I think OP already knows how to sigh... Hey, maybe you could teach OP's mother what a ***** is!
JACKxRAWR 22
#50, if ya know what I mean. ;)
Really_SIGH 7
Depending on how hot op's mom is, I just may show her the real deal. Thanks anyways 50. I guess i was referring more to what my reaction was, not so much that she should learn how to sigh.
oNisao 21
Lol awkward. You brought it upon your self,so just explain away now. + YDI
JACKxRAWR 22
Shh you still play runescape you're not allowed an opinion.
TheRandomIndian 17
RUNESCAPE IS DEAD!
shit0happens 1
shit happens
LittlestPrincess 21
in the four languages I speak, ***** means *****. There isn't another word for it in any of them. No idea what language OP's mother speaks but chances are that the word exists in her language too.
Hazelino 25
Couldn't you get a translated version for her?
SuperDanielNL 23
Reading literature in its original language is much nicer, at least in my opinion.
xStaciexLynnx 15
Plus reading a book in a language you're trying to learn is great education.
Mirailecious 23
This comment has nothing to do with the FML but i have a question.. How do you edit comments?
annie_nk 23
There's a time limit after you post in which you can edit your comment. I think it's 2 minutes but I'm not entirely sure. Also, I dunno if every platform has it. I know computers and apple can but I'm not sure if the android app can edit.
sniken 14
the app can too. edit: Just hit reply on your posted comment and be quick with it.
bananamonkey23 5
show her google
vegasdragon 7
And all I heard was, "blah, blah, blah I'm a stupid head."
JACKxRAWR 22
Your hat looks silly.
HarrisonVR 17
why does OP deserve it for being intelligent and wishing to spread cultural influence and discuss if with his family? I swear so many people on this site are uneducated, judgemental morons