Intimacy: Today, I ended up gashing my leg rather badly on the corner of...

By Anonymous - 24/08/2009 07:09 - United States

Today, I ended up gashing my leg rather badly on the corner of a chair, fell to the ground with a very loud thud, and yelled "OH F*CK ME!!". I hobbled to the bathroom making more noise in the process. My neighbor came by and asked if I could "keep my sex noise to a minimum". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 703

You deserved it 7 578

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You're grounded!

By Break A Leg - 08/08/2022 14:00

Today, I accidentally slammed my leg against the coffee table. It was only after I went to the bathroom a few minutes later that I realized there's now a massive gash on my upper leg. I also got in trouble for yelling, "SON OF A BITCH!" as soon as the impact occurred. FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 128

By ow - 13/06/2011 05:39 - United States

Today, I was home alone in my apartment. I tripped over my dresser and fell and sprained my ankle. As I was laying there in agonizing pain, my downstairs neighbor shouted at me to shut up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 998

You deserved it 4 773

Priorities

By elly - 08/04/2021 14:00

Today, I broke my toe and screamed, "Fuck!" My mom heard and yelled at me for swearing, while I laid on the floor in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 782

You deserved it 173

By erianne - 07/05/2018 15:00

Today, the neighbors heard a blood curdling scream and called the cops, thinking I was being murdered. Nope. I just stubbed my toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 872

You deserved it 590

By XavierLing - 23/07/2019 06:00

Today, my thigh was itchy, so I went into a bathroom stall to scratch it. I, for some reason, moaned out loud while doing it. After that, the men's bathroom went completely silent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 084

You deserved it 758

By Anonymous - 26/07/2018 01:30

Today, while bringing my baby an early-morning bottle, I tripped over a ball and fell into the glass coffee table, smashing it and cutting myself pretty badly. My husband slept through the whole thing, but the neighbors came by to tell me to keep it down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 825

You deserved it 265

Hear this?

By soundslikeadumbcommentersituation - 11/07/2014 20:34 - Canada - Brampton

Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 839

You deserved it 6 930

By lowly101 - 09/08/2016 19:15

Today, I stood up at my desk and fell. I landed on the arm of my desk chair. There was a loud crack when the plastic in the chair broke. My co-workers heard. They didn't come to check on me because I didn't scream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 520

You deserved it 1 472

By Anonymous - 07/05/2011 00:22 - United States

Today, I stubbed my toe against the corner of my bed, causing me to gasp and moan in pain. My parents overheard, and now I'm getting the full coming of age talk and how I shouldn't lie about what I was doing. I didn't do anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 508

You deserved it 4 691

By stupidneighbor - 04/03/2009 17:03 - United States

Today, I slipped on the ice in front of my apartment, spraining my ankle and cracking a rib. While I laid on the ground immediately after, my neighbor chewed me out for saying "shit" in front of her 4-year-old on my way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 176

You deserved it 3 534

HoorayForFML 0

Monday 24 August 2009 16:35

What an awkward thing to shout upon hurting yourself. O_o

ydi_bitch 0

Monday 24 August 2009 16:47

YDI for having sex with the chair

Comments

oh_haaybby 0

Wednesday 26 August 2009 2:07

o___O. Well, maybe you should not have yelled "**** ME" when you hurt yourself. LOL.

your_face 15

Wednesday 26 August 2009 4:32

YDI for overreacting.

TallMist 32

Monday 29 June 2015 2:44

You try having a horrible gash on your leg and let's see how calmly you handle it.

durgs94 1

Wednesday 26 August 2009 22:56

Haha. I always scream eff my life when i mess, or get hurt, or get mad. Lol.

understory 0

Friday 28 August 2009 7:25

I hate to say it, but- this is what happens to people who think "**** me" is an expletive. It's not. It's a command. It's always a command.

FuckUpXNote 0

Wednesday 2 September 2009 5:49

Ha!What the hell.

kylerzonca1 0

Wednesday 9 December 2009 2:11

dang that suxx, funny as mess thought, FYL. its ok i say it too when i hurt myself or do somthin stupid...

Spierdalaj 7

Thursday 6 May 2010 13:38

This is probably one of the only FML's to ever make me laugh out loud :D

beezleboss2010 3

Wednesday 31 August 2011 23:49

Hahaha I'd just "nah I'd rather not".

yaaypenguinss 1

Saturday 17 September 2011 20:49

hahaha! lately whenever I get mad or pissed off I yell OOH FUUUCK MY AAASSSSS

lkrunner101 7

Tuesday 20 September 2011 4:12

Ydi for being a whimp

Keywords

Miscellaneous Weird Shopping My ex Awkward Relatable Racism Family Love AITA Kids Cheating Work Break-ups Cute Cats Animals Intimacy Sex Relationship advice Coworkers Alcohol Psychology Health Mental health Neighbours Cops Scary Stressed out Parents

The Top

Today, I rang British Gas to cancel my boiler cover, as I'm totally and utterly skint. I told her the reason was I was getting divorced, moving house, losing my job, and had no income at all. She was very sympathetic, and said, "How would you like to pay your £37 cancellation fee?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 864

You deserved it 4 027

Today, the fuck boi I’ve been seeing got so interested about my only bi experience, which was light petting in high school, that I’ve started making up far-fetched embellishments to the tale. I can’t believe the stuff this guy is willing to believe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 470

You deserved it 1 833

The Top

Today, on the bus, a large smelly man was sat next to me, pushing me against the divider and sliding into me on every turn. When he got up for his stop, his pants had loosened and his bare ass was staring me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 891

You deserved it 3 408

Today, I went to the surprise birthday party of an ex I still love, though I'm the one who ended things. I walked in in time to see her screaming "Yes" to her kneeling boyfriend, her parents crying and applauding, and her brothers patting him on the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 198

You deserved it 52 021

Today, my fiancé was performing oral on me, when I heard him start making a "Waka waka waka waka" noise. He confessed to pretending to be Pacman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 459

You deserved it 49

Today, after three visits from exterminators and another from a steam cleaner, I still have bedbugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 910

You deserved it 77

Today, after putting in so much effort to forgive my husband for his affair, we had sex. Not even 2 minutes into it, he called me by the other woman's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 502

You deserved it 12 372

Today, I found out where my sister's pet lizard escaped to. I also found out that the little shit likes to hide in dark, cold places. I discovered this when I heard the bastard squeal as I started the lawnmower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 735

You deserved it 2 455

Same thing different taste

You're grounded!

Priorities

Hear this?

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