Today, I ended up gashing my leg rather badly on the corner of a chair, fell to the ground with a very loud thud, and yelled "OH F*CK ME!!". I hobbled to the bathroom making more noise in the process. My neighbor came by and asked if I could "keep my sex noise to a minimum". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I accidentally slammed my leg against the coffee table. It was only after I went to the bathroom a few minutes later that I realized there's now a massive gash on my upper leg. I also got in trouble for yelling, "SON OF A BITCH!" as soon as the impact occurred. FML
Today, I was home alone in my apartment. I tripped over my dresser and fell and sprained my ankle. As I was laying there in agonizing pain, my downstairs neighbor shouted at me to shut up. FML
Today, I broke my toe and screamed, "Fuck!" My mom heard and yelled at me for swearing, while I laid on the floor in pain. FML
Today, the neighbors heard a blood curdling scream and called the cops, thinking I was being murdered. Nope. I just stubbed my toe. FML
Today, my thigh was itchy, so I went into a bathroom stall to scratch it. I, for some reason, moaned out loud while doing it. After that, the men's bathroom went completely silent. FML
Today, while bringing my baby an early-morning bottle, I tripped over a ball and fell into the glass coffee table, smashing it and cutting myself pretty badly. My husband slept through the whole thing, but the neighbors came by to tell me to keep it down. FML
Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML
Today, I stood up at my desk and fell. I landed on the arm of my desk chair. There was a loud crack when the plastic in the chair broke. My co-workers heard. They didn't come to check on me because I didn't scream. FML
Today, I stubbed my toe against the corner of my bed, causing me to gasp and moan in pain. My parents overheard, and now I'm getting the full coming of age talk and how I shouldn't lie about what I was doing. I didn't do anything. FML
Today, I slipped on the ice in front of my apartment, spraining my ankle and cracking a rib. While I laid on the ground immediately after, my neighbor chewed me out for saying "shit" in front of her 4-year-old on my way down. FML
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Top comments
HoorayForFML 0
What an awkward thing to shout upon hurting yourself. O_o
ydi_bitch 0
YDI for having sex with the chair
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Comments (70)
plexico 4
When I get hurt, I don't waste time with the pronouns or adjectives. It's like a Morse code of "*****" and "*****." PS: There is now scientific evidence that swearing when you get hurt actually makes you feel better. Forget about saying "fudge."
CyclonePsycho 1
I'm exactly the same way. *stubs toe* "****, ****, ****, dammit, ****, arg, dammit" It's almost musical. :3
redbluegreen 41
I knew there was a reason I woke up today. ^_^ Although, personally, I start swearing in Japanese when I get hurt.
xoerica9 0
LMFAO! "its almost musical" that just made my day!
waterynuggets 0
Haha there is something called the "***** You Symphony"
Intoxicunt 6
I saw the same study about a month ago. But it works best if you're not used to swearing. They performed the test based on how long one could keep their hand in ice. Also, it's not the yelling that helps. The study proved yelling out words to describe a table didn't help at all, whereas using actual curse words did. So interesting, the human mind.....
gothic_cat_lady 0
hahaha I better stop yelling that when I hurt myself. Although it's kind of weird that the neighbor would knock, I could see if the "sex noises" were going on for like 15 minutes or more but not after one outburst.
Dragonmouth 4
You pain sounds very sexy.
i_is_a_tr00l 0
At least he didn't run over naked saying okay?
machete_fml 0
not an FML!
giganticbrain 0
You deserve it for using the term "gashing".
fmlyoumeanie 0
Who the **** yells, "OH **** ME!"
DameGreyWulf 1
Lots of people, actually. I would rather say "OH ****" myself. One less syllable, quite a deal less implication.
13Lina97 0
your mother says that.
brrrx 0
YDI for feeling the need to bleep the word "****" on a website called "**** my life." Lame.
sadistmonkey 19
I may be splitting hairs here but technically, the website is not called "**** my life", it's called fml or fmylife so it's already censored on the site name itself.
aaaaa12345_fml 0
i usually yell, "FUUUCCCCCKK" or "GODDAMNIT YOU SON OF A ******* BITCH!"
blueknight1st 26
I'd have flat out told the neighbor to **** off and would not have even said anything about stubbing my toe.