Today, I discovered that for the last six months my mother has been leaving my TV on FOX while I sleep, in the hope that my subconscious will absorb it and turn me into "a morally-upright human being". FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, after making fun of my dad for years because he falls asleep in front of the TV every night by 9:30, I sat down “just for a minute” after work and woke up at 2 a.m. fully dressed, lights on, with Netflix asking if I was still watching, and a half-eaten wrap stuck to my chest. FML
Today, I found out that my daughter has been watching Supernatural and The X-Files so she'll fit in better at school. I'm not even angry that she's suddenly a brain-dead conformist, it's just that she now has nightmares all the time and insists on sleeping in my bed. She's a kicker. FML
Today, my mom is obsessed with my academic success, as she was a highschool dropout, and actually gives me more homework than my school does, all so I’ll be more advanced than my peers. I barely know what a television is anymore, since it’s been so long I’ve had enough free time to watch one. FML
Today, I realized my wife often switches the TV channel from the crime dramas we both like, to Hollywood gossip shows that I can't stand, just to get me to leave the room. From the other room, I can see that she switches back once I've left. She's probably been doing this for years. FML
Today, my mom reached the lowest point of her midlife crisis. She convinced herself she's psychic and grounded me for something she "knows" I'm going to do. FML
Today, my mother thought it would be funny to sneak into my room at night and scream like a demon, after I'd explained to her how scared I was of The Exorcist movie I had just seen. She claims it wasn't her. FML
Today, since my alarm didn’t go off at 7 a.m., I awoke to my mother attempting to perform Necromancy on me “as a joke.” She wore a black robe and everything. FML
Today, I accidentally left my bedroom light on all day. When I got home, my mum screamed at me for wasting electricity. This is the same woman who leaves the TV on all day while she’s at work, all so our dogs have something to watch and won't be “bored”. FML
Today, my mother went on another rant about the Smart TV not working. Instead of turning it off and on like she's been told to do before, she'll sit and complain about it. Even fixing it for her doesn't stop her complaining for another half-hour about technology. FML
Today, I woke up only to find my half-naked drunk mother in my living room, talking in her sleep about how much she hates me. She still doesn't see what's wrong with this picture. FML
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Top comments
yourlifesfucked 0
If she wants someone with morals, better try some other channel...
Livencountry 5
Leave her tv on the parenting channel, might help.
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Comments (65)
rainydayz133 6
Maybe she hopes two and a half men will help you grow up
ilovejosh63 0
you are a bad person.....
Northpoo 6
Well did you???
unknownfork 12
Faux news
hennessy89 34
AHHHH FYL for sure! She's one of THEM obviously.
StarWolf111 21
Watching fox makes you stupid..
MissBBGoodGirl 0
Before all of you click the thumbs down button, would any of you be kind enough to tell me what's wrong fox? I don't watch much tv, so I'm confused by this.
xstream 5
well they are extremely right wing/christian/republican biased, at least it looks like that from over here in europe
laxbro182 1
Nothing at all!! It's the left wing radicals that turn everything into a huge ordeal and complain nonstop
vasforalena 1
Fox is up to its neck In bullshit
laxbro182 1
Obama has put on national debt faster than bush did! Also the whole Osama thing was because of Bush! Obama didn't even want to go through with it
THE_A_TEEN 28
The economy took a nose-dive during bush's presidency. Congress is in control of spending out tax dollars. Don't blame obama for everything you conservative fucktard. Go back to watching fox news.
laxbro182 1
You look at the rate at which the debt has grown it clearly shows Obama has added more per year than Bush.. Even though the only good thing is that he created a lot more private sector jobs but everything else he has true has failed
lsd_25 8
not as bad as others but they def are...i think part if not most of what u said has something to do with ur bias